Chapter
3
Come stop your crying, it will be alright/ Just take my
hand, and hold it tight/ I will protect you from all around you/ I
will be here, don't you cry/ 'Cause you'll be in my heart/ Yes,
you'll be in my heart/ From this day on/ Now and forever more
---Disney
On
the train ride to Balamb, I got stuck next to Leonhart of course. The
other passengers smiled at us as we walked to our room. We were just
two little boys, alone on a military train, to a school that trains
killers, walking to a SeeD car. Nothing unusual about that.
Idiots.
When we entered the room, Squall headed straight for
the bench by the window. Glaring, I sat down on the bench closer to
the door. While I sat there, staring at my shoes, he looked out the
window, took a deep breath, and sighed. "Now sis won't know
where to find me. I won't know how to find her."
Surprised,
I looked up at him. That was the most I had ever heard him say to
anyone, as well as the stupidest thing I had ever heard out of
someone's mouth. Grinning, I stood and crossed the room, stopping
directly in front of him. "I bet she's gonna die. I bet she
needs your help right now."
He glared at me and rose to
his feet. "You're lying!"
I shrugged. "You're
right. She must've just found herself a new boyfriend."
His
eyes flashed and he brought his fists up. "Stop it. I'll hit
you!"
I laughed, feeling a weight lift off of my chest. I
needed this fight. I needed to prove I was stronger than he. Picking
on his weaknesses took attention away from mine. And if he threw the
first punch, nobody could say anything.
Smirking,
I stepped forward, bringing my face to his. "Whacha gonna do
about it, momma's boy?"
Before I could blink, Squall had
me on my butt.
I never saw that coming. Squall had pulled back
and knocked me in the center of my face before I could blink. Keeping
my eyes on Squall, I brought my fingers to me face, feeling blood
dribble out of my nose. Squall, trembling like a leaf, sat back down.
We didn't talk the rest of the ride.
The next few years passed in a blur. At Balamb, I wasn't the biggest bully. I fought some of the older kids to release steam, but never actually won. I managed to pick up a few tips, and I ran around learning what I could. Quistis showed up around the time of my tenth birthday with vaguely familiar eyes.
She
was beautiful and reminded me so much of a good friend I once had,
but I didn't remember where I saw her. I wanted to talk to her badly,
but the only thing I could think of was "Have we met before? You
have beautiful eyes." That was a horrible pickup line, even in
the mind of a little kid.
Quistis was in many of my afternoon
classes, always the star of every lesson. She could recite remedies
in the order of their discovery before I could remember the side
effects of antidotes.
The
first time my magic instructor, Instructor Gaskin, took us to the
training center, we were supposed to learn protection techniques. She
put us into groups of three, picking random names for teams. Almasy,
Leonhart, and Trepe were random enough for her.
Since the
train incident, Squall and I went our separate ways. We had always
avoided each other and our age difference had usually kept us in
separate classes. At the time, I couldn't remember why we were even
on the train, figured it was on a field trip, but I remember that the
last time we actually talked, he punched me.
Anyway, there we
were, Two ten year olds and a nine year old waiting to learn how to
kill with a skill many thought immoral. What a wonderful place Balamb
was. Still, I was psyched. I knew how to street fight, how to hurt
other people. I just wanted to learn to kill. We stood in our groups
of three and faced Inst. Gaskin.
She clapped her hands to get
our attention. "Ok. I'm going to give each of your groups five
protect, five shells, three potions and one phoenix down. Use them to
stay alive for the next two hours. SeeD members will be around if you
need help. Remember if you see a T-Rexaur or any other monster, run.
Do not attempt to fight these battles. Just use your spells to
protect you until you get a chance to escape. I cannot stress this
enough: I only have clearance to teach you how to protect
yourselves." I swear she was looking straight at me when she
said that.
I
stuck my tongue out at her.
She smiled and held up a watch.
"Ok. Equip your GFs and start! Good luck."
We all
ran out into different parts of the center, several groups clustering
around the entrance of the Center. Quistis immodestly took the lead
of our group. "Now remember. This is a test. We need to work
together. Though I don't understand why. . ."
I rolled my
eyes as I concentrated on equipping Carbuncle. "I don't
understand why you can't shut up."
She glared at me.
We
slowly walked into the deeper part of the center. None of the other
groups went that far in. They were all gathered near the instructors
as Inst. Gaskin tried to get them to be more adventurous, like
us.
When she has decided we were far enough in to earn top
credit, Quistis stopped and looked around. "This lake has a lot of
fumes and stuff. If we use our spells, we can get points for not
getting poisoned."
Smiling at her brilliance, Quistis squatted down near the lake. "Look! Tadpoles!"
I was unable to help myself. As she leaned over to get a better look at the frogs, I pushed lightly on her back, causing her to lose her balance. She tumbled forward, falling into the shallow end of the pond.
Sputtering,
Quistis rose out of the water and walked over to a rock. Wringing her
hair out, she glared at me. "I don't see why you always have to
be so mean to me. That was a real stupid thing to do."
