Author: PSUbrat
Rating: PG-13 Some language and violence
Disclaimer and spoiler warning: All characters, except Geoffrey, Garrick and
Bronwyn, belong to Joss Whedon and whomever else he sells them to, I'm
just borrowing them for a while. This story is based upon the alternate universe
I created in Reset.
Update List:
Summary: Spike is presented with an offer he can't really refuse while
Giles reveals why he must remain in England…
Timeframe: Immediately following "Identities Revealed"
- 11 –
Questions Unanswered
Spike looked from one man to the other, an overwhelming sense of fright began creeping under his skin, making the hairs on his body prickle and rise. Surely they weren't thinking what he thought they were thinking. "Have you two fallen off your rocker?" He asked, quickly sitting up straight and pushing the chair away from the desk – as if putting enough distance between them and himself would somehow make their pointed looks and suggestive tone go away. "I'm not going to be some bloody wanker doing research in your hallowed halls. Go find some other idiot to be your patsy."
"It's becoming quite apparent that it's best I stay in England, wouldn't you agree, Garrick?" Giles asked as he walked over to his cousin, arms folded and sounding serious.
"Yes, I believe it would be for the best," Garrick agreed quickly.
"Right. And would you then say that a certain active Slayer in Sunnydale would need a new Watcher if I chose to stay here and become more involved in the Council?"
"Well, yes. That would be proper Council protocol…"
"Now wait just a minute!" Spike howled. "You know bloody well how she feels about you Council gits. There's no way in hell she would accept another Watcher. Not even if you hand picked one yourself."
"That's where I think you're wrong, Spike. I believe Buffy would accept another Watcher, one of my choosing."
"What, and you think Garrick here would be the perfect solution? She'd eat him up and spit him right back out. No offense, mate."
Garrick glared at Spike in response. "I'll have you know that I'd make an excellent Watcher!"
"Yeah, whatever, Percy," Spike replied with a roll of his eyes.
Giles, never taking his eyes off his cousin, continued. "Garrick is not who I have in mind." A look of understanding passed between the two men.
Quickly averting his eyes while clearing his throat, Garrick sat down in the chair again. God help them all, but he thought Rupert was on to something. Rupert was needed here in England, to help track down the rogue faction and to keep an eye on other members of the Council. This meant that someone would have to take over the position in Sunnydale. You just couldn't have a Slayer running around by herself in the world. It just wasn't…proper. Plus, there was the whole translating of prophecies bit that needed to be done, and it seemed as though only William the Bloody could properly do that for them. Was the world ending and he hadn't received the memo?
Spike's eyes narrowed. "Not Garrick? Who then?" Suddenly his stomach clenched. "No. No way. I'm not going back there. Ever. We've been through this and why."
"Spike," Giles began, putting a hand on the man's shoulder before he could get up and run out of the room. "I know this seems sudden…"
"Sudden? Sudden is being alive one minute and then being a vamp the next. This is downright warp speed, Rupert, and I'm not bloody having it!"
Giles sighed. This certainly wasn't one of his best plans, but he really needed to stay here and look after things. If he put in a request for permanent transfer now without someone in mind to replace him, then the Council would pick someone of their own and Buffy would be subjected to Council rules again. Until she quit. Again. And right now her quitting just wasn't an option. "Look, I'm against this as much as you, and frankly I don't trust you completely, at least not yet, but that being said, I trust you to take care of her. You've never once wavered in your concern for her." He held up a hand when he saw the look on Spike's face. "That's not who you are now, Spike. You know as well as I do that you would never do that to her again. You're not the monster anymore."
"But…" He couldn't complete the sentence or the thought. His legs were weak and his body began shaking. Closing his eyes, he whispered, "There's no way she'd accept me even if I agreed to this."
"That's quite possibly true," Giles agreed, nodding his head. "But chances are greater that she would accept you before she'd accept someone else."
"Can…Can I at least think about this?" He needed time. Time to assess whether or not he was capable of pulling this off. For the last three weeks of his new life he had resigned himself to the fact that he would never see Sunnydale, or Buffy, again and now suddenly this was being thrust upon him. It was all just too much.
