Disclaimer: Four score and seven years ago, we did not own Harry Potter. Funny how things don't change.

Masterharper: Sorry it took so long.

Jade: SooooaarREEY EEEIt tOOOooOK ssOOOo LoOOaNNng.

Masterharper: For the last time you can't speak whale!

Jade: ThaaAAAtSssss wWhAAht YoUUUUUuuuUU thIeeeIEeNnkK.

Masterharper: WhaaAAAtTeeEvVVVEEEAaRr.

Jade: Wow, I wish I could speak whale.

Masterharper: OooaANNNnnN toooOOOOOOo thEeeeEEE SsstoooOOOOOOReeeeEEEeeey!

A/N: We don't own Finding Nemo either.

*

Chapter 9

"11:29 AND ALL IS WELL"

"How will this help us defeat Evil?" asked Ron, holding up a drooping leaf that had fallen off a plant he had been repotting.

"Ron! Be careful with that!" Hermione exclaimed. After repotting her own plant and taking care not to harm a single leaf, she crossed her arms and fixed Ron with her stare. "The pollen of the Beebop plant can cause severe drowsiness, making it highly useful in sleeping potions and such. It also takes affect as soon as it touches any exposed skin, which is why we are wearing our gloves. That means be careful with it."

"That explains Neville," Harry commented. He nodded over to Neville's unconscious body that the class was currently taking great care not to step on. One of the leaves had brushed his face when he had picked the plant up.

"Hmmm...yes, I suppose," Hermione reluctantly agreed.

"How much time do we have left?"

"According to my watch it should be 11:30 in five seconds-" Suddenly she was cut off by the loud breaking of a flowerpot behind her. The sound startled everyone and they turned to see what had happened.

A yellow blur the size of a head was hurtling toward Harry, he ducked just in time thanks to his quidditch-honed instincts. Unfortunately Professor Sprout, who had been moving one of the plants when the pot broke, didn't have those instincts. The blur pummeled through the pot of the plant that she was holding and hit her in the stomach. She let out a soft 'oomph' and fell over. It appeared that the wind was knocked out of her but she didn't have a chance to recover before the Beebop plant she had been holding land on her face. Sprout went out like a light.

The blur zoomed upward toward the ceiling and went through the glass. The shards landed and all noise seemed to cease. The students began to straighten themselves and come out from below their desks that they had taken refuge under. They soon dived under the tables again when the blur came through another panel in the ceiling. It shot through a panel over Ernie MacMillan and hit the ground a breath away from him with enough force to cause him to fall. The blur rose and sped toward Ernie MacMillan who barely rolled out of the way. Harry managed to get a look at when it smashed into the ground and did a quick double take when he recognized it. It was a bludger, a yellow bludger, with some kind of black markings on it.

He didn't have enough time to register what the markings were because the bludger shot out through one of the side glass panels and everyone heard it go through the greenhouse that was next-door, Greenhouse 1. A few students made a dash to the door but hadn't gotten very far before the bludger came careening through making a damaging wandering path that blasted through flowerpots, window panes, and tables. Students successfully managed to stay out of the erratic path of the bludger but not all the students were able to avoid the falling derbies. More than one student, mostly Hufflepuffs, had a flowerpot land on their heads, knocking them out. Finally Ron had had enough.

"I'll stop it!" He yelled with just a little dramatization.

"Ron, no!" Harry yelled, "That's no ordinary bludger-" Ron either ignored or didn't hear him.

"Accio Bludger!" He would be asked several times later why he summoned a bludger toward himself and he would always make up some excuse, but the truth was he had just not thought it through. The bludger raced toward Ron and hit him square on in the stomach. The bludger carried him across the greenhouse and through one of the walls. Somehow the Ron slid off the bludger as it sped off toward some of the other greenhouses.

Hermione and Harry rushed out of Greenhouse 3 and to Ron's aid while the bludger wrecked havoc in Greenhouse 5. "Ron, Ron! Are you ok?" Hermione asked.

Ron looked at Hermione and said groggily, "Helllooo Fleur. Youuu look loooverlyyy today."

Hermione sighed and glanced at Harry, who was trying not to laugh. "He's hurt. We should get him to the Hospital Wing right away."

"Him and half the class." Harry looked around at the devastation. He could see into Greenhouse 3, the entire front wall was gone except for about two panes. Students were helping eachother stand up and trying not to brush against the plants. They could hear the bludger destroying Greenhouse 5. "But first we better take care of that bludger."

"How do you usually stop it? Like, you know, when you guys practice."

"We catch it."

"Fleur havvve yooou met 'Mionee? She's smaaarrt. And preeettty. Smaaarrt and preetty." Harry and Hermione looked at Ron for a moment in shock.

