Chapter 27 - Bridge of Oblivion!

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A/N - in reference to : "do you look anything like hilarity or is she just made up?"
from Augusta.

Weeeelll... Hilarity is a bit of a Frankenstein's monster in the sense that I based her on
a lot of people, including myself, my mother and my friend Charlotte. The rest is pure
fiction. As for her looks, the only resemblance I have to her is the hair and the grin. I
made up her other physical features such as eye colour, height and unusual skinniness
to make her seem quite otherworldly but not drastically different from humans so she
could still be identified as a sympathetic character.

And now it's time for...the rest of the story!

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Disclaimer - I do not own any material from the Monty Python sketches or movies.
Anything I may have copied was done purely out of respect. I apologise for what I am
about to do to Hoggle, Ludo and Sir Didimus but frankly, I am sadistic little so and so
and the group was getting too big! You'll see what I mean...

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The experience inside the Tree had been brief, and quite pathetic in most people's
opinions. In retrospect they couldn't even believe they had fallen into that trap it was
so obvious. However the effort they put into resisting the temptation had left them
completely shattered and without a word, they had all found a more comfortable patch
of ground and remained unconscious until morning!

It was Thomas who woke first as the cold rays washed viscously across the plain like
an oil spill of morning light. Hilarity had found him during the night and had cuddled
up to him for warmth and her head rested gently on his chest. He smiled. This was
definitely worth more than an eternity of delusion.

He watched her sleep until the light was too bright to ignore and she slowly stirred and
sat up, aching all over from the hard ground.

"Man! I hate camping!" she said groaned. "Where are we?"

"I'm not sure." he replied, trying hard to forget the events of the night before. They
seemed to lying just at the edge of the Forest and the River Tartarus crossed their path
straight ahead. Instead of its previous uncontrollable waters oozed a steady stream of
molten lava. Hilarity had noticed it too and just sat there and gasped with disbelief.
That was impossible! Over the river sat a tiny rope-bridge. A thread in comparison to
the army of red and orange. That was their destination! That was the Bridge of
Oblivion!

******

They reached the bridge at noon after everyone had woken up properly. Their
confidence was dwindling as it usually does when you're faced with a rickety bridge
over a river of molten lava. They were about to cross when a small, dog-like creature
jumped out at them, blocking their path.

"Halt!" it squeaked.

"Oh no! It's you!" groaned Hoggle with an ounce of frustration.

"Ah! Sir Hoggle. We meet again." said the creature and looked around at the rest of
the party in turn "And greetings to you Sir Ludo, your Majesty, my Lady, kind sir."
they all nodded politely at the creature's greetings.

"Nice to meet you." said Hilarity "But, would you mind letting us pass? We're in a bit
of a hurry."

"No one shall pass this way unless you answer me these questions three..." said the
creature happily. He obviously loved his job. "Now, who's first?"

Everyone eyed each other nervously. This was probably going to be an insanely
difficult challenge and no one was willing to step forward. Finally, Thomas bravely
volunteered, egged on by the fact that Hilarity seemed very impressed with this... Sir
Didimus bowed to him cheerfully and began his interrogation.

"WHAT is your name?"

"Thomas Jerome Newton of Andromeda!" Thomas replied with surprise. Was this
some sort of joke?

"WHAT is your quest?"

"To rescue Caradoc and Trin."

"WHAT is your favourite colour?"

"Blue!"

"Right! Off you go then!" said Sir Didimus and, to Thomas's astonishment, let him
pass.

"That's easy!" Hoggle protested and rushed forward to be questioned.

"WHAT is your name?" said the tiny guard.

"Hoggle the Gnome."

"WHAT is your quest?"

"To save the child and the little lady's cousin."

"WHAT...is the capital of Syria?"

"What? I don't know that!!!" cried Hoggle in a panic and was instantly propelled into
the molten river.

Next it was Ludo's turn and the big brown sasquatch edged forward cautiously.

"WHAT is your name?"

"Ludo."

"WHAT is you quest?"

"Ludo save baby."

"WHAT is your favourite colour?"

"Blue...no...wait!!!" it was too late, he was already gone.

Next it was Jareth's turn. He had never seen an eight foot monster get hurled into a
chasm of molten rock before. It was impressive but he still thought the Bog of Eternal
Stench would beat it hands down in it's overall unpleasantness. He approached the
tiny creature confidently.

"Good Morrow, my liege!" said Sir Didimus and bowed "WHAT is your name?"

"Jareth, King of the Goblins."

"WHAT is your quest?"

"I wish to save my son..." Hilarity elbowed him in the ribs "...Oh! And Trin."

"WHAT...is the air speed velocity of an un-laden swallow?!?"

"What kind? An African or a European swallow?"

Sir Didimus looked shocked and confused. "Erm...I don't know that!" he said and was
tossed, head first, into the chasm.

Hilarity and Jareth looked at each and shrugged.

"How come you know so much about swallows?" she asked.

"All part of being a king, my dear." he replied and winked. They made their way
across the bridge.