Chapter Eight

You learn to give and take/Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose/You're gonna make mistakes/It takes a little bit of this with a little bit of that/A little bit of good with a little bit of bad/You know that life's a contradiction, and you can't escape the fact/You gotta take a little bit of this, with a little bit of that.

Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Hell. That was one word I could use to describe my next SeeD exam. I was 17; I had failed twice already and couldn't care less. I figured I'd get thrown out of garden at 19 and become a fisherman or something. Not that I could fish any better then I could shop.

Anyway, this time I was put in a group with two other guys. They were a year younger then me. Jon something and Tom something. I think those were their names. Tom was our squad leader. He used a short saber. Jon smirked when he introduced himself, twirling a pinwheel. His blue eyes dared me to mock him and his unusual choice of weapon. Hyne knows I wanted to, but I also wanted to wait until we were alone. No disruptions that way; he wouldn't be able to chicken out.

Xu told us all about our mission, to help clear out the desert surrounding the Military Prison in Galbadia. Bandits hid out in sand dunes and attacked traveling Military cars for food and supplies, and to piss the Galbadian government off.

We were being paid chunk change to free the area. How exciting. We weren't even supposed to fight. Just scout the area and when an enemy was sighted we were to call a SeeD team to eliminate them. What fun.

It burned to be taking orders from Xu. She was one who passed the exam on that first test. The one Sam died on. She retreated at the first sign of trouble.

When we reached the desert, we were given a sand buggy and were directed east. Off we went, merry as a bumble bee. Tom got to drive because he was leader. Jon kept spinning his pinwheel around and making the stupidest comments. I was in the back, spread out with Hyperion in my lap.

About an hour into the mission, Jon snorted. "Can't see nothing but dang sand 'round here."

I couldn't hold back my laughter. "Yeah. One usually finds sand in a desert."

He smirked at me. "No ya don't. You can have an ice desert."

I looked at him like he was stupid.

"Wha? You can. The definition of a desert is a place. . ."

"Look, moron. I don't care what the damn definition of desert is. What the hell did you expect to find here?"

Tom looked back at me in the rearview mirror. "Almasy, shut up. Don't you cause any trouble. Instructor told us to keep a close eye on you."

Jon snorted again, louder. "Yeah. No girl to save your ass this time, wuss." snort snort.

I glared at him. "I don't know. Looks like I got a couple of girls on my team this time too."

Tom pulled the buggy to a violent stop. "Ya wanna take this outside?"

I sat up. "Hell yeah."

"Fine." He jumped out, Jon following.

I stretched, coming to my full 6'2. "Both at once or what?"

Jon snorted. "Ha, you can't handle both of us. You couldn't handle a wounded T-rexaur."

I nodded curtly. "Cute. Fine, I'll take you both at once."

Tom pulled out his saber. "Lets get this over with; we are taking a test, after all."

Tom came at me with Jon circling behind. With a single slash, I shattered Tom's blade and floored him. Facing Jon, I smiled. "Piggy still wanna play?"

He ran at me, which made no since, seeing he had a long range weapon. I side stepped and KO'ed him with the barrel of my gunblade.

I carefully loaded them both into the sand buggy and headed back to the base.

Besides a stern lecture and a slap on the wrist, I wasn't punished. I went back to my dorm, surprised to see Rajin there. He grinned at me.

"How'd it go, ya know?"

I grinned. "Got stuck with two dimwits."

"Fight them, ya?"

"Ya kicked their asses. Of course beating up your team leader isn't exactly a plus on the test. Failed again. Put Tom and Jon on the list."

Rajin laughed. "Tom and Jon?"

I nodded and sat on my bed, thinking about the class I had been put in after failing the SeeD exam. Quisty's. Along with Leonhart. I was plotting an escape when Cid's voice came over the intercom.

"Seifer Almasy, Please come to my office ASAP. Repeat, Seifer Almasy, Please come to my office ASAP"

Rajin grinned again. "Maybe more punishment, ya know."

I shook my head. "Maybe."

When I got there, Cid gestured for me to sit. I didn't. He shrugged his shoulders and sat behind his desk, attempting to look regal. "Seifer I'm disappointed in you. I sent you on this mission so you could become a SeeD. You would make a great asset to SeeD. You just won't live up to your potential."

About there, I tuned him out. It was always the same thing with Cid. No one ever live up to their potential. We were always slackers, always could do better. Never mind I had tried so hard and finally gave up, never mind that whenever you tried to reach his given potential, he raised the bar so you would fail miserably.

When he finished, he handed me a thin packet of paper. "A man claiming to be a friend of your fathers wants you to visit him next week. After careful consideration, I have agreed to let you go. You have the next 7 days off. Your train leaves tomorrow at five am. Don't be late."

