NOT FADE AWAY

Disclaimer: M-X, don't own them. Enjoy!

Hey! It's been awhile, I know. But this girl is on a mission. I'm looking for VW's GYM magazine article from 2002. So if you have it, please send it to me (smiling). I think this is the last chapter, so it will be long. Thanks for bearing with me. And of course a new piece is coming....Enjoy.

SPARKY'S AFTERMATH

It wasn't quite so easy for Shalimar Fox.

With Jesse gone and Adam coped up int the lab, her only company was Brennan- which left her torn. Difficult to decipher how her feral side took 'betrayal', she was caught between wanting him and wanting to kill him. Those thin lines could drive her crazy, and kept the blonde choreographing her steps around him. If they talked, she'd never stay too long or say too much, after all, that would be letting him in. And that's the last thing she wanted.

Only problem was, he was already 'in', and she had no way of changing the locks.

That second day with her 'brother' out, had the woman retreating to old habits. Unable to rest and antsy for space, she took to the woods of Storm King Mountain, relishing in the fresh air and vast land. Never the less, that didn't scratch her itch either. What she needed was to be away, from the rock, the team -him. More than anything, she needed to be away from her heart.

'Away' took her deep into the city, roaming the streets of a bustling downtown. It was a club night and she could smell the party. Having already dressed for the occasion in a stunning blue number, the feral had her pick of places, and found herself in a gyrating multi-level called Rain. Before she knew it, she was embossed by the crowd, inhaling every physical emotion that could permeate through skin. Watching was enough, thus, she headed for the bar.

A few feet away, brown eyes settled on the familiar figure. The blonde could feel her lips curl as her mind dabbled between stepping up to speak or leaving all together. Her feet knew she needed closure. More importantly, her heart needed a drink.

"Look who's out tonight..." she smirked while settling into the next seat. Eyes broke from though, processing the woman in surprise. But it was the feral who's expression suddenly changed. In this proximity, nostrils took in the most unsettling scent, sending realization sprawling through her mind. Somehow violation crept through slender veins, daring her eyes to glow in gold. It was the smell of family - and sex.

Lexa looked up from her drink, oblivious to Shalimar's feral observation. To the normal eye, her demeanor was calm. But to this woman who knew her, details rang out loud. The brunette was flushed, and mentally consumed by 'whomever' caused her state. She relaxed as though trying to be comfortable - like something ached from strenuous activity. Finally, the glazed blue eyes and lack of defensiveness curled around a knowing the blonde didn't want to admit.

It was Jesse. She could smell him on her.

They'd been together that very night.

"Where is he?" The feral began. Glancing at her, and too 'relaxed' to be smart, Lexa smiled softly.

"He'll be back..."

Lexa was blushing! The very thought penetrated Shalimar's defenses, causing an unexpected giggle from her lips. "...Buy me a drink." When blue eyes cast her a glance, she reiterated. "You at least owe me that."

Her team mate gestured to the bartender, before continuing the conversation. "So..."

"So."

"Shal....I didn't know what to think of you and Brennan. Actually, I didn't know what to think of a lot of things...."

"Till tonight, right?" The blonde stared into her Ameretto Sour, stirring the straw absently. "But you knew you two wouldn't be serious."

"Or permanent. Jesse just kept holding on...I've never dealt with that."

"Is that why you left?" The blonde continued. "Better to run than face those you hurt."

"Easy is easy. If I'd known you and Brennan were serious, none of it would have happened."

"How could you? He didn't know..." She replied, following a sip of the drink. "Shit, I didn't know."

"So, what is going on?"

Looking at Lexa, the woman could see her own need to understand. "My 'feral' has already chosen him. That was out of my control. But my human knows better and both are pulling at me. I can do bad by myself, but...there he is."

"...And he loves you..."

Exhaling, she looked away. "Yeah, that too."

