AN: Thank you again for all of your feedback. In case some of you missed it, I updated two chapters in two days (shocking, I know!) so make sure you've read both of those so you won't be asking yourself 'what the hell is going on?' lol.
If you need a refresher on Chandler's 'lost time', it all occurs in chapters 12-17.
The Age of Aquarius
Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Light in the Dark
Summer, 1971
He sat in the far corner of the room, a gentle sigh escaping him. Gazing out the window, he watched the warm summer breeze pick up scattered leaves and litter, and carry it down the nearly deserted street below.
It was hot; almost unbearably so. The residents of New York had abandoned the overheated streets for the relief of air conditioned offices and houses.
The small community center was not air conditioned, but was instead cooled by a series of ceiling fans, lined up in a neat row across the top of the stark, dingy white room.
Chandler was vaguely aware of the rhythmic whoosh-whooshing of these fans, but seemed completely unaware of the fact that he was not alone in the room.
The memories of what had happened to him in those missing months had come back to him in a tidal wave of flashbacks and disjointed emotions. Everything, from the villagers who had saved him from near-death, to the attack on the American soldiers...it was all there, in vivid, haunting detail.
And now that he knew, he'd give everything to go back to the sanctuary of ignorance.
"Chandler, would you like to join the group today?" a serene voice drifted into his consciousness.
Chandler blinked, and looked up at Theresa, who was, as always, smiling warmly. Her large brown eyes looked down at him with kind neutrality, indicating to Chandler that he was under no pressure to participate in the weekly group sessions.
The group sessions were a way for war veterans to meet and share stories...it was a type of therapy, showing the men that they were not alone in their struggle to find themselves. Chandler rarely participated in the sessions, but listened intently to the stories being told. Subconsciously, he was waiting to hear a story similar to his own...deep down, he needed that validation-to know that there was someone else out there, struggling with his demons.
But who in their right mind would kill a child?
Nodding slowly, Chandler stood and followed Theresa across the room and toward the small circle of men. Chandler recognized a few men immediately: Kevin Harding, a soldier who had spent several months in a Vietnamese prison; Bobby Shaw, a man who killed his commanding officer for raping a local Vietnamese woman during a routine mission; and Charlie Cummings, who so far, had told the group very little, but was wildly opposed to the war. Chandler scanned the group slowly, and took in the new faces. His eyes fell onto a man in a wheelchair, who looked eerily familiar. The man had his head bowed, but Chandler was sure that he was...
"Okay, gentlemen, let's get started. We have a few new men here today, so why don't we start with introductions-Bobby?" Theresa looked at Bobby with the same easy smile that made all of them about as comfortable as they were going to get in this room. Bobby nodded and returned Theresa's smile.
"I'm Bobby Shaw, from Brooklyn."
"I'm Charlie Cummings, from Long Island."
"I'm Kevin Harding."
"Chandler Bing."
Immediately, Chandler felt a set of eyes on him. He turned his head, to find Joey staring at him, his eyes filled with shock and...hate?
"Thank you gentlemen. Why don't we have our new guests introduce themselves?"
.
Joey tore his eyes from Chandler, and looked at the therapist, unsure what the woman had said. What were the odds that the hospital would put him here in this session, with him? He shook his head, and looked at the therapist, who was now looking at him sharply.
"Mr. Tribbiani, would you care to introduce yourself, and tell us why you are here?"
Joey cleared his throat, then looked down at his hands.
"My name is Joseph Tribbiani, and.uh, I guess I'm here because my shrink said it would be a good idea."
"Why do you think that, Joseph?"
"Y-you can call me Joey...everyone calls me Joey."
"Alright...Joey. Why are you here today?"
"I guess because...I tried to kill myself a couple months ago."
*
Two Months Earlier
"Monica?"
"Over here," Monica stood, as Rachel walked frantically into the room.
"Is he okay? What happened?"
"I-I'm not sure. Jake was actually the one who found him," Monica said grimly, as she looked back at her sleeping three-year old sadly.
"Oh, Mon," Rachel sighed, "Is Jake okay?"
"Yeah, he just thought Joey was sleeping, I think," Monica said, tears filling her eyes, "I-is Ross coming?"
"Later, probably. Jonathan was sleeping. I need to see Joey, Mon-you haven't heard anything?"
