NOT FADE AWAY
By: Sage 360
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!
Okay, this is a little 'what if' Lady Price wanted me to write after watching "Art of Attraction". It borrows from both Wasteland and Conspiracy Theory in particular. Enjoy!
WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE SAID
They sat across the table from one another. Minus Brennan, minus Shalimar and any other ego or distractions that could interrupt them. Only the hum of Sanctuary's computers buzzed in their ears. It was quickly becoming annoying.
Jesse Kilmartin. Lexa Pierce. The pairing was an oxymoron in itself. But also it was a strange balance. His good to her evil, his peace to her war, her shadow to his light. For months, since they met, that 'tease' had been between them. That what if that made one wonder things about the other not necessarily conducive to all of Mutant X. But that had changed since that last damned mission which both fried his nerves and she made no apologies for. Since that night she slept with Blake.
Jesse had waited for her in the Helix like a trained dog.
Not anymore.
Ever sine she'd stepped onto the plane and saw the handsome blonde face scowl, Lexa knew she'd hit a chord in Jesse rarely touched. There was anger more so that hurt. Pure rage. He wanted to kill Blake -and maybe her just a little more. Sweet Jesse, she thought. He simply was too 'nice' to not want anything from her. What man truly only wanted to get to know a woman? What man didn't expect some form of physical activity for their invested time? What male honestly had it in his heart to look out for someone they barely knew for the sole purpose of protecting them?
That man sat across from her. And his obvious reasons made him that much harder to ignore. She'd never dealt with a man who didn't have an angle. They just seemed easier.
"When we had to deal with Alicia," He started. "It was strange. She was such a part of my past. You almost seemed protective about it- about me."
The brunette crossed her arms. "I didn't want you to... compromise the mission."
"You didn't want me to get hurt. I saw that, Lex." Jesse ran a hand though his hair. "Brennan and Shalimar have been 'difficult' with you since you got here. I just wanted to be..."
"I'm not used to having friends." She finished for him. "Not
used to a lot of things."
"I see that now." He began. "It bothered you when I slept with Alicia."
"Not so much bothered." Lexa would never admit to jealousy on her part. She was too easy to detach by now. But that idea had sat with her more differently then anything. She had wanted to make sure he was alright. "The past always has a hold on us."
"Lex, when I reconnected with Alicia. It was out of love...No intentions for hurt, nothing to prove. I just wanted to know that part of my life was still-there." His hands folded, causing the dirty blonde head to lower. His question was fast becoming obvious to her, and she didn't want to go there.
"Jess-"
"What made you-just 'give' your self to 'him'." The molecular managed. For the first time, the brunette truly saw how it affected Jesse. Since day one, he'd played hero for her. Now, the blue eyes showed an honest cast of betrayal. And the man was holding back.
"I told you, I can't figure emotions into things right now."
"Right now, was before Leo died." He snapped. Immediately her chair pulled form the table.
"We're not having this conversation."
The molecular stood, pushing around to the opposite end to block her. "Yes, we are!" He replied. "And I'm sorry. That was low. But, Lex-"
"Jesse," She began, honestly looking for a way to be 'nice' with him. Shit! She thought. It never works. "You've been there for me in ways I can't explain. Ways I can't process without looking for an angle. I can't explain why I slept with Blake, and I can't apologize for it. So don't ask me to."
"Right." He smirked. "Don't ask you too- just know it wasn't the first time you've done so."
Ice blue eyes watched him with dangerous surprise. He could see a flicker of pain slip past them, and almost held back. Lexa covered with a knowing grin. "Now, you're catching on."
"Lex-"
"Let me tell you something, Jess. You allowed yourself to get close to me. You were so intent on getting me to open up, you never once thought that you might not like the person you find. You didn't think I could actually hurt YOU." The admission made her feel sorry for him. "I'm not Emma." She stated flatly, causing his head to snatch up.
"YOU FUCKED 'HIM' CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME!"
Both grew quiet at his yelling. Somewhere in Sanctuary, feral ears perked up when getting hit by the rage in her brother's voice. Steps began a slow descent towards the kitchen. "I made you see that you didn't have to be so hard, and it made you scared, Lexa. You don't know yourself outside the evil motives. You can't wear a color other than black cause it makes you feel weak!"
"Jess, I know all too well the person I am! YOU can't see that YOU can't save everybody! And that includes me!"
"Lexa, people can only save themselves. Y'know, I don't know why I represent something so weak for you. It's ass backwards for someone to run from people who are there for them. Nothing is wrong with being vulnerable."
