A/N : Hey guys! Well, here's the latest chapter, which I hope you all enjoy! Thanx to; SweetBitter, buffspike, SpIkEs AnGeL, fashiongrrl, courtney, charles, SouthernRain, Leanne8582, SlayGal, Summersfan, inconditus, spikesfirstluv. I love all your kind words - you guys rock! One point to clear up though, Buffy and Spike are both aware that they're not blood related, but Buffy feels that she should treat him like a brother because she see's Willow as her sister and they're not blood related siblings either. Hope that makes sense! Hope you enjoy this new chapter! Hope you review!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 16 : Get Over It -16th November 2003
I wanted a brother. It wasn't much to ask for, and in my head I already had one. William, who had gone to England at the age of almost five and was supposed to return some day and be all normal with books and glasses and brotherly affection. The reality was scary, in both it's good and bad forms. He wasn't William anymore, he was Spike. A gorgeous bad-ass, all cheekbones, leather, and dangerous accent, who didn't want me for a sister but for a conquest, or possibly a girlfriend, and I hated to even say it to myself but I wanted him too. I thought maybe it would be possible to make him be that brother he had always been inside my head. It took some arguing, (with myself and with him) but eventually I thought I got there...
Sunday should have meant that none of the young people at 1630 Revello Drive should have been up before noon. Problem was, sleep wasn't easy when your mind was filled by the person in the next room and thoughts of exactly what you'd like to be doing with them, especially when said person is supposed to be viewed as your sibling!
By eight thirty Buffy was up and dressed. She was still sharing a room with Willow so she'd got accustomed to dressing in the dark these last few days. Sleep hadn't come so easy on any night, since she now knew Spike was naked in the next room, it made relaxing a very complicated thing.
She was slightly surprised, as she made her way to the bathroom, to see her parents bedroom door still closed, it meant they were still sleeping which was unlike them even on a Sunday. Her Dad usually had a whole list of odd jobs he wanted to get done whilst he had the time and her Mom would be making breakfast and then lunch or helping out her husband.
When she came out from the bathroom, Buffy headed downstairs, not sure whether she wanted to find Spike there or not. She heard a shout from the kitchen which left no doubt in her mind that Spike was indeed in there, since Giles would never curse so colourfully.
As she entered the room she found him with his hand under the cold running water, his back to the door so he did not see her come in.
"You burn yourself?" she asked quietly, but he still jumped, not expecting anyone to be right behind him.
"Buffy..." her name was all he managed to say, not knowing where to begin after the events of the night before. She seemed to ignore the fact that he wanted to say anything as she walked over and took his hand out from under the faucet, inspecting the side of his thumb where the skin was red.
"I think you'll live" she told Spike as she pushed his hand back under the cool stream of water, "Just keep it under there for a little while longer"
She knew his eyes were boring into her, so she didn't look up, decided just to turn her back on him and fetch the orange juice from the refrigerator. He watched her pour some into a glass, knowing she probably didn't want it but that she'd use any excuse not to look at him.
"Look" he said eventually, pulling his hand from beneath the cold water as it started to go completely numb, "I think we should talk" he told the blonde who put the juice carton back where it came from, keeping her back to him always.
"About what?" she asked with a shrug.
"You know about what, Buffy" he said almost angrily as his hand went to her arm and pulled her around to face him "about last night" he told her a lot more calmly and softly "the kiss" he all but whispered as Buffy pulled her arm away and moved around the other side of the counter.
"It's okay" she mumbled "it's forgotten" knowing it was a complete lie, but just wanting all this to be over.
"But I don't want to forget it!" Spike practically yelled before remembering the rest of the house was asleep and it would be better if they remained that way at least until he and his 'sister' had figured all this out "Buffy, I like you" he said, his volume severely decreased as he walked around the counter "I like you a lot" he admitted as he advanced on her and she really had nowhere to go "I never expected to feel like this about you but..."
"Of course you didn't expect to feel like this!" she interrupted with an angry whisper, her own guilt powering her more than anything else "You shouldn't feel like this!" she told him waving her hands in wild gestures "You are my brother for God sakes" she said, slipping away from him and pacing the room "William Giles, Buffy Giles" she pointed to him and then herself "you seeing the connection yet?" she asked him with that look on her face that said 'duh!'
Spike couldn't help being so angry at her right then, as much as he cared for her, she was being a infuriating bint and before his brain even registered he opened his mouth and the words came tumbling out.
"Buffy, he is not your father. Your father is dead!"
He didn't see her hand coming, was only really aware she had slapped him because of the almighty sound it made when her fingers struck his cheek. He didn't blame her, what sort of thing was that to say to a girl, a girl he supposedly cared so much about.
"How can you talk to me like that?" she choked out, tears streaming down her face, yet despite the fact his words had hurt her she felt sick for hitting him that way.
"Oh luv, I'm sorry" Spike sighed, instantly forgiving her for her actions, his thoughtless words had made him deserving of that "I didn't think..." he said, taking a step toward her.
"No" she spat, backing up a step, and holding a hand up to stop his advance "it seems like you never do" she said with a shaky voice "I know Dad...Giles, is not my biological father, but I'm never going to know the man who was" she swallowed hard as she continued "I was raised by him as his own child, just like Willow was raised by Mom. We're a family William" she told him, daring a step toward him this time "we were before you got here and we still are now, with or without you" her voice was barely a whisper as she wiped her own tears away.
"Buffy..." was all Spike could say, feeling awful for what he'd said to her, even worse for making her cry, and worse than that because it seemed she regretted the kiss they'd shared, she loved him only as the brother he should be.
"I'd like it better if it were with you" she told him, a hint of a smile on her lips as she explained, remembering her fantasies about the perfect family which included William "I was told so often about my older brother and how wonderful he was. I'd like a chance to find out for myself just what a great person you are, I need you to be the brother I imagined you always would be" she said, daring to reach out and take hold of his hand in hers "Can you do that, for me?" she asked.
"I'd do anything for you, pet" he replied, hating the fact he felt nothing like brotherly affection for her, that he felt a whole different kind of love that she didn't want. She shocked him when she smiled and reached up to hug him. He hugged her back, holding on tightly for as long as he could, knowing he'd never get closer than this to her.
"Thankyou" she said sincerely as she pulled away, and again the uncomfortable feelings descended as they stood too close to each other. Buffy had hugged him like a sister, but the feelings she got were very much of the non-sisterly type as he'd wrapped his arms around her body.
"I'm sorry, for what I said" Spike told her honestly, he really did feel bad for that, although a part of him wished he'd have phrased it better so she would have understood, they were not brother and sister not really.
"I know" Buffy nodded, she believed him, as she turned and left the room. She wasn't sure where she was going when she got the other side of the door, but she knew she couldn't be around Spike right now.
It was pure hell, telling this guy that he was my brother and that I didn't want him to feel anything more than family type affection for me. It was all lies, and when I hugged him, a part of me wished he'd have taken advantage and kissed me again. If I'm honest I don't know if I would have been able to stop him a second time. Anyway, it was done now and I figured if we both tried really hard we could be brother and sister, nothing more and nothing less. I don't know if he thought the same thing, but if he did, that makes two of us who were so naive...
To Be Continued...