Hermione recovered first. "Yeah, I guess that might not work. Someone must have altered it. We should be able to stop it with magic."

"How?"

"Oh really Harry, all these years and you still haven't learned a thing."

"Well if you have, here's your chance to prove it." The bludger had apparently finished with Greenhouse 5 and was currently heading toward Greenhouse 1. Hermione drew her wand and stood up to cast her spell.

"IMMOBOLIS!" The bludger froze in place. Before Harry could congratulate Hermione the yellow sphere began to turn slowly. Soon the black marks faced toward them, two dots and a line. Harry and Hermione stared at it for a moment before it registered in their minds what it was.

"A smiley face?!" Harry exclaimed in astonishment. They didn't have time to ponder what that meant because a second after he spoke the bludger came hurtling toward them. They managed to avoid it but the bludger slammed into the castle wall, sending dust and small chunks of rock falling on them. Harry spat out the dust that had gotten into his mouth and tried to wipe the dust out of his eyes with the sleeve of his robes. He saw Hermione trying to get Ron behind one of the greenhouses and the bludger was coming around for another pass.

Suddenly Harry could hear the heroic trumpets sounding (actually it was Peeves trying to disrupt a class with a bugle he had found, but Harry didn't know that). He knew what he had to do. He ran toward the bludger and started shouting, trying to get its attention.

Remembering the bludger wasn't alive and didn't have attention, he hit it with an immobolis spell. The bludger soon gave chase and Harry ran for it.

The yellow blur didn't follow Harry directly. It instead took a more marauding path, smashing through greenhouses, scraping the castle wall, and blasting through plants. Reaching a dead end Harry turned to see the bludger plowing through Greenhouse 8. The bludger seemed to be aiming right for him.

Time seemed to slow as the bludger zeroed in on Harry's head. Harry knew that if the bludger hit him Madame Pomfrey would have a hard time piecing him back together. On top of that the bludger would hunt down his fellow classmates. With Professor Sprout out of the fight for who knows how long, there wasn't a teacher present to save the others from injury, and it would take some time for another teacher to show up.

Suddenly a long, thick green tentacle shot out of Greenhouse 8. It wrapped around the yellow bludger and drew it back into the greenhouse. Harry blinked in surprise and cringed when he started hearing the crunching of thick metal coming from the greenhouse.

He moved closer and noticed that the windowpanes on Greenhouse 8 were actually three windows like they have on airplanes, and that they were extra thick. What was in there Harry didn't know, he had never been in there, and judging by the sounds he didn't want to.

He started to head back toward Ron and Hermione but stopped when he saw Neville, who apparently had finally recovered from his brush with the beebop plant.

"Harry, what happened?"

*

Elsewhere things weren't quite so...messy. The charms classroom was calm for once. Usually there were spells going wrong or just someone hexing the guy who stole his girlfriend. But this was a lecture day, so the students were just sitting there, trying not to fall asleep.

"As you can see the twirl at the end of the acceleration spell is clockwise and so is completely different from...Mr. Arrowsmith are you paying attention?"

Zack Arrowsmith awoke with a start. "Yes sir, hanging on every word Professor Binns-I mean, Professor Flitwick." There was some giggling from the female students and smirks from the male. Professor Flitwick was not amused, as evident by the glare he was sending from the top of a pile of books down to Zack.

"I see. Then you wouldn't mind writing a two foot essay about what I had been talking about."

Every student heard Zack's sigh and yet Flitwick seemed to miss it because he continued his lecture. Zack looked at his watch and saw that it was 11:30. Looking back up at the Professor, he leaned back trying to find a comfortable position that made it look like he was paying attention.

After a bit he looked down at his desk to make sure he had something that looked like notes. Looking back up he noticed Professor Flitwick was not where he had been, but was a bit lower. Zack found this odd and watched him for a moment. He seemed to be getting slowly shorter. Zack closed his eyes and shook his head as if something had been wrong with his eyes that shaking them would cure. Again he looked and saw that Flitwick wasn't getting shorter, the pile of books he stood on was, making it appear that the professor was shrinking very slowly.

Zack looked around to see if the others noticed. Most were zoning out, a rare accomplishment considering it was a Ravenclaw class. Luna was across the room but it was never possible to see if she was there mentally. Next to him Patrick had a slight grin, the he-knows-something-that-no-one-else- does grin, which could mean he saw it to. Then again, Patrick had that grin a lot. On the other hand, Patrick didn't miss much, so he probably saw it. As Zack looked around a few of the other students had confused or curious looks on their face.

