Every time she closed her eyes

She saw what could have been . . .

Mary dragged herself into the dark, revolting motel room. She sighed heavily as she lay down on the faded floral comforter. Her eyes were heavy, and she wanted to sleep, but her mind was too crowded.

She tried hard not to focus on the awful thing she had just done. But when she closed her eyes all she could see were their faces. Since sleep was now no longer an option, she let her wandering mind take over.

What are you doing here? This has to be the stupidest thing you've ever done.

She glanced through the slats of the broken blinds at the flickering neon sign.

He is the perfect guy, you don't deserve him.

But you loved him.

Didn't you?

Sure you did

Be he loved you a lot more.

Mary rolled over and stared at the yellow ceiling. The tiles were crooked and broken, most of them were missing.

If you were still with Robbie you wouldn't be here

But would you be happy?

Are you happy now? Obviously not.

Mary put a pillow over her head in vain attempt to silence her quarreling conscience.  

Did you even think about what's going to happen to them? No, you didn't because you're too selfish!

You're so stupid Mary

She continued to fight with herself for hours, drifting in and out of sleep. She had nightmares, lots of them.

Darkness, and screaming, screaming children. She rolled over and wiped the tears that were blurring her vision. The clock read 7:27.

Wilson would be getting up about now. Mary continued to weep as she pictured him slowly coming out of sleep, he would reach over for her and she would be gone. He would look around the room, and then check the other rooms of the house. Confused he would come back into the bedroom and discover the envelope on her pillow, where he would have hoped he would discover her. He would pick it up and sit on the edge of the bed. His strong hands would break the seal and unfold the piece of paper. His hands would shake as he read these words . . .

Wilson,

            If you are reading this it's probably become apparent that I'm not there. I wish I could tell you where I went, but I don't know where I'm heading. I only know that I needed out. I don't know when I'll be back, if I ever do come back. Wilson I want you to know that I love you, and the past few months have been undeniably perfect. With you I have the kind of life that little girls dream that they will grow up to have, but I'm starting to think that I wasn't ready for it. I've been so unhappy the past few months, and the hardest part of that is that you have never given me a reason to be unhappy. This is something I had to do. I'm afraid if I stay it will only get worse. Tell Andie and Billy that I love them, make sure they always know that their mom loved them. This wasn't their fault, it wasn't yours either. I need you to know Wilson that this wasn't about money, or you, or the kids. It is simply about me. I have a lot I need to work out and I just couldn't stay anymore. The three of you will always be in my thoughts. I really hope that someday you'll forgive me, all of you. Just know that I didn't want to leave, I simply had to. I couldn't pretend anymore.

~Mary

she slowly swallows all her fear

and soothes her mind with lies

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I don't know if it worked, but it didn't last time, the 1st 2 lines and last 2 this chapter and the last one are supposed to be bold an italicized; they aren't part of the plot. Just me being artistic