I turned and left, reading the papers. Some man named Caraway wanted me to come to a party he was holding. He was hiring me. Cid was taking my vacation days to make money. I guess he couldn't send me on school time because I wasn't a SeeD. Confused on why I was going at all, I read further.

Apparently, Caraway had known my father when he was alive and wanted to meet me. At the same time, he wanted my skills with a gun to protect his daughter, who would also be there. He specifically asked for me and the money he was paying Cid made my eyes widen.

I packed my uniform and caught the train to Deling the next morning. From there I headed straight to Caraway's mansion. He was an elderly man with graying hair. He introduced himself as "General Caraway." So much for first named basis. I don't know what I expected from him, maybe a father figure, but I quickly found out this was a business relationship only.

His daughter, Rinoa, was visiting for the first time in months and he was holding a party to celebrate. He felt that because of his status, Rinoa might be endangered.

I sighed as he led me to my room. I was on my vacation and had to protect a whining baby.

The room was nice though. It had a huge bed, kind of what I might expect in an expensive hotel. The sheets were silk and had pillows stacked up high. A huge painting dominated the wall opposite the bed. Underneath, on a gold plate, was the inscription Julia Heartily. Talk about your obsessions.

There was a bathroom connected to the bedroom. The bathroom was bigger then my dorm back at the garden. The bathtub was separate from the shower and had a hot tub attachment. There was a mini bar fully stocked and a television and phone.

I was awed and disgusted. I grew up in a world where money was scarce and this family had a big screen TV in their bathroom. In their GUEST bathroom.

I took a shower, ignoring the tub, so I could prepare myself to meet Rinoa. Who knew what I'd have to put up with. Cid should count this as a SeeD exam.

I carefully shook out my uniform, crumpled from the long journey. Sighing, I put on my street clothes. I knew it would be unacceptable to show up in wrinkled clothing since Caraway was in the military, but I didn't rightly care. My thoughts were else where. Being in a house, an actual house with paintings and expensive rugs and a real bed brought up strange thoughts, strange feelings. I shook them off as pre-job jitters and went to find a maid to see if I couldn't get my uniform ironed before the party.

Wandering around the house, I saw pictures of Ms. Heartily on all the walls. There were pictures of her at concerts, singing in a Tavern, accepting an award, sitting in the park. I wondered why this man was obsessed with this woman. They weren't worth it.

Then I saw a picture that made everything fall into place. There was a small framed picture sitting on a table. Picking it up, I could see a man and a woman on their wedding day. The woman was Julia Heartily and the man. . .

"Caraway?" I whispered.

I jumped as a heavy hand landed on my shoulder. "Mr. Almasy, are you lost?"

Turning around I found myself face to face with a maid. I shook my head nervously, wondering how she knew my name. "No, ma'am. I was looking for an iron." To prove my point, I held up my crumpled uniform.

She grinned at me and took it. "Here sir, let me take that. I'll get it back to ya soon. You go back to your room an' stop your snooping, sir. The mistress would kill us all if she saw you touchin' that there picture."

I gently placed it down and looked back at the maid. "Actually, I am a little lost . . ." My voice hung at the end, asking her name.

She giggled. "Well if ya ain't the proper gentleman. I'm Yetta. Pleased to meet you, sir."

I bowed gratefully and kissed her hand. "The pleasure is all mine, madam. Lead the way."

Her hand fluttered up to her chest. "Oh, my goodness gracious. If ya ain't just a tease."

I smiled. No need on spending the night alone, even here in the big city. Might as well have an outlet for after the party. No need to tell Yetta that though.

Strangely, I felt no guilt in making Yetta feel like she was seducing me. I was glad she was attracted to me because that made it easier to take her. When she brought me my ironed suit, I winked broadly at her.

"Thank you, miss. Maybe I'll see you around latter, after the party." My husky tone suggested just what for.

She decided to play the tease and straightened her dress. "Now, I don't know about that, Mr. Almasy. I might happen to be busy.

Her cleavage threatened to fall over the top of her dress. She knew this and leaned forward a bit, to give me a better view.

Becoming tired of the game, I tweaked her nose. "Whatever you say, kiddo." And shut the door in her face. I knew my actions confused her, but I didn't care. She was complicated. I wanted my one night stands to actually be one night stands. I didn't want some whiny brat I once slept with follow me half way around the world complaining I never call her. Yetta seemed the whiny type, the type that would expect commitment.

Reluctantly, I went to the ball room. Looking around, I saw just what one would expect at a political dinner. Stuffed shirts were standing everywhere drinking wine that costs more than my new suit. They talked about the most boring things, too. About President Deling, Timber, the People United movement in the slums of Deling, and other crap.