Giles walked over to the other side of the room, turning his back to both Garrick and Spike, and placed his hand on the wall in front of him, resting his weight against it and hanging his head wearily. "Spike, I don't think we have the time for you to get over your inhibitions and fears. Too much is at stake. I need you to translate those prophecies. Not tomorrow, not now. I bloody well needed them done yesterday." He didn't know if he had the man's attention or not, or if he was even getting through to him, but he knew the next sentence would. True, it would be extremely low of him to bring her into this, but damn it, he needed Spike to understand. Slowly he turned around and faced the room. "Listen to me, Spike. If you choose to not do this, you could be placing many lives in a precarious position. I'm talking about Dawn, and most specifically, Buffy. If you turn your back now, because you're too much of a stupid arse to swallow your pride, then…then quite possibly you could cause their deaths."
"What?" Spike asked incredulously. "Are you joking? You mean to tell me that if I refuse to help, Buffy could die?"
"I'm not going to lie to you, but yes, inadvertently your refusal could put them in jeopardy."
"No pressure or anything," Garrick added with a smirk.
Spike glared at Giles' cousin, causing the man to shrink back against his chair. "All's I'm asking for is a few hours to think things through. I just need to get used to the idea." Days and weeks wouldn't be enough time to get used to the arrangement, but he at least deserved a few hours, didn't he?
"Fine," Giles replied, nodding his head. "You have until morning. In the meantime Garrick and I will come up with an plan of how to integrate you into the Academy."
"Right," Spike stated flatly, all the emotion draining from him in that one word. He needed to get out of here, get out in the sunlight and just…think. Quickly he stood up and made his way to the door. As he put his hand on the doorknob, Giles cleared his throat and Spike froze.
"There was something you wanted to discuss with me?" Giles asked gently.
Without turning around, Spike answered impassively, "It can wait." He opened the door and promptly walked to the register to retrieve his bag, not even noticing Oz who was assisting a customer with purchasing the correct ingredients for a protection spell of sorts.
"Hey," Oz greeted. "Was Giles cool with the loan?"
"What?" Spike asked distractedly. "Uh, didn't get to that part. I, uh, I'm going out for a while. Can't stay here." He grabbed his bag and ignored the puzzled look on the werewolf's face. Fresh air. That's what he needed…air, space and time to think. The shop was suddenly stifling.
"Wait, Spike!" Oz yelled as Spike disappeared out the door into the alley.
Giles came out of the office and placed a hand on Oz's shoulder. "Let him go," he stated softly. "He needs to do this on his own."
"Do what?" Oz quizzed the Watcher.
"Think," Giles replied. He gave Oz a fatherly clap on the shoulder. "Go on then, help Mrs. Stackhouse with her purchase. Spike will be all right."
Oz glanced at the door briefly before turning back to the register. He didn't know why, but he was concerned about Spike being out in the world in his current state of mind.
Once Spike was out on the main thoroughfare, he began to regret his hasty decision to run out of the shop. "Always allowing your emotions to make your decisions. Brilliant. Now what?" Good question. The street was full of hustle and bustle, so much so that for a moment, he almost turned around and went back to the sanctity of the Iron Cauldron. No, he couldn't go back. Not just yet. He had some thinking to do before he went back to either the shop or Giles' flat. Maybe he could find the answer he sought to the question if he went down to the park and listened to the calming sound of the water flowing by. Wait. Was he thinking about doing something that ponce, William, would have done? Holy hell. What was happening to him? Not Spike. Not William. Who the bloody hell was he? Second question of the day, probably not to be answered any time soon either. Damn.
Slowly he began walking south, towards the river. At least he was pretty sure he was heading towards the Thames. Guess all he had to do was keep that monstrosity they called the 'London Eye' in sight, and he'd be just fine. Too many thoughts were running through his mind, making it hard to think coherently. Who was he kidding? Whenever Buffy was involved, he could never think straight. He sighed and continued walking, shoving his hands deeper into his jeans pockets. The biggest question still remained: How could he possibly become Buffy's watcher after everything that had happened between them? There was no way she would accept him. None. In fact, if he were her, he'd murder himself on sight and then go give Giles a sound thrashing.
