Chapter 3

Come stop your crying, it will be alright/ Just take my hand, and hold it tight/ I will protect you from all around you/ I will be here, don't you cry/ 'Cause you'll be in my heart/ Yes, you'll be in my heart/ From this day on/ Now and forever more

---Disney

On the train ride to Balamb, I got stuck next to Leonhart of course. The other passengers smiled at us as we walked to our room. We were just two little boys, alone on a military train, to a school that trains killers, walking to a SeeD car. Nothing unusual about that. Idiots.

When we entered the room, Squall headed straight for the bench by the window. Glaring, I sat down on the bench closer to the door. While I sat there, staring at my shoes, he looked out the window, took a deep breath, and sighed. "Now sis won't know where to find me. I won't know how to find her."

Surprised, I looked up at him. That was the most I had ever heard him say to anyone, as well as the stupidest thing I had ever heard out of someone's mouth. Grinning, I stood and crossed the room, stopping directly in front of him. "I bet she's gonna die. I bet she needs your help right now."

He glared at me and rose to his feet. "You're lying!"

I shrugged. "You're right. She must've just found herself a new boyfriend."

His eyes flashed and he brought his fists up. "Stop it. I'll hit you!"

I laughed, feeling a weight lift off of my chest. I needed this fight. I needed to prove I was stronger than he. Picking on his weaknesses took attention away from mine. And if he threw the first punch, nobody could say anything.

Smirking, I stepped forward, bringing my face to his. "Whacha gonna do about it, momma's boy?"

Before I could blink, Squall had me on my butt.

I never saw that coming. Squall had pulled back and knocked me in the center of my face before I could blink. Keeping my eyes on Squall, I brought my fingers to me face, feeling blood dribble out of my nose. Squall, trembling like a leaf, sat back down. We didn't talk the rest of the ride.

The next few years passed in a blur. At Balamb, I wasn't the biggest bully. I fought some of the older kids to release steam, but never actually won. I managed to pick up a few tips, and I ran around learning what I could. Quistis showed up around the time of my tenth birthday with vaguely familiar eyes.

She was beautiful and reminded me so much of a good friend I once had, but I didn't remember where I saw her. I wanted to talk to her badly, but the only thing I could think of was "Have we met before? You have beautiful eyes." That was a horrible pickup line, even in the mind of a little kid.

Quistis was in many of my afternoon classes, always the star of every lesson. She could recite remedies in the order of their discovery before I could remember the side effects of antidotes.

The first time my magic instructor, Instructor Gaskin, took us to the training center, we were supposed to learn protection techniques. She put us into groups of three, picking random names for teams. Almasy, Leonhart, and Trepe were random enough for her.

Since the train incident, Squall and I went our separate ways. We had always avoided each other and our age difference had usually kept us in separate classes. At the time, I couldn't remember why we were even on the train, figured it was on a field trip, but I remember that the last time we actually talked, he punched me.

Anyway, there we were, Two ten year olds and a nine year old waiting to learn how to kill with a skill many thought immoral. What a wonderful place Balamb was. Still, I was psyched. I knew how to street fight, how to hurt other people. I just wanted to learn to kill. We stood in our groups of three and faced Inst. Gaskin.

She clapped her hands to get our attention. "Ok. I'm going to give each of your groups five protect, five shells, three potions and one phoenix down. Use them to stay alive for the next two hours. SeeD members will be around if you need help. Remember if you see a T-Rexaur or any other monster, run. Do not attempt to fight these battles. Just use your spells to protect you until you get a chance to escape. I cannot stress this enough: I only have clearance to teach you how to protect yourselves." I swear she was looking straight at me when she said that.

I stuck my tongue out at her.

She smiled and held up a watch. "Ok. Equip your GFs and start! Good luck."

We all ran out into different parts of the center, several groups clustering around the entrance of the Center. Quistis immodestly took the lead of our group. "Now remember. This is a test. We need to work together. Though I don't understand why. . ."

I rolled my eyes as I concentrated on equipping Carbuncle. "I don't understand why you can't shut up."

She glared at me.

We slowly walked into the deeper part of the center. None of the other groups went that far in. They were all gathered near the instructors as Inst. Gaskin tried to get them to be more adventurous, like us.

When she has decided we were far enough in to earn top credit, Quistis stopped and looked around. "This lake has a lot of fumes and stuff. If we use our spells, we can get points for not getting poisoned."

Smiling at her brilliance, Quistis squatted down near the lake. "Look! Tadpoles!"

I was unable to help myself. As she leaned over to get a better look at the frogs, I pushed lightly on her back, causing her to lose her balance. She tumbled forward, falling into the shallow end of the pond.

Sputtering, Quistis rose out of the water and walked over to a rock. Wringing her hair out, she glared at me. "I don't see why you always have to be so mean to me. That was a real stupid thing to do."