He glanced back at the Proffessor who was starting to look a bit confused. He probably was noticing how his sitting students were starting to look taller. After a few minutes, Flitwick started trailing off at the end of his sentences. Almost every student was paying attention now and a few were giggling into their hands.

Finally Professor Flitwick shouted, "What is so funny?" as he disappeared behind his desk.

*

Ginny was currently studying the wood grains on her desk. She should be paying attention, but this was History of Magic class. No force on earth could pay attention five minutes into Professor Binns lectures. Of course, there had been tales of a student who always paid attention, but most students dismissed them as fantasy. Then again Ginny knew who the stories were based on, Hermione Granger, so they might be true.

Looking around the room she saw the rest of the class was somewhere between bored and comatose. From her seat she could see Colin Creevey's watch, for she was too lazy to check her own. It read-

She never had the opportunity to process which way the hands were pointing. Suddenly a piercing scream-like sound that made bludgers hitting her head during a quidditch match seem pleasant cut through the room. She covered her ears, dampening the sound, but it still was painful. Her fellow students were in various states of pain. Most were covering their ears like she was. A few were on the ground writhing in pain. Two of the students were trying to open the door. It wouldn't open. Even when one of them cast a spell, which sent him flying across the room into Professor Binns podium, the door didn't even shudder.

Professor Binns, setting new standards even for him, seemed not to notice the sound or his students' suffering. When one student smashed into his podium with enough force to cause it to wobble he just turned a page and continued lecturing on the third Wizard Council. Then Ginny started noticing something odd. Whenever the Professor stopped to take a breath, he took one out of habit rather then necessity, the sound stopped for a moment. Colin turned to Ginny and yelled something. The noise in the room increased for a moment while he was talking. Ginny realized what was happening and signaled Colin to be quiet. She grabbed a piece of paper and quickly wrote: SOMEHOW OUR VOICES ARE BEING ALTERED- MADE HIGH PITCHED.

Colin nodded while wearing an expression that showed he didn't fully comprehend. Ginny showed the paper around the room. Some of the students looked at her like she was nuts but stayed quiet. The class sat in silence while they tried to hide their ears from Professor Binn's high pitch wailing. At the end of class the door burst open on its own and everyone left knowing a little more about the Wizard Council.

*

In Muggle Studies, the remote control cars they were examining suddenly got a life of their own and attacked the students. The professor was very surprised when, upon entering the room after stepping out into the hallway, the students were standing on their chairs while the cars tried to climb up the chair legs.

*

In Divination the crystal balls, for the first time in anyone's memory, actually showed something to everyone. Oddly enough it was a vision of Professor Snape engaged in various activities in every single one. According to Professor Trelawny, the student who saw Snape picking his nose was going to end up in the hospital wing soon. The one who saw Snape sleeping was going suffer a close loss next week. For some reason Trelawny wouldn't even talk to the person who saw Professor Snape on a chamber pot. She dismissed the class, casting glances at that student and quickly turning away looking like she was going to cry.

*

No student that was there ever forgot what happened in potions, but they seemed to disagree on what did happen. It started normally enough, for a Slytherin/Gryffindor class anyway. It was a class of first years so Professor Snape was lecturing and asking questions. Oddly enough the most talented student in the class, a Slytherin of course, didn't seem to be paying attention to him. She was looking at her watch. At 11:29 she looked up and began paying attention as if she was an angelic student. This should have been the first sign that something was wrong. For everyone in that classroom knew she was the farthest thing from an angel. Fortunately for Fay, no one was watching her.

It started with a small buzzing sound. At first Professor Snape thought someone was humming. He cast his gaze over the class trying to catch the fiend, ready to take points from Gryffindor even if it was a Slytherin. He couldn't find anyone so he prepared to "catch" a Gryffindor that had been acting a bit smug. Then one of the Slytherins, Vladimir Tudor, looked into his cauldron, an action he would regret when he woke up later in the hospital wing with bandages wrapped around his head.

His face was grabbed by little hands and claws which pulled into the caldron with enough speed and force that he banged his head on the rim, knocking him unconscious. In some respects he was one of the lucky ones.

Before Vladimir could slump to the floor, chaos broke loose. Out of every caldron poured two dozen pixies. The students attempted to flee from the pixies; they were first years that didn't have a clue how to handle the huge number of pixies. Actually one knew but had no intention of showing others. In fact, she intended to make the problem much worse.

"Remain calm, students! Remain calm!" Professor Snape said in attempt to stop the children from running around. It didn't work. "I will be casting an immoblis spell to stop them so please take cover." It would be annoying to explain how his students were made frozen to the headmaster.

One girl seemed to perk up at this, her eyes growing wide with excitement. "I know that one! My brother taught me!" She drew her wand.