Rubbing
my shoulder, I wandered over to the edge of the bridge, careful to
avoid Squall. It was a joke; she didn't have to get so snotty on
me. "I don't see why you have to be so bitchy." I said
under my breath, thinking she couldn't hear me.
Shivering,
she looked up with tears in her eyes. Quickly, she lowered her gaze.
"Yeah, well. . ."
Before
she could lecture me on the proper conduct of a person taking a test,
and the correct language one should use in this particular situation,
another group rounded the corner.
A large black boy was
jogging toward us, breathing heavily. "Come on Fuu. Ya know. We
gotta pass this thing ya know."
A scary looking girl with
amazing red eyes ran up behind him. "Slow down Rajin. This would
be easier to stay in one place. I think we lost what's-
his-name."
Rajin looked around, searching for
what's-his-name. "Ya, ya know. I think you're right."
I
glared and spun around almost ramming into Squall. I had almost
forgotten he was there. Growing a slight bit territorial, I crossed
my arms and barred their way. They would not take our spot, and they
would not go any further into the woods.
Rajin
smiled and held out his hand. "Hey, ya know. I'm Rajin and this
is my buddy Fujin." He looked me up and down. "You must be
Seifer. Mind if we stay here with you all? Kinda dangerous to be
alone ya know."
I sighed and uncrossed my arms. "I
dunno."
Quistis
stood up and stepped forward, standing in front of me. "Sure.
I'd love for you guys to stay with us. We are safer in numbers and
this lesson is about protection."
Rajin's face lit up.
"Really? That would be great." He frowned. "Why are you so
wet?"
I couldn't believe that Quistis had made such a
serious decision with out my help. I know now that this wasn't such a
big decision, but my ten year old self was enraged. I wanted to show
Miss Priss up, but there wasn't really anything I could do.
Rajin
plopped down next to Squall and tried to converse with him. Squall
glared and scooted further away. "Whatever."
Bastard.
I was mad at him too. How could he sit there and let our group be run
over by weaklings? We waited for about fifteen minutes before I lost
my patience with the group. Rajin constantly asked questions, Fujin's
red eyes followed my every move, and Quistis smiled smugly at me. I
started to pace. I couldn't take this anymore.
"What do
they think we are?!?! I have to find some action!"
The
smirk dropped off of Quistis' face. "Instructor Gaskin told us
to practice protection. Looking for trouble isn't protection. I won't
go. I don't care if you are my partner."
I rolled my
eyes. "So, the little teacher's pet wants to stay here.
Predictable. Well, I know I can't stay here. I get stupider every
single moment I'm around you." I picked up a stick and gestured
to the rest of the team. "Let's go hunt us some
T-Rexaur."
Squall stood up excitedly and looked for a
stick. "Do you think we could beat one, I mean with only sticks?
The SeeD's have a hard time beating them with real weapons. I wish I
had a gunblade. That would be awesome. We could really mess one up
with gunblades!"
Surprised, I handed him a pointed stick.
That was a lot of words for one usually so quiet. I could tell he was
put up with this sissy crap they had us doing. I could see the fire
in his eyes as we prepared to set off, changing my opinion of him
greatly.
Swinging my weapon over my shoulder like a sword, I
looked at Rajin and Fujin. "You guys wanna come?"
Rajin
stood up and helped Fujin to her feet. "Yeah. Can't miss any of
the action ya know."
I grinned at Quistis. "Looks
like you are all by your lonesome sweetie, too bad. Good luck with
your 'protection.'"
We all ran over to the Secret Area.
No one was there, just like I thought. All the SeeDs were taking the
KO'ed students down to the infirmary.
I felt somewhat guilty
for leaving Quistis, but shit happens. Not everything can happen as
you want it to. She wanted to be stuck-up and who was I to try and
change that? I felt that, even then, I had no right to change another
person. I lusted after something bigger.
Protection
was for girls. That's why teams were co-ed, so that the girls could
resurrect the guys. That's why I think I felt so guilty. Quistis is
a girl and I left her. I though about going back, but then I heard a
squeal. Spinning around I saw the biggest T-Rexaur ever wiping its
foot of some unrecognizably animal. It might have been twenty feet,
fifty feet, I don't know. What I do know is that I wanted it. I
wanted to feel its blood course down my arm. I wanted his dead body
at my feet. I wanted him to die slowly and painfully.
I was
like a little kid at a birthday party, trying to hit a piƱata.
But I was serious. So serious, I was ready to place my life and my
new found friend's on the line. I didn't care about the outcome of
the battle. I didn't care what would happen afterwards. All I cared
about was the now. I felt removed from the fight. Like I felt when
Father beat me. I was there, but really I wasn't.
I gripped my
stick tightly in my man-child hands and shouted to the others. "Let's
get him!" Eyes wide with anticipation, I charged at the
dinosaur. Glancing to my side, I saw Rajin and Fujin. They too had
their sticks held at ready, anxious to help me defeat our first
fiend. I couldn't see where Squall was, didn't care where he was, and
didn't need to know. All I felt was heat. All I knew was hate. No
fear. No fear. No...
