A/N: Again, Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling etc, this time song lyric's belong to Joni Mitchell etc. hope the ending is all you expected …
Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
Copyright © 1969; Siquomb Publishing Company
The kids were playing in the yard. It was smaller than the Malfoy estate, but they didn't seem to care. Harry had transfigured some broken furniture into a play-set and the children seem happy with it. Ginny knew they would be in good hands while she was out, and she had Harry's cell phone in case something happened to them. It was in her purse, a confusing little contraption he had taught her how to use it weeks ago, claiming it was necessary to blend in with the London muggles. Ginny sighed deeply. She looked perfect, and Harry said beautiful, if she counted what he said to be the truth.
"Gin, you look like, wow." Harry stood in the kitchen with Lydia on his hip ordering Dominic and Julian around the kitchen. The boys were setting the table for lunch. It was simple food, cooked by Ginny and Harry as he employed no help, of pigeon pie. His green eyes had lit up when she walked into the room. She blushed a deep shade of crimson. "Aw Gin, now you've wrecked it! That blush just clashes with you hair like you wouldn't believe!"
"Shut – Right Harry because you of all people can tell me I clash." She had taken Lydia from him and placed her into a child seat. He'd just smirked at her with his mouth and ogled her with his eyes.
Harry had insisted on feeding the baby and cleaning all the dishes saying it wouldn't do for her to go off for lunch with dish pan hands. She felt him come up behind her, touching the small of her back.
"You do look lovely, but it wouldn't kill you to smile. The kids are picking up on your nerves and it's up-setting them. Dom just asked me if I was going to be his new Daddy." Harry smiled roguishly at her. "Not that I'd mind being his new Daddy, but that's not the point. The point is that you need to talk to me." He cupped her face with his hands, his thumb gently stroking what was left of her bruise.
It felt good, to have him so close and being touched so lovingly. It had been too long since she and Draco had this kind of intimacy. But Ginny knew that when she opened her eyes she would be looking into the face of Harry Potter. It didn't matter what he said or what he did, he wasn't Draco, nor could he ever be.
"There's nothing to tell Harry." Ginny turned back to watching her children play.
"He may let you off the hook Ginny, but I won't. When have you ever let anyone avoid your questions? When has, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Bill, Myself, or anyone else you come in contact with ever gotten out of a heart to heat with you? I'm going to return the favor, now tell me or I won't let you out of the house." He looked ready to make good on that threat if Ginny didn't comply.
"Right," Ginny said as she sat down on the window seat. "Well let's see, where do I begin?" She was searching her brain for a decent beginning.
"How about with argument that sent you here for a week?" Harry was trying to keep his tone neutral, but the timbre of anger was unmistakable.
Ginny sighed softly and shook her head. "That's just the culmination of so much more … oh I don't know … emotion." She looked sadly at him, forcing herself not to cry by smiling. It didn't help, as a single tear slid down her cheek. Harry was beside her in moments, wiping the tear with his thumb.
"Harry, I just don't know what to tell you. I feel like I've some how failed as a wife, like this is all my fault." She stopped his reply by placing a hand on his chest, "Let me finish. Rationally I know it's not my fault, not entirely anyway. I also know that neither Draco nor I is very good at expressing our emotions verbally. Before that didn't matter, we were together all the time and I knew exactly how he felt or what he wanted just by looking at him, just by the way he touched me. He was always fussing over me, lavishing me with time and attention. I always felt loved and cherished. He would look at me with such adoration all the time. It was scary at first, knowing I was holding him together, knowing that if I walked away from him he would just cease to exist. I was so frightened to lose him Harry, that I convinced myself that I had to be strong. I was afraid that if I showed any emotion, any sign of weakness, he would be gone. I couldn't do that again." She wasn't crying, just talking quickly and quietly, her voice tight with emotion.
Harry looked confused by her last statement, but knew better than to ask as there was nothing he could say that would fix her marriage for her.
All joking aside, Ginny was like his beautiful little sister. He wanted to protect her, but knew enough about life to know she had to figure it out herself. Once he would have wanted to marry her, he had even asked her to leave Draco. He wouldn't ask this time; he knew what her answer would be.