Rubbing my shoulder, I wandered over to the edge of the bridge, careful to avoid Squall. It was a joke; she didn't have to get so snotty on me. "I don't see why you have to be so bitchy." I said under my breath, thinking she couldn't hear me.

Shivering, she looked up with tears in her eyes. Quickly, she lowered her gaze. "Yeah, well. . ."

Before she could lecture me on the proper conduct of a person taking a test, and the correct language one should use in this particular situation, another group rounded the corner.

A large black boy was jogging toward us, breathing heavily. "Come on Fuu. Ya know. We gotta pass this thing ya know."

A scary looking girl with amazing red eyes ran up behind him. "Slow down Rajin. This would be easier to stay in one place. I think we lost what's- his-name."

Rajin looked around, searching for what's-his-name. "Ya, ya know. I think you're right."

I glared and spun around almost ramming into Squall. I had almost forgotten he was there. Growing a slight bit territorial, I crossed my arms and barred their way. They would not take our spot, and they would not go any further into the woods.

Rajin smiled and held out his hand. "Hey, ya know. I'm Rajin and this is my buddy Fujin." He looked me up and down. "You must be Seifer. Mind if we stay here with you all? Kinda dangerous to be alone ya know."

I sighed and uncrossed my arms. "I dunno."

Quistis stood up and stepped forward, standing in front of me. "Sure. I'd love for you guys to stay with us. We are safer in numbers and this lesson is about protection."

Rajin's face lit up. "Really? That would be great." He frowned. "Why are you so wet?"

I couldn't believe that Quistis had made such a serious decision with out my help. I know now that this wasn't such a big decision, but my ten year old self was enraged. I wanted to show Miss Priss up, but there wasn't really anything I could do.

Rajin plopped down next to Squall and tried to converse with him. Squall glared and scooted further away. "Whatever."

Bastard. I was mad at him too. How could he sit there and let our group be run over by weaklings? We waited for about fifteen minutes before I lost my patience with the group. Rajin constantly asked questions, Fujin's red eyes followed my every move, and Quistis smiled smugly at me. I started to pace. I couldn't take this anymore.

"What do they think we are?!?! I have to find some action!"

The smirk dropped off of Quistis' face. "Instructor Gaskin told us to practice protection. Looking for trouble isn't protection. I won't go. I don't care if you are my partner."

I rolled my eyes. "So, the little teacher's pet wants to stay here. Predictable. Well, I know I can't stay here. I get stupider every single moment I'm around you." I picked up a stick and gestured to the rest of the team. "Let's go hunt us some T-Rexaur."

Squall stood up excitedly and looked for a stick. "Do you think we could beat one, I mean with only sticks? The SeeD's have a hard time beating them with real weapons. I wish I had a gunblade. That would be awesome. We could really mess one up with gunblades!"

Surprised, I handed him a pointed stick. That was a lot of words for one usually so quiet. I could tell he was put up with this sissy crap they had us doing. I could see the fire in his eyes as we prepared to set off, changing my opinion of him greatly.

Swinging my weapon over my shoulder like a sword, I looked at Rajin and Fujin. "You guys wanna come?"

Rajin stood up and helped Fujin to her feet. "Yeah. Can't miss any of the action ya know."

I grinned at Quistis. "Looks like you are all by your lonesome sweetie, too bad. Good luck with your 'protection.'"

We all ran over to the Secret Area. No one was there, just like I thought. All the SeeDs were taking the KO'ed students down to the infirmary.

I felt somewhat guilty for leaving Quistis, but shit happens. Not everything can happen as you want it to. She wanted to be stuck-up and who was I to try and change that? I felt that, even then, I had no right to change another person. I lusted after something bigger.

Protection was for girls. That's why teams were co-ed, so that the girls could resurrect the guys. That's why I think I felt so guilty. Quistis is a girl and I left her. I though about going back, but then I heard a squeal. Spinning around I saw the biggest T-Rexaur ever wiping its foot of some unrecognizably animal. It might have been twenty feet, fifty feet, I don't know. What I do know is that I wanted it. I wanted to feel its blood course down my arm. I wanted his dead body at my feet. I wanted him to die slowly and painfully.

I was like a little kid at a birthday party, trying to hit a piƱata. But I was serious. So serious, I was ready to place my life and my new found friend's on the line. I didn't care about the outcome of the battle. I didn't care what would happen afterwards. All I cared about was the now. I felt removed from the fight. Like I felt when Father beat me. I was there, but really I wasn't.

I gripped my stick tightly in my man-child hands and shouted to the others. "Let's get him!" Eyes wide with anticipation, I charged at the dinosaur. Glancing to my side, I saw Rajin and Fujin. They too had their sticks held at ready, anxious to help me defeat our first fiend. I couldn't see where Squall was, didn't care where he was, and didn't need to know. All I felt was heat. All I knew was hate. No fear. No fear. No...

