Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places
thereof
*****
Estel sat beside the waters, watching as a slow leaf was carried by, this one leaf amidst an isle of similar leaves and twigs. The isle caught upon a rock and bobbed for a moment, but was quickly moved by the current. This meant absolutely nothing to Estel, he needed to focus on something, on anything, and the leaf sufficed. 'Perhaps,' he thought, 'I ought to feel I am the little leaf. I do not feel this way.'
After a moment, Estel became conscious of someone beside him and lifted his head. "Muriel." She stared into his eyes, settled into a crouch nearby. Muriel had changed little in the past year; she had not even decided to wear her hair a different way, and now her long braid snaked its way down her back. Though not particularly a close friend of Estel's, she was kind to him and quick to defend him, and, he found, suspiciously easy to talk to.
"What's bothering you?" she asked. "You look upset."
"Eregion," Estel muttered, turning his gaze back to the waters. The trees whispered behind them, and gooseflesh rose on Estel's bare arms. Why he had chosen to wear a short tunic he did not know--then he remembered, today was for library work. Muriel put an arm around his shoulders, thinking she understood. She, too, had been in Eregion one year ago and she, too, had been greatly changed by it. "Not that, Muriel. My brothers and Legolas are going back, and I want to accompany them."
"Why would you want to return to such a wretched place?" Muriel asked, awed, hazel eyes growing wide. "We know you are brave Estel, you have nothing to prove to anyone."
"This is not about proving," Estel replied, "this is about healing."
For a moment Muriel swished the words in her mouth as one might swish water to expel the taste of vomit, then she spoke, "Estel. . .I do not think you need to go to Eregion to heal. You simply must accept it. The rest of us, we are haunted, also, but we have moved on. We are moving onwards. So must you. You can heal here as well as in Eregion."
Estel snapped back at her, "What do you know about it? Did you see your best friend killed, did you? Did you kill anyone yourself, did you, Muriel?"
Taken aback, Muriel was silent. Then she responded, "No, but that hardly means I did not lose anyone! Elemmiire cannot speak anymore Estel, think of him! Luinil died, by the Valar! And Karnil lost his twin brother! And we all lost Lysander." These last words were said slowly, over-enunciated and in an ugly tone. Swallowing her anger, Muriel repeated gently, "We all lost Lysander. We all suffered his loss. We all miss Luinil, especially Karnil, and Elemmiire wishes he could speak again. I am sorry for your loss, but we all have suffered. You cannot cling to your sorrows for ever."
"You know not what you say," Estel replied. "Leave me be."
"Estel--" she tried in her most caring tone. She never meant to hurt him or offend him.
"Leave me!" he shouted, and Muriel turned and scurried back through the trees. Estel felt more alone than ever now: not only had he offended the closest thing he had to a friend, even the birds seemed to have abandoned him now. Sadly, he knelt over the river waters and splashed two cupped handfuls of the numb, clean water over his face, dribbles running onto his tunic and some into his hair. Opening his eyes, Estel caught sight of his reflection and was not displeased. Though angry, he was not flushed, though he was dripping wet.
"Estel?"
"Muriel, I--" Estel replied, but catching the reflection in the water stopped and turned, rising. "I thought you were Muriel," he explained. "I apologize."
"That is all right," Elladan assured him. "It took me a time to find you, Estel; you were not in your bedchamber, nor the library nor the stables. I was beginning to worry!"
Estel smiled to reassure his brother. "I just needed a little time to myself," he replied.
"It does not sound as though you received this."
"No, I did not."
"Shall I leave you to your thoughts?"
Estel considered for a moment. He would like to be on his own for a bit more, but then, would it be to his benefit? Would it not be best for him to go back to the hustle-and-bustle he might find, if he looked, to the actions that might keep him considering a negation until it was given? Who was to say, save for Elrond, whether or no Estel might go to Eregion? Not to worry. Left to his own devices, Estel would drown himself in as much sorrow and self-pity as possible, and this was no admirable trait.
And furthermore, was this truly as he thought of his brother? Did he truly favor his own unhappy loneliness for the love and comfort of Elladan's mere presence? Would he offend the Elf, after everything, by telling him to please go away?
The boy shook his head, and a smile appeared on Elladan's face. Estel moved slowly, until he felt Elladan walking beside him, then matched his stride to the Elf's. There was nothing ill between them, and so contented was Estel by the feelings of love they shared that he hardly noticed when Elladan slipped a protective arm over his little brother's shoulders.
"Elladan, I have been thinking. The letters I was sent from the others, just after Eregion? I have not replied to any of them, have I?" he asked.
"No, I do not believe so. No one minds," Elladan hurriedly assured his brother.
"That was very rude of me."
"Given the circumstances," Elladan tried, but Estel shook his head.
"No, Elladan. I owe quite a few people a visit. These are debts I shall repay today."
Elladan nodded.
*****
To be continued
Gwyn: There wasn't a chapter nine. Now there is!
Star-Stallion: Not telling! I'm offering a major shout-out to anyone who figures it out.
Author's note: Two things. First, major shout-out to anyone who figures out where my chapter titles come from. Second, I know my chapters are short, but pointing that out actually won't make them any longer.
