A/N : Hey kiddies! Sorry if that sounds patronising, some of you are probably older than me! But it's my birthday today and I'm officially no longer a teen so I feel old, lol. Also I didn't get what I really wanted...Mum says the store was all out of Spike-bots! ;-) Anyway, onto the important stuff, I managed to finish the next chapter of this fic! Thanx to SweetBitter, Rachel, nightash, and SouthernRain for the reviews. Not much of this fic left to go but when it's finished there will be more Spuffy! Not that I know which of many ideas I will expand on yet but hey, thats what the poll on my site is for! (if you have no idea what I'm talking about - take a look at my profile page) Please remember that reviews are always gratefully received... ;-)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 22 : Awakening
It's been almost twenty-four hours since we arrived here at the hospital. We have taken turns to sit with Spike, though Mom and I have let Dad and Willow have the most time with him. Mom loves him, of course she does, but she knows she's not really related to him and she accepts it. It took me a long time, but now I understand too. The only way I want Spike in my life is as my boyfriend and my lover. I had a brother once, I don't have him anymore. I could cry for his loss, but he was just a figment of my imagination. Now I have the chance to be with the man I know I will be in love with forever, at least I will have that chance, when he wakes up...
"You okay sweetie?" Joyce asked her daughter as she returned from the payphone. She'd been calling the school to let them know why Willow and Buffy will be absent for a few days.
"I don't know" Buffy shook her head sadly, "I just can't believe all that's happened"
"He will wake up Buffy" her mother assured her, placing a hand on her shoulder as they both looked at Spike and Giles through the perspex screen. Willow had gone to the ladies room and for the first time mother and daughter were alone together.
"I love him, Mom" the young blonde said, turning to look at Joyce, "I've never felt anything like this before, and it hurts so much because I know he's hurting"
Joyce looked pained for her daughters sake as she pulled the girl into a hug.
"Love does hurt, sweetheart" she told her, "but it can also be a wonderful thing when you find the right person"
Buffy pulled away from her mother and wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks.
"You really do understand, don't you?" she checked, "About me and Spike, I mean"
"Well, it's not what we expected to happen" she admitted, "but if you love each other, Buffy, nothing is stronger than that. We only want you to be happy, you and Spike and Willow too"
With a watery smile Buffy hugged her mother again.
"I love you Mom" she said solemnly and Joyce found she was almost in tears herself as she answered in kind.
Willow then returned at the very same moment Giles emerged from his son's room. Joyce suggested that they all get something to eat as they hadn't had much since they'd arrived at the hospital a whole day ago. Buffy begged to be allowed to sit with Spike while everyone else ate and it didn't take much effort to get her family to agree. Everyone was far too tired and emotional to be bickering over who gets to sit by the bed of their comatose loved one next.
"Hey Spike" Buffy tried to smile as she came to sit beside his bed on a chair that had been well used these past hours, "It's me again, Buffy" she told him as she picked up his hand in hers, "Everyone else has gone to find food, but I wanted some more time with you...I keep going over everything in my head, how I used to imagine having a brother, the complete non-sisterly feelings I had when I met you, all that's happened between us...I've never felt like this about anyone, and I felt so dirty and wrong for wanting you the way I did, but I see you were right, and it's not wrong. There's nothing shameful about us being in love, and I am in love with you Spike, I wish I would have just admitted it sooner. Everyone knows now, well not everyone, but Mom and Dad and Willow. They understand it all, just like you did. I guess I was just being kinda stupid before, but it was so weird, and I never expected it to happen...I'm just rambling and repeating myself now, aren't I? And asking you questions is kinda pointless since I know you won't answer...The couple of times I've managed to fall asleep, I've dreamt about you. I know if you were awake you'd be being all big-headed and suggestive smirk right now, but they weren't those kind of dreams. We're just there together and you're holding me and the whole world is perfect, just because I'm in your arms, and I know it sounds silly, but it's what I'm hanging onto Spike. I need you to wake up and forgive me and love me the way only you can"
Throughout her whole little speech, Buffy had been getting closer and closer to tears and again the salt water flowed down her cheeks as she had no more words to say. She'd told him everything that mattered, now all she wanted was for him to answer her, and right now that was impossible.
