Disclaimer: See First Chapter
Author's Note: Here's the final chapter UNLESS the reviews want more. If I do more though it'll probably be as another humorous story unless everyone really hates EA with a passion then I guess I can continue this one. So Read & Review and tell me what you want. Oh and read my other story if you want to make me happy.
DAY 3
Harry: Hmm that's weird. I didn't even get to attend Defense Against the Dark Arts. In fact I remember it being yesterday. (Looks around) hmm…. (Goes downstairs)
Ron: We've got flying today Harry!
Harry: We don't have that class anymore Ron. Only first years take flying.
Ron: But Madam Hooch likes it when the older kids stop by for pointers.
Harry: Speaking of which what does Madam Hooch do in all her spare time since she only teaches one class?
Ron: I don't know Harry. She probably teaches the class a lot. Remember there are a lot of kids that attend Hogwarts.
Harry: Don't you find it odd that there are only about fourteen teachers or so, for hundreds and hundreds of students?
Ron: Probably. In fact it's most likely decreasing the value of my edukation.
Harry: You spelled education wrong.
Ron: Like I said.
FLYING – (Harry, Hermione, Ron, Neville all stand around waiting on Madam Hooch)
Harry: I don't see why I need to be here. I'm an excellent flyer. I am the Gryffindor seeker remember?
Ron: Yeah but EA wants to give you the flying experience.
Harry: That's cool I guess. They finally did SOMETHING right. What are you doing here Hermione? Neville?
Hermione: They have me stand around so it's kind of like the books you know. I don't really say anything. Occasionally I move my arm like this (moves her arm) so I appear more lifelike.
Harry: Yeah but I don't think I've ever seen you fly a broom before. Or you either Neville. Can you guys even fly?
Hermione: Harry if I could fly there really wouldn't be much you'd be better at than me. Actually there wouldn't be anything you'd be better at. Then you couldn't save the day and act all heroish. Then they'd have to name the books after me because you'd…well be boring Harry.
Harry: Hey I resent that. Lots of people like me better than you. You're a bit bossy you know that?
Hermione: (Moves her arm again to appear lifelike) Perhaps.
Harry: What about you Neville?
Neville: I just suck.
Harry: Oh.
Madam Hooch: Are you ready everyone? Good. Now the object here is to use your joystick and fly through the colored rings. (Sees Harry raise his hand) Yes Mr. Potter?
Harry: Um… (Looks around) What joystick?
Madam Hooch: The one on your controller Harry.
Harry: …………………………. (Lots of unnecessary dots for a really long pause)
LOADING
Harry: (Is up on broom floating in front of a ring)
Madam Hooch: Now begin Harry!
Harry: (Makes a dramatic jerk right and veers directly into one of the castle towers. Hits the wall repeatedly and bounces down) OW! OW! OW! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BROOM!
Madam Hooch: (Walking over to Harry) You held the joystick out of its neutral position when you turned on the Gamecube didn't you?
Harry: I don't think so… (Is a bit dazed)
Madam Hooch: Oh well then it's probably just the game.
Harry: (Standing up and brushing off) Yeah probably. So what's this flying going to do for me?
Madam Hooch: Well you can fly anywhere around the school now!
Harry: That's awesome! I can fly anywhere I want!
Madam Hooch: Well…you can fly anywhere you want except for around the edges, and you can't land anywhere except right by a door.
Harry: Why not?
Madam Hooch: What you think EA could actually give you something exciting and fun to do?
Harry: So it has no point does it?
Madam Hooch: Nope. Hey you've got a quidditch game against Slytherin Mr. Potter so I suggest you get a move on.
Harry: But…since this is a game it really doesn't matter if I hurry does it? They can't start without me can they?
Madam Hooch: Well no th-(Stops talking with her mouth open)
Harry: Madam Hooch? Erm…hello?
Madam Hooch: (Stands perfectly still with her hand out and her mouth open)
Harry: Hermione! Ron! Something is wrong with Madam Hooch (Looks over at Hermione and Ron to see that they too have frozen) What happened to everyone!?
Gamecube: Click, whhrrrrrr, *hack* *wheeze*
Harry: What's going on?
Gamecube: I'm sorry I malfunctioned. Boy I really hope you saved your game. *dies*
POWER OFF…POWER ON
LOADING
DAY 3
Harry: Hmm that's weird. I didn't even get to attend Defense Against the Dark Arts. In fact I remember it being yesterday. (Looks around) hmm…. (Goes downstairs)
Ron: We've got flying today Harry!
Harry: Yeah so I've heard. Let me guess, Hermione and Neville will be there for no reason.
Ron: How did you know?
Harry: Call it a hunch.
Scene- Quidditch Match after flying
Lee Jordan: Welcome to the Hogwart's quidditch pitch where to most exciting game of the year is about to take place. The lionhearted Gryffindors vs. the slimy Slytherins!
Draco: (Pulls up next to Harry on the trail of the Snitch) Hey Potter! I'm going to beat you this time. *spits*
Harry: Please. (Goes to cut straight across the field to head off the snitch. Goes a few feet and gets bounced back) AHH! (Bounces against the barrier) What's up with this?