"I am not vulnerable!" She yelled. In all the arguments he'd experienced with her, the brunette had never really raised her voiced. "Being vulnerable gets you killed! Being VULNERABLE gets you attached to people you know could die the next day and that includes all of you! Leo was my only exception, now he's gone! I told you, there was no reason for me to be here -and you asked me to stay! Then when I sleep with someone -about as casually as you and Brennan do, I might add- I'm suddenly the Sanctuary slut! You're right, Jess, you represent things for me I won't face. And the way you feel right now is the reason why."
Their silence was piercing in itself. The tall man pushed strong hands deep into his pockets, listening to her voice continue. That thin thread of rage slowly began to build. "It's always come down to hurt or be hurt for me." Lexa began. "Just know it wasn't intentional."
"Wasn't intentional!? You know how I am about you! You slept with another man when you know I care for you! You fucked him cause you couldn't face me. Lex, you let yourself be used!"
"You-"
"I held you every night for weeks after Leo died! I asked you to stay here when, once again, YOU wanted to run! I didn't want anything in return!"
"No, you didn't ask, but it was there. You were waiting to make some move!"
"Lexa, I didn't want anything to happen to you." He admitted. The man began to pace, rotating his neck to escape the oncoming stress. "But you seem content to hurt yourself."
"Bottom line, I slept with Blake for my reasons. I won't apologize."
Two shades of blue crossed each other in a glowing anger, once and still motivated by want. But ego crept in, creating a deeper rift. In her heart, Lexa wanted to be honest, say the things she'd meant to since he saved her life the first time. (Taking of Crows, s3) But, that didn't fit for her. Jesse spoke with a tone remnant of his male teammate, casting a seemingly permanent shadow on the woman before him. "Bottom line," He repeated. "I won't save you anymore."
The woman turned walking away, not looking back as she clutched her pride and held back tears. The actress in her stayed surprisingly calm. "I never asked you to, Jess."
Moments after her heels clicked across the floor, Shalimar's ears tweaked from the dish flying across the room and hitting the wall. In all the time she'd known her 'brother', no one had stirred his anger like that. The blonde leaned into the wall, crossing her arms in serious thought. Lexa wasn't ready for Jesse, and he couldn't handle who she really was- or at least what she presented herself to be. "God," she whispered before finally turning to walk in the kitchen. "How do we get out of this one?"
By: Sage 360
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!
Okay, this is a little 'what if' Lady Price wanted me to write after watching "Art of Attraction". It borrows from both Wasteland and Conspiracy Theory in particular. Enjoy!
WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE SAID
They sat across the table from one another. Minus Brennan, minus Shalimar and any other ego or distractions that could interrupt them. Only the hum of Sanctuary's computers buzzed in their ears. It was quickly becoming annoying.
Jesse Kilmartin. Lexa Pierce. The pairing was an oxymoron in itself. But also it was a strange balance. His good to her evil, his peace to her war, her shadow to his light. For months, since they met, that 'tease' had been between them. That what if that made one wonder things about the other not necessarily conducive to all of Mutant X. But that had changed since that last damned mission which both fried his nerves and she made no apologies for. Since that night she slept with Blake.
Jesse had waited for her in the Helix like a trained dog.
Not anymore.
Ever sine she'd stepped onto the plane and saw the handsome blonde face scowl, Lexa knew she'd hit a chord in Jesse rarely touched. There was anger more so that hurt. Pure rage. He wanted to kill Blake -and maybe her just a little more. Sweet Jesse, she thought. He simply was too 'nice' to not want anything from her. What man truly only wanted to get to know a woman? What man didn't expect some form of physical activity for their invested time? What male honestly had it in his heart to look out for someone they barely knew for the sole purpose of protecting them?
That man sat across from her. And his obvious reasons made him that much harder to ignore. She'd never dealt with a man who didn't have an angle. They just seemed easier.
"When we had to deal with Alicia," He started. "It was strange. She was such a part of my past. You almost seemed protective about it- about me."
The brunette crossed her arms. "I didn't want you to... compromise the mission."
"You didn't want me to get hurt. I saw that, Lex." Jesse ran a hand though his hair. "Brennan and Shalimar have been 'difficult' with you since you got here. I just wanted to be..."
"I'm not used to having friends." She finished for him. "Not
used to a lot of things."
"I see that now." He began. "It bothered you when I slept with Alicia."
"Not so much bothered." Lexa would never admit to jealousy on her part. She was too easy to detach by now. But that idea had sat with her more differently then anything. She had wanted to make sure he was alright. "The past always has a hold on us."
