"Well - I don't love you"
every day I see your face I wish I'd stayed
Don't even know what made me run away
It's just the way I play the game
Hyde bit his tongue to keep the scream from escaping his lips as he saw Jackie run from him, out of the room, and out of his life. He could have gone after her. He could have forced her to listen to him, to take him back, to forgive him. He knew he could convince her to do so. She did take Kelso back time after time. But no, he knew better. He cared enough for Jackie to know that she didn't need him. He just hated himself for needing her so much. He groaned as he fell back on her bed, he was alone. Steven Hyde was alone again and for once he knew no one was to blame but himself.
Emotional is not a word I use to explain myself
And now you got me down upon my knees
Oh baby please just take me back
Hyde entered the basement, his sturdy sunglasses covering the vacant ness within his eyes, he nodded to his friends as he took his seat in his chair and joined the already formed circle. Donna and Eric were both already gone and giggling about something or other and Kelso kept giving him dirty looks, and Fez, well Fez was just babbling something about his needs like always. This is what their life consisted of. The basement, the circle, and of course Hyde's seemingly endless stash. They weren't burnouts though, at least Hyde didn't think so. He would have been a burnout though if it weren't for his friends, hell he'd be in jail if it weren't for his friends. Hyde didn't depend on many things, but he did depend on his foundation with the Forman's and in spite of himself, his love for that 95 pound shoe shopping, Donny Osmond, loving, heart broken Burkhart girl.
I don't want to be in love but you're makin' me
He had seen her heart broken many times but he had never been the cause of it, he had never been the cheater. Hyde had never cheated on anyone, granted he had never been in a real relationship before Jackie but cheating just wasn't something that had ever crossed his mind. It reminded him of his screwed up parents and he wanted to escape from that as much as possible. He knew he would be a failure but he didn't want to be a cheater or an abandoner. That wasn't Hyde. He shook his head, standing up from his chair and descended into his room. His friends still sat in the circle amidst a cloud of smoke, not noticing his departure. Or the fact that their loud annoying talkative Jackie was missing.
Let me up I've had enough. Girl you're breakin' me
Hyde sat on the squeaky cot in his makeshift bedroom, aimlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine. He didn't want to think about Jackie, he didn't want to think about anything and every time he shut his eyes, all he could see was her tearful face and then her running out on him. Damn, he had really screwed this up. So why wasn't he fighting for her? Why wasn't he over there making her forgive him? He didn't know anything any more. Did he even love her? Of course he did but then why had he slept with that nurse so easily? Maybe Fez was right about all that needs stuff, I mean he and Jackie had been together for like what? Almost a year, Jesus, they were in a real serious relationship. But they hadn't done it? Hyde didn't understand it but he never pushed her. They would make out and it would get heated and she'd always stop but Hyde was never a "lets talk about this" type of guy. So he just ignored it and continued to make out with her when ever possible. He sighed as he looked down at the magazine, he had to get her off of his mind. "What the hell?" he muttered, flipping the magazine over to glance at the cover. Teen Beat, great Jackie's magazine. With a groan he threw it to the floor and fell back on the bed.
Now here I am just half a man standing alone
Feeling like I lost my only chance
At happiness when I let you go
Hyde wasn't the least bit surprised at how quickly the others found out, he had originally assumed Jackie had sobbed endlessly over it with Donna but he was a bit shocked to find that Jackie hadn't said a word and it was Mrs. Forman who had spilled the beans. He didn't care that they knew though and he didn't care about their comments or opinions. Forman was of course on his side about the entire thing but was disappointed to find that his best friend was a cheater. Kelso and Fez were bitter towards him, both waiting to be Jackie's rebound guy. And Donna, well Hyde figured Donna would side with Jackie but he was impressed to find that she didn't choose sides with either. She was still friendly towards Hyde and never really mentioned Jackie. In fact after the initial questioning from everyone, no one seemed to mention Jackie. It was almost like she no longer existed, like she and Hyde had never been together. She stopped coming to the basement and Hyde had expected as much since he lived there and all. He had to admit that he was nervous about seeing her at school come Monday morning and Steven Hyde just wasn't the type of guy to be nervous.