Lee Jordan: Oh it seems that Potter forgot that EA is running things now, and that he needs to stay directly on the tail of the snitch.
Harry: So I can't even fly out of this damn invisible tube? So what good were flying lessons!
Draco: (Zooms past Harry. Then slows down because he has bad AI and allows Harry past.)
Harry: Eat my dust Malfoy! (Zooms up to the snitch)
Lee Jordan: Potter's near the snitch!
Harry: (Reaches out his hand) Why can I only move my hand up and down? (Tries repeatedly to grab the snitch but fails) I look like a moron. Why does EA have to ruin everything? (Tries again and grabs it. Camera circles around him as all the action stops and he continues to fly forward)
Lee Jordan: Gryffindor Wins!
Harry: (Holds snitch up triumphantly as camera zooms around him and he is unable to move. Flies directly into a tower and falls)
Lee Jordan: Potter is-Oh OW! Potter is going down, down, down, oh he smashed through a beam…oh and another one *winces* that might have broken bones. Well…on the bright side Slytherin will be crying into their butterbeer in the common room tonight!
LOADING
Scene: Harry, Ron, Hermione are eating at the Gryffindor table.
Ron: Good job today at the match Harry. The game is almost over.
Harry: Thanks. Yeah Madam Pomfrey got me fixed all up.
Ron: We've got another Defense Against the Dark Arts class next.
Harry: With elddiR moT? Shouldn't we have had that class already since I started to go into-
Ron: You should know by now not to ask obvious questions. (Eats pumpkin pie)
Harry: Aren't I supposed to be eating that?
Ron: Oh yeah (Hands it to Harry)
Harry: (Eats the pumpkin pie)
Hermione: (Giggles at failed shipper joke)
LOADING
moT: That's all today class. Mr. Potter you're staying after for detention.
Harry: Why! I didn't do anything?
moT: I just don't like you.
Harry: *mumbles*
Voiceover: During Harry's detention moT stood up and raised his arms
moT: POTTER! YOU HAVE ELUDED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! I AM REALLY-
Harry: Lord Voldemort? Yeah I got it (rolls his eyes). So can we just battle and get everything over with?
Voldemort: (Stands there with his hands raised in the air like a doofus) Oh…I suppose. (Pulls chain by his desk and drops them both into the dungeon. Stands in the middle of the room with his wand raised and chanting to himself. Dark music starts to play. Harry stands opposite him)
Harry: Oh yeah standing there waving your wand like a dumbass really makes me feel scared.
Voldemort: (Lowers his wand) AVADA KEDAVRA! (Shoots a ball of green light)
Harry: (Steps slightly to the side and watches it go slowly past him) …
Voldemort: (Repeats two more times and watches Harry dodge them both times) Why can't I hit you!
Harry: (Takes up his own wand and smiles) Because Voldemort I've learned something. You may think you're all powerful but you suffer just like everyone else because of EA. From….BAD AI! (Raises his own wand) Avada KEDAVRA (Blast Voldemort back against the wall and stands there with his wand up)
LOADING
Scene- Back in the common room
Ron: You did it Harry! You finally beat Voldemort! (Gives him a high five)
Hermione: (Hugs him) Oh Harry!
Harry: Don't worry I couldn't have really killed him. We've still got an entire book to go remember?
Hermione: Oh yeah…but…that does it for now doesn't it.
Ron: Yup that's all she wrote!
CREDITS ROLL SLOWLY…VERY SLOWLY
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING!
Gamecube: Returns to the title screen without giving you anything bonus or ANYTHING!
Harry: (Puts down the Gamecube controller and looks at Ron) Well…I beat it.
Ron: Wasn't it brilliant!
Harry: (Gives Hermione a quick glance and then back at Ron) You're kidding right? I suggest you don't buy anymore games Ron.
Ron: Oh…
Harry: So what now?
Ron: Well I've got other games…
Hermione: We could play Trivial Pursuit again (Rocks back and forth hugging her knees)
Ron: Yeah so you can beat us like a million to nothing again.
Hermione: No wonder you're so bad Ron! You don't even know that you don't use points in Trivial Pursuit!
Ron: Yeah but-
Harry: Stop fighting you two. (Looks at Ron's shelf of games) I'm sure there's another one here we can play.
Hermione: (Picks up a controller) I want to play this time too. Get a two player one.
Ron: Three player.
Harry: Hmm ok. (Shuffles through games) How about this one? (Pulls down Harry Potter's Quidditch World Cup from the shelf, not noticing it's also made by EA) Maybe this one will be good. (Puts it in and powers on the Gamecube)
Ron: It's quidditch Harry, how bad can it be?
Hermione: That's what you said about the last game! You said, "It can't be bad because I'm in it Harry, and I rule!" if I recall correctly. Do you remember what a disaster the last game was?
Ron: Yeah…I do rule don't I?
Harry: (Crosses his legs sitting between them) Well let's just hope this one is better.
Camera: (Zooms up and away from the three of them in Ron's bedroom slowly)
FIN