"Lex, when I reconnected with Alicia. It was out of love...No intentions for hurt, nothing to prove. I just wanted to know that part of my life was still-there." His hands folded, causing the dirty blonde head to lower. His question was fast becoming obvious to her, and she didn't want to go there.
"Jess-"
"What made you-just 'give' your self to 'him'." The molecular managed. For the first time, the brunette truly saw how it affected Jesse. Since day one, he'd played hero for her. Now, the blue eyes showed an honest cast of betrayal. And the man was holding back.
"I told you, I can't figure emotions into things right now."
"Right now, was before Leo died." He snapped. Immediately her chair pulled form the table.
"We're not having this conversation."
The molecular stood, pushing around to the opposite end to block her. "Yes, we are!" He replied. "And I'm sorry. That was low. But, Lex-"
"Jesse," She began, honestly looking for a way to be 'nice' with him. Shit! She thought. It never works. "You've been there for me in ways I can't explain. Ways I can't process without looking for an angle. I can't explain why I slept with Blake, and I can't apologize for it. So don't ask me to."
"Right." He smirked. "Don't ask you too- just know it wasn't the first time you've done so."
Ice blue eyes watched him with dangerous surprise. He could see a flicker of pain slip past them, and almost held back. Lexa covered with a knowing grin. "Now, you're catching on."
"Lex-"
"Let me tell you something, Jess. You allowed yourself to get close to me. You were so intent on getting me to open up, you never once thought that you might not like the person you find. You didn't think I could actually hurt YOU." The admission made her feel sorry for him. "I'm not Emma." She stated flatly, causing his head to snatch up.
"YOU FUCKED 'HIM' CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME!"
Both grew quiet at his yelling. Somewhere in Sanctuary, feral ears perked up when getting hit by the rage in her brother's voice. Steps began a slow descent towards the kitchen. "I made you see that you didn't have to be so hard, and it made you scared, Lexa. You don't know yourself outside the evil motives. You can't wear a color other than black cause it makes you feel weak!"
"Jess, I know all too well the person I am! YOU can't see that YOU can't save everybody! And that includes me!"
"Lexa, people can only save themselves. Y'know, I don't know why I represent something so weak for you. It's ass backwards for someone to run from people who are there for them. Nothing is wrong with being vulnerable."
"I am not vulnerable!" She yelled. In all the arguments he'd experienced with her, the brunette had never really raised her voiced. "Being vulnerable gets you killed! Being VULNERABLE gets you attached to people you know could die the next day and that includes all of you! Leo was my only exception, now he's gone! I told you, there was no reason for me to be here -and you asked me to stay! Then when I sleep with someone -about as casually as you and Brennan do, I might add- I'm suddenly the Sanctuary slut! You're right, Jess, you represent things for me I won't face. And the way you feel right now is the reason why."
Their silence was piercing in itself. The tall man pushed strong hands deep into his pockets, listening to her voice continue. That thin thread of rage slowly began to build. "It's always come down to hurt or be hurt for me." Lexa began. "Just know it wasn't intentional."
"Wasn't intentional!? You know how I am about you! You slept with another man when you know I care for you! You fucked him cause you couldn't face me. Lex, you let yourself be used!"
"You-"
"I held you every night for weeks after Leo died! I asked you to stay here when, once again, YOU wanted to run! I didn't want anything in return!"
"No, you didn't ask, but it was there. You were waiting to make some move!"
"Lexa, I didn't want anything to happen to you." He admitted. The man began to pace, rotating his neck to escape the oncoming stress. "But you seem content to hurt yourself."
"Bottom line, I slept with Blake for my reasons. I won't apologize."
Two shades of blue crossed each other in a glowing anger, once and still motivated by want. But ego crept in, creating a deeper rift. In her heart, Lexa wanted to be honest, say the things she'd meant to since he saved her life the first time. (Taking of Crows, s3) But, that didn't fit for her. Jesse spoke with a tone remnant of his male teammate, casting a seemingly permanent shadow on the woman before him. "Bottom line," He repeated. "I won't save you anymore."
The woman turned walking away, not looking back as she clutched her pride and held back tears. The actress in her stayed surprisingly calm. "I never asked you to, Jess."
Moments after her heels clicked across the floor, Shalimar's ears tweaked from the dish flying across the room and hitting the wall. In all the time she'd known her 'brother', no one had stirred his anger like that. The blonde leaned into the wall, crossing her arms in serious thought. Lexa wasn't ready for Jesse, and he couldn't handle who she really was- or at least what she presented herself to be. "God," she whispered before finally turning to walk in the kitchen. "How do we get out of this one?"
