Chapter 2

Kara watched as Doctor Salik approached. She was glad that Lee was with her for support, even if it was only moral. While the vomiting had stopped, the weakness remained and she hated it.

"I have your blood counts back," the doctor told them as he consulted his reports. "Your iron is a little low, but nothing low enough to cause this. Lytes are a little off, but again not too far. Your HCG on the other hand is positive, which explains one hell of a lot."

"Her what?" Lee asked in confusion. She felt the same way.

Looking Kara directly in the eye, he said the words that took her world out from under her. "You're pregnant."

The silence that settled in the room was louder than an explosion.

Pregnant. With child. Grounded.

"She's had the injections," Lee was telling the doctor, his voice shaking slightly and very quiet.

"As I told you before," Doctor Salik countered, "I gave them to her. And before you ask, no, she hasn't missed any, or been late, or received a contaminated batch. The injections are more than ninety-eight percent effective, but that still leaves a two percent failure rate."

"It's not possible," she whispered. Her voice didn't even sound like her own.

"I'd be happy to repeat the test, Lieutenant Thrace, but I don't expect different results. Face it, Lieutenant: you've been beating the odds for as long as I've known you. This time, the odds you beat weren't in your favor. I'm sorry."

He was sorry. Her life was over, and he was sorry. Okay, maybe not her life, but definitely her career.

"I'll leave the two of you alone," Doctor Salik said as he turned to leave the room. "I'm sure you have a lot to talk about."

She supposed they did, but she really didn't feel up to it. Lee must have understood that, because he wasn't saying anything either. His hands were still on hers, so she gave a squeeze to get his attention. His glance came down to hers, and she had no clue what was going on in his eyes. He didn't look happy. He didn't really look unhappy. He just looked like she felt. Utterly bewildered.

"Is this the first time you've been sick?" he asked.

It was the last thing she'd expected. "Yeah," she told him, her voice still hoarse from the illness, and weakness, and cofusion and not sounding at all like her.

Silence reigned again. Lee broke it, speaking almost absently, looking at the door that Salik had used. "I wonder how long until I can take you home?"

"Pregnancy isn't fatal," she muttered, her voice sounding a little more like her own. "Now that they know what it is, they'll probably kick me out."

Lee nodded, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere. She couldn't blame him. If she could get her own mind out of the room, she'd go. Quickly.

She'd been through a pregnancy scare once before in her life. But then she'd been a hell of a lot younger, and her fear hadn't been for her job but rather for her home. After she had Zak had gotten carried away with teenage hormones and experimentation, she had been a few days late with her cycle. Those few days, until her body had straightened itself back out, had been terrifying. She'd been so young, and she had just known that the Adamas would hate her for being so careless. Oddly, it hadn't occurred to her then that Zak had been as much at fault as she had been. She had just felt guilty, and angry, and absolutely confused. It had been a lot of years, but she remembered the feelings vividly. She was experiencing them again now, although the specific concerns were different. The helplessness was not.

"Are you okay?" Lee asked her.

Was she okay? Hell no. "I don't know," she admitted. "Should I be?"

"We don't get much of a choice," he said simply.

They were quiet again, holding hands but not speaking, and Kara felt like they were about a million miles apart. Lee confirmed that a few moments later when he excused himself to go call his father and let him know she was okay. Only she wasn't. She really wasn't. She barely felt the kiss he pressed to her forehead before leaving her there.

Cassie came in immediately following Lee's exit. "How are you doing?" she asked brightly. The tech had a terminally sunny personality. At the moment, it was almost enough to make Kara furious. Almost, but not quite. She settled for being annoyed.

"I'm great," she muttered. "When can I get out of here?"

"As soon as you can keep down something solid," Cassie told her, still cheerful. "Would you like to try something?"

"God, no," Kara muttered.

"Somehow, I didn't think so." Cassie tossed another blanket over Kara. She hadn't even realized that she'd been shaking, but she was. And she was cold. And she really didn't want to be here.

"Thanks."

"Not a problem. I wish I could do more."

Kara watched the tech, relieved that she could see things moving without setting the whole room into motion. But she missed the comfortably drowsy feeling that she'd had after first getting the medicine that had calmed her sickness.

"You know, don't you?" Kara asked the tech.

Cassie looked down at her as she checked the IV. "Yeah," she admitted. "I ran the printouts for Doctor Salik. I won't tell anyone, though. Patient confidentiality."

"Everyone will know soon enough," Kara thought aloud. "I'm off flight status immediately. Right?"

"Afraid so," Cassie said. "The zero-G and high-G changes cause circulatory problems. It's probably what made you so sick up there; well, that and the usual morning sickness. You're lucky you made it back in."