I don't want to be alone thinkin' bout you girl
Awkward just wasn't the word for their meeting, it was worse than awkward. It was one of the worst things Hyde had ever experienced. Second only to her running out of him, but it was even worse than the whole "Get Off My Boyfriend" fiasco. He had been with Forman in the hall, near his locker when she had passed, she was alone and Jackie was never alone. She was always with him. But here she was alone in her little outfit, she was wearing more makeup than Hyde preferred on her and her hair was all feathered like one of those Charlie's Angels'. Forman was the first one to speak and Jackie must have said like two words to Hyde and then all of a sudden she ran off. She couldn't handle being near him. Jackie had to get away from him. Why didn't he run after her? Why didn't he fight to be with her? He shrugged the incident off to Forman with a slam of the locker and quickly headed to his class, trying to get the images of Jackie out of his head.
I've got nothing left to hold in my lonely world
Two weeks, it had been two weeks since Hyde had ran into Jackie in the hall. He was so desperate to not see her that he had gone and changed his schedule so they wouldn't run into each other. He just couldn't see her and have her hate him. Hate him for hurting her, for cheating on her. Hell, he was beginning to hate himself. All he did was lounge around in the basement with the others, work, school, sleep, eat, he was like a machine and he tried his hardest to not think about Jackie. Thinking about her just made it worse, it was just a reminder that they really were over and he would never get her back again because he had gone and pulled a Kelso. He always knew Kelso was a dumbass for cheating on Jackie even when he couldn't stand her, he knew she didn't deserve that. And now he had gone and done the same thing, except it was worse because he really loved Jackie, he had loved her and yet he had willingly hurt her. Those two things just didn't mix. He tried to just chock it up to his "issues" but he knew his issues weren't reason enough to blame and he was just taking the easy way out.
The first time my heart was ever touched
Was the day I lost your love
Hyde squirmed uneasily as he stood next to Forman, they were finally graduating and Mrs. Forman couldn't resist one last picture op of the two in their "cute little outfits". How Hyde managed to graduate and actually be in the outfit was still beyond him but deep down he was glad to know that he had made it and he had made more of himself than anyone had expected. He smiled as he saw Donna run up to him, it had been strange to not have her with them during Senior Year. Donna had even skipped her own graduation ceremony so she could attend theirs. The four talked a bit while Mrs. Forman took picture after picture, giggling all the while to herself about how much her "babies" were growing up. "She's coming ya know?" Donna said quietly. Hyde nodded, "whatever," he shrugged. He had hoped she would come but he honestly wasn't sure since it seemed like the only person she was still talking too was Donna. He had wondered if Kelso had won her back yet but he had figured he hadn't since he was still spending his days in the basement with the others practicing his future cop skills with Fez. Plus he figured Kelso would have rubbed it in his face since that was just the kind of guy Kelso was. "Oh boys its starting!" Mrs. Forman squealed as she ushered them to the backstage area.
I can feel it in my flesh
My flesh and blood
"Steven Hyde," The principal announced as polite clapping followed. Hyde stood from his seat on the stage and made his way over to the podium and took the rolled up diploma into his hands, he grinned as he shook it in the air and spotted the Forman's in the crowd, cheering. He stopped as his eyes fell on Jackie, she was there, sitting next to Mrs. Forman and she was clapping, she was clapping for him. He mouthed 'hello' to her and saw her nod in turn before he walked backstage and met up with Forman. This was it, high school was over. They had graduated. What did that mean anyways? It didn't make them more mature and Hyde sure didn't feel any different. He still didn't have Jackie and he still felt like a high schooler. He didn't understand how a slip of paper made him an adult. He figured it was just another government conspiracy.
