Title: dead harts Author: Me moi mij..... Feoh that is

Disclaimer: Yes of course I own them and B/R is a good mix (sarc.)... ... ... No I don't own them except for Adrienne and Donegal

Feedback: Please I beg you it is my first fanfic I don't care if you say it sucks but just tell me what you think

Rating: uhhh... ... ...hard to say I think R later on

Dedication: My friend Eileen who hates Buffy and 4gives me for my Buffytalk... ... ...I hope

Starring to my sealing drowned away somewhere beyond fantasy.........and there... ... ... there was nothing no colour, no light, no dark, no thinking, no feeling. I'm not sad or depressed I whish I were but I am nothing not a glimpse of life flows in my body just a dead hart beating in my chest. I remember heaven so peaceful and save almost as peaceful and save as I felt with Angel and both so far away.

Something pulls me out of my dreaming, it's a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in." I say my voice flowing with life... ... ... I should have been an actress. The door opens revealing a Dawn with a smiling face. "Hey wanna come and watch Matrix revolutions with Willow, Tara and me?" She asked. I pretended to think though I al ready knew I didn't want to come but would for Dawn. "Sure why not? Let me just take a shower first." I said standing up and walking to my closet to find some clothes. After the movie I would go on patrol and no way was I going to do that in these clothes... ... ....for as far as you could call cookie monster pyjamas clothes. I pulled out a black top with vamp sleeves with 'protected by witchcraft' written on it and a dark purple skirt with raffles on the end. I took a shower and went down stairs receiving a "cool shirt" from willow and some popcorn from Dawn as I sat down on the couch. Just as Trinity fell from the building the bell rang. *Yay on the timing* I thought sarcastically. Dawn pushed pause and went to open the door. "Who do you think it is?" Willow asked me. "Don't know... ... ... maybe Xander?" "No I-I don't think its Xander, he was going on a date with Anya." Tara said. Just as Willow wanted to say something Dawn walked *or more jumped* in the room. "Buffy it's for you" She said like a puppy with an overload of energy pills I stood up and Dawn took my place on the couch starting a conversation with Willow and Tara about who was at the door. I walked to the door and abruptly stopped seeing the soulled vampire stand at my door way. "Angel ... ... ...?" was all I could bring out of my mouth.

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"Buffy... ... ..." We stood there for what looked like eternity scared that it would end far too soon I invited him in. "Come in" He entered and I led him upstairs. We entered my room and sat on my bed. "So what's the bad news... ... ...Not that seeing you is bad news, it's just that I hardly see you and if I do its not to do the hooky poky ... ... .... Not that I want to do that... ... ...If I would see you I would want to do some thing else then the hooky poky... ... ...I don't mean that like ... ... ... Not that your not... ... ...I mean you are very" I saw a smile creep up his lips as I was rattling. It felt good to see him smile it had been a long time since I felt anything. Lost in the new feeling I forgot to talk and we just stared at each other. "Where was I?" "At the point where I was very" "Yeah right you are very... ... ...I think it would be better if I would shut up right now." He just nodded as his faced turned serious. "I... ... ... The powers that be they... ... ... they came to me... ... ... look I... ... ... I'm not trying... ... ...I... ... ...just thought you should know... ... ... They made me human... ..." It was quiet no one said any thing. I wondered what he wanted did he just want to say this or was this the part where we could be together again. "... ... ...so you're saying your fully human hart beating soul sticking human... ... ..." "Well yeah just still with vampire strength ... ... ..." I so wanted him and that everything was okay * okay so what's the problem Buffy just say something... ... ... * I thought to myself. "Something!" *Oh fuck! I just really said that didn't I? God how stupid can a person be.* I felt my head burst in to flames (and no not literally). Angel tried really hard not to laugh and I tried really hard not to look like a tomato. Finally Angel broke down and started to laugh. "I... ... ... I... ... ... " I said trying to think of an excuse but lost myself in his smile he looked so happy his eyes his cheeks red of sunburn and his eyes so happy truly happy not just happy because he's laughing but happy in a true way, I can't explain. And that made me happy and sad at the same time happy because he was and he meant everything to me and sad because I was empty nothing but a moving shell. He slowly stopped laughing and looked in my eyes. A glimpse of thoughts went by his eye's but it was to short 4 me to see what kind of thought it was. The next thing I know we're kissing. And I noticed how warm he was. His sweet lips touched mine and warm hands rubbed my back and I slowly let myself fallback on the bed. As we stop to catch our breath I say "we should go somewhere to talk" I said trying to get my hart beat down to the legal limit. I know what you're thinking and stop that! I really wanted to talk... ... ....okay and do other stuff... .... ... but also talk... ... ...a little. "You're right." He said and thought for a while "Let's go to the mansion."