There was a knock at the door, Ginny looked up quickly. Her brown eyes were wide and unblinking; across her face an expression of pure panic.
"I'll get it if you want, but the git will probably pummel my face in. He didn't like me much before, but I'm sure he's convinced himself I've stolen his wife. Always was a jealous prat." Ginny smiled crookedly at Harry.
"You are, of course right. He will have convinced himself I've run off to you because we're having an affair." Ginny stood and smoothed her dress before heading towards the front of the house where her husband waited on the other side of an oak door.
*********************************
He felt ill. He was about to pick up his wife from Harry Potter's house. The moment he had opened the wooden door which hid the house from street view he had been over come with nausea. Now, he stood in a cold, dark ally like walk way, taking deep slow breaths. His eyes were closed against the light at the end of the ally, and he could hear clearly the laughing voices of his children. Their laughter only made his stomach clench tighter and his eyes sting. Merlin he missed them, and their happy noises so much.
The Manor had been eerily silent all week, as if the house was mourning the loss of Ginny and the children more than Draco was. The only noise had been the creaks and moans all old houses made; the only difference with the Manor was the size caused the creaks to echo down the halls.
He sighed and wiped at his eyes, settling his emotions for the sight of Ginny with Potter. No doubt the Boy Who Lived would loom menacingly in the background, Draco's children clinging to Potter for protection. He and Ginny would have convinced the boys that their father was the spawn of evil by now, no doubt.
Not that Dominic didn't already feel that way.
Draco could imagine Dominic had about as much love for him right now as Draco had for Lucius; none. Draco stopped again, squeezing his eyes shut again, feeling as though his heart had actually shattered. He didn't know what he would do if Dom refused to see him again. He might just die.
Draco wondered fleetingly if this was what his defection had felt like to Lucius, but just as quickly dismissed it; Lucius had no heart to break.
As Draco stepped out from the walk-way Dominic came around the corner of the house, his sister squealing on his back and Julian running in an attempt to keep up with the older boy. The children stopped dead in their tracks, the boys just looked at him while Lydia smiled and called out,
"Dada!"
Draco hesitated, seeing the anger flash in Dominic's eyes and Julian glance between his brother and his father.
"Hullo baby." Draco forced himself to be cheerful as he walked toward his daughter. She at least looked happy to see him, while the boys still looked at him warily.
He'd been right; Potter and Ginny had poisoned them against him. He pulled Lydia into his arms and kissed her. Julian rushed around Dominic to hug his father tightly. Draco smiled in earnest now and ruffled the little boy's hair.
"Hi there big guy, I missed you." Draco fought back the lump that was forming in his throat. It wouldn't do to break down in front of his children.
Dominic continued to glare at him with eyes full of tears. The ten year old's hands were balled into fists and his shoulders were pulled taunt. He was shaking.
Draco licked his lips nervously, trying with all his might to come up with the right thing to say. In the past when he'd been short with the boy Ginny had known just what Draco should say to mend the rift. Now faced with his angered son and lacking his wife's guidance, Draco was floundering. The other two were young and didn't understand the situation. They were just happy to see their daddy again. From the look on Dom's face Draco could tell his son understood the situation with perfect clarity.
Tell him you're sorry. The sound of Ginny's voice in his head startled him, 'ever his conscious, and his voice of reason even when she wasn't a physical part of his life right now.
"I'm sorry Dom." His voice was rough, and his heart stopped beating as he waited for the boy to respond. What must have been moments, but felt like hours passed before Dominic moved. Julian was staring at them both, his eyes playing a nervous game of tennis between his brother and his father. Suddenly Dominic collapsed to the ground. Draco rushed to him, placing the baby on the grass beside her brother, and gathered his first born into his arms. Julian had come to sit with them too, holding the baby on his lap, all the while looking his brother in confusion.
"It's not very manly to cry Daddy." Julian's little voice dripped with condescending as he watched his two mentors hug each other close.
"Says who?" Draco narrowed his eyes.