"Not since they brought him in-but Rach...he was...upset, you know? I mean, I don't think..."
"Mon, I have to make this right. I love him...and I know that all of this stuff with Ross took longer than expected, but I...I guess I just hoped that he would understand."
*
He was drifting, in total darkness. He felt like he was floating on water, yet there was total silence. For just a moment, there was total and complete bliss, and he wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up into it, and let it consume him completely.
Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it vanished, and he found himself being pulled upward. He closed his eyes, and felt the wind whipping through his hair as he was pushed and pulled up and up, the darkness falling away from him, and the light, once only a tiny star in the distance, now engulfing him.
His mind picked up a distant beeping, and a rhythmic hushing. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and saw that he was neither surrounded by darkness, nor light.
He was in a bed...in a hospital.
He tried to sit up, but his head was heavy, and his body felt incredibly weak. He groaned softly, as he lay back on the bed heavily.
Suddenly, and angel appeared.
He heard her gasp softly, and suddenly, she was standing over him, her eyes filled with tears and a smile lining her beautiful face.
"Joey," she said, her voice like a song. He struggled to speak, but no words came out. He moved his hand to his face, only to discover that a large plastic device covering his mouth.
The respirator hushed, and Joey looked up at his angel.
"I'll be right back," she whispered, and suddenly, she was gone.
He closed his eyes, his mind in a haze. In the state between consciousness and dreams, one name danced through his mind.
Rachel.
*
Theresa smiled warmly, and quietly thanked Joey for sharing His Story. She looked over at Chandler, and noted that he had a strange look on his face. The daggers Joey had shot Chandler earlier in the session had not gone unnoticed by Theresa, and she was eager to find out what kind of history the two men shared. As the session wound to a close, she asked both Joey and Chandler to stay behind.
"It seems quite clear to me that you two know each other," Theresa stated matter-of-factly. Both Joey and Chandler shot her surprised looks, but refused to look at one another.
"I'd like to see the two of you tomorrow, if you have time," Theresa continued.
Joey shrugged nonchalantly, and Chandler, simply nodded.
"I have to go," Joey said softly, after a long silence had passed.
"Joey, I-" Chandler started, but stopped when Joey looked up at him angrily.
"I said I have to go," he snapped, and wheeled toward the door.
Chandler sat back, dumbfounded. After all that had happened between them, Chandler could not figure out why Joey wanted nothing to do with him.
Suddenly, it hit him-Joey must have found out about what he'd done.
He looked toward the doorway, but Joey was already out of sight.
"Chandler, are you okay?" Theresa asked, noting the panicked look on his face.
Chandler looked at Theresa, and nodded silently, his eyes revealing that he was anything but.
He looked at the doorway again, and this time, was surprised to see a familiar figure standing there, looking back at him.
He stood, and made his way toward the door, his heart racing. What do you say to someone you haven't seen in so long? Biting his lip, he stopped just short of reaching the doorway, his nerves getting the better of him.
Then he watched, as she closed the gap between them, her own smile revealing her nervousness.
"Hi Chandler," she said softly, and he relaxed slightly.
"Claire, it's...great to see you," Chandler smiled.
"How...have you been?"
"Horrible," Chandler shrugged, and Claire laughed slightly.
"Do you wanna go for a walk? Talk about it?"
Chandler nodded, and followed Claire out of the room and out of the Center.
"Ugh, it's still so hot out," Chandler sighed, as they hit a wall of heat on their way out.
"Yeah, it's disgusting," Claire replied. They walked down the street in silence for a moment.
"My mom said you called...is everything okay?"
"Yeah...well, I mean...I guess I called when I started really remembering everything," Chandler sighed.
"You remember everything?" Claire asked, surprised, and Chandler nodded.
"It's bad, isn't it?"
"Really bad," Chandler said quietly, as they made their way toward Central Park.
"What happened?"
"I...I can't really tell you...not yet," Chandler sighed. Another long silence followed.
"I saw Joey today."
"Your friend Joey? He's alive?"
"Yeah, and he's...he's angry with me, for something," Chandler explained sadly.
"Why?"
