Disclaimer: I do not own these characters
Setting: Thursday, December 25, 2003
Chapter 5: Wounded Spirit
Lu sighed as she sat down at her desk after spending the past couple of hours in the ER. The clinic was empty, and she was glad that the ER had kept her busy for a good share of the morning. She glanced at her watch. 12:30pm.
Sitting alone in the quietness of her office, she leaned back in her chair and allowed her mind to wander. She thought of her son spending the holidays with his dad in Arizona. It was her first Christmas without him, but she was glad that he had had the opportunity to spend this time with his dad, a chance to get out of Philadelphia and see another part of the country.
Then her thoughts turned to Mickey...Miguel Arenis. She had known him in high school, and had gone out with him only once, to a movie.
Their lives had gone in separate directions when she had become pregnant at the age of 16 and had left school.
Then earlier this year, Mickey had arrived at the clinic with his mother, who was ill. Lu had diagnosed her with cancer.
She had been there for Mickey when his mother had died, and their friendship was renewed.
He had asked her out, and she had accepted. But at the last minute, she had cancelled. Memories of her rape from the previous year still haunted her, and she was afraid to let another man get close to her.
But Mickey had been persistent, promising that he would never force or pressure her to do anything she wasn't ready for. Finally, Lu had agreed to go out with him, with much encouragement from her friends at the RWHC
She and Mickey had immediately become inseparable, spending all of their free time together. In a very short time they had grown to love each other. The love she had felt for him was unlike any she had ever known.
As a firefighter, Mickey sacrificed his own safety every day for the safety of others. They had no way of knowing that when they entered her apartment on the evening of June 15, Mickey would make the greatest sacrifice of all. Even after 6 months, the events of that night still haunted her.
She and Mickey had entered her apartment, only to be met by Aneisha, one of her patients. Aneisha hadn't said a word, but slowly raised her arm. To Lu's horror, the unstable young woman held a gun in her hand.
Even now, what happened next was a blur in her mind.
As Aneisha pulled the trigger, Mickey had wrapped his arms around Lu and had quickly turned her away, putting himself in the direct line of fire. Seconds later, a deafening shot was heard and Mickey had falled to the floor.
That night he had sacrificed his own life to save hers. He had purposely put himself in front of the bullet that had clearly been meant for her.
"It should have been me." Lu whispered softly to herself. She opened her desk drawer and took out the small gift and card that she had received the day before.
After a few moments, she slowly opened the envelope. As she read the words that Mickey had written, tears began streaming down her cheeks.
With a trembling hand, she began to unwrap the gift, soon revealing a small jewelry box. She gently rubbed the top of the box, almost afraid to open it.
Finally, she slowly opened the box, catching her breath at the sight of the white gold ring with a single diamond. As she gently ran her finger over the small stone, she could almost see Mickey picking out this beautiful, yet simple ring, for he had been a man who had enjoyed the simple things in life rather than things that were fancy or elaborate.
Tears burned her eyes and streamed down her cheeks at the sudden realization of what this ring meant. Mickey had planned on asking her to marry him. He had bought this ring several months before his untimely death, and had given it to his best friend for safe keeping.
Lost in her own thoughts, Lu didn't hear Nick come into her office until he spoke.
"Hey Lu. I'm going to grab something to eat in the cafeteria. I thought maybe you'd like to join me."
"Uh...thanks, Nick. But I can't. I have to much to do around here." Lu said softly, keeping her back towards him so he wouldn't see her crying. Nick turned and glanced around the waiting area.
"But Lu, there is noone here. You..."
"Nick, I said no." Lu said firmly. "Now I am sure you have more important things to do than to stand around my office. Enjoy your lunch."
"But Lu..." Nick tried again, but Lu interrupted.
"Nick, I can't. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure, Lu. I'll see you later." After he had gone, Lu closed the small box and held it tightly in her hand, then placed her hand over her heart.
In the six months since Mickey's death, Lu had not allowed herself to grieve. She had returned to work the day after the shooting, spending as much time with him as she could, until the time had come for him to be taken off life support.