"Says you," the little boy looked at him with bewilderment written all over his face.
"Well I was wrong. There are times when a man can cry with no shame befalling him." Draco reached out and wrapped an arm around his other two children.
"Come here you two," he ruffled the little boy's shocking red hair.
They sat there in silence, Draco relishing the feeling of his children all around him. It had been only a week without them, but Draco realized that was much too long.
"Mum's waiting for you," it was Dominic's quiet voice which broke their reunion.
"I know." Draco sighed as they all untangled and stood up.
Dominic picked up Lydia and started taking his younger siblings back around the house.
"Bye dad," they all called in chorus as they rounded the house again, this time in the opposite direction.
"Bye guys." Draco took a deep breath and began to smooth out his slacks and sweater, pulling little pieces of grass off him. He grunted and pulled out his wand, praying to all the known deities that Potter had the sense to put wards up. He muttered a cleaning spell and straightened up, setting his shoulders and arranging his face into a mask of cool indifference. He'd be damned before Potter saw what a mess being separated from his children made him. There was more to it then that, and Draco knew it; he wanted to hurt Ginny. He wanted her to see how unaffected by this whole ordeal he was and he wanted her to see that the whole situation was her fault.
"Right," Draco muttered and strode up to the door.
He rang the bell sharply, and silently forced himself to wait calmly. He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them from shaking, or clenching into fists.
He braced himself for Potter's smug face as he heard the latch on the door slide away, and gasped at the sight that met him as the solid oak swung open revealing Ginny.
******************************
They stood staring at each other for a long time, struggling with their respective composure. It took an obnoxiously long time before either one of them realized they'd been staring at the other and broke eye contact, shifting uncomfortably.
"Suppose I should let you in, right." Ginny was the first to recover, stepping back to allow Draco into the entrance.
"Right." He said and automatically stepped in, unable to say more as his eyes roamed her body, then froze on the remaining bruise on her face. He sucked his teeth in self disgust.
There, in front of him was his wife looking stunningly gorgeous in a forest green oxford-cloth shirt and cream coloured skirt. She was pulling a matching jacket on over top, and he had her face in profile, the side with a long, ugly, yellow line along the cheek-bone. Draco could only thank Merlin that Potter had the sense to stay away, because at this point Draco didn't know if he'd be able to keep from attacking the idiot. That was especially true if the prat touched his wife, or even looked ready to touch his wife. His hand clenched involuntarily in his pockets.
Then Ginny was facing him, her jacket on and muggle purse clutched in her hands so tightly her knuckles were white.
She's scared of me.
That realization felt as though a knife had just stabbed him in the heart. After all the years and all the things they had been through, her bravery had kept him going. Ginny was a constant in his life, always so strong for him, always the brave one promising a resolution. Now here she stood faced with him, and he could see that bravery faltering. She was forcing herself to walk out of the house with him, moving with slow, jerky steps, all the while gripping her bag so as not show him how badly her hands were shaking. The worst part was, Draco knew that she had every right to be afraid of him. Not only had he physically attacked her only a week ago, he was the same man who had promised to protect and cherish her forever and ever Amen. What false promises they had turned out to be.
Ginny smiled tentatively, trying not to allow Draco's deep scowl and far away look perturb her. She was terrified as it was, walking next to him with all the emotions she felt rushing around inside her as the battle for dominance raged. Fear seemed to be doing the best job as all she wanted to do was run back into the house and cower behind Harry.
She had never wanted to cower behind Harry Potter, not even when she was eleven years old and he had rescued her from the Chamber of Secrets. Now, at thirty-two years old and faced with her husband, that was what she wanted. Her husband, the man she wanted more than oxygen, and had wanted with as much ferocity since she was sixteen. Even now, mixed in with all the fear, was longing, a longing for his possession of her. She wanted him to be similarly affected by her again. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and say he was sorry, that he would never hurt her again. She wanted him to promise her he loved her and would spend all his free time with her and their children. More than anything else Ginny wanted him to promise her that everything about the hellish place their marriage had ended up in would go away, that it was fixable. She needed him to be stronger than her for once. It was his turn to be reassuring.