But my soul can only take so much
Hyde tried to concentrate on the plans that were being made around him, something about a party at the Forman's and everyone was going to come and celebrate, but all he did was stare at Jackie who was looking down nervously at her feet. He had honestly never seen her look more beautiful, he didn't know if it was because she was no longer his or if it had just been so long since he had seen her but he knew he wanted to memorize every aspect of her. So he stood staring at her, from the top of her head down to her feet, he took her in and he loved every inch of her. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to hug her, to apologize, to fight for her, but he didn't. He stood there and didn't say a word only stared. He stared at her for what seemed like forever until Forman forced him to stop and the gang headed into the back to get their things. "Steven," he heard her small voice call. He turned and saw her, she was finally looking up and her face was free of any makeup, she looked innocent, like a young girl yet there was something about her that made her stronger. "This is for you," she said quietly, holding a blue box out towards him.
So there it is. Why can't you give us one more try?
You and I could find a way to live
Hyde took the box from her shaking hands and tried his best to not smile, "that's cool," he said, trying his best to keep it zen. Instinctively he leaned in to hug her but Jackie quickly pulled herself away and complained about her allergies or something. She congratulated everyone once again before she left, he watched her as she once again left him. And he stood, in place, he didn't follow her, he didn't call out to her, he just stood watching her go. Looking down, he saw the perfectly wrapped blue box in his hands, quickly he ripped at the packaging and opened the box. He reached inside at his t-shirt, his favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt that he had given to Jackie for her birthday and heard the box drop to the ground with a thud. He bent down to pick it up and his eyes caught at the small note that was in the corner of the empty box, Steven was sprawled across it in Jackie's neat girly hand writing. He quickly gathered his things before turning towards his friends. He recalled Donna asking him if he was ok and he was. He was ok, he knew as he felt the paper between his hands.
If you let me in just one more time
Hyde rubbed his eyes as he sat in the living room, on the Forman's couch. Red and Bob were describing their college stories and Red was going off about being a hard worker or something or other. Hyde stood and politely excused himself as he made his way down to the basement. He breathed a sigh of relief as he found that he was alone, finally. He headed towards the freezer and reached for an orange popsicle, before setting himself down on his chair, pulling out the newly creased note from his jeans. He quickly unfolded it and removed his sunglasses so he could get a better view of her writing.
I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe
Can I make you understand, can I make you see
Dear Steven,
I struggled with myself for weeks but I decided that it was best for me and for you if I write this so that we can put everything past us and be friends. I miss you Steven, I miss you being in my life. Especially these last two weeks. I wanted nothing more than to share them with you. You've graduated now Steven and I've never been prouder of you. Look how amazing you are. Ya know you sell yourself short so often and I know that I can be nagging about college and my aspirations of you but I just honestly know you can do anything Steven and I wish I could make you see that. Now I know it's no longer my job to do that so I have taken a step back, I just want you to know that I'm not sorry about anything. I'm glad we were together Steven. You made me a better person and no matter what, you will always be the coolest, sweetest guy I've ever known. But you will also be the guy that broke my heart, the guy who didn't trust me. And that's something we're both going to have to live with. I just want you to know that I love you Steven Hyde and not everyone in your life leaves. I'm not going to leave you. I can't be with you right now but I'll always be here for you.
Love, Jackie
That I'm desperate for your love and it's breakin' me
Hyde put the letter back into his pocket and reached for his sunglasses. He had made a mistake, he was a fool and he knew it. He had always known it. He loved Jackie and he was going to show her. He was going to fight for her. He was going to make her forgive him. He had to be with her, he needed her, he wanted her, he loved her. He grabbed his jacket as he left the basement and headed over to the Pinciotti's. He knew he couldn't knock since Donna was still at the Forman's and Bob and Joanne wouldn't have let him in knowing the Jackie situation so he sat and waited on the porch swing. He didn't know what he was waiting for exactly but he stayed and waited, hoping for a miracle.