*****
Estel sat beside the waters, watching as a slow leaf was carried by, this one leaf amidst an isle of similar leaves and twigs. The isle caught upon a rock and bobbed for a moment, but was quickly moved by the current. This meant absolutely nothing to Estel, he needed to focus on something, on anything, and the leaf sufficed. 'Perhaps,' he thought, 'I ought to feel I am the little leaf. I do not feel this way.'
After a moment, Estel became conscious of someone beside him and lifted his head. "Muriel." She stared into his eyes, settled into a crouch nearby. Muriel had changed little in the past year; she had not even decided to wear her hair a different way, and now her long braid snaked its way down her back. Though not particularly a close friend of Estel's, she was kind to him and quick to defend him, and, he found, suspiciously easy to talk to.
"What's bothering you?" she asked. "You look upset."
"Eregion," Estel muttered, turning his gaze back to the waters. The trees whispered behind them, and gooseflesh rose on Estel's bare arms. Why he had chosen to wear a short tunic he did not know--then he remembered, today was for library work. Muriel put an arm around his shoulders, thinking she understood. She, too, had been in Eregion one year ago and she, too, had been greatly changed by it. "Not that, Muriel. My brothers and Legolas are going back, and I want to accompany them."
"Why would you want to return to such a wretched place?" Muriel asked, awed, hazel eyes growing wide. "We know you are brave Estel, you have nothing to prove to anyone."
"This is not about proving," Estel replied, "this is about healing."
For a moment Muriel swished the words in her mouth as one might swish water to expel the taste of vomit, then she spoke, "Estel. . .I do not think you need to go to Eregion to heal. You simply must accept it. The rest of us, we are haunted, also, but we have moved on. We are moving onwards. So must you. You can heal here as well as in Eregion."
Estel snapped back at her, "What do you know about it? Did you see your best friend killed, did you? Did you kill anyone yourself, did you, Muriel?"
Taken aback, Muriel was silent. Then she responded, "No, but that hardly means I did not lose anyone! Elemmiire cannot speak anymore Estel, think of him! Luinil died, by the Valar! And Karnil lost his twin brother! And we all lost Lysander." These last words were said slowly, over-enunciated and in an ugly tone. Swallowing her anger, Muriel repeated gently, "We all lost Lysander. We all suffered his loss. We all miss Luinil, especially Karnil, and Elemmiire wishes he could speak again. I am sorry for your loss, but we all have suffered. You cannot cling to your sorrows for ever."
"You know not what you say," Estel replied. "Leave me be."
"Estel--" she tried in her most caring tone. She never meant to hurt him or offend him.
"Leave me!" he shouted, and Muriel turned and scurried back through the trees. Estel felt more alone than ever now: not only had he offended the closest thing he had to a friend, even the birds seemed to have abandoned him now. Sadly, he knelt over the river waters and splashed two cupped handfuls of the numb, clean water over his face, dribbles running onto his tunic and some into his hair. Opening his eyes, Estel caught sight of his reflection and was not displeased. Though angry, he was not flushed, though he was dripping wet.
"Estel?"
"Muriel, I--" Estel replied, but catching the reflection in the water stopped and turned, rising. "I thought you were Muriel," he explained. "I apologize."
"That is all right," Elladan assured him. "It took me a time to find you, Estel; you were not in your bedchamber, nor the library nor the stables. I was beginning to worry!"
Estel smiled to reassure his brother. "I just needed a little time to myself," he replied.
"It does not sound as though you received this."
"No, I did not."
"Shall I leave you to your thoughts?"
Estel considered for a moment. He would like to be on his own for a bit more, but then, would it be to his benefit? Would it not be best for him to go back to the hustle-and-bustle he might find, if he looked, to the actions that might keep him considering a negation until it was given? Who was to say, save for Elrond, whether or no Estel might go to Eregion? Not to worry. Left to his own devices, Estel would drown himself in as much sorrow and self-pity as possible, and this was no admirable trait.
And furthermore, was this truly as he thought of his brother? Did he truly favor his own unhappy loneliness for the love and comfort of Elladan's mere presence? Would he offend the Elf, after everything, by telling him to please go away?
The boy shook his head, and a smile appeared on Elladan's face. Estel moved slowly, until he felt Elladan walking beside him, then matched his stride to the Elf's. There was nothing ill between them, and so contented was Estel by the feelings of love they shared that he hardly noticed when Elladan slipped a protective arm over his little brother's shoulders.
"Elladan, I have been thinking. The letters I was sent from the others, just after Eregion? I have not replied to any of them, have I?" he asked.
"No, I do not believe so. No one minds," Elladan hurriedly assured his brother.
"That was very rude of me."
"Given the circumstances," Elladan tried, but Estel shook his head.
"No, Elladan. I owe quite a few people a visit. These are debts I shall repay today."
Elladan nodded.
*****
To be continued
Gwyn: There wasn't a chapter nine. Now there is!
Star-Stallion: Not telling! I'm offering a major shout-out to anyone who figures it out.
Author's note: Two things. First, major shout-out to anyone who figures out where my chapter titles come from. Second, I know my chapters are short, but pointing that out actually won't make them any longer.