"I don't know," Chandler shrugged, "but I think he may have found out what I did...in Vietnam," Chandler shuddered slightly, and Claire stopped him as they passed a bench on the edge of the Park. They sat down, and Claire turned to face Chandler.
"Chandler, I know that...things have been weird over the last several months...but I am still your friend, and I want to help you."
Chandler nodded, and looked at Claire, and she was surprised to see the strange emptiness in his eyes. Gone was the man that she had met when he had returned home all those months ago. The man before her seemed vacant and emotionless-depressed, but not aware of it. She struggled to see past the façade, into the heart of the man that she knew still existed, but the wall he'd built up in the weeks before they had split was thicker than ever.
"I killed a child."
He said it so matter-of-factly, and so flatly, that at first, she was certain he was setting her up for a joke. But she looked up at him, and saw that he was frowning.
"Chandler-"
"He was strapped to a bomb, and he was trying to blow up the village. So I shot him."
"You did the right thing...protecting the village-"
"He was a child," Chandler whispered, and looked past Claire, into nothing, "And I think maybe Joey knows. Why else would he hate me so much?"
Claire sat in front of him, speechless. She now understood why he was so empty, so...sad. She wanted nothing more than to hold him, and love him, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But as she looked up at him, she realized that that was not what he wanted, not what he needed.
At least, not from her.
Several weeks after Chandler had left, Carolyn had inadvertently confessed to Claire that Monica had come looking for him. Claire had been furious, but had no way to contact Chandler, until he had called, a few days earlier. Claire debated over whether to tell Chandler what she knew, but now, sitting here with him in this state, she wondered if telling him would do him more harm than good.
He sighed heavily, and, still at a loss over what to do next, Claire took Chandler's hand in his, and waited for a sign.
*
"Joey? Are you home?" Rachel walked into Joey's apartment slowly.
"Yeah," a defeated sigh came from Joey's bedroom.
Rachel walked into Joey's room, to find him lying on his bed, a thin throw wrapped around him.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked, as she sat down on the bed, and combed her fingers through his hair.
"I was...thinking about The Incident," Joey said flatly.
"Oh," Rachel nodded, knowing immediately that Joey was referring to his suicide attempt, "Why were you thinking about that?"
"They made me talk about it, in the session today," Joey sighed.
"Oh, today was your first group session...how was it?"
"Okay...I have to go back tomorrow," Joey said.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, that's okay," Joey sighed, "How's Ross?"
"He's okay. He asked me if I'd watch Jonathan tomorrow, and I told him I wanted to spend time with you...but if you have another session, maybe I will...if that's okay," Rachel smiled.
"Of course it is," Joey smiled, and kissed Rachel softly, "I know how much you miss that little guy."
"Yeah...he is a cutie," Rachel said distantly.
"Do you ever regret...you know...ending things with Ross?" Joey asked quietly.
Rachel looked down at Joey, and for a split second, he saw his angel, sitting over him again.
"I wish it hadn't happened the way it had...I know that Ross is hurting...but I don't regret being with you, Joey," Rachel whispered, as she lay down next to him slowly.
*
Seven Weeks Earlier
Ross looked up as Rachel raced into the waiting room, a large smile lighting up her face.
"He's awake!" she cried, and pulled Monica into a hug.
"Is he okay?" Monica asked, and Rachel nodded.
"They're just checking him out now," she replied happily.
Ross looked down at his hands, sighed. He had to tell her...it was now or never.
"Hey, Rach? Now that, um, everything is okay...can we talk?"
Rachel looked over at Ross and nodded. She sat down in the seat next to him, and watched as he cleared his throat and fidgeted nervously for several minutes.
"Ross, what is it?" Rachel asked impatiently.
"I...just wanted to tell you that everything is finalized with Jonathan...so if you still wanted to get that annulment..."
"It's done?" Rachel said excitedly, "Oh Ross, that's so great! When did you find out?"
"Um...this morning. So, I guess I'll get those annulment papers together, then?" Ross looked up at Rachel, his eyes filled with hope.
"Oh, that would be great...thanks so much Ross!" Rachel kissed Ross on the cheek and bounced off the chair and out of the waiting room.
Ross watched her go, his eyes filled with longing and shock.
She didn't want him-she'd made that abundantly clear.
Sighing heavily, he fought back tears, and shuffled out of the waiting room.
