Title: Dimension Hopping for the Modern Minion
Author: Xander03
Rating: R (language)
Summary: "Please take your seats. Faith and I will be discussing the possible end of the world for a few moments, don't mind us."
Author's Notes: Spoilers through the ends of Season 4 Angel and Season 7 Buffy. Thanks to K, verucawerewolf, spifarific, and h0taru. And R for some "beta-testing." I have a big welcoming party in my inbox for feedback and constructive criticism, swing by and enjoy the cake (of various flavors, and with ice cream!).
***
"We could color code them according to age. Or maybe skill level." Faith idly twirled a stake through her fingers.
"Faith, you're not helping," Kennedy said, starting to grow red with anger. "The idea of uniforms is just ridiculous," she said to Robin. Wesley looked on from his desk, drinking coffee, amused. He'd been letting Robin handle most aspects of how the Academy was run, even though he was the Senior Guardian in L.A.
"They aren't uniforms exactly. Just boots and battle dress uniform trousers."
"Starting at pink and moving through red and blue and purple," Faith said, eyes raised at Wesley. "We could even add some stripes, just for color. And for identification. Maybe some numbers? They'd be like soccer jerseys."
"We'd all be the same. You'd be telling us what to wear. Sounds like a uniform," Kennedy said.
"I just can't see why you all have to look fashionable when killing demons. Heels aren't exactly the best platform on which to fight," Robin said.
"We can figure that out on our own," Kennedy said, adding quietly, "And I don't wear heels."
"When will some of them figure it out? When they get killed tripping over their extra long jeans in a fight? Or maybe when they stop after they fall out of tops that are too small for first graders?"
"You should wear heels," Faith said. "I'd laugh." Robin and Kennedy both glared at Faith. "Right. Not helping," Faith said, getting up to leave the AI office, where the Academy staff and Guardians had been retreating for most arguments.
"You're going to turn us into some freakish cult-like militia!" Kennedy's voice was the last one she heard before Faith shut the door, and she had to try hard to not laugh. Kennedy had been arguing practically everything lately, leading no one to take any of her arguments seriously.
Out in the lobby, girls were milling about, talking to others, heading toward their rooms for a shower after exercise. They'd be heading to classes soon. Faith ran over her mental notes on the class she was to teach today. Wesley called it "The Psychology of the Slay." She was to discuss the proper attitude one should have in the middle of a fight. It was one of the few areas her attitude was deemed appropriate, and that was only after she proved that it worked by surviving. Fighting was all mental between two otherwise equal opponents, and often meant the difference between winning and losing.
Faith nodded at the man standing at the door. He was wearing a suit, and looked unarmed. But she knew he was one of the guards Angel had sent over from Wolfram and Hart. He was probably carrying enough firepower to take out an armored division. He nodded back, acknowledging Faith while at the same time keeping an eye on the entire lobby and door. Not for the first time, Faith chuckled at the idea of having a guard for the school. Anyone dumb enough to attack a collection of Slayers would soon find extra guards weren't needed.
The Hyperion had five other such men somewhere inside, but this was the only one that would be seen by the public. Four were responsible for specific areas of the building and one spent all day looking for ghosts, demons, or magical devices that might be lurking about the hotel. The night shift had ten men doing the same jobs, only in pairs. They were always around, although the detection team left whenever Willow came to visit. She broke their equipment.
Naturally, the Slayers didn't trust these guards. They were from an evil law firm, regardless of who was in charge. No one believed Angel was fighting on the wrong side, of course, but nobody was going to be foolish enough to think the Senior Partners hadn't kept some Wolfram and Hart employees on the payroll. Lilah was banned from the building for that reason.
"I don't see why you have to help them," Kennedy said, storming from the office. "You're supposed to be on our side. You're a Slayer too."
Faith turned around. "Calm down. They're just pants." She rolled her eyes and started to walk off.
"Hey!" Kennedy grabbed her shoulder. "Nobody told you how to dress before."
"Probably because I already knew how to wear shit that wouldn't get me killed," Faith said, shoving Kennedy's hand off her shoulder. "Really, lay off. Save it up for something important."
"When did you get so bitchy?"
Faith took a deep breath. She'd had a long chat with Wesley about not hitting any of the students when they were being stupid, and normally that wasn't a problem. But Kennedy always made her want to snap and do something that would definitely get her sent back to prison. "I really think you should just give it up, Kennedy. You're a student; they're in charge. Get used to it."