It's breakin' me
every day I see your face I wish I'd stayed
Don't even know what made me run away
It's just the way I play the game
Hyde bit his tongue to keep the scream from escaping his lips as he saw Jackie run from him, out of the room, and out of his life. He could have gone after her. He could have forced her to listen to him, to take him back, to forgive him. He knew he could convince her to do so. She did take Kelso back time after time. But no, he knew better. He cared enough for Jackie to know that she didn't need him. He just hated himself for needing her so much. He groaned as he fell back on her bed, he was alone. Steven Hyde was alone again and for once he knew no one was to blame but himself.
Emotional is not a word I use to explain myself
And now you got me down upon my knees
Oh baby please just take me back
Hyde entered the basement, his sturdy sunglasses covering the vacant ness within his eyes, he nodded to his friends as he took his seat in his chair and joined the already formed circle. Donna and Eric were both already gone and giggling about something or other and Kelso kept giving him dirty looks, and Fez, well Fez was just babbling something about his needs like always. This is what their life consisted of. The basement, the circle, and of course Hyde's seemingly endless stash. They weren't burnouts though, at least Hyde didn't think so. He would have been a burnout though if it weren't for his friends, hell he'd be in jail if it weren't for his friends. Hyde didn't depend on many things, but he did depend on his foundation with the Forman's and in spite of himself, his love for that 95 pound shoe shopping, Donny Osmond, loving, heart broken Burkhart girl.
I don't want to be in love but you're makin' me
He had seen her heart broken many times but he had never been the cause of it, he had never been the cheater. Hyde had never cheated on anyone, granted he had never been in a real relationship before Jackie but cheating just wasn't something that had ever crossed his mind. It reminded him of his screwed up parents and he wanted to escape from that as much as possible. He knew he would be a failure but he didn't want to be a cheater or an abandoner. That wasn't Hyde. He shook his head, standing up from his chair and descended into his room. His friends still sat in the circle amidst a cloud of smoke, not noticing his departure. Or the fact that their loud annoying talkative Jackie was missing.
Let me up I've had enough. Girl you're breakin' me
Hyde sat on the squeaky cot in his makeshift bedroom, aimlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine. He didn't want to think about Jackie, he didn't want to think about anything and every time he shut his eyes, all he could see was her tearful face and then her running out on him. Damn, he had really screwed this up. So why wasn't he fighting for her? Why wasn't he over there making her forgive him? He didn't know anything any more. Did he even love her? Of course he did but then why had he slept with that nurse so easily? Maybe Fez was right about all that needs stuff, I mean he and Jackie had been together for like what? Almost a year, Jesus, they were in a real serious relationship. But they hadn't done it? Hyde didn't understand it but he never pushed her. They would make out and it would get heated and she'd always stop but Hyde was never a "lets talk about this" type of guy. So he just ignored it and continued to make out with her when ever possible. He sighed as he looked down at the magazine, he had to get her off of his mind. "What the hell?" he muttered, flipping the magazine over to glance at the cover. Teen Beat, great Jackie's magazine. With a groan he threw it to the floor and fell back on the bed.
Now here I am just half a man standing alone
Feeling like I lost my only chance
At happiness when I let you go
Hyde wasn't the least bit surprised at how quickly the others found out, he had originally assumed Jackie had sobbed endlessly over it with Donna but he was a bit shocked to find that Jackie hadn't said a word and it was Mrs. Forman who had spilled the beans. He didn't care that they knew though and he didn't care about their comments or opinions. Forman was of course on his side about the entire thing but was disappointed to find that his best friend was a cheater. Kelso and Fez were bitter towards him, both waiting to be Jackie's rebound guy. And Donna, well Hyde figured Donna would side with Jackie but he was impressed to find that she didn't choose sides with either. She was still friendly towards Hyde and never really mentioned Jackie. In fact after the initial questioning from everyone, no one seemed to mention Jackie. It was almost like she no longer existed, like she and Hyde had never been together. She stopped coming to the basement and Hyde had expected as much since he lived there and all. He had to admit that he was nervous about seeing her at school come Monday morning and Steven Hyde just wasn't the type of guy to be nervous.