Lexa leaned in. Knowing better than to touch the tense woman, she only narrowed the space. Shalimar's heart cracked as Jesse flooded her mind. Not just his skin, or cologne, but his emotion sat evaporated into Lexa like a heavy lotion. "Shal...I'm sorry. I left so I wouldn't hurt Jess or you any more. But, now...I have to see..."

"Just take care of him." The blonde warned. "You know who you have to answer to."

"So you're okay with this?"

Looking at the crowd, she suddenly needed to move. "Not yet, but I will be...Especially after you buy me another drink." Music poured into the woman as she stood on the dance floor. It was in her to say something else. That however left her when turning back. Jesse had returned and stood with his arms laced around Lexa. They were smiling quietly, melting into each other's embrace. Though grinning, the feral rolled her eyes before stepping into the masses. That night, she'd be pay her own bar tab.

They hadn't seen Jesse for several days. Adam, after giving him 'time off' let it be know that the molecular just needed space. But they all knew better. That time he took to find Lexa, also meant time for talking and truth. If the two could work things out, then he'd bring her back. At the end of that fourth day, the Sanctuary had been shut down, with Adam and Shalimar already gone to bed. Brennan stood sparring in the gym, unable to sleep or do much else. A striking flash of highlight and shadow, a new moon's paleness slipped through windows, casting him in soft light. His breath curled outward in the room's cool air. Concentration almost had him cut off, till footsteps faded into his ear. They were back.

Still out of sight, the man headed down the stairs, making sure to stay out of view. Bare feet padded quietly along the cool floor stopping just before entering the hall. Keeping to the side, chocolate orbs took them in. They were definitely together.

Jesse walked slowly, running a hand through his reckless locks. The other reached back, linked with Lexa's. The even looked as though together. She in one of her black halter dresses, and he in his usual jeans and white shirt. They moved absently, and though not talking, their language spoke volumes. They'd joined- in every since of the word.

Brennan observed them quietly, watching as she moved past him to lean on a nearby wall. Jesse wasted no time in stepping towards her. The kiss was slow, but heated enough to confirm his thoughts. They were officially 'together'.

In a strange way, it settled him. After all the torment, seeing them laid to rest his issues of what ifs with Lexa. And though he honestly had been (and still was) attracted to her, he knew a relationship would have never worked. They were too much alike, too bull headed and brash. Nothing to base a stable relationship on. Grinning, the tall man pulled away from the wall, and headed back to the gym. There was no reason to interrupt them.

And it only left one thing. Shuffling along the lobby, Brennan pulled on his shirt. It was late and if people thought 'she' was sleeping, then the feral was actually up. Dark eyes noticed her door ajar, and peeked in. Her bedroom sat empty. Tousled sheets and a thrown of guilt, indication of her inability to sleep. There was only one place she'd be right then. Walking to his room, the man pulled on a fresh shirt, jeans and his boots. She would make him go out in the cold.

The elemental was thankful she hadn't gone far. And that she didn't move from his approach. The blonde stood on some rocks, over looking a choppy shoreline, her arms crossed over for warmth. Before he could say a word, she interrupted. "They're back?"

"Yeah..." Brennan continued. "Just got in...doesn't look like they want to be interrupted though." Lowering his head, the large man fished for things to say . But, the shop was closed on conversation.

Shalimar ,however, easily continued. "So where does that leave you?"

"You tell me." He began. "I don't know what to think of you sometimes. Are you wanting a relationship? Are you pushing me away? How can I not hurt you if I don't know what you want?"

Turning to watch him, brown eyes reflected surprising understanding at his words. "I agree."

"You do?"

"Brennan, I still don't know what I want from you...What I do know is that you're the final destination for me." Her head lowered as blonde waves rippled in the wind. "It's the road that's messing me up. Neither one of us are ready, but..."

"But we know the outcome." He interrupted. "Me and you...Shal, Lexa was a mistake. Seeing her with Jesse only proved that. I shattered your trust and that I'll work to fix..." A hand reached out, pushing through her hair so he could see her face. "You know I love you..."