Instead they both walked down the street in complete silence, as though totally oblivious to the other's presence. They weren't unaware of each other; it was quite the opposite in fact. Draco was cursing his physical reaction to her, the urge to hold her hand was completely inappropriate at the moment. She would definitely not appreciate physical contact with him right now and if this lunch played out the way he expected it would, his touch would never be appreciated again.
They arrived at the restaurant two minutes late for their reservation. Walking in Draco opened the door and placed a hand on the small of Ginny's back, guiding her along to the Maitre D'. She didn't even flinch; instead she smiled at the attractive young man who asked for their names.
"Malfoy, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy," Draco replied with a good natured glare at the man as he draped an arm across Ginny's shoulders. To all the world they looked like the perfect, happy couple, until you looked at Ginny's right check bone. She noticed the young waiter's gaze settle on it with a slight frown and her hand fluttered to it self-consciously. She turned to her husband with a tight smile and said in voice soft enough to sound private, but loud enough for the waiter to hear:
"You really didn't need to do this, you know. He didn't take anything irreplaceable, nor did he do any permanent damage." She looked pointedly at the waiter who was pretending not to listen and Draco caught on quickly.
"Doesn't matter what he took love, I need to be reassured you won't be going anywhere on me anytime soon." Again Draco reached out and squeezed her shoulders, pulling her close to him.
They sat down all smiles and light chatter about their children. Draco talked about the offer he received to be the new Head of the Department Magical Sports and Games. Ginny agreed with her father that it was a natural step for him, owning three professional Qudditch teams and being a talented Seeker himself while still at Hogwarts. They also both agreed that if he took the position it would mean handing over most of the control of his conglomerate to Zabini; he just wouldn't have the time to be anything more than a name on the letter head.
"I just don't know if I would trust him Draco, not that I'm suggesting he's a thief. I'm not; it's just that he isn't ready for that kind of responsibility right now. If you do take the position, you need to have a replacement in the wings. Preferably someone who you trust completely to act in accordance with your interests and not their own-" Ginny stopped talking suddenly. Draco was looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face.
Not that I can ever read his face anymore.
Ginny was mildly shocked at the bitterness of that thought, but nowhere near as shocked as by the bitter chuckle which erupted out of Draco himself. "What?" She was completely unsettled by his actions.
Slowly realization dawned on her, followed quickly by a surge of anger. They had been seated an hour ago and were finished the salad and half the liter of wine they'd ordered was gone; Ginny had no recollection of ordering anything. Which was because Draco had ordered for both of them while she was contemplating his revelation about the MOM's offer. Ever the perfect politician's wife, thinking of how best to advance her husband's career, no matter that she had just left him. Ginny flushed and was suddenly fascinated by the table cloth.
They sat in silence for a while, each contemplating what had just transpired. Ginny was furious with herself for falling right into her roll. She would never escape it now, not with his offer of Department Head. He deserved it, and would make a good replacement for Ludo. But it would never happen without her support, if her father found out what was happening to their marriage the offer would be gone faster than a startled unicorn.
It shouldn't be the case, not intellectually, but in actuality the MOM worked like that. Without Ginny's presence by his side Draco was an unknown, and a Death Eater's son. None of that equaled trust. But as long as he was married to the Minister of Magic's daughter he was a splendid candidate.
Bloody hell.
Draco's own thoughts echoed his wife's. It had been wonderful to have her opinion and advice on how to approach the MOM's offer. He had been at a complete loss all weekend as to how to deal with Blaise and the company if he took the position, a position he had been angling to get for years. He'd never actually thought he'd get it, so had never made any plans for it. But without Ginny he wouldn't get it at all. Arthur would probably kill Draco himself if he saw Ginny right now. She was vital to his political success. But it was more than that. He realized just by this short interlude how much he depended on Ginny, for everything. He hadn't slept since the night she left, not a wink. He spent the entire weekend locked in his den, and had consumed three bottles of very good whisky. More importantly, he'd missed a dinner on Saturday night with a French client. That was going to cost him more money than he and Blaise could afford to lose.
