DISCLAIMER: I don't own EVA, and if I did rest assured I'd be bragging 'bout it. All the
characters herein aren't mine, as they are from EVA and I don't own EVA and therefore by
default I don't own the characters. Don't sue me, for I have no money to give.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, everything's still OOC. Everything's still not anything like EVA
(save for the character names and large, nasty android/robot/beasts). Please, please don't hunt
me down.

Reading: "" - Denotes speaking
'' - Denotes thinking
|| - Denotes sound effects
//// - Denotes translation

Here we go! :D

INTENTIONS

|Click!|

"Report Number 009338, E Project Head Doctor Ritsuko Akagi reporting. Subject: the latest
event involving Unit 01. Today at approximately 11:32 AM Japan Standard Time, Evangelion
Unit 01 once again went against its operational directives and, as a result, broke its jaw
constraints and emitted an object that is... for now... unidentifiable."

"Unidentifiable? Damn Doc, look at it! It's a woman!"

"Yeah, and a good-lookin' one at that!"

"Yusuke, anything with a pair of jubjubs looks good to-"

"Ahem."

"...Sorry Doc."

"While the object in question _does_ appear to be a human female, I can't come to any real
conclusions until I run a few tests on the subject. The results of these tests will be placed in the
Project E archives under the number of this report. I believe that a full suite of-"

"Man, she's got a pretty face too! And a rockin' ass!"

"You've got _tact_, Yusuke. But you're right, she's pretty damn spicy."

"Ella es muy caliente!"

"GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!"

"...I'm sorry, ma'am."

"Yeah, me too."

"...Why don't you two make yourselves useful and get me a larger probing apparatus!"

"...What?"

"She means a bigger poking stick, Yusuke."

"Right! I'm on it Doc!"

"Sigh... Akagi out."

|Click!|

------------------------------TITLE
FLASH---------------------------------------------------------
INTENTIONS
Part 8
Return II/ Awakening
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--

"Ugh..."

Maya Ibuki awoke from her alcohol-induced slumber to find herself free of her headache and
any memory of her raunchy, pornography-filled night. Her reverie on the matter was disturbed
by a soft chuckle. The girl turned to see her sempai, Ritsuko, inputting what was apparently very
funny data into a terminal.

"Sempai..."

Ritsuko turned to her apprentice. "Ohayo, sleepyhead. Feeling better?"

"My headache's gone. But..."

"But..?"

"What happened last night, sempai?"

"Come again?"

"I don't remember anything about last night..."

Ritsuko grimaced at the thought of relating the particulars of the Commander groping and
grabbing the young woman like an old lady checking a melon for soft spots. "Maya,
Commander Ikari... he..."

"He what?"

"He.. um, it's nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Right. Nothing."

"Oh... but let me ask you something."

"Sure."

"Was this nothing... bad?"

"I'll tell you this: it was wrong. Very, very wrong."

"Ahh."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pollen in the air caused Gendo Ikari to sneeze, which started a chain reaction of cracks and
pops to race down his still very tender spinal column. The high-pitched cry of agony was
muffled by the Commander's newly-wired jaw.

Kozou Fuyutski looked up from his newspaper. "That sounds painful, Ikari."

Gendo tried to nod as he slowly picked up his glasses from beside the park bench, his neck
brace restricting any sort of up and down motion. "Mmmph umm mphh umm?"

Fuyutski nodded. "You look like an ass."

The crippled Commander growled at his old friend.

"Sorry, sorry. I thought you were asking my opinion."

Gendo motioned toward the smoldering pyramid on the horizon that was NERV HQ, smoke
billowing from the huge hole near the top. "Mmmph mum umm mphh num miphh?"

"I _did_ warn you about the N^2 mine in your bathroom. You said you could handle it."

"Mphh ummm mpphh!"

"It's your own damn fault for sitting down on the toilet in the first place."

"Mphh mphhh umm mphhh. Mpphh mophhh mph?"

"No, Section 2 hasn't found your pants yet."

"MPPH! Mpph mpph mphh? Mpph mphh!"

"Don't bitch at me! They probably burned up with the rest of your office."

"Hmmph."

"Exactly."

"Hmmph hum mmph?"

"Akagi, I think. Something about a one-way ticket to hell."

"Grrr..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji couldn't believe it.

When did this happen? Why did it happen to him?

Why would she do this? She's usually so... nice and sweet. Never could he imagine her doing
this, but the evidence was damning.

From the mirror stared the words PROPERTY OF REI AYANAMI.

Right on his backside, no less. In big, bold letters.