"Love's not enough, Brennan." She replied. "We can kill for each other, actually die for one another...What we don't have is security. I can't trust you'll always be there."

The elemental lifted her chin, exposing a tear streaked face in the pale light. "Shal, when you're ready, I'll be whatever you want. It may take awhile. Or you may find someone else. But I will wait for you...The question is, do you want me to."

"I don't know...neither one of us is ready to risk things-again." She sniffled. "I'm so tired of this, Brennan. I'm tired of you! I love you! You run off with anything that gets your pants open and then come back to me like its okay. We may not be together, but you have an idea of how things are. You know what you do hurts me, and you know I can't help what I feel. My feral chose you as my mate. But the human so wants to kick your ass!"

"Shalimar. Tell me what you want! If you want us to try, we'll try. You've never stepped up and let me know what you need from me. I can't read minds!"

"No shit!" She snapped. "You know what I want? I want to stop sitting up sleepless every night, worried about if you go off with other women. I want to be able to come to you and tell you that I love you without smelling cheap perfume or recent sex on your skin! I WANT to know you feel the same way and not wonder if you're too afraid to even act on it. But I can't have those things with YOU, cause I can't even trust you right now! I mean, physically, you'll 'be' with me, but emotionally, it won't be there at all. You'll do what you think you have to. Not what's in your heart."

He stood silent as the woman closed her eyes, pacing her breath to regain some control. Finally, her voice returned, quivering. "I want to know when these games will stop. I'm here and I want you, but I won't be second. Nore, will I be a last resort when you're tired of chasing 'trash'. If you don't want me, then say so...But if you do, prove it. Work at it till it hurts...work for me till you win-" Her words snapped shut at the pressure of his kiss. Struggling with everything she had, the feral desperately wanted to pull away. She was ashamed at how he could overpower her, both physically and emotionally. Her mind screamed as her body and heart gave in, melting into his warmth. Finally, pulling back, his embrace remained tight, nearly constricting her lungs.

"You know what I feel, Shal..." He whispered as their foreheads pressed together. "You're what's in my heart, You're what I want...I betrayed your trust and will break my neck to fix it. But no matter how much 'I' do, 'you' have to decide to come to me...you have to stop being afraid." Letting go, he stepped back. "I'm here and I'm waiting. You've been afraid to act and that left 'every action' on me. And that's wrong... but you know that."

"I-"

"We." He interrupted. "If we ever cross that line, then 'we' both go in betting everything and holding nothing back. Are you ready for that kind of commitment?"

Suddenly silent, the woman shuffled in place. "I know I am..."

"And so do I..."

"But what I'm saying is that I can't come to you now. Not after every thing...not after Lexa." They all knew it'd be in the back of her mind. Every time she saw them talking or left them alone, the feral would question what exactly was still there. No one said that the heart could only break one way. Yes and no, love and hate, want and disgust all battled for her right then. Still, when looking into his eyes, she saw every thing she knew. Brennan was her future. All she had to do was go after it. "I just need time..."

"...I can give you that..." He replied. Stepping close, the man kissed her forehead. "And I will wait for you, Shalimar." With that, he walked back towards Sanctuary, leaving the woman to sort things for herself. "And Shalimar....I may not mean much, but I do love you."

Sniffling, and feeling ea for doing so, the feral replied. "I love you, too."

Turning to glance at her, his eyes caught the fidgeting in her stance. Silently, Brennan reached out a large hand, waiting for her reply. She eyed him, debating as cold air curled around her. Eventually, her steps started and slender fingers embraced his own. Leading her through sparse trees and sand, he patiently walked her home. And the 'hand in hand' drew closer, becoming an arm around the shoulder. Leaning into him , the feral closed her eyes. Understanding that love wasn't easy or simple, she readied for the possibilities of a future with him. It was enough to have the man she loved. More importantly, she knew they had a chance. There was hope for them yet.