I tried to find my client's daughter, but didn't see a young lady about my age anywhere in the room. Frowning in frustration, I concluded that she must be one of the two overweight women standing by the buffet. Slowly and inconspicuously, I approached them.

They were talking about Behemoths of all things and how closely they resembled one. I was about to tap one of them on the shoulder, when someone bumped into me from behind.

"Why don't cha watch where your going, punk," slurred a voice from the floor.

"Shit, Derik. You're wasted. Why don't we go home?" His companion pleaded.

Derik shook his head. "Nuhu, Eddy, gotta wait for the woman." He slurred, stressing the 'wo' in woman.

Eddy shook his head. "Sorry. My friend had a little too much to drink tonight."

Derik grinned. "L-i-a-r! Wha's your name.? He asked, pointing at me.

"Seifer."

"Hell, I know you! You're that guy who failed the SeeD test, like, eighty times!"

I glared and turned around to address the 'behemoths' at the buffet table, only to find them missing. I quickly scanned the room, not seeing any lady under the age of fifty. Cursing I sauntered off to find a drink for myself, watching for the behemoths and/or another girl who fitted Rinoa's description.

I was starting on my forth drink when I noticed a 'scene' near the doorway leading into the kitchen

A young lady came out of a room at the top of the staircase. She walked quickly toward the front door, but never made it that far. Derik stepped out in front of her and she tripped over his boot and landed on her ass, her dress coming up over her thighs.

"Hey sexy, I can think if several things you could do down there.?" Derik drawled. He leaned down to help her up.

Eddy whistled as the lady was struggling to get up by her self. Derik lifted her up and helped her gain her balance.

She muttered 'thank you' and went to leave, but Derik had not let go of her arm.

"Not so fast, sweetheart. Where do you think you're going?"

She stared at him indignantly. "Do you know who I am???"

He loosened his grip slightly and grinned. Looking back at his friend he smirked. "Watch out the tiger has claws." Then he looked back at her, his grin drooping. "More like the pussy cat. Yeah. I know who you are. You're Caraway's brat."

She continued to glare at him.

"Come on stuck up. Let's dance." He tried to pull her out into the dance floor, but she refused.

"No" She growled.

"What's the matter angle got your wings clipped?"

"Stop. Let me go." She said weakly.

This apparently made him mad. "Listen to me bitch! You are going to dance with me and you are going to like it." He raised his hand to hit her. By now tears were running down her face.

Thinking it time to rescue my client, I walked up to Derik and put my hand on his shoulder.

He cursed. "Damn you Seifer, why can't you mind your own business?"

I grinned at him. "It's just a nasty little habit I have."

"Hyne! Think you of all people wouldn't step on a man when he's with a lady." He gestured to a weeping Rinoa.

I cocked my head to one side. "You're here on SeeD business. What do you think Cid would say if I told him he paid you to get drunk and harass my client?"

Eddy grabbed Derik's arm. "He's right, Derik. Let's go back to the hotel."

I turned to Rinoa and introduced myself. She didn't giggle like Yetta when I kissed her hand. She just stood there.

Even though I knew her name, I asked it for the sake of conversation. She barley looked at me. "Rinoa."

"Oh." I wanted to go back to the buffet and drink or something, but didn't want to leave her alone again. With my luck, someone would assassinate her and I would be the one to blame. Not many people seemed to like her.

About midway through the party, in which Rinoa did not move, Caraway joined us.

"My dear," He nodded to his daughter, "I see you've already met Mr. Almasy. While you're in Deling, I want him to keep a very close eye on you. You aren't to go anywhere, do any thing without him knowing and following."

Rinoa glared at Caraway, her fists clenching behind her back. "Why?"

He smiled. "Because, Rinoa dear, there are people who do not agree with my methods and could see you as a way to get to me. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Then he walked away without letting her answer. Rinoa turned to me. "Ok. You'll be following me. But you must always stay out of sight. Don't talk to anyone; don't tell anyone anything you hear. Understood?"

"Perfectly." I mumbled through my gritted teeth.

I was using up seven of my vacation days on a mission that I wasn't being paid for. Baby-sitting for a woman who would most likely go on a shopping spree tomorrow. What great fun.

When she went to bed that night, I stood guard at her door. With my eyes slightly open, I could hear anyone approaching from four doors down. Fun little trick I learned from being on the Disciplinary Committee. Nothing gave me a bigger thrill then some student sneaking past me after curfew, thinking I was asleep. Then catching them just as they were about to cross the thresh hold of safety into a friend's dorm.

My peacefulness was interrupted at about midnight by a piercing scream coming from Rinoa's room. As quickly as I could, I ran into her room, Hyperion drawn. Nobody was there except a very nervous Rinoa, sitting up in bed, crying.