Reaching the park, he found an empty bench under the trees and sat down. There was a gentle breeze swaying the branches above him, causing him to be in both shadow and light with each new puff of air. Going to see the beast in the cave was supposed to have ended this not knowing what he was…or who he was thing. Now, he was just as confused as before, maybe even more so, and with Giles' question looming over him like a black cloud, all he wanted to do was hide, but there was no where to go. Sighing, he leaned back into the seat, closed his eyes and tried to focus on the sound of the water, however, the noise of traffic and pedestrians managed to drown out the rhythm of the Thames. It was just more racket to jumble with the thoughts in his head, making him more frustrated than he was before he had left the shop.
"Want to talk about it, vampire?" A familiar voice asked beside him.
Spike's eyes snapped open as he whipped his head to the side. "Zareb? Bloody hell man! If you're gonna keep popping up from nowhere, you could at least try to not scare the crap out of me!"
Zareb smiled in response, but said nothing.
"What are you doing in London? How'd you find me?"
"Are you sure we're in London?" Zareb asked with a grin.
"Well, yeah," Spike replied at first, but then trailed off when he saw they were no longer in London, hell, they were no longer in England. "Where the hell are we?" He asked incredulously.
"You do not recognize it?"
"Do now, but…was just sitting on a bench by the Thames…"
"Come, walk with me, vampire, we have much to discuss."
"Walk? Walk where? We're in the middle of the bleeding desert, mate, if ya haven't noticed." This day was quickly going from bad to worse. Now he was hallucinating. He looked around, shaking his head as Zareb began walking away from him. "Wait," he yelled, jogging to catch up with his friend. "Why is it you keep showing up whenever I'm having some sort of crisis?"
Zareb laughed. "Luck?"
Spike gave him a sideways glance. "I'm serious. Who are you?"
"I am Zareb, your friend who helped you after you received your gift."
"Yeah. Some gift," Spike snorted. "Besides that though, I mean, who are you really?"
"I am the first of many who have been and are yet to come."
Spike stopped walking beside his friend, frowning and slowly shaking his head again he asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Patience, vampire. There is much yet that you need to learn, and you will, in time."
"Here we go with that 'time' rot again. You have no idea how frustrating you are!" He should have stayed in bed this morning, but instead he got up, went to the shop with Giles and then was thrown into personal turmoil by being asked to become a Watcher. Not just any Watcher, mind you, Buffy's watcher. Sod it all.
"You are struggling with an important decision, yes? Whether to become her Watcher or to continue to search for your purpose."
Spike scowled. This bloke knew way too much about him for only knowing him such a short time. "Reading my mind, are you?"
"I know many things, some foretold."
Spike was becoming more frustrated by the minute. If Zareb didn't start explaining things soon, he wasn't going to be responsible for his actions. "Okay then, if you know so much, why don't you just tell me who I am and save me the trouble of banging my head against the wall?"
Zareb put his hands behind his back and continued walking, his head down, and deep in thought. "I told you that first day who you were. Do you not believe me?"
"Maybe I need to hear it again," Spike growled. "Cause I'm not exactly sure who I am and what I'm supposed to do."
"You are the prophesized one," Zareb stated, stopping to look at his friend. "The one who will save the world and help bring the end of darkness."
"That still doesn't tell me a bleeding thing!"
"It does, but you would rather hide from it. When you are ready, you will ask the right questions."
As Spike tried to stifle his anger, he caught something out of the corner of his eye. A cave. Now where had that come from?
Zareb laid a hand on Spike's arm. "You must ask yourself first if you are ready to enter."
Confused, Spike tilted his head slightly and regarded his friend. "What's that supposed to mean? It's not another one of those trial things, is it?"
Zareb shook his head slowly. "Watch. Listen. Learn."
