Intentions
By: Caiman
Part 6
DISCLAIMER: I don't own EVA, and if I did rest assured I'd be bragging 'bout it. All the characters herein aren't mine, as they are from EVA and I don't own EVA and therefore by default I don't own the characters. Don't sue me, for I have no money to give.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Same rules from the last bunch. Things are effectively OOC (out of control and character as well). Oh, by the way, if you are in anyway repulsed by the thought of Gendo Ikari being a nice guy, that "back" button should come in handy.

Again, first fic, no maiming PLEASE.

Before we get started, I'd like to thank my prereader Random1377, for being a great sounding board and one patient mofo. :P

Reading: "" - Denotes speaking
'' - Denotes thinking
|| - Denotes sound effects
//// - Denotes translation

Eva Sho Gouki! Ha-SHIN!

INTENTIONS

Gendo Ikari was, despite popular opinion, _not_ a cold-hearted bastard. Hell, he loved a good joke, kids, and all things cute and cuddly. Not only that, but the commander of NERV was also a top-notch boss. Sure, he pushed his employees hard, but he gave everyone under him raises every three months on a rotating basis, sponsored employee discounts, and made sure his subordinates had excellent medical coverage.

Of course, the words "peace" and "love" weren't the first terms to spring to mind as he discovered three of NERV's finest having an impromptu "porn party" in his office. Actually, the first terms that came to Gendo's mind were more along the lines of "kill" and "maim."

All of these words, unfortunately for the trio, were in their immediate futures. And they all knew it, if not by the commander's irate facial expression, then by the way he menacingly waved his gun and shouted "Party's over, bitches!"

Stimulus, response.

Fuyutski and Shigeru jumped out a nearby window as Gendo charged them, gun blazing, using the pyramidal shape of NERV HQ to slide down to safety. Satisfied, the commander holstered his nine millimeter and turned his attention back to his desk.

"Heeeeeey, hot shtuff..."

Gendo cringed.

Maya was drunk. And trying seduce him in her Ritsuko garb.

The scene was so painfully gross, that it could bring tears to the eyes of even the most hardened soul.

Needless to say, Gendo was about to break down.

"Ibuki."

"Yes, lover?"

"Out."

"Aww, c'monnn-" |Thump!|

She passed out.

"Ah, shit." Gendo muttered as he attempted to scoop her up and out of the room.

The eldest Ikari froze as a knock came at the door.

And it was then that the gods of fortune frowned upon him.

Or rather, they flipped him a collective bird, because Ritsuko had entered his office.

"Commander, about yester-"

Ritsuko caught sight of her assistant sprawled out on Gendo's desk with her shirt around her neck, wearing a blonde wig and a fake mole. Gendo, unfortunately, was holding her in all the wrong places.

"Ikari, you motherfu-"

Before the doctor could finish her sentence or the sick bastard that was the commander, Gendo was out the window and sliding his way down the pyramid. The doctor quickly ran to the shattered pane.

"GET BACK UP HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN!"



----Title Flash----

Intentions
Part 6: Grind / A Day in the Life

------------------

"Pretty impressive, eh Misato?"

"Yes, it is, Makoto..."

"Wanna see the rest of it?"

"There's MORE?"

"Yeah, it's right in the jungle!"

"Wow, that's huge!"

"Heh, you think so?"

"That is the single biggest empire I've seen! So, you're emperor of all of this?"

"Yep!"

"Wow, that's amazing."

"Hey, Misato."

"Yes?"

"You know... there isn't an Empress Makoto I."

"There isn't?"

"Uh, um, that is-"

"Is there another Emperor?"

"What do you mean, Misato?"

"Like, another man? A life partner?"

"Life partner? What do y- Wait! I'm not _gay_ Misato!"

"What, I'm okay with it!"

"But I'm not!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"But I thought... y'know, you and Shigeru."

"A-AOBA?!"

"Yeah. I thought you were getting it o-"

"NO! I'm straight!"

"Ah. Then why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"...I have a crush on someone."

"Ohh! Who?"

"..."

"C'mon, you can tell me!"

"...You."

"..."

"..."

"...THAT'S SOOO CUTE!"

"W-what?!"

"You're so sweet, Makoto!"

"I=I am?"

"Yes! I feel so much better now!"

"Really? Heh, why?"

"Because now I know that men other than Gendo will sleep with me!"

"Y-you slept with the commander?!"

"Yeah, but I was really drunk and-"

"AWWWWWWK..." |Thump!|

"Oh God, Makoto! Are you all right?!"

"T=there is no God... gaah..."

-------
Being an Eva pilot, Shinji had become accustomed to expecting the unexpected. Rei and his father suddenly becoming warm-hearted? He was a little surprised, but he took it in stride. Asuka coming to him in the middle of the night to ask him for a date? She had always been at odds with Rei, so he had expected her to either ask him out or kill him outright.

What he saw as he entered NERV headquarters for his sync test, however, scared the hell out of him. His father, either completely insane or suffering from the effects of a hallucinogenic drug, was chasing his second-in-command around with a very nasty-looking metal pole. On top of that, the long-haired bridge bunny Aoba was struggling to get out of something suitably yet crudely labeled a "DethBag."

"Um, father..."

Gendo stopped and turned to regard his son. "Ohayo, Shinji!"

"What are you doing?"

"Well, y'see, Ritsuko's out to kill us all, so we decided to form a tribe."

"If you're a tribe, why are you trying to kill each other?"

"To see who's the Alpha Male."

Shinji's eyes widened to absurd proportions. "Oh, well, good luck then dad."

"Thanks son! YAAAAAAH!" |Clong!|

Fuyutski barely avoided the swing. In retaliation, the older man emitted a high-pitched war cry and charged Gendo.

Shinji could only shudder and walk away.

-------
You could cut the tension with the knife.

On one side of the girls' locker room was Rei, suited up and staring at the firey German Asuka, who seemed to be very, very happy about something.

"Sohryu."

"What is it, Wondergirl?"

"You seem very happy about something."

Asuka turned to face Rei with a decietfully innocent expression. "Oh, didn't I tell you?"

"Apparently not."

"I'm going out with Shinji today!"

"Oh, are you?"

The pilot of Unit 02 was suitably shocked by Rei's nonchalance. "You aren't afraid I'll get him to fall in love with me and win the bet?"

"Not really."

"What?!"

Rei smiled. "I trust my Shin-chan."

"Dammit! Quit that 'my' stuff!"

"Why?"

"Unless he's got your name written across his butt, I don't want to hear anything about it!"

Rei gave Asuka a mischeivious grin.

"Mien gott. You DIDN'T..."

"Left cheek, while he was unconscious yesterday."

Asuka cringed, but quickly regained her composure. "Damn you, Ayanami! That still doesn't matter because Shinji's got the hots for ME!"

"Incorrect. His crush lies with me."

"Wrong, genius. He's got it BAD for me! You should've seen the way he blushed when I got in bed with h-"

Asuka stopped when she saw Rei tense up.

"What's wrong, Wondergirl? Mad that I live with him?"

Rei turned to face Asuka. "You and me, bitch. Right NOW."

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-----End Part 6-----
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How is it? C&C are readily accepted, but please no flames! If it sucks, have a reason it sucks!

Well, I took my damn sweet time, but looks like I'm back in the saddle! This fic is looking to be as long as a decent anime series (26 parts), but it could be shorter. Who knows? I'm just writing whatever I come up with. Also, I'd like to apologize to all you fans of Pen-Pen. Trust me, he'll be getting a whole lot of time next part, plus a new character will enter the fray (still from the series, so don't worry.)

Thanks for reading,

Caiman