DISCLAIMER: Oh, yeah, sure, I own Lord of the Rings! Just like I own Pirates of the Caribbean and X - men and (slaps self in face). Okay, so I lied. I don't own any of these great movies or book, in the case of Lord of the Rings. Poor me! But I do have one hobbit to my name in this story, and that is Tom Lardladle. My parents must be so proud.

Pippin picked his way down the rutty road as he made his way to Diamond's house. He had finally worked up the nerve to take her father up on his dinner invitation. He had to do something! Merry had come to his hobbit hole the other day, bragging on how he and Estella had had a lovely picnic the day before and that she was practically in love with him.

" It doesn't count if you think she is in love with you! She has to say, ' I love you, Merry' for you to win!" Pippin had said in his defense. Merry had simply pulled on his jacket lapels jauntily and sauntered out the door, whistling a happy little tune. So on this cool evening, Pippin was going to finally make a move. Just breathe, he kept telling himself a he drew near to her home. As much as he told himself this, breathing kept getting more difficult as he got nearer. Then a sight at her door took his breath away completely. Another young hobbit was there with her, a large brute named Tom Lardladle. He was speaking to Diamond. Pippin's confidence left him and he turned and headed back down the road towards his hobbit hole, missing the pleading, desperate look Diamond shot at his back.

" You must have eaten very fast to be back here at this time," said Merry as soon as Pippin shut his door.

" I didn't even go in," Pippin said miserably.

" Why?" Merry asked, disturbed by Pippin's gloomy mood.

" Because Tom Lardladle was there, talking to Diamond," Pippin replied.

" Ugh, you mean that huge fellow who always smells like garlic?" Merry asked, his eyes wide and his nose wrinkled in disgust.

" Aye, that's the one," Pippin nodded.

" I would think Diamond would take even you over that stinky fellow!" Merry exclaimed.

" Why, thank you for that bit of self - confidence boosting reassurance, Merry!" Pippin said dryly as he took a quick peek in his pantry, only to discover that a trip to the market needed to be made the next day.

" I don't have any food," he said miserably, for when a hobbit is out of food, he is simply distraught.

" Yes, I know! I went to find a small snack and nearly passed out from shock at the starkness of your shelves!" Merry exclaimed in a shocked voice that one would use when one found a fellow hobbit's pantries were empty.

" I think I'll go down to the Green Dragon. Care to join me?" Pippin asked his cousin.

" Let me get my coat!" Merry said happily as he popped out of the chair he was sitting in and headed for the hall. Pippin followed him half-heartedly. Soon they were off down the road toward the inn. Merry kept shooting worried glances at Pippin. He had never seen him this upset. Sounds from the inn reached their ears, sounds of laughter, merriment, and an occasional drunken slur. Merry and Pippin sat at a table, pints of ale in hand. Suddenly, the door to the inn burst open and in came Tom Lardladle, in all his enormous lardness, with Diamond held tightly and somewhat uncomfortably at his side.

" Hey, Rosie, some ale for us!" he yelled in his loud, raucous voice as he jerked Diamond to an empty table. Pippin's head came up as he watched the two in disgust as Tom slopped ale down his chins, then tried to force Diamond to drink.

" Leave me alone, Tom!" she pleaded as she struggled to get her arm out of his meaty fist.

" Aw, come on doll, have a drink!" Tom urged as he held her even tighter. Diamond cried out in pain, but no one would dare cross Tom. He was huge and, when in a temper, quite dangerous.

" He wouldn't have her here if her father were at home. He don't hold with Tom and has been able to keep him away, but he went into Buckland yesterday," Pippin heard an old hobbit say as he gazed at the sight. Diamond yelled again, and Pippin snapped.

" Pippin, what do you think you're doing?" Merry asked lowly as he stepped in front of Pippin, who had risen from his chair.

" I am going to do something!" he exclaimed.

" Yes!" Merry said in a raspy whisper as he stepped to the side and let Pippin by. He made a gallant sight as he strode up to the colossus of fat before him.

" Tom, let her go," he said darkly. The whole hall plunged into silence. Tom laughed and a noxious wave of his garlic breath hit Pippin in the face.

" Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do if I don't, Peregrin Took?" he asked with a leering smile on his face. Pippin suddenly felt very powerful and brave.

" I am going to hit you, Tom Lardladle," he answered boldly.

" Ha ha ha ha ha!! You, hit me? I think not, Master Pippin!" Tom laughed as he squeezed Diamond's arm tighter, causing her face to contort in pain.

" Why not? I have killed more orcs than you can count on your hands and toes. I have traveled with wizards and ents, faced Ringwraiths, and fought alongside soldiers and the kings of this world. I have seen many brave men die. I was captured and drug across Rohan by orcs and managed to escape with all my limbs intact. I have been through the battle for the world and survived it. Why, Tom Lardladle, could I not hit you?" Pippin asked simply. By now the room was so silent that you could hear the cricket chirping outside the door.

" Because you -" Tom began, but the rest of his sentence was cut off by Pippin's fist smashing into his skull. He hit the floor and did not move. Without another word, Pippin turned to Diamond.

" Here, Diamond, let's get you home," Pippin said gently as he helped her up off the ground. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with relief and gratitude. Together they walked out of the room, leaving many hobbits with their mouths gaping open. As soon as they were out the door, the room erupted with talk of what the hobbits had all just witnessed. Tom Lardladle came too and, in a bind rage, he blundered out the door after Pippin.

" Hey, get back here!" he shouted. Pippin and Diamond turned to face him.

" What?" Pippin asked with one eyebrow arched.

" Nobody hits me and gets away with it!" he thundered.

" Tom, that is enough!" yelled the old hobbit. Many other hobbits joined in with his shouts. Merry and a few others stepped between him and Diamond.

" That is enough, Tom. Don't you ever go near those two again, or you'll find yourself faced with more than you can manage," Merry snarled. Tom was a chicken at heart and, overwhelmed by the odds, he slunk away towards his home, nursing a very swollen cheek.

" Come on, Diamond, he won't be bothering you anymore," Pippin said as he gently escorted her down the road.

" Pippin, you were so - " she began.

" Stupid?" Pippin asked, finishing her sentence.

" No! Not at all! You were very brave! No one else would have said anything, but you stood up to him and helped me. No one has ever done that before," she said quietly, her eyes radiating fondness as she linked her elbow in his. Pippin smiled like an idiot. They continued chatting until they reached her hobbit hole.

" Oh, there you are! When I heard what had happened, I was about to come after you!" Diamond's father exclaimed as they walked through the doors.

" Oh, father, you will not believe what happened!" Diamond said, then told him in great detail what Pippin said and did.

" Let's see that hand," he demanded when he heard that Pippin had hit Tom. Pippin proffered his swollen right fist and Diamond gasped.

" Oh, listen to me babble on while you are hurt! Sit down and let me take care of that! Mother, get Pippin some food, please!" Diamond yelled as she drew Pippin to a chair.

" Tell us a story, Pippin! Of your adventures!" Diamond begged as she wrapped his hand. Pippin launched into his account of the journey through Moria, brightening it up with light humor and omitting scary, gruesome parts. A good couple of hours passed before he got back to his own home where Merry was waiting.

" Well, Pip, I think you will have all the Shire talking for the next few weeks, I'll give you that!" he exclaimed as soon as Pippin entered the room.

" I know," he said simply, a slap - happy grin stretching from ear to ear.

" What happened?" Merry asked, fairly bursting with excitement.

" Oh, I walked Diamond home where she took care of my hand, fed me, and I told stories," Pippin responded. Merry laughed.

" Here, have some ale to celebrate!" Merry offered.

" No thanks, Merry, I think I'll go to sleep. Good night!" Pippin said happily. Merry watched him go, then, with a shrug, finished the ale himself and waked home.

Sorry it took so long to update, but I finally got to it! Go review, for the goat lives, and he will ruin you!

U2lover: Hey! I am so thrilled that you like my story! Here's the update!

Kylark: Now be good and go review again!

Elf with a Lightsaber: I don't know if you could stomach my goat Glad you like it!

PIPPINpIRATE: My goat sounds like your sister? You poor thing just kidding!