INTENTIONS
By: Caiman
Part 7

Standard Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. No money, no shame.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Computers can sometimes be evil. Such is the case of mine, which contracted a nasty virus and caused me to lose parts 8 AND 9. Ah well. Anyway, everything's STILL OOC (surprise!) and such. Also, the Intentions sidestory that Random1337 wrote (very well, I might add) takes place at the same time as this little ditty. So read this first, then that. Then something else. Enjoy!

On with the show!

INTENTIONS

Ritsuko was miffed. Not upset, not enraged, but miffed. And, considering the events of the past two days, she had every right to be. She was punched out by a girl half her age, found out that Gendo had slept with her best friend, AND found him helping himself to handfuls of her assistant Maya.

The worst part was, that for whatever reason, she had failed to kill the Commander on thirty-two seperate occasions since then. The trap doors, the punji sticks, the poison in the coffee, the elaborate mousetrap-like device in the corridor, and even the N^2 mine in his private bathroom failed to end the life of the "filthy bastard."

So, at very least, she was entitled to torment the man's accursed offspring just a little bit.

And of course, in true Ikari fashion, he was whining the whole damn time.

"Ritsuko!"

"What is it now, Shinji?"

"Why is so cold in here again?"

"For the eighth time, it's to keep the EVAs in optimal condition."

"But, it's NEVER this cold in here!"

Ritsuko turned the temperature down a few more degrees. "Yes it is."

"No it hasn't!"

"Shinji."

"What?"

"If you don't shut up, I'll turn on the water jets."

"...Yes, ma'am."

The more she thought about turning them on, the more she liked the idea.

|Click!|

|SLOOOOOSH!|

"Aaaagh!"

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If there was one thing Gendo Ikari hated, it was being upstaged. Unfortunately for him, he'd been supplanted as the head of the Rokubungian Tribe of Northeast Asia, and in a rather spectacular fashion.

Well, as spectacular as bashing someone with a hammer can be.

The Commander grumbled a random curse as he adjusted his neck brace, which caused him to shout yet another random profanity as the pain shot through his ravaged body.

"Today couldn't get any worse."

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Pilot neural connnections confirmed.

LCL electrolyzed.

All systems green.

Yui Ikari sighed. "Another day at the office."

----------------------------------------------TITLE FLASH--------------------------------------------------------------------

INTENTIONS
Part 7
Return/Home was Never that Far Away.

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For all intents and purposes, the woman who had become the soul of EVA 01 had been a good sport about her current situation. In her opinion, it wasn't all too bad. She was technically immortal, god-like in power, and she got to spend quality time with her little Shinji.

Life was pretty good, considering.

Ritsuko's voice came through the communication system. "Shinji, your score's down today."

Shinji responded. "I'm having a little trouble concentrating."

"Something on your mind, Shinji?"

"Yeah."

Yui, being the ever-attentive mother, focused her attention on her angst-ridden son.

Ritsuko pressed the issue. "What is it?"

Shinji sighed, causing a few bubbles to escape into the LCL. "Asuka shanghaied me into going on a date with her today."

Yui smiled to her abstract self. 'That's Kyoko's little girl. She's a cutie.'

The good doctor raised an eyebrow. "That's it? After going on a date with Rei, I'd figure you would be ready for anything."

Yui's smile turned to a grimace, remembering the blue-haired girl who'd sat in the cockpit of Eva-01 seven months ago. 'That little slut!'

Shinji shook his head. "That whole thing with Misato and my dad was a little more than shocking too."

Yui's grimace turned into a look of confusion. 'What THING?'

Ritsuko, with incredible attention to tact, left nothing to the imagination. "You mean the hot, steamy night of unbridled sex they had?"

"... You could say that."

Had the young pilot and the good doctor not been discussing the sex life of the Commander of NERV as in depth as they were, they probably would have noticed a low, threatening growl coming from Unit 01.

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Maya Ibuki dragged her hungover body to her console and fell into a nearby seat with a groan. After sitting there and making sure that the direction her head pointed was indeed skyward, the young bridge bunny took a deep breath. She slowly attempted to open her eyes, hoping that the lights in the empty lab had somehow been shut off by a power outage.

They weren't.

She cried out in pain, and attempted to hide her eyes the only way her befuddled mind could come up with. Unfortunately, it involved shoving her face into the brushed metal control panel, much like what one would do with a pillow.

|CLANG.|

The cold steel panel wasn't nearly as soft.

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"-And that's how he'd do that."

Shinji was amazed by this. "I didn't know that sort of thing even existed."

Ritsuko sipped her coffee absently. "Oh yeah. You haven't had sex until you've had metronome sex, in my opinion."

EVA Unit 01's vein in its forehead pulsed faster. "So, my dad actually USED a metronome?"

"Yeah, at first, but then he had the timing down so well he could change from 4/4 time to 3/4 and back again."

"That's incredible."

Yui begged to differ, which was easy to tell by just how pissed off she was.

It was then that the warning lights began flashing on Ritsuko's panel.

"What the hell?"

"Ritsuko, what's wrong?"

Ritsuko didn't bother to answer, as she had already set to work finding that very thing out. It only took a few seconds before she found out what was the matter. The usual scientific deduction was aided by the computer screen flashing the error "EVA going APESHIT" certainley helped.

It was then that the purple beast broke its jaw restraints.

And, EVA 01 let out a mighty cough.

Shinji was terrified. Hell, wouldn't you be?

The EVA coughed again, as if something was caught in its throat. With each passing cough, Ritsuko's desperation to get Shinji the hell out of Dodge grew, but she was making no headway.

"COUGH."

Shinji wet the plug.

"HACK."

Ritsuko hammered the Enter key.

"GARG."

Shinji passed out.

"CAH."

Ritsuko decided to stop trying and lit up a cigarette.

"BLECH."

Evangelion Unit 01, pride of NERV and the savior of mankind, had coughed up its equivalent to a hairball.

Ritsuko looked on with a bemused expression.

"Gaddamn."


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END NOTES: Well, wasn't that a helluva thing? I'd like to thank my prereaders, Random1337 and Lord Deathscythe, for putting up with my "disappearing act" and reading this. I'd also like to thank YOU for reading this, 'cause I'm a nice guy like that.

QUIT LAUGHING PLEASE, BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY AM!

...Geh.

Anyway, Part 8 SHOULD show up in about a month. Until then, ja.

-Caiman

wN|*'µéí=ªí