* * * * *
Joyce had left Willow and Giles in the cafeteria and come back to fetch her purse that she'd left under the chair outside Spike's room. She was relieved to see it was still there, but less happy when she saw her little girl, crying into the sheets of the bed where Spike lay, still and quiet and unmoving as ever. It pained her to see her child so distraught. She knew all too well what it was like to lose the one you loved, but in some ways she'd had it easier. It was sudden, no agony of waiting and wondering, plus she'd had Giles to lean on. The doctors said Spike had a good chance of waking up very soon and probably without long-term damage to his brain, but there was that awful chance they might lose him, either physically or mentally, and Joyce hated to think of it. Giles and Willow would be devastated, but it would hit Buffy differently. She'd said she loved Riley, but this was different, this time she'd really fallen and Joyce had to push back a flood of tears as she made her way back to the cafeteria. The thought of her baby being in that much pain was almost too much to bear.
* * * * *
Constant crying will sap the energy from a person in no time at all, as Buffy had realised these past hours. Again she fell asleep with her head on Spike's arm, and again she dreamt of him as she told him she did. There they were, locked in each others embrace, so safe and protected from the world, Buffy knew it was the only place she would ever want to be. The feel of his arm around her back holding her close to his body, whilst his other hand stroked her hair and comforted her.
"Buffy?" she heard him softly say, and tried to move her head to see his face, but she couldn't.
"Buffy?" she heard again, as the hand behind her head dropped to her shoulder and jostled her slightly. As she tried to move her head again, her eyes flew open and she sat up fast. The dream had been broken like the one before, but no-one was in the room with her to be saying her name and shaking her, not unless...
"Spike!" she gasped as she realised his eyes were open and he was looking at her with a slightly puzzled expression, "Oh my God" she laughed and cried at the same time as she flung herself across his body and hugged him awkwardly.
"Nice to see you too, pet" he smiled slightly, "Now do you wanna tell me what the bloody hell is going on?"
"I love you Spike, and I'm so sorry" she began to ramble as she sat upright on the edge of his bed and started to explain, "I didn't mean to upset you and then this happened and I wanted to tell you and I couldn't and..."
"Hey, slow down" he begged her, blinking hard to try to bring her into focus and clear his head at the same time. It felt as if someone had smacked him round the head with a large heavy object, and several times too, "Now start again, would you luv" he asked her, "and tell a fella where he is and why?"
"You're in the hospital Spike" she said slowly as she could, "you were on a bus and the driver had a heart attack. It crashed and you hit your head and we were all so worried about you" she explained, still smiling despite the awful information she was imparting, she was just so pleased to have him awake.
"What was I doing on a bus?" he asked, looking so completely lost, "I don't remember" he admitted with a slight shake of his aching head, before Buffy had a chance to argue he continued, "The last thing I remember is being in bed...and you were there" he smiled and Buffy blushed a little. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again when he asked, "Did the book help?"
Her brow creased as she tried to figure out what he meant by that.
"What book?" she asked in complete confusion.
"The book you fetched last night, when I was in bed" he explained as if it were obvious, "Did it help you to sleep?"
Buffy's eyes spilled over with tears once again and she had to swallow hard before she could open her mouth and speak.
"That's the very last thing you remember?" she checked, hoping he was joking, or mistaken or something, anything! He had to remember what they meant to each other, what they'd done...
"Yes, luv, 'fraid so" he shrugged slightly, "Am I missing much?"
With a non-committal shake of her head, Buffy leapt up from the bed and made for the door, desperate to hold in the terrible sobs that wanted to escape her.
"I should fetch the doctor" she managed to choke out just before she left the room, the terrible agony of what she'd just experienced making her feel physically sick as she sunk to her knees in the corridor and cried like she'd never stop.
He's lost almost two weeks from his memory, two weeks that have probably been the most significant in my life! I thought it was terrible not knowing if he was going to wake up or if he might not forgive me when he did, but this is worse. Having him here and yet not, because he has no idea what has happened between us. As far as his mind is concerned, we haven't even kissed. A nasty part of my mind tells me that he is subconsciously so disgusted by what he has done with me that he's blocked it out, or maybe he doesn't have amnesia at all and he's just pretending to have forgotten because he regrets it all. Whatever the reason, all I know for sure is that I expected Spike's awakening to be one of the best moments of my life and it has turned into the worst...
To Be Continued...