"The only reason I'm still a student is Wesley and Giles aren't done training the other Guardians. If they aren't ready to be Guardians, maybe they shouldn't be in charge at all."
Xander and Robin weren't completely ready to go to another city alone with a Slayer and set up a base of operations, but they were more than capable of handling the Academy. Faith knew Kennedy knew that, and was just trying to start an argument. It was working. "The only reason you're still a student is you have an attitude problem the size of Montana. Maybe if you'd just shut up and listen a few times, they'd let you go."
"I'm not the one with an attitude problem, you are. I just don't understand why you have to always agree with him, just because the two of you are fucking!" The girls around the lobby stopped talking and glanced at the pair.
"Whoa. You need to calm the fuck down, girl," Faith said, stepping up to be just inches from Kennedy. "Outbursts like that will get you nowhere."
"You're just pissed because they keep comparing me to you." Kennedy remained still, not willing to back down.
"Hon, you could never be me. You're not good enough." Faith shoved the younger Slayer, and both girls took up fighting stances. The lobby cleared.
"Ladies," Wesley broke in, appearing from the office and stepping between the two Slayers. "Not here. Not now. Not in front of the other students." Kennedy looked between him and Faith, determining how far she could press the issue. "Don't you have class, Kennedy?" Wesley asked, stopping her thought process. She turned and left.
"She's getting really damn annoying," Faith said, as soon as she was gone.
"True. And I can't think of anyone else who had issues with authority," Wesley said, before walking back into the office.
***
"It really is too bad his associate needed to be there," Lilah said, scanning reports at her desk.
"I don't see how you can be so unconcerned." Knox was in front of her desk, trying not to pace. "If they figure out what those are for, they might find the demon, and they might restore her powers."
"Those are possibilities you needn't concern yourself with. I assure you the Senior Partners have it under control. Continue throwing things at Angel to keep him occupied, and the plan will continue as scheduled."
"Okay."
"Is there anything else?" Lilah looked up, annoyed.
"No, I was just," Knox stammered. "No, nothing. Goodbye." He turned and left Lilah's office.
Lilah slid a folder from under the pile of papers on her desk. Opening it, she read a few lines and picked up the phone. "Connect me with the South East High School football coach, please."
***
"I told you we shouldn't have come back," Buffy said over her shoulder at Willow. She was on the floor, using a hand broom to sweep up glass shards.
"I doubt it has anything to do with our return," Willow said, using a larger broom to get the big shards.
Buffy sat back on her heels. "I don't think it does. I just don't like cleaning."
"And here I thought you'd be pleased at the opportunity to assist the new Council," Giles said, walking through the door into the office, followed by Dawn and Andrew. The younger pair surveyed the office, noting the broken window and path of debris and overturned chairs heading into the warehouse.
"Nice to see you guys," Buffy said, standing.
"We were wondering if you were going to sleep all day," Willow added, causing both young Guardians to blush.
"We were out very late!" Andrew protested. "Someone has to kill the demons around here while you all are away." In truth, they had been up late watching the extended edition of "The Two Towers", but he wasn't going to admit to it.
"Too bad you weren't here for 'protection' then," Buffy said, smirking.
"Regardless," Giles said, interrupting the banter, "I have informed them of what I found this morning. They are here now, and it would seem we have a mystery to solve."
"Do we know if it had something to do with the Council's business, or just a random break in?" Willow asked. "Because if it was just a random break in, we can call the police."
"No, no, I think whoever it was wanted something specific the Council has," Giles said. "Or had, rather. So going to the police would just get them involved in something they probably cannot fix..."
Andrew had pulled the master inventory from one of the computers, and compared it to the list of items Giles had found still there that morning. The thief had tossed everything on one table to the floor, presumably looking for something. "They took a book from the Room P table, one about the Tnacsuroc Dimension."
"How did they know it was here?" Buffy asked.
"They hacked into our system," Dawn answered. "That's how they bypassed the security alarm, too. They knew exactly where they were going."
"An awfully big mess for someone who knew exactly what they were doing," Buffy said, pointing to the glass on the floor. The burglar had simply smashed the front window after the security system had been deactivated.
"Yes," Giles agreed. "Rather clumsy."
"We should search for fingerprints," Dawn said.
"How do you suggest we do that?" Andrew asked. "It isn't like this is CSI."
"Shut up. I'll figure something out."
"We can hope that their lack of grace moving about is an indicator of other laziness. Perhaps they did not wear gloves," Giles said. "Of course, it could be a demon, and then the prints will be useless."