The worst part about the whole meal was that she smelled like Potter. And she kept talking about him. They way the kids loved him, and how he was such a good cook and she didn't know where or when he'd learned it. That was why Draco had shifted the conversation to himself, to his work. That's what made him realize she was invaluable to him.
"Well," Ginny said not looking him in the eye. "I guess I know why you've come here. You'll lose the tentative offer from my father. Good to know I'm still needed Draco, but don't think I care about your political career enough to come back to you." Her voice was flat, knowing that her earlier excitement all but called her own bluff. But it was the look in her eyes that pleased him, they weren't blank. Instead there was a rage there, a quiet but forceful rage.
"I haven't asked you to Gin." He winced as her eyes snapped to his, wrong answer.
"No, no you haven't, not yet at least. But you never did ask did you? You always just instructed, or informed me of my expected behavior and I was just to nod my head and comply like a good little wife. Is that what Lucius did with Narcissa?" She wasn't shouting at him. In fact Draco doubted anyone but he could hear her words. She might as well have slapped him and stormed out, her words had the same effect.
"No, she'd known her role since she was thirteen. My father married within his own class." His words were a low whisper, but he wished they'd never been spoken the second after they left his mouth. Ginny gripped her wine glass tightly and attempted to control the tears stinging her eyes.
"I'll never be good enough for you will I? I'll never meet your father's standards for a Malfoy wife because my breeding isn't of the house of Black, or Lestrange, or Avery." She didn't spit the names out in the fashion he was expecting. Instead her words held a tinge of regret, almost shame, and she hated herself for being ashamed. He hated himself for causing her shame.
Ginny Weasley had been a proud girl when he'd met her, almost more proud than he was. And now her face was flushed with shame. He, Draco Malfoy and her husband to boot, had shamed her because she was not the daughter of a Death Eater.
"No, it's not about you being good enough for him. His opinion doesn't matter to me, and it hasn't for the past thirteen years." It pained him to admit that Lucius' opinion had ever held sway over Draco. It didn't matter at this point though, and Draco felt it best to move on with his life.
"Then what is it about?" Again, she was quiet in her questions, as though the very act of asking them would cause a repeat of the week before.
"You have always been good enough for me Ginny, that's what being in-love is all about. We are equals in my heart and I depend on you. But we are not, nor will we ever be equals in the eyes of our family and friends. Without you I lose any political sway I may have, that is true, but I also lose my children. I lose everything good and wonderful in my life, without you I am but a shell of a man. That scares me Ginny, it always has. But what scares me more is that you can walk away whenever you want. There is nothing that ties you to me but your vows and your own free-will. Without me you have friends, family and even another man who, if you would just walk away from me, would marry you and raise our children as his own." Draco paused, trying desperately to hold on to what was left of his shredded control. He was not going to cry in a muggle restaurant in the middle of the day. It was bad enough he'd lost control of his emotions twice in a week, both times at Ginny, he didn't need to cause a scene.
She was the one who was supposed to cry and scream at him. She was the one who was supposed to need his comfort and then he was going to apologize for his behavior. But that was never how it worked with them, not from the very start. It was always Ginny comforting him, soothing his worries. He could almost imagine the scorn his father would have for him if he ever saw Draco again. The new Malfoy patriarch needing constant reassurance from his lowly, blood-traitor wife, it was laughable.
"You're wrong Draco." Her voice was deathly soft, but she was looking him in the eyes, cold hard steel melting into the soft, and brandy brown of hers.
"Pardon me?" He was thoroughly disoriented by her interruption into his thoughts.
"You're wrong. You will always have your children, they love you and you love them. No matter where you and I stand I will never take your children away from you." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and for once she didn't force them down, he needed to see how hard this was for her. He needed to see how badly he was hurting her and their children.
"But you will leave me?" She looked into his eyes again, and the shone with his own unshed tears. His voice was quiet and grated, as though just asking the question was painful.