I don't want to be alone thinkin' bout you girl
Awkward just wasn't the word for their meeting, it was worse than awkward. It was one of the worst things Hyde had ever experienced. Second only to her running out of him, but it was even worse than the whole "Get Off My Boyfriend" fiasco. He had been with Forman in the hall, near his locker when she had passed, she was alone and Jackie was never alone. She was always with him. But here she was alone in her little outfit, she was wearing more makeup than Hyde preferred on her and her hair was all feathered like one of those Charlie's Angels'. Forman was the first one to speak and Jackie must have said like two words to Hyde and then all of a sudden she ran off. She couldn't handle being near him. Jackie had to get away from him. Why didn't he run after her? Why didn't he fight to be with her? He shrugged the incident off to Forman with a slam of the locker and quickly headed to his class, trying to get the images of Jackie out of his head.
I've got nothing left to hold in my lonely world
Two weeks, it had been two weeks since Hyde had ran into Jackie in the hall. He was so desperate to not see her that he had gone and changed his schedule so they wouldn't run into each other. He just couldn't see her and have her hate him. Hate him for hurting her, for cheating on her. Hell, he was beginning to hate himself. All he did was lounge around in the basement with the others, work, school, sleep, eat, he was like a machine and he tried his hardest to not think about Jackie. Thinking about her just made it worse, it was just a reminder that they really were over and he would never get her back again because he had gone and pulled a Kelso. He always knew Kelso was a dumbass for cheating on Jackie even when he couldn't stand her, he knew she didn't deserve that. And now he had gone and done the same thing, except it was worse because he really loved Jackie, he had loved her and yet he had willingly hurt her. Those two things just didn't mix. He tried to just chock it up to his "issues" but he knew his issues weren't reason enough to blame and he was just taking the easy way out.
The first time my heart was ever touched
Was the day I lost your love
Hyde squirmed uneasily as he stood next to Forman, they were finally graduating and Mrs. Forman couldn't resist one last picture op of the two in their "cute little outfits". How Hyde managed to graduate and actually be in the outfit was still beyond him but deep down he was glad to know that he had made it and he had made more of himself than anyone had expected. He smiled as he saw Donna run up to him, it had been strange to not have her with them during Senior Year. Donna had even skipped her own graduation ceremony so she could attend theirs. The four talked a bit while Mrs. Forman took picture after picture, giggling all the while to herself about how much her "babies" were growing up. "She's coming ya know?" Donna said quietly. Hyde nodded, "whatever," he shrugged. He had hoped she would come but he honestly wasn't sure since it seemed like the only person she was still talking too was Donna. He had wondered if Kelso had won her back yet but he had figured he hadn't since he was still spending his days in the basement with the others practicing his future cop skills with Fez. Plus he figured Kelso would have rubbed it in his face since that was just the kind of guy Kelso was. "Oh boys its starting!" Mrs. Forman squealed as she ushered them to the backstage area.
I can feel it in my flesh
My flesh and blood
"Steven Hyde," The principal announced as polite clapping followed. Hyde stood from his seat on the stage and made his way over to the podium and took the rolled up diploma into his hands, he grinned as he shook it in the air and spotted the Forman's in the crowd, cheering. He stopped as his eyes fell on Jackie, she was there, sitting next to Mrs. Forman and she was clapping, she was clapping for him. He mouthed 'hello' to her and saw her nod in turn before he walked backstage and met up with Forman. This was it, high school was over. They had graduated. What did that mean anyways? It didn't make them more mature and Hyde sure didn't feel any different. He still didn't have Jackie and he still felt like a high schooler. He didn't understand how a slip of paper made him an adult. He figured it was just another government conspiracy.