"It can show that it was a demon, as opposed to a human," Willow offered. "I'll take a look at the security system and see if I can find anything there to link us back to the person that shut it off."
"And I'll," Buffy paused, thinking of what to say, "go back to the house and ponder the meaning of all this."
"You mean take a nap," Dawn said, earning a death stare from her sister.
"Very thoughtful of you," Giles said. "But I believe your time would be better spent here, helping Andrew search the building for other physical clues."
"And what will you be doing?" Buffy asked.
"Assembling my filing cabinet," Giles said. "I had to go purchase a new one after the last one broke."
"You mean after you broke the new one trying to put it together," Dawn said, smiling.
"Yes. Hush. Get to work, all of you," Giles said, walking toward his desk.
***
"Hello there, miss. Why don't you come join my friend and me?" The man moved away from the building to speak to the passing young woman. "It looks like you could sit for awhile and rest."
"No, thank you." She ignored the man completely, walking away. Rain soaked her combat pants and baggy shirt, and weighed down her backpack. Her shoes and satchel made squeaking noises with every step.
He followed her a few more feet. He was close enough to touch her now. "Are you sure?"
"Listen, I have somewhere to be," the woman said, picking up her pace.
He grabbed her arm, "I really have to insist." The man bared fangs, moving to game face in an attempt to surprise the woman. His friend rushed from the other side, in game face as well. An easy kill for two young vampires.
She turned around and dropped the satchel. Expecting an amusing fight, the vampire let her go. "You going to fight me, honey?"
"This should be fun," the other vampire said. "We should let her run so we can chase."
"Stupid vampires," the woman said, right before pulling a 10 mm pistol with silencer from her waistband and firing eight rounds into the vampire in front of her.
"I don't know how you got a gun here, lady," vampire number two said, "But it isn't going to do any good." He rushed her, driven by anger.
The first vampire exploded, sending dust up and then down in the rain. "Ever see Underworld?" she asked the second, who'd come to a stop after seeing his friend turn to dust. His face turned blank. "They had a damn fine idea about bullets." Then she emptied the rest of the clip into the second vampire, dusting him as well.
She took off her backpack and threw the empty magazine in the bag. There was a second clip in the harness, and she reloaded before putting the gun away, tucked in her pants at the small of her back. "I hate England," she muttered, before walking off and toward the next bus stop on her trip.
Smiling at the driver, she took a seat in the middle of the bus. She wasn't noticeable, and if you'd asked the other passengers, they probably wouldn't have remembered her. The next stop was the airport.
According to her passport, Anne Smith was a twenty-two year old American. She told everyone she was visiting her cousin. "These aren't the droids you're looking for," she joked with airport security. They laughed, but she never was searched, and metal detectors couldn't pick up her personally crafted handgun. From London to New York and on to LA, she was the perfect passenger. And after she picked up her luggage at the bag claim in LA, her entire background on every computer system she'd encountered on her journey disappeared.
***
"Each piece is approximately 23.528 centimeters long and 0.632 centimeters in diameter," Fred told Angel and Faith in one of Wolfram and Hart's conference rooms. "They are made from an alloy consisting of Aluminum, Nickel, Chromium, Iron, Magnesium, Carbon, Cobalt, Silicon, and a metal we've never seen before. Many of the tests we'd normally run on a material we can't because they are destructive. The unknown substance must be accounting for many of the properties, as the strips don't show many of the characteristics found in alloys of the other metals."
"Magical components?" Angel asked.
"They broke most of the magical equipment we used on them," Fred said, frowning. "I'd say the strips have more magic in them than any of our equipment is calibrated to deal with, which is odd. But our inter-dimensional residual energy scanner was all over the charts before it burnt out. They didn't come from here."
"Well, that's something. Did Knox find anything else?"
"No, and I'm surprised. We apparently have nothing on record like this."
"Anything on the dream?"
Fred shuffled through her papers. "We've looked through all the texts we have. Unfortunately, many demons look like humans and lots wear robes. The weapons she described weren't distinctive, and, well, her description of the language wasn't quite enough to go on. We found one-hundred-eighty-two worlds known for caves, with ten having green as the main cave color, but none of the inhabitants matched the list of demons with the ridges she described."
"I find it hard to believe that Wolfram and Hart has nothing to offer on this problem," Angel said.
"We probably do," Fred replied, "we're just not looking in the right places. I'll keep changing search parameters and methods and see what I can come up with. Knox will keep analyzing the metal strips to see if something comes up."