Sighing, I sheathed Hyperion and walked over to her. Not saying anything I knelt next to her bed.

Without actually acknowledging my presence, Rinoa began to talk.

"When I was four," She began, taking deep breaths, "My mother became seriously depressed. She became unusually quiet, no loner playing the piano or singing. Whenever I came home from daycare, she would be asleep on the sofa, barely breathing. I would shake her, but she wouldn't wake. Nina, my mother's best friend would just send me to my room and tell me to stay there."

"One day, I was sent home early because of a war drill. Nina was at work and didn't know about the drill. When I got home, Mother was laying on the floor with white powder sprinkled on the table. I sat in the floor and studied both of them, wondering what it all meant. When Nina came to check on Mother, she was extremely upset to find me in there. She immediately picked up my mother and cleaned up the 'powdered sugar', ignoring all my questions."

"That night, Mother didn't come down for dinner. I got to sit at the formal dinning table all by myself, which was a big thing for a four year old. I didn't think anything about my mom or what was happing to her. Nina had stayed to talk to Caraway. I could hear them through the kitchen door."

"Nina was upset about Mother doing drugs in the house and me seeing her passed out everyday. Then she told him about me coming home by myself.

'She could have tasted the drugs!' she yelled. Caraway muttered something I couldn't hear, which made Nina furious."

"'How the hell do you expect a four year old to understand that?' she screamed at him before storming out the front door."

Rinoa took a deep breath and gazed out her window, not moving from her spot on the bed. "And I wasn't afraid." tears streamed down her face. "I wasn't afraid."

She abruptly stood up. "Caraway had a talk with me that night. He told me that Mommy would be Ok, that he was gonna get her some help. I couldn't understand why she needed it, but just nodded as I tried to spear peas on the tongs of my fork."

"The next day I didn't have to go to daycare. Caraway was taking a few days off to spend with me and Mother. He thought that his presence would drag her out of depression."

"Instead, it drove her deeper. She stopped snorting 'powdered sugar', but began wearing long sleeves. I thought this was wired, it being July in Deling. I caught Mother in her room with a kitchen knife one day, but she made me promise not to tell anyone. I didn't."

"Mother ended up in the hospital one day because she hurt herself badly. At least that's what Caraway told me. He said she would be alright."

Rinoa started to laugh hysterically, which startled me. She rocked back and forth, giggling crazily. Carefully, I stood up and put my arms around her, trying to stop her from moving.

Rinoa pushed me away angrily.

"She was mentally unstable. No one would come right out and say it, but I knew. I knew my mother was going insane and told all my friends. They laughed at me. They called me names and seemed to enjoy making me cry. Then I would go home to my crazy mother. One day, when I was almost five, I came home and the house was quiet. I had gotten used to no sounds, but this was different. I couldn't hear the clock ticking in the living room; I couldn't hear my mother moving around. There was an absolute silence. Like a grave. I felt drawn to the mud room, which I had never been in before. There was Mother, lying on the floor.

I looked around for the white powder I remembered from a few months back, but saw none. I looked for a knife, but didn't see one of those either. I ran to the phone and called 911, just like Caraway always told me to do in an emergency."

"They came and took Mother away in their big white truck and called Caraway. He dropped me off at Nina's house and left for the hospital. I spent the rest of the night coloring 'Get Well Soon' cards for Mother. Caraway came to pick me up the next morning. He told Nina that Mother was dead."

Rinoa began to giggle again. I looked at her, alarmed. She shook her head gently. "I knew what dead was, but I always thought the dead came back. I turned to Caraway and said 'Darn. I made the wrong sort of cards. I should have made 'Come Home Soon' cards instead."

"Caraway began to cry. Nina told me that Mom was 'dead' and that she was going to stay 'dead' forever. She was in heaven with Hyne." Rinoa sat back down on her bed. She looked up at me with a tear stained face.

"Sometimes I dream about her. I know now that she was suicidal those last two years. Critics were real hard on her because she was aging. They called her a fraud. Then they had a field day with her drug addictions and suicide attempts. She broke under the pressure. To make sure she did it right, Mom took a full bottle of cold medicine and cut her wrists. I couldn't see the knife or the blood, because I was in shock. The medicine made her blood flow faster and she died of blood loss. She died slowly and painfully."

"To cover for the scandal, Caraway told every one that Mom died in a car accident. He even managed to stage an actual accident. He used his 'military' connections. We had a closed casket funeral so no one would see her face, or her sliced arms."

She began to sob again and I didn't know what else to do but hold her tightly.

I knew what it was like to see a member of your family die. How devastating it could be. I knew that she blamed herself. Even though I had been through the same experiences as her, I could not bring myself to voice one bit of advice.