"I don't know." She looked away from him then, unable to stare him in eye and watch his heart break. The hurt would only be hidden behind the bitterness she had seen so many times, the hardness his eyes acquired was discomfiting. It made her feel like she was talking to Lucius instead of Draco. They weren't the same person, she had been aware of that since he was seventeen, but in the past year Draco seemed to retreat back into emulating his father's behavior. She hadn't called him on it, figuring it was just stress. Now she just didn't want to see it, or feel the fear of association.
"Why? Why are you pulling away from me Ginny?" She turned back, and his eyes were hard, angry and so cold, even as his voice was soft. She tensed uncontrollably.
"Because you look like him," she swallowed hard at his sharp intake of breath. "You start to look like him when you're angry, all cold, hard eyes and soft velvet voice. I feel like I'm staring down Lucius, like the Draco I love so much is gone and the Lucius you swore you weren't has replaced him. I can't be married to Lucius anymore. Excuse me," she stood up walked towards the powder room.
Draco just sat there as she walked away. Her words were ringing in his head, "I can't be married to Lucius anymore." He had always sworn he was not his father, and that he would never be like his father. He hated the man for always expecting Draco to be the best at everything, for admiring Potter more than his own son. He hated his father for following a half-blood lunatic all the way to Azkaban and a Dementor's kiss. Nothing Draco had ever done met with the man's standards, no matter how hard he tried. And he realized, he had tried, and tried until he couldn't try anymore. Sometimes he wondered if his father would be proud of him now.
The simple facts of Ginny and the Ministry offer would disgust Lucius; he would never accept Ginny or her family's presence. But Lucius' opinion would never touch Draco again, so wondering about it would never do any good.
Ginny stood in front of the mirror staring at her reflection. She could see the same brown eyes and darkening red hair, with her too pale skin and freckles across her nose. At thirty-two she was still an attractive woman, but she had never been beautiful. She worked hard to compensate, being quick witted and always dressed elegantly in order to compete with the other woman of her newly acquired social status. Underneath it all she was still funny looking little Ginny Weasley, who wondered why her husband found her beautiful. He still did, and had never let her doubt it.
He didn't deserve to be accused of behaving like Lucius and she knew it was irrational, but it was her greatest fear. She was so scared that one day she would wake up and everything Ron said would be true. Draco would no longer love her and spend every moment with her; he'd have a private social group that he would entertain behind closed doors. They would be beyond rich, and yet she'd be alone and unhappy, isolated from her friends, her family, her husband and her children. And a week ago she had woken up to realize that she was isolated from her husband and her family, the only thing she had left were her one remaining friend and her children. When Draco had struck her all she could think was that her biggest fear had just come true. But sitting with him now, Ginny knew she was wrong. He was not his father, no matter how much he looked like the man and it wasn't fair of her to make him out to be. She was sure he'd have left the restaurant by now, walked out on her for her accusations, he had every right to do so. But when Ginny returned to the table he was still there.
He looked dazed; as though he was so consumed by his own thoughts that world around him had ceased to exist. She reached across the table and touched his hand, just finger tips to finger tips. He started out of his thoughts and stared at their hands, his own trembling slightly.
"I'm sorry." It was whispered and she thought maybe she hadn't heard right. But looking in his eyes she felt she had heard correctly. A single tear slipped down her cheek again and she broke contact to wipe it away and smiled softly at him.
"I know, and I'm sorry too."
"But it doesn't change the fact that you're going to leave me does it?" He held her hand again, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. Ginny contemplated his words in silence, not sure how to respond to them.
"Do you want me to leave?" Her words were shaky, but she had dropped the façade already.
"No," he squeezed her hand and released it. "No but I can understand why you would want to." He sat holding onto his composure with a desperate expectation.
"You're not your father; I know that, Merlin knows I've told it to you and everyone else enough times. But it hasn't stopped me from expecting you to behave like him sometimes, and the sudden re-emergence of your social circle makes it harder. I'm wrong to assume you're like him when you're not and I'm sorry for that." She folded her hands into her lap, her head hung in shame.
Their meal had been served while she was in the powder room and neither one of them had touched the food. Ginny certainly had no appetite left, but picked up her utensils and began to eat. Even if she didn't eat it all, she had to pretend to enjoy it.