Spike rolled his eyes, but then turned his attention back to the mouth of the cave, and waited. For what, he wasn't sure. Then suddenly, she appeared. Her. Buffy. She was dressed in a long white tunic, looking as beautiful as ever. His heart ached because he wanted to reach out to her, to hold her in his arms again, to beg her to forgive him. Instead he watched, transfixed upon her form, as she hesitantly looked around, taking in her surroundings.
"H-How? Why?" He gasped, his eyes never leaving her for a moment.
"A glimpse of the future," Zareb replied. "She cannot see or hear you because she is not really here. This is yet to come."
"Just who are you?" Spike snarked. "Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?"
Zareb just frowned in response, not understanding the reference.
Unexpectedly, they were transported inside the cave. Spike watched in awe as Buffy began fighting a creature he couldn't identify. As always, she was poetry in motion. He would never tire of watching her work. An overwhelming sense of pride welled up within him as he continued to observe her, but then the momentum of the fight changed and Buffy was struggling for her life. Panic and dread began to grip him. He tried to reach her, but Zareb held him back.
"Let go!" He howled. If he had still been a vamp, this is the time he would have flashed his yellow eyes and maybe some of his bumps in order to make his point.
"It is not real, vampire, but it will be, in time. Without a Watcher, it could happen sooner."
Spike spun towards his friend. "This is emotional blackmail! You're as bad as those Council wankers!"
"No, it is reality. Fact. This is an important decision, but one you must make alone."
"Then why show me this?" Spike asked, still shaking with outrage, his hands balled into fists at his side, ready to strike at any moment.
"To show you what might be, if you choose the wrong path."
Spike grabbed Zareb by his robe collars and shook him. "What do you mean, if I choose the wrong path?"
Zareb said nothing. He understood his friend was upset, but there was nothing that could be said or done to change what was to come.
"Damn it! Answer me!" Spike bellowed, shaking Zareb some more. The man continued to remain silent, so he let him go. "You are driving me insane! Do you know that?"
"Yes," Zareb responded with a smile.
"Bloody hell! I'm not any closer to making this decision than I was before I left the shop, but now I want to rip you limb from limb."
"Much progress has been made then," Zareb chuckled. After a few moments of silence, he began again, this time more seriously. "Vampire, do not be hasty with your decision. Your question has already been answered. You need to look inside for the strength that you seek." He paused again, placing his hands on each shoulder and looking Spike in the eyes. "Ask yourself this, can you live with yourself if something happens and you could have prevented it? It is a question that all potential Watchers must come to grasp before they take the next step. It is why we become those that watch over the Slayer."
"What do you mean, 'we'," Spike asked, eyebrows raised.
Zareb smiled brightly. "Have you not figured it out yet?"
Spike slowly shook his head in response.
Zareb laughed heartily and clapped Spike on the back. "Think about it."
With that, Zareb and the desert disappeared.
Spike's eyes snapped open again, or for the first time – he wasn't sure which – and he was still on the bench at the park. However, the sun was much lower in the sky now. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and tried to reorient himself to his surroundings. Had he fallen asleep and dreamed the whole thing? It felt too real to have been just a dream. What was going on with him? Prophetic dreams weren't something normal humans had, right? Maybe it was the brain operation. Of course! That must be it. That Doc guy must have caused some damage when he took out the chip. Wait, that didn't explain how he thought he had seen Zareb yesterday in the alley. This was all too much, too much noise and too many demands on him. He was getting a headache. Being a creature of the night had been a much simpler existence than this being a human thing. At least as a demon he only really had to worry about the Slayer, and sunlight. Both of which were easily avoided.
The Slayer. Everything always came back to her, in every way. He lost Dru because of her, he got that damned chip because of her, and he went and got all souled up and human because of her. There was really nothing in his life anymore that was done without her in mind somehow. Damn woman was going to be the death of him yet! He took a deep breath and exhaled audibly. Yeah, he knew what his decision was – what it had to be. Shaking his head, he grabbed his bag and stood up. It was time to go tell Giles exactly what he thought of his question.