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The whole ride to the mansion had been quiet I had a good reason though I was to busy with NOT touching him to think of something to say. We entered the mansion. It was dusty in there making him sneeze it was a new sound to me Angel sneezes but so much was new to me of him. We sat down at in front of the fire place. I pulled some candles out of Angel's bag and he lighted them so that we could finally see something I walked throw the room with a candle in my hand and lighted some more candles and put them around the room then sat down next to him. Dust we sat opposite of each other as dust danced around the light of the candles. "So... ... ..." I said trying to say something but nothing came out. "So... ... ..." He said joining me in the wordless conversation. I crawled to him and kissed him deeply. As Angel returned the kiss I started to unbutton his shirt. It had been so long since we had been together way to long. Suddenly he stopped. "What?" I asked confused. "Do you smell that?" He said. "Smell what?" I said irritated when I noticed my nose fill with a burning air. "YOUR SHIRT!" Angel yelled way to loud with me being so close. I looked down at my right arm noticing that my vamp sleeve was on fire. "AAAAAAAAAA!" I yelled even louder as Angel looked around him for something to put the fire out with. I quickly put out the shirt and he threw a towel on it. "That shirt cost my 50 fucking dollars!" I said as I picked the burned wet shirt up. I turned around to Angel. "God damn it I can not afford this right now!" I said irritated. I looked up at Angel to find him NOT looking at my face making me even more irritated. "ANGEL MY FACE IS UP HERE" I said as he looked up with his eyes saying sorry. "I'll pay it back to you" He said quietly. I took a step more to him making the distances between us disappear. I stood on my toes and kissed him.

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I looked at him sleeping his chest moving up and down. God I could'nt remember being so happy it was all so far but that didn't matter anymore all that mattered was that we were 2gether and that nothing could change that. Scared 2 sleep I lay next 2 him making sure he stayed.

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Don't think I'm some major slut now because I'm not I just.... Okay maybe I was a little slutty but I really love him he's not like spike we didn't have sex we made love so dare for I must be forgiven. Anyway I guess I don't need to explain what happened throw the rest of the night. "Hey." I heard a hoarse voice next to me say. I turned around my muscles hurting from lying on the hard ground. "Hey" I said slowly sitting up. My muscles screamed 4 mercy as I sat up. "Ah..." Angel sat up "are you okay?" "Yeah just next time we need 2 have a bed." "I'm hungry want to go out and grab something to eat?" He said I looked at him. He stared at me with sweet chocolate eyes and just out of bed hair. I smiled "Yeah lets go always wanted to go topless to the burger king." I said remembering him that my shirt was burned down. "Well I was thinking of something healthier than Burger King but what ever you want." He said smiling. God I love that smile, his whole face lights up when he smiles you know. "Just put on a shirt of mine and buy a new one if you were a jacket you can just walk outside and when we're at the burger king you can go to the toilet and change in to the shirt you bought." He said . He grabbed a shirt from his bag and threw it to me.

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We had eaten at the Burger King and had spent the rest of our time at the mansion. I told him about all the demons I slayed and about spike. He tolled me about the demons he killed and about Darla. I tried to act cool about it though jealousy ate at me. At the end of the day we were going to meet the Scooby gang at The Bronze. Before that Angel and I were taking a quick patrol on the graveyard. Not that we were paying a lot attention to evilness. Just when Angel kissed me, okay so we were doing that al along what ever you say. So Angel was kissing me when I got a big bang on my head. I turned around trying to focus my vision on a 14 year old sk8er vampire boy holding a big iron hammer. As my view on the world got normal Angel got attacked by a vampire gothic girl from about 24. The boy gave a low kick and I jumped he grabbed for his pocket pulling out a gun. I Kicked it out of his hands and he grabbed my foot. I brought out a fuck and he brought out a smile. The boy started turning making me fly around he let go and I flew throw the sky. 2 beautiful seconds like a bird before I hit a tombstone... ... ...make that 2 tombstones. I hit the ground my vision blurry. "Angel... ... ... ....."I whispered as I stood up. The last thing I remember is Angel fell down and two figures walk towards me. Then the world started to spin around me an It was so damn hard to focus I f think I fell back because I saw the stars next and a figure bent over me. Then my world turned to black.

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I woke up feeling dizzy and different. Clearer like I knew where every thing was without opening my eyes. My smell told me that there was a wooden floor beneath me. It was so great I felt so complete I felt so strong like nothing could pull me down. But something wasn't right something was missing. As I opened my eyes I realized what. My heart beat.

TBC............................................................