"No, we need to get those back to Faith," Angel said. "Whoever sent them wanted her to have them and she may need them immediately. I'd hate for the resolution of a vision to depend on how fast she can get to the lab."
"Did Lorne pick up anything from Faith when she sang for him?"
Angel chuckled. "You mean when she tried to sing for him? That was the most horrid rendition of the Sesame Street Theme Song I've ever heard. But no, he didn't get anything."
"Isn't that odd?"
"It may mean the Powers didn't send the visions; someone else did. Someone who isn't sending him the copies."
"We'll look into that, too," Fred said, turning when Lilah walked through the door.
"Don't you knock?" Angel scowled.
"Sorry, boss," Lilah said. "I just don't want you to be late for this afternoon's ritual."
"That would be bad, wouldn't it?" Angel mocked.
"What is this ritual for?" Fred asked.
"Today, we're going to do an extermination ritual so that nasty bugs and rodents don't come creeping though the sewers to eat all of our dead employees and research subjects," Angel said, straightening up his desk before rising.
Lilah said, "Actually, it is a ritual to prevent insect like and rodent like demons from deciding to make the building home."
"Close enough," Angel said, walking towards the door. "We'd invite you Fred, but it is going to be way too boring for the average employee."
Fred giggled. "That's okay. I'll get back to work."
***
Gunn and Wesley stared at the client in the seat across from them. He was purple, with three horns.
"Let me get this straight," Wesley said, "You own a business."
"Yes." He reached up and scraped something off a horn with his fingernail, and then ate it.
"Your business purchases human babies from the demonic black market."
"That's correct." The demon looked annoyed.
"And then you resell them to a select group of demons to raise as food."
"Yes."
"Hmm."
"Why do you ask these questions? What about the crime? Aren't you going to do anything about the hacker who destroyed my database of clients and stole my money?" One of his horns turned from purple to red.
"The money that you stole from another demon? One who specializes in torturing humans for fun?" Wesley asked, trying to ignore the color change.
"I didn't steal it. He paid me!" Silence. "I demand you do something about this outrage! I will pay well, I assure you. But I need that client list if the hacker still has it. They might use it to steal my clients away from me!"
"Yes. Well, that would be most unfortunate. Why don't you write down the address of your operation, and I'll dispatch some of our most qualified investigators tomorrow to stop by and collect some evidence. I assure you, we are most definitely on this case."
The purple demon smiled. "Thank you. I knew I could count on Angel Investigations to help me, no matter what my brother said." His horn turned back to its original color.
"Brother?" Gunn asked, surprised. He quickly regained his composure. "We'll need his address too, just to ask some questions. And maybe the addresses of any of your competitors so we can go see if they have your client list."
"Of course!" The demon scribbled down the information, adding, "He's in the baby finger business, so he's always been jealous." He collected his things, shook Wesley and Gunn's hands, and then walked out. By the door to the Hyperion, he was on his cell phone making calls to all his associates telling them to be at his place the next day so the "professional investigators could ask questions."
"Investigators?" Gunn asked Wesley after taking a deep breath and making sure the client was completely gone.
"Slayers, investigators. Really, it's about the same," Wesley said, trying to hold back a grin. "It's a perfect training opportunity for the older girls. And, if we find the computers, perhaps we can get his client list."
"Damn, Wes, this could keep us busy for a month. I like it."
"Could you go get Robin?" Wesley asked. "I'll go grab Faith and Kennedy."
"Sure," Gunn said. "Time for a good old fashioned research and planning party. Should we call Angel?"
Wesley thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't think so. It'd be unfortunate if any of the people involved end up being clients of his. We'll let him know tomorrow, after we're done." Angel had been busy of late, too busy to notice when his law firm accidentally "misplaced" evidence gathered by the Slayers or Angel Investigations during joint operations. He'd let Fred look at the computers when they were all done, but didn't want Angel's soldiers involved in the actual raid.
***
"There's nothing unique about the code," Willow said. Giles, Buffy, Andrew, Dawn, and Willow sat at a table in the Council's office.
"Except it kicks ass," Andrew added. Bored with looking for evidence with Dawn and Buffy, Andrew had reassigned himself to assisting Willow in analyzing what went wrong with the security system. He'd taken a look at the other computer systems operated by the Council, and found that the thief had been there, too.
"Is it strange that the code is so boring?" Giles asked.