"Gin, don't eat it if you don't want to." His voice was soft, and so were his eyes as they drilled into her soul.
"Can we just go then? I don't really want to be here anymore." He nodded and placed a hundred note on the table. They left his hand on her back all the way out of the large restaurant.
*******************************
They had walked for a while, each in contemplative silence which was becoming the norm for them now. Some how they ended up in Kensington and Ginny consciously headed for the Albert memorial statue. Where they now sat, oblivious to the strange looks from curious muggles.
Ginny's head lay on Draco's chest, listening to his heart beat and feeling his each in-take of air. He had her wrapped protectively in his arms, his cheek pressed into her hair as he worshipped holding her in silence. He was unsure if he would ever be able to touch her like this again. He hadn't been this scared about losing her ever before, not even during the war. Sure, he had been eighteen and filled with unwarranted security that he would live to see the end of it all and just as sure that Ginny would make it out by his side. Not because either was untouched by war caused death, but because he simply willed it to be so - he was Draco Malfoy after all. But now that simple fact and the attitude which accompanied it were what could cost him everything.
That's what Ginny meant to him: everything. She was irreplaceable and he couldn't bear the thought that she would finally go running off to Harry bloody Potter after all these years. It was her choice now, he had done everything he could and now was left to wait.
Why he was being forced to wait in this cold park, surrounded by muggles looking at some statue of a muggle man he hadn't the foggiest. And the ostrich which for some reason accompanied the statue, was staring at him. Any minute now he bird was going to come to life and attack him – he could even charm it to do that! Then he and Ginny would have to leave the park … but it wasn't worth the trouble he'd get in for doing so.
Ginny herself had no idea what Draco was chuckling at, but she was pretty sure it had to do with the statue. Stupid git had never taken muggle studies, so of course he had no idea why they were there or what they were looking at.
Prince Albert, the man who held the heart of Queen Victoria all her life, towered before them – a memorial to a marriage, to a love. And right now, more than ever before Ginny needed to be reminded of marriage, love and commitment. She needed to ask herself what those words meant to her, as separate entities and when combined.
What had prompted her to marry Draco, to make such a firm commitment in the first place? Two years ago she would have said love. She had loved him with every inch – body and soul. What was not to love about the boy he had been? He had just turned his back on his father, his world, friends and pride, all of it just for her. Or so she had thought.
It hadn't really been for her, it had been for him in the long run, she was just a perk and maybe having someone to catch you made jumping that much easier. In any case, she had just been his consolation prize. Or that was what it felt like now. It hadn't always seem that way, not at the beginning – when did "in the beginning" end? When had her happy little world fallen apart?
Draco had worshipped her for years, all through his seventh year, before he made the final decision to go to Dumbledore. Ginny had seen a part of him that no one had ever looked for before. Snape had helped show her, it was true, but she a seen it all on her own. She had seen a boy with no real friends, a cold, demanding family who didn't see him as something to be cherished but as a liability. A boy who was fiercely jealous of Harry Potter because Harry got all the support and attention from staff and students alike and Draco needed that support just as badly. She also saw, or learned to see, that he didn't need or want pity; he wanted to be believed in. Even if it was just one person. Even if it was the youngest Weasel, someone was better than no one. So Ginny had set about to show him that she believed in him without a doubt.
He had been awful to start with, constantly challenging her to put up with his horrible behavior and snarky comments. She smiled inwardly at that – she'd never put up with it. She learned how to parent by teaching Draco to trust her, and the gods new it had been a trying task! He learned that she would always be there when he needed to talk, to be open and honest –all of which had been new concepts to the Slytherin. She refused to be his verbal punching bag and told him so in no uncertain terms, and if he tried she disengaged. She would walk away whenever he started in on all the bullshit about purity of blood and that he was better due to his father's financial capabilities. Draco didn't like to be ignored, or walked away from. He had far to much pride to admit to attention seeking, but slowly he stopped pushing her away.