"That will not be necessary Miss MacGreg-" It was too late. Fay cast the spell in the direction of the largest group of pixies. Unfortunately, Professor Snape had just moved into the same area. Snape, along with a large number of pixies, was hit with a full blast and froze in place.

However, most of the pixies were still free and causing trouble. A swarm was chasing Kyle Armstrong around the room. Kyle wasn't the most coordinated person and was therefore knocking over cauldrons, tables, bags, and people. He even ran into Snape once. Kyle's best friend, Allen Longfellow, appeared to be confused with what he was supposed to be doing; he was chasing a group of pixies around the room. The Ellis twins had overturned a table forming a little fort they were defending while swinging books wildly around. The pixies not occupied with chasing or terrorizing the students decided to have a little fun with the stuff lying around. Unfortunately this was a potions classroom.

Entire shelves of potion flasks were thrown onto the floor. In the most harmless cases, the liquids changed colors or made the floor icy. In a few cases, the combined potions caused explosions that sent students, pixies, and furniture flying or melted through the stone floor. A few pixies drank the potions with interesting results. Several started flying around drunkenly. Others disappeared or exploded. One sat down in a chair and picked up a quill and wrote an essay on the history of potions on Easter Island.

During this time a few pixies noticed Gilda Dagmar's perfect long flowing hair. Four pixies flew at it like dive-bombers. "MY HAIR! SOMEBODY SAVE ME! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME! OR WORSE!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs which, even with all the chaos, was still heard. Fay turned and saw her housemate's predicament. She was tempted to do nothing, after all Gilda had caused her quite a bit of pain.

"Hold on, Gilda I'm coming." Fay ran over a little slower than she should have, to heighten the drama more than any other reason. She drew her wand dramatically and pointed it at Gilda. She said nothing, but a soft blue light emerged from her wand and hit Gilda with enough force to knock her into a wall. Gilda sat upright and coughed up soap. Gilda grimaced as she tasted it in her mouth. Fay stood there at least looking apologetic. "At least the pixies aren't in your hair anymore," she said uncharacteristically brightly. Gilda tried to explain how stupid Fay was for screwing up so badly, but all that happened was that she drooled soap onto her shirt. Fay shrugged her apology.

Snape was starting to get a small amount of movement back in his body. He could move his eyes but nothing else. He looked around. Fay moved in front of him. "I'll get you moving again, Professor. Hold on." She stuck out her wand a second time and another blue light emerged and hit Snape. Fortunately he did not go flying. In fact he was not sure what had happened, for he still couldn't move. Fay grimaced and looked at her wand. "I have to get this thing looked at." She walked off and started stunning or destroying pixies in various ways.

Eventually Professor Snape regained control over his body and the students had stunned or gotten rid of the pixies. He attempted to speak to them and felt a wet trickle run down his chin and had an odd taste in his mouth. Two thoughts popped into his mind: "I hate first years," and "Someone WILL pay."

Professor Dumbledore chose that instant to enter the room. He surveyed the devastation and turned to Professor Snape. "I don't remember this in the curriculum." Snape responded by drooling soap onto his chest. "Professor Snape, is everything all right?" Only one person saw Fay smile.

***

Later, a fully functional Snape stood behind the chair that had been offered to him in Dumbledore's office. A tense Professor McGonagall sat in the chair next to Snape's. Dumbledore entered the room quietly and sat down behind his desk.

"A most interesting day. The only teachers that do not have a student in the hospital wing are Hagrid and Sinistra. Extraordinary, given Hagrid's record and the fact that Professor Sinistra did not have a class."

McGonagall shifted in her seat. "Extraordinary is not the word I would choose, Albus."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Really? Almost every class was disrupted at exactly the same time, in a completely different way. What word would you choose?" He looked at the two in front of him with an air of infinite patience.

Snape was the one who answered. "Dangerous. Disruptive. Illegal."

"Dangerous? No one was permanently hurt. Disruptive? The students have never learned more defense or stopping spells. Tell me Minerva, what was it like chasing hundreds of half-invisible mice around for an hour?" McGonagall sent him an icy glare that she must have stole from Snape.

"That leaves illegal," Snape pointed out.

"True." Dumbledore nodded sagely. "However, we are still not certain what was actually done. Most of them were quite ingenious actually." He grinned, much to the annoyance of the others. "And to be honest, you have to figure out who did them before we punish them."

"Isn't it obvious? It's the criminals who have been causing havoc since the beginning of the year."

"Whom neither you nor Mr. Filch has been able to catch or identify."

Snape turned around and began to walk toward the door. "Oh we will, Headmaster, that I promise. Even if it takes all year, I will find them and make them wish their parents had never even seen eachother."