"Yes," Willow said. "Writing code is just like writing anything else, it's very personal. Most hackers end up leaving some bit of personalization, even if it's by accident. Some do it on purpose, leaving as much as their online alias in the code."
"The only thing special about this one is it is all very neatly done," Andrew said. "It looks like a program you'd find in a text book. Very boring."
"Do we know exactly how it worked?" Giles asked.
"The original intrusion came from a library's computer," Andrew said. "But he wasn't there. He hacked into their system after gaining access from a university in Italy. He wasn't actually there, either. He leap-frogged between systems at least six times, and I'm still going back. He's been erasing the connection logs and creating false ones, so it's been extra hard."
Giles frowned. "What did he do while here?"
"After gaining root-level access," Willow said, and then stopped after seeing Giles face. "Okay, root level access means he was king of the whole system. Totally in charge of the entire network of computers we've got here and the security system they operate. He could have taken out our whole database, if he'd wanted."
"Grand."
"Anyway, after gaining root-level access, he uploaded several programs. Only one of which was for the security take down. The others were just surveillance programs, so he'd been watching us. This is probably how he knew where to look for what he wanted."
"How long?" Giles asked.
"Basically since we linked our system to the net," Willow answered. "He must have been watching us and waiting for us to get up and running. He must have known about the Council, who knows for how long."
"It's possible he had been watching the Council before the explosion, knew that there was something he wanted, but couldn't get to it while it was so heavily protected in that headquarters," Andrew said.
"Is it possible he was or is aligned with the First? That would give her plenty of information," Buffy said. "Maybe he was the one who got the information about the Council for the First to begin with."
"Let's hope not," Giles said. "I'm going to hope that since he only took one book and didn't kill us all that he's not quite that evil."
"There's more bad news," Willow said. "We think we've found all of the programs he put in, but we're not sure."
"The good news," Andrew said, trying to lighten the blow, "is that we've put a bunch of monitoring programs on the computers. If he tries it again, we might catch him."
"Might," Giles repeated. He sighed. The bad guys weren't supposed to know about the resurrection of the Council, much less be able to attack it. "Dawn, did you find anything?"
"Footprints and fingerprints. The fingerprints aren't human, so I couldn't use the footprints to come up with any useful information except our thief weighs around one-hundred and eighty pounds. There were no other indicators that might help us identify the type of demon we're looking for. Except the object that was taken, of course."
"Yes, it is probable that whoever stole the book has a special interest in the Tnacsuroc Dimension," Giles said. "I found it referenced in another text, one on restricted dimensions."
"Restricted dimensions?" Buffy asked.
"There are several dimensions that are ruled or looked after by other powers, similar to our Powers That Be. If that particular dimension is filled with demons so dangerous they could overpower the rest of the known universe, the Powers That Be will attempt to deal with the overseers there and take steps to prevent dimension hopping. They close down all portals and monitor the trans- dimensional space surrounding the dimension."
"Tnacsuroc is one of those?" Willow asked.
"Yes," Giles said. "While the inhabitants aren't extraordinarily dangerous usually, our Powers feared that if any single demon decided to jump, they would have problems. And the powers there, the Licnuoc, really didn't want anything to do with any other dimension. So they reached an agreement, and Tnacsuroc is now a restricted dimension. Andrew?"
"I researched some more and discovered the dimension is home to two distinct groups, the Natit and the Nacluv. The Natit are strong, warrior types, much like Klingons. The Nacluv are more peaceful, but stronger in mind and possessing powerful magics."
"Unfortunately, that's really all we know," Giles said. "The book stolen is the only copy of a work believed to be the only resource on that dimension."
"We should make copies of those," Dawn said.
"Yeah," Willow agreed, "but you have to be careful with scanning or copying anything about demons. They can get in the computer."
"Sounds like a story," Andrew said, a little too eagerly. He'd been trying to catch up on Scooby history, apparently planning on making it into a historical reference for the Council.
"Yeah," Willow said. "One that I'm not telling. Just trust me on this one."
"Indeed," Giles agreed. "But for now, we have to deal with what we have. And we don't have anything about that book. We can guess that the person who took it was interested in that dimension, and judging by the lack of finesse in the theft, and the fact they're not allowed to be here, I doubt they belong to either of those groups you described."
"So what's the plan?" Buffy asked.
"For now, we'll try to make the building more secure," Giles said. "I honestly don't know what to do about fixing the earlier theft."
"Maybe he'll show up on our monitoring software," Willow said.
"We can hope," Giles agreed.