But my soul can only take so much
Hyde tried to concentrate on the plans that were being made around him, something about a party at the Forman's and everyone was going to come and celebrate, but all he did was stare at Jackie who was looking down nervously at her feet. He had honestly never seen her look more beautiful, he didn't know if it was because she was no longer his or if it had just been so long since he had seen her but he knew he wanted to memorize every aspect of her. So he stood staring at her, from the top of her head down to her feet, he took her in and he loved every inch of her. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to hug her, to apologize, to fight for her, but he didn't. He stood there and didn't say a word only stared. He stared at her for what seemed like forever until Forman forced him to stop and the gang headed into the back to get their things. "Steven," he heard her small voice call. He turned and saw her, she was finally looking up and her face was free of any makeup, she looked innocent, like a young girl yet there was something about her that made her stronger. "This is for you," she said quietly, holding a blue box out towards him.
So there it is. Why can't you give us one more try?
You and I could find a way to live
Hyde took the box from her shaking hands and tried his best to not smile, "that's cool," he said, trying his best to keep it zen. Instinctively he leaned in to hug her but Jackie quickly pulled herself away and complained about her allergies or something. She congratulated everyone once again before she left, he watched her as she once again left him. And he stood, in place, he didn't follow her, he didn't call out to her, he just stood watching her go. Looking down, he saw the perfectly wrapped blue box in his hands, quickly he ripped at the packaging and opened the box. He reached inside at his t-shirt, his favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt that he had given to Jackie for her birthday and heard the box drop to the ground with a thud. He bent down to pick it up and his eyes caught at the small note that was in the corner of the empty box, Steven was sprawled across it in Jackie's neat girly hand writing. He quickly gathered his things before turning towards his friends. He recalled Donna asking him if he was ok and he was. He was ok, he knew as he felt the paper between his hands.
If you let me in just one more time
Hyde rubbed his eyes as he sat in the living room, on the Forman's couch. Red and Bob were describing their college stories and Red was going off about being a hard worker or something or other. Hyde stood and politely excused himself as he made his way down to the basement. He breathed a sigh of relief as he found that he was alone, finally. He headed towards the freezer and reached for an orange popsicle, before setting himself down on his chair, pulling out the newly creased note from his jeans. He quickly unfolded it and removed his sunglasses so he could get a better view of her writing.
I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe
Can I make you understand, can I make you see
Dear Steven,
I struggled with myself for weeks but I decided that it was best for me and for you if I write this so that we can put everything past us and be friends. I miss you Steven, I miss you being in my life. Especially these last two weeks. I wanted nothing more than to share them with you. You've graduated now Steven and I've never been prouder of you. Look how amazing you are. Ya know you sell yourself short so often and I know that I can be nagging about college and my aspirations of you but I just honestly know you can do anything Steven and I wish I could make you see that. Now I know it's no longer my job to do that so I have taken a step back, I just want you to know that I'm not sorry about anything. I'm glad we were together Steven. You made me a better person and no matter what, you will always be the coolest, sweetest guy I've ever known. But you will also be the guy that broke my heart, the guy who didn't trust me. And that's something we're both going to have to live with. I just want you to know that I love you Steven Hyde and not everyone in your life leaves. I'm not going to leave you. I can't be with you right now but I'll always be here for you.
Love, Jackie
That I'm desperate for your love and it's breakin' me
Hyde put the letter back into his pocket and reached for his sunglasses. He had made a mistake, he was a fool and he knew it. He had always known it. He loved Jackie and he was going to show her. He was going to fight for her. He was going to make her forgive him. He had to be with her, he needed her, he wanted her, he loved her. He grabbed his jacket as he left the basement and headed over to the Pinciotti's. He knew he couldn't knock since Donna was still at the Forman's and Bob and Joanne wouldn't have let him in knowing the Jackie situation so he sat and waited on the porch swing. He didn't know what he was waiting for exactly but he stayed and waited, hoping for a miracle.
It's breakin' me