Arriving in the Rittenhouse ER that night, she had known that there was very little hope that he would live. Even when Nick had announced that there was no brain activity, she still insisted that they do what they could to keep him alive. When Nick tried to tell her that it was no use, she had herself inserted the breathing tube, knowing that she had to do whatever she could to try to save the young man's life.
After his death, she had refused to talk about the man who had meant so much to her, the man she had loved. She had refused to talk about the guilt that she felt, blaming herself for his murder. After all, it had been her patient that had pulled the trigger on the gun that night. She knew that her patient had meant to kill her.
While at work, she managed to always keep herself busy, avoiding any conversation that included Mickey. Soon, her friends and co-workers also kept Mickey out of their conversations.
But at home, it was different. Although she would not allow herself to cry or grieve for him, she thought about him constantly.
Sometimes her thoughts of him consisted only of the happy times they had shared. Other times her thoughts consisted of the love they had shared.
But mostly, her thoughts consisted of that awful night in her apartment, the night he had been shot...the ride to the hospital...the ER...her clothes and hands covered with blood, Mickey's blood, as she fought to save his life.
She had spent many hours sitting beside his hospital bed, until Dr. Jackson had come in and announced that the time had come for her to let him go, that it was time for them to remove this hero's heart and transplant it into a young woman.
Lu had gone into surgery with the team, and had insisted that she herself turn off the machine that had been keeping him alive. And there, she had said good-bye to him one last time.
As the memories of that night came flooding back to her, Lu buried her head in her hands and wept....long, hard sobs. She had 6 long months of tears bottled up inside her. And now, she couldn't control her tears. She couldn't suppress her grief any longer. Mickey was dead, and it was all because of her. If it hadn't been for her, he would still be alive.
Lu sat there for what seemed like hours, her entire body shaking with sobs.
For 6 months she had bottled up her emotions, bottled up the guilt, and had not allowed herself to grieve for the man she loved.
Finally, her tears spent, Lu felt completely drained. She looked around, realizing how much time had passed. The clinic was empty, and suddenly she couldn't sit there another minute.
Grabbing her jacket and purse Lu headed for the door, not bothering to wipe the tears from her face.
Once outside Lu stopped, looking around, frantically searching her mind for a place to go, someplace where she could attempt to find peace.
Lu hurried to her car, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down before getting behind the wheel.
She pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of home. Driving towards her apartment, her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. Then she realized that she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be alone in the apartment where Mickey had been murdered. She blinked her eyes, trying to stop the fresh flow of tears that threatened to spill down her already tear stained cheeks.
Instead of heading towards home, she found herself driving towards the outskirts of town, towards the country. She quickly realized that she was heading towards Kanyon Bridge Drive, where Dana was renting a condo.
Half hour later, she pulled into the driveway of the condo, immediately recognizing Dana's car. She took a deep breath, trying once again to calm herself.
Slowly, she walked up the stairs to the door, pausing briefly before ringing the doorbell. Should she have just dropped in on Dana like this? Sure, Dana had invited her, but she had told her no. Finally, she rang the bell and waited nervously for her former partner to open the door.
While standing on the porch, she could hear happy laughter coming from inside. She almost wanted to turn away and run. But she could hear footsteps coming towards the door, and seconds later a smiling Dana opened the door. Seeing Lu, her smiled quickly turned to a look of concern. She was taken aback by Lu's appearance.
Her eyes were red and puffy, obviously from crying. Strands of her long hair stuck to her tear stained cheeks, while fresh tears glistened in her eyes.
"My god, Lu." Dana said softly. "What's wrong?"
"I'm...I'm sorry, Dana." Lu said, once again fighting back the tears. "But I...I didn't know...I didn't know where else to go."
"It's okay, Lu." Dana answered. "Come on in." Dana stood back to let her in. Lu hesitated for a moment, then followed her inside.
"He's....he's gone, Dana. He's really gone." Lu said softly as tears began streaming down her cheeks.
