Disclaimer - I own everything its all mine, mine I tell you - anyway, actually I own nothing except the story.

Sorry about the delay but the complete chapter two is now up

Big - G

Chapter Four

Actually the day started out pretty good. Some of the days since the spell did. Little did I know I was being lulled into a false sense of security. Normally, I don't get out of bed if I even sense a day like this coming. I never trust the good days anymore, ever. But this one slipped in under my radar. It started out okay, and I figured it would stay that way. Because of Buffy or, to be more precise, because of no Buffy. I didn't have to see her today, so I felt pretty good. Which has to be the single most horrifying thought that's ever gone through my head, but it just hurts so damn much when I see her. We're not together and all of this has happened because of some bastard with too much time on his hands, and a grudge against the slayer. Anyway like I was saying it started out pretty good Willow and Tara turned up and as it was a Saturday we decide to stay into the flat and we just sat and watched old star trek re-runs. After watching television for a couple of hours Willow looked at me "So Xand, how you feeling?" I looked at Willow and said, "I am feeling better. Some days I feel almost back to normal and other days I just want to hide in my apartment and not come out again. Some times I can go for hours without thinking about her, but as soon as I think about her my mind shuts down and I'm no use to anyone." Willow was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. Tara got up and opened the door and then stepped aside and standing in the doorway was Buffy. She was standing there with a strange expression on her face and a haunted look in her eyes. And I noticed that the necklace was mostly a dark blue, almost black colour, but at the same time the edges and the centre were a clear light blue. She looked at me and asked me if she could come in I just nodded my head and she entered the apartment and at down next to Willow. She was carrying what looked to be like a book, she just looked at me for a moment the she, said read the pages I have marked and tell me what they mean. As I took the book from her I noticed that it wasn't a book but a diary. I raised my head and looked at Willow and Tara whose faces had gone white and I slowly opened the diary and began to read it to my self.

As I finished reading the diary, Buffy looked at me "I need to know if what I read in that diary is true." I looked into her eyes, and as usual I was unable to speak. So I reached in to my pocket handed her the letter Willow had given me and walked into my bedroom, before I left the room I looked at her "When you have read that, I'll be in my room, if you want to talk."

As I went into my room I heard Buffy taking the letter out of the envelope and as the door closed behind me I heard her start to read the letter. I was sitting on the edge of my bed wondering what was going to happen next when Willow came through the door and looked at me "Buffy wants to see you." I looked at her "How is she?" Willow just looked at me "The letter seems to have unblocked another piece of her memory." I looked at Willow "Well, what colour is the necklace now?" She looked at me and smiled "It is mostly light blue but there is still a bit of dark blue left." After she said this she told me she wanted to talk to me. So I stood up and started towards the door as I reached the door I suddenly froze and all those little doubts and fears came back to the surface. As I was considering turning around and heading towards the window and the fire escape the gruff voice started shouted again, "You do that boy and your gonna fuck up any chance of happiness you have with Buffy." I bowed my head, and spoke to that part of me hidden away " I don't think I can go out there and be rejected I don't think I could handle that." "Look son the only thing in life you can be sure of is dying, so the way I see it you have three choices. One you can go to the fire escape and leave behind any chance for happiness you have, and I will personally remind you of this fact during your daily ass kicking sessions, administered by me." "Not liking the choices so much, so far," I said to the voice. "Choice two you can hide in here and wait until she either leaves or comes looking for you and that isn't gonna do much for your chances either." "Again with the not liking the choices." I felt more than heard the amusement (and yes I do realise I am in essence talking to myself but it helps.) in the voice and the he said "Choice three you can suck it up and go out there and face what ever comes your way, now CHOOSE." I stood they're for a couple of seconds and then I looked over at a worried, and now frankly puzzled looking Willow and smiled slowly. Then I walked through the door.

As I walked through the door through the door I looked at Buffy who was sitting on the couch watching me. As I got nearer to her I noticed the centre and outer edges of the jewel in the necklace were light blue, and the rest of the dark blue was gradually getting lighter. As I sat done on the couch Tara looked at me smiled and walked into my bedroom to sit with Willow. After they left there was a long uncomfortable silence that she didn't seem to want to break so I just looked at her "Buffy, Willow said you wanted to talk to me?" She looked up took a deep breath. "For the past three weeks I have been remembering many things, that I have seen myself doing but I had no memory of having done any of them. When I spoke to Giles he said it was my natural healing abilities that made my memory come back faster." She paused and looked down at her hands clenched tightly in her lap "I have also been remembering feelings that I had in the past. I decided to look in my diary and after searching for it for a couple of days I found it under my bed in an old tin." As she said this she looked at the diary and then the letter and finally she looked at me. I was to scared to say anything and she must have noticed because she smiled and said "Don't worry, while I don't have all my memories back yet, I do have enough of them to realise that my feelings for you are a lot more than just friendship." As she said this I felt a broad grin of relief cross my face and I watched as an answering grin appear on her face and just seeing that grin made me realise how much I really loved her. She looked at me and asked me what I was thinking about. I didn't feel a reply was necessary as I felt it was pretty obvious who I was thinking off, so I just nodded my head towards her and I was rewarded by watching a blush and a smile fight for control of her face. Finally the smile won and I let myself fall in to her smile. She looked at me and I decided to let everything out. So I looked in to her eyes and let every bit of love that I had for her show in my eyes. She looked shocked and was about to say something when she suddenly stopped and sat back with a scared expression on her face. As I asked her what was wrong the jewel in the necklace completely turned light blue and the clasp on the back opened and it fell to the floor. I looked at Buffy sitting on the chair and shaking and shouted for Willow and Tara to come through quickly.

As I sat on the couch, I felt completely useless, not knowing what to do and shouting for Willow and Tara. They came running through the door. Tara asked me what happened but Willow just looked at the necklace on the floor and said, " The blocks in her memory have been removed." With out looking at me and Tara, Willow walked up to Buffy said a string of words in Latin, made an obscure gesture with her left hand and touched Buffy on the forehead. As soon as she touched her head Buffy stopped shaking and appeared to be sleeping. I looked at Tara and she told me that Willow had just put Buffy in a kind of sleep where her memories can be fully explored with out her going in to shock. I looked at Willow "Will, what happened?" I asked. She looked at me "The spell that was blocking Buffy's memories suddenly stopped working and when it did she started to remember everything about the last three months. And her mind was unable to cope with the stress and her system tried to compensate but couldn't and she went into shock." She was about to say something when there was a rapid banging on the door and Willow with a wave of her hand opened the door to see a very worried Giles standing there.