The penmanship was remarkable.

As he continued to examine the new addition, the pilot of Unit 01 couldn't help but wonder how
this situation could get any worse than it was.

"Shinji? Are you in here? We need to get going..."

It was then very clear that if there was a God, he had a very depraved sense of humor. As well
as an uncanny sense of timing.

Misato turned the corner to be greeted by the bare-assed, red-faced Shinji with his hands
covering what they could. Oblivious to the fact that Shinji was a little embarrassed, the Director
of Operations decided to ask the hard questions.

"What's on your ass, Shinji?"

The boy attempted to obscure the woman's view of the new addition. "It's not what it looks
like."

"It looks like you got a tattoo."

"No! I mean... no! It's not a tattoo!"

"Then, what is it?"

"Uhmmm... body art?"

"Shinji."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to ask you this once, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"What's that?"

"Turn around and bend over."

"Misato..."

"No, I'm not joking. This is an order."

"But you can't exp-"

"Do it."

"I..."

"Three bullets, Shinji. Just give me a reason."

Defeated, the young pilot turned around and put his hands on the nearby bench. There was a
long silence as a pair of brown eyes examined the offending part of the young Ikari's anatomy.

First a titter, then a chuckle. "Aww, Shinji! You got tagged!"

The boy was first shocked by the fact that there was a name for such a thing, then appalled by
the fact that Rei would know what it was. "I was TAGGED?"

"Yep. And very well too. The penmanship is just amazing."

"So-"

"She even dotted the I's without smudging. The whole thing just screams 'quality.'"

"...This is normal?"

Major Katsuragi looked up at her ward. "Oh, yeah! I do it all the time. Hoo, if I had a yen for
every time I wrote my name on some poor sap's-"

"Misato."

"Yes Shinji?"

"I beg you. DON'T finish that sentence."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah all right."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in Hong Kong, a look of terror ran across Ryouji Kaji's face as his
backside began to throb painfully. The look then charged across the small ramen stand's counter
and leapt onto the face of the chef on duty as the pony-tailed double agent began to grab
himself and moan.

Recovering from the initial shock of having one of his patrons do a dance that was unnatural in
every sense of the word, the chef moved to rectify the situation. "Sir, you'll have to take...
whatever you're doing the hell away from my stand."

Kaji gave the grizzled man the most apologetic look he could muster under such duress. "I'm
really sorry about
this, but, you see, it's just that sometimes I get this itch-"

"Enough of your one-man orgy, just take your damned ramen and get away from my stand!"

"B-but I didn't even pa-"

"It's on the house! LEAVE!"

Kaji grabbed his bowl with his free hand and vacated the premises. Deep down in his heart
(among other places), he knew what brought this on.

"Damn you, Misato Katsuragi..."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun reflected on the hood of Misato's sporty runner as it charged down the asphalt. The
violet-haired NERV employee was enjoying her diplomatic immunity as she pushed on the gas
pedal to bring her car to a velocity that didn't even register on the car's speedometer. Shinji,
however, wasn't enjoying the thrill-a-minute driving style to which he was being subjected. And
understandably so, as she had almost wrecked eight times since leaving the NERV parking
garage. Twice involving pedestrians, three times cars, and three more times involving inanimate
objects.

Misato turned her attention away from the road for a second. "So, are you excited about your
date with Asuka?"

The terrified Shinji gave her a weak smile. "A little bi- OH MY GOD LOOK OUT!"

Nine times. Four with cars. Four with inanimate objects if one was to count the telephone pole
that the other car was currently wrapped around.

The Major, unfazed by the brush with death, continued on with the conversation. "That's good
that you're looking forward to it, especially after all the stuff that happened to her today."

"What?"

"Her and Rei had a little fight."

"Oh."

"..."

"Is that the reason Central Dogma was taped off?"

"If I said yes, would you be surprised?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Would someone untie me? Anyone?"

Rei struggled against her ropes some more. "Damn you, Sorhyu. Damn you to hell!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her eyes opened to the harsh glare of fluorescent light. To her left, she could see two
figures talking. She couldn't make out what they were saying, nor could she focus her eyes on
them.

'Damn, if feels like I've been asleep for years.'

One of the figures took notice of her awakening and leaned down to bring them face to
face with one another.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, Yui."


--------------------
-----End Part 8-----
--------------------


END NOTES: Sweet Georgia Brown! Anyway, I'd like to thank my good ol' prereaders
Random and Deathy for their moral and amoral support. Part 9's coming along nicely, and should be up in a few days. Until then, take care.

-Caiman