Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

Setting: Thursday, January 1, 2004


Chapter 8: Moving On


Lu tightly gripped the steering wheel of her 1977 Pacer as she turned onto the road leading to the Evergreen Meadows Cemetery.

She stopped when she found the familiar grave, the grave she hadn't been able to visit in 6 months, since the day Mickey had been laid to rest there.

It had been a week ago when Dana had suggested she make this trip to the cemetery as a way to begin the healing process.

At first, Lu had resisted, saying that she didn't see any sense in talking to someone that couldn't hear her anyway. But after thinking about it for the past several days, she had come to realize that maybe Dana was right. She had finally decided that even if it didn't help, it sure couldn't hurt.

But now as she parked the car and walked over to the grave, she wasn't sure. Would it help her let go of the pain and guilt? Or would it only remind her of that tragic night?

Lu knelt down in the snow as she gently fingered the name engraved on the stone: Miguel Arenis.

"Oh god, Mickey. This shouldn't have happened to you. It should have been me. She meant that bullet for me. But you...you moved me out of the way. You...you saved my life. Ever since that night I've been blaming myself. I mean, she was my patient. She wanted to kill me. You shouldn't have had to die, Mickey." As Lu spoke, she gently touched the diamond ring, which she now wore on a chain around her neck.

"I miss you, Mickey. And it hurts so much. Some days are just so unbearable. It's been six months, and it isn't getting any easier to accept what happened that night. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I relive that night. If it weren't for me you would still be here."

"But then you wouldn't be here," said a voice behind her. Lu stood up and turned around, surprised to find her son standing there.

"What are you doing here?" she asked softly. Marc walked over to his mother, realizing quickly how difficult it must be for her to be here alone.

"Dad was driving me home. I saw your car and asked him to drop me off. I hope it's okay." Lu nodded as she put her arms around her son, hugging him tightly.

"Of course it's okay. I'm glad you're here. I missed you." Marc glanced quickly at Mickey's headstone, then turned to face his mother.

"Mom, I know that you feel guilty about what happened to Mickey. I know that you've been hurting. I could see it, but I didn't know how to help you. It was like you were shutting everyone else out, like you had built a wall up around yourself." Lu nodded. She knew her son was right.

"It's just been hard." She said softly. "I loved him very much."

"He loved you too, Mom. Can I tell you something? I've been wanting to tell you this for awhile, but I couldn't because you wouldn't let anyone talk about Mickey."

"What?" Lu questioned.

"A few months before he died, Mickey came over one night while you were at work. He asked if we could go out for pizza because he wanted to talk to me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lu asked.

"Because he asked me not to. Mom, that afternoon Mickey said that he wanted to marry you, and he asked me if it would be okay." Lu couldn't help but smile.

"Mom, he told me something else that day too." Marc continued. "He said that he loved you very much, and would do anything for you. He said that he would never do anything to hurt you and he wouldn't ever let anyone else hurt you either."

"He...he said that?" Marc nodded.

"Yeah, he did. Mom, I don't think Mickey would want you to feel guilty about what happened. He did what he did to protect you. He knew you were in danger."

"I can't help the way I feel, Marc." Lu said, her voice trembling. "An innocent man died. He didn't deserve to die like that."

"And neither did you. Noone did. Mom, there is noone to blame except the lady who was holding the gun. She had serious problems. You tried to help her, but she wouldn't let you. You did your best." Once again, Lu knew her son was right. She had done all she could for Aneishia. It hadn't been her fault that the woman had been released from the psych ward that day. They had released her without even consulting Lu. And that night, it had happened. The night that was forever etched in her mind.

"I wish I could get rid of the guilt and the pain, Marc. But I can't. I can't just forget what happened. I can't forget that it happened because of me." Marc put his hand on his mother's shoulder.

"Mom, I don't think Mickey would want you to blame yourself. I think he would want you to let go of the guilt and move on with your life. Moving on doesn't mean that you will forget him or stop loving him. He will always be a special person in our lives." Lu stared at her son for a moment, wondering when he had gone from her little boy to this mature young man. She took a deep breath.

"You're right, Marc. He wouldn't want me to blame myself. And he would want me to move on. It's been six months, and time to let go. I guess I just needed someone to help me see it. And I guess refusing to talk about it only made the pain worse." Marc nodded. Lu bit her lip as she once again knelt down in the snow, facing Mickey's grave. She took a deep breath, then spoke softly while her son watched in silence.

"Oh Mickey. These past six months have been so very hard. I miss you so much. But Marc and Dana helped me to realize that it's time to move on now. But moving on doesn't mean that I will stop loving you. I will always love you. You will always be with me. In my thoughts and in my heart. Bye, Mickey." Lu stood and walked over to her son, who immediately put his arms around her.

When Lu and Marc reached the car, Lu turned around for one last look at Mickey's grave. She sighed. Today was the first day of a new year....a day for new beginnings. And for her, it meant letting go of the past and moving on with her future. She knew now that with the help of her son and her friends, she would be okay.

"Come on, Kid. Let's go home." She said to her son.