"You sure this is a good idea, ya
know?" Rajin whispered, in awe of the gigantic beast in front of
us.
I didn't answer, didn't need to. I knew that he
understood. This was not a good idea. We were stupid to even be in
the same part of the Training Center as a T-Rexaur, let alone attempt
to fight it with amateur weapons. But none of that mattered to us. It
was here and so were we.
Slowly the three of us panned out
attempting to encircle the mammoth. I swear he was grinning at us,
drool hanging off his lip. He toying with us, letting us play into
his claws. No beast that big could be stupid enough to let a bunch of
kids surround him. I couldn't see any of the others. I was vaguely
aware of fear edging around my nerves, but it didn't consciously
bother me. I was Seifer. Fear was a useless emotion that I didn't
acknowledge.
I leapt forward at a speed that surprised even
me. A weird gurgle escaped escaped my throat, frightening me into
moving faster. Powered by rage and fear, stuck my stick into the
T-Rexaur's foot. He lifted his enormous feet and stomped around, me
still latched on the stick. One violent shake later, my death grip
loosened and I fell down hard. The dino, upset at apparently losing
the upper hand, swung around wildly. He had nothing to fear, however,
as he leveled Fujin in one swoop. I reached into my stock of magic,
searching for shells, and felt Carbuncle come awake in the back of my
mind.
Fuzziness filled my mind as Carbuncle spoke to me,
curiosity apparent in his voice. I ignored his questions and quickly
cast shell on Fujin.
"Seifer! Watch out, ya know!"
I
turned to see a massive tail swing in my direction me. I ducked and
heard an "Oomph" as Rajin went down when the tail completed
its circle. Breath escaping in terrified gasps, I collapsed out of
weariness. That's when I saw Squall. He quickly cast protect on all
four of us and cast blind on the T-Rexaur. As the bumbling giant
lumbered around, Squall quietly crawled over to where I was
trembling.
Glaring, he poked me in the side. "Wuss. What
the hell were you thinking? Shell? What kinda spell is that"
I
glared at him and pulled myself up. "Yeah, like you could do any
better?" Nervously glancing in the direction of the T-Rexaur, I
stood up and retrieved my stick.
Squall rolled his eyes. "He
can't see you."
I grinned. "I know."
I
heard Fujin yelp, the Rexaur's teeth gnashing dangerously close to
her head. She backed up until she was stuck against a tree. Her eyes
met mine, and she pleaded for my help. I had to help her. My dream,
my wish to protect those weaker than me. . .
I ran to her side
and protectively placed myself between her and her assailant. I could
see Rajin KO'ed behind the dinosaur and Squall standing slightly to
the side, not interfering. I don't know if he had suddenly realized
the danger of our position, or if he understood that this was
something that I had to do alone, to prove myself to my demons and
inner self.
It
didn't occur to me to use one of our potions to strengthen my injured
arm, to revive Rajin, or to use Carbuncle as a shield. I didn't even
think of removing Fujin from the line of attack. Slowly I raised my
pointed stick and held it in front of me with one hand. I was ready
for the bastard this time. Him being blinded didn't make any
difference to me. I would take him down.
The T-Rexaur roared
and began to creep near me, sniffing the air wildly. I was ready.
Suddenly, I heard a voice. "Seifer?!?"
What I
remember next always happens in slow motion. I turned slowly to face
the voice and see Quistis standing there arms outstretched. Then I
felt a sharp pain in my arm as the T-Rexaur grabbed hold of my stick
arm and gave it a ferocious shake. A combination of Squall's protect
and pure terror numbed the pain in my arm, but sharpened my other
senses. The stick went flying from my hand and headed straight for
Fujin. She screamed; in pain or fright, maybe both. Then for some
strange reason, I was released, slipping into darkness.
I woke
up that night in the Infirmary alone. Alone? Yeah. Why not. I had no
friends. The only possibilities were probably killed because of me. I
was a failure, couldn't protect anyone. And I was stupid too. What
kind of kid would go up against something fifty times bigger than him
and conceivably expect to live, let alone win? I was just
lucky.
Lucky? If I was so blessed, fate would have killed me.
For the first time in years I though of my mother. She saved me only
to leave me alone. When a ten year old looses a fight to a bully,
they need someone there to comfort them, but I had killed her. I had
let her die. Now more were suffering because of mistakes that I was
guilty of committing.
I had to see Fujin, to see if she was
alright.
I walked to her infirmary room and saw her sitting on
the floor, outlined in moonlight, crying. Half her face was wrapped
in gauze as well as her arm.
Slowly I walked and knelt beside
her. "Hey, Fuu, you ok?" I could kick myself for how stupid
I sounded. Of course she wasn't ok, and I had blatantly giving her a
nick name after failing to protect her.
She glanced up at me.
Her mouth moved but no words came out. Shutting the door quietly
behind me, I knelt down on the floor in front of her and offered her
my arms. She wrapped herself around me and cried. I held her, willing
her to stop, but she didn't. All in all, that was alright. It was
good to be needed, to help ease someone else's pain.
I was strangely at peace with my demons.