Ever so slowly they built a bridge out of mutual trust and respect. Ginny had crossed it first, telling him about Tom and letting Draco make her feel things no one else could. He had crossed the bridge more slowly, but when he had, Ginny had never been more proud of Draco, of his strength and courage.
Now, Ginny wasn't so sure she knew him any better than she had when she entered Hogwarts. Her marriage was built on a lie, teenaged lust and political ambition.
Merlin, I am such a fool!
"I've played the fool for too long now Draco." Her voice was barely a whisper, but her body had gone cold and hard as a rock in his arms.
"I beg your pardon?" He was honestly shocked and had no idea what that statement meant. Ginny was the last person he would ever label a fool.
"I've quite literally played the fool for you, haven't I Malfoy? Happily oblivious as long as you loved me, but it's a lie and it has always been a lie. I don't want anymore lies Draco, I want the truth." Her voice held a familiar sort of bitter irony he couldn't place.
"If anyone played the fool, Malfoy, it was me." An underhanded dig, he knew, but he was tired of playing by her rules. "I never lied to you Ginny, there are some things I don't think it's prudent for you to be involved in, but that doesn't mean I lie to you."
"Ever heard of lying by omission?" She spat back.
"If I keep anything from you, it's because you didn't want to hear it!" His cool was starting to slip for the umpteenth time that week.
"What the hell does that mean? I didn't want to hear it?" Ginny had gotten out of his lap and now spun to glare at him. "So you have been lying to me, is that what you're saying?" Her face was contorted in ugly furry. Over the years Ginny had learned to control her Weasley temper, but it was apparently back in full force.
"No Ginny, you're the one who's been lying." That effectively shut her up.
"I beg your pardon?" Her calm demeanor returned, voice and expression echoing Draco's earlier expression. It would have been comical, and slightly disturbing to anyone watching had the situation not been so serious.
"You've been lying to yourself Ginny, not me. If you can't see that now, well then I can't help you. I love you Ginny, I have since … Merlin I don't know! Forever! That hasn't changed, and it will never change." He felt like this situation was slipping away again, like she was slipping out of his grasp.
"What is that supposed to mean Draco?" Ginny's eyes were closed. She was hoping against hope that not being able to see his eyes would block out the truth for her.
"Whatever you want it to Gin." The silence hung between them, expanding the space between them until Draco was sure nothing could bridge it.
"What if your love isn't enough anymore Draco?" Her eyes opened to him her soul. The torment of emotions that were vying for dominance within her eyes.
She will be the death of us both.
"Then go back to Potter, and tell the kids I'll be by to get them next Friday." He felt the ice returning to his soul, blackening his heart.
"That's it?" She looked stunned, worse than when he'd struck her.
I really have destroyed Ginny Weasley, and all that's left is Virginia Malfoy.
He felt guilt, and the bitterness that came with feeling guilty about Ginny.
"It's all I have left Ginny. You, the ministry and every other bloody thing I've involved myself in has taken any pride I ever had. There is precious little of me left to give you Ginny, from the beginning there wasn't much save for my love. I gave it freely, then as now, but there is nothing else." He felt pathetic, more so now than he had as a seventeen year old begging for Dumbledore's mercy.
"I saw so much more than love in you Draco, so much courage and strength." Ginny's world was crashing down around her; she could practically hear the shattering glass as the stone's pelted it.
"No courage love, nor any strength, those all came from you. Me I was just hoping for self preservation. I got that for a little while, and I got to have you for a moment in time, didn't I? All I wanted was to prove Lucius wrong, to show him I was the more cunning. I suppose I can die happy then, can't I?" Draco knew his voice was vacant, but he felt vacant. "And you thought you were the fool."
"I suppose I was wrong. And yes Draco, you did have me, for a little while." Ginny smiled sadly at him, but without pity, she knew better than to pity him. She slowly turned and walked away from the park, not daring to look back at either the statue or the man.
"I'll see you Friday then." If she heard, he didn't know.
Draco glanced at his watch, he had at least a weeks worth of work to catch up on. He glanced at the statue one more time before he left, wondering if maybe he was imagining the sad look it was giving him.