"You sure this is a good idea, ya know?" Rajin whispered, in awe of the gigantic beast in front of us.

I didn't answer, didn't need to. I knew that he understood. This was not a good idea. We were stupid to even be in the same part of the Training Center as a T-Rexaur, let alone attempt to fight it with amateur weapons. But none of that mattered to us. It was here and so were we.

Slowly the three of us panned out attempting to encircle the mammoth. I swear he was grinning at us, drool hanging off his lip. He toying with us, letting us play into his claws. No beast that big could be stupid enough to let a bunch of kids surround him. I couldn't see any of the others. I was vaguely aware of fear edging around my nerves, but it didn't consciously bother me. I was Seifer. Fear was a useless emotion that I didn't acknowledge.

I leapt forward at a speed that surprised even me. A weird gurgle escaped escaped my throat, frightening me into moving faster. Powered by rage and fear, stuck my stick into the T-Rexaur's foot. He lifted his enormous feet and stomped around, me still latched on the stick. One violent shake later, my death grip loosened and I fell down hard. The dino, upset at apparently losing the upper hand, swung around wildly. He had nothing to fear, however, as he leveled Fujin in one swoop. I reached into my stock of magic, searching for shells, and felt Carbuncle come awake in the back of my mind.

Fuzziness filled my mind as Carbuncle spoke to me, curiosity apparent in his voice. I ignored his questions and quickly cast shell on Fujin.

"Seifer! Watch out, ya know!"

I turned to see a massive tail swing in my direction me. I ducked and heard an "Oomph" as Rajin went down when the tail completed its circle. Breath escaping in terrified gasps, I collapsed out of weariness. That's when I saw Squall. He quickly cast protect on all four of us and cast blind on the T-Rexaur. As the bumbling giant lumbered around, Squall quietly crawled over to where I was trembling.

Glaring, he poked me in the side. "Wuss. What the hell were you thinking? Shell? What kinda spell is that"

I glared at him and pulled myself up. "Yeah, like you could do any better?" Nervously glancing in the direction of the T-Rexaur, I stood up and retrieved my stick.

Squall rolled his eyes. "He can't see you."

I grinned. "I know."

I heard Fujin yelp, the Rexaur's teeth gnashing dangerously close to her head. She backed up until she was stuck against a tree. Her eyes met mine, and she pleaded for my help. I had to help her. My dream, my wish to protect those weaker than me. . .

I ran to her side and protectively placed myself between her and her assailant. I could see Rajin KO'ed behind the dinosaur and Squall standing slightly to the side, not interfering. I don't know if he had suddenly realized the danger of our position, or if he understood that this was something that I had to do alone, to prove myself to my demons and inner self.

It didn't occur to me to use one of our potions to strengthen my injured arm, to revive Rajin, or to use Carbuncle as a shield. I didn't even think of removing Fujin from the line of attack. Slowly I raised my pointed stick and held it in front of me with one hand. I was ready for the bastard this time. Him being blinded didn't make any difference to me. I would take him down.

The T-Rexaur roared and began to creep near me, sniffing the air wildly. I was ready. Suddenly, I heard a voice. "Seifer?!?"

What I remember next always happens in slow motion. I turned slowly to face the voice and see Quistis standing there arms outstretched. Then I felt a sharp pain in my arm as the T-Rexaur grabbed hold of my stick arm and gave it a ferocious shake. A combination of Squall's protect and pure terror numbed the pain in my arm, but sharpened my other senses. The stick went flying from my hand and headed straight for Fujin. She screamed; in pain or fright, maybe both. Then for some strange reason, I was released, slipping into darkness.

I woke up that night in the Infirmary alone. Alone? Yeah. Why not. I had no friends. The only possibilities were probably killed because of me. I was a failure, couldn't protect anyone. And I was stupid too. What kind of kid would go up against something fifty times bigger than him and conceivably expect to live, let alone win? I was just lucky.

Lucky? If I was so blessed, fate would have killed me. For the first time in years I though of my mother. She saved me only to leave me alone. When a ten year old looses a fight to a bully, they need someone there to comfort them, but I had killed her. I had let her die. Now more were suffering because of mistakes that I was guilty of committing.

I had to see Fujin, to see if she was alright.

I walked to her infirmary room and saw her sitting on the floor, outlined in moonlight, crying. Half her face was wrapped in gauze as well as her arm.

Slowly I walked and knelt beside her. "Hey, Fuu, you ok?" I could kick myself for how stupid I sounded. Of course she wasn't ok, and I had blatantly giving her a nick name after failing to protect her.

She glanced up at me. Her mouth moved but no words came out. Shutting the door quietly behind me, I knelt down on the floor in front of her and offered her my arms. She wrapped herself around me and cried. I held her, willing her to stop, but she didn't. All in all, that was alright. It was good to be needed, to help ease someone else's pain.

I was strangely at peace with my demons.