Kara suppressed the shiver that hit her as she remembered her panic in the Viper when she'd realized that she was going to be sick and couldn't stop it. While she'd never actually known anyone to die from aspiration, she knew it was a possibility. At least, that was what they'd been taught from the earliest days of her flight training. "Yeah, I am."

"It's only a few months," Cassie told her sympathetically. "And you get a pretty good package out of the deal. It will go quickly."

"Yeah, I'll go from pregnant to mother. That's an improvement." There was no humor in Kara's voice, only pure sarcasm. She didn't want to do this. She really didn't want to do this.

"I know it's a hard transition," Cassie said as she patted Kara on the shoulder. "Give yourself some time with it. It's not like you get a choice about it now."

"This isn't real," Kara thought aloud. "This is a bad dream. It has to be a bad dream."

"Talk to Lee about it," Cassie advised. "Or if you want, when you're feeling better I can come see you, or you can drop by my quarters. Sometimes it's easier to talk to another woman."

"Maybe," Kara said quietly. "Thanks."

Cassie gave her one last smile, checked the site where the IV entered her hand, and then silently left the room. Kara was left on her own, wondering how the hell her day had gone so badly wrong. When she'd crawled out of bed that morning, her worst concern had been Lee's side of the bed being cold. Now she was worrying about motherhood, losing her commission, and definitely not being able to do the one thing in life that meant the most to her. It wasn't that she didn't want children, because someday she did, but right now she needed to fly, and she couldn't do that while she was pregnant or nursing.

That thought brought her up short. Nursing. She was not the motherly type. Hell, she'd been nervous every damned time she'd had to hold little Aaron for Sharon or the Chief. She and Lee had watched him a few times, and she'd always been afraid that she'd drop him, or break him, or hurt him. She didn't have a clue what to do with a baby. And nursing? She'd watched Sharon do it a few times, and it made her vaguely ill. Letting a baby do that just well, it wasn't something she was ready to think about.

And what would Lee think about this? Was he going to blame her? He knew she'd had the shots; he'd even come with her a couple of times because they wouldn't let her leave without someone to keep an eye on her for the first few hours. She'd thought it was stupid, but she'd loved the company so she hadn't worried about it. She hadn't worried about anything, and now look where it had gotten her.

She was pregnant, and it wasn't just a fleeting concern or a temporary problem. It was for real; the proof was in her blood. She was going to have a baby. Oh Lords, what was she going to do? Suddenly she wondered if crashing into the hangar might not have been the easier option.

Lee stood outside the door to Life station for more than five minutes trying to catch his breath. Pregnant. Kara was pregnant. How the hell had that happened?

Well he knew how it had happened, but the question remained, why? They had done all the right things, had taken the right precautions. No, they weren't married, but they were committed and monogamous and in love. If they'd been doing anything really wrong, wouldn't someone have said something? Was this a punishment? Even his father had sanctioned the relationship, and weren't parents supposed to be conservative about these things

His father. Oh, that was going to be a fun discussion. "Gee Dad, I knocked up your best pilot. Sorry about that." Yeah, that was going to go over well.

But he had to tell his father something. He had to report back. What had begun as an excuse to get down here and find out if Kara was okay had suddenly become a mine field that he didn't want to cross. He couldn't tell his father the truth, at least not without Kara being with him. That wasn't fair to her. But he had to tell his father something. He also couldn't go back to work. Aside from the fact that his mind wouldn't be there, he had a feeling that Kara might need him. For what he had no clue; he'd obviously done enough.

Which didn't explain his absence from her side at the moment.

He needed a while to process all this. Their lives had changed with a single unplanned blood test, and there was no going back. But he wasn't sure how to go forward. After taking another couple of deep breaths to get himself together, he decided that standing against a wall wasn't going to do him any good.

The nearest phone was in a recessed alcove at the end of the hallway. Lee walked the short distance, clueless as to what he would say when he got there. Picking up the corded phone, he punched in the code for CIC and waited. He kept the call brief, telling his father that it wasn't serious, he needed to take her back to their room, and that he would shuffle the schedule to get someone up to CIC in his place. His father told him not to worry, that Lieutenant Gaeta had already taken his place at the screens, and not to bother reporting back for the rest of the day. In all, it was the best he could hope for. No questions, no suspicions, and no reason for him to feel guilty. But he did.

He felt guilty because he hadn't told his father the whole truth. He was guilty because he hadn't stayed in the room with Kara when she must be feeling as awful as he was. He felt guilty because something he had done was responsible for taking Kara out of the cockpit. She loved to fly more than anything, and this would ground her for months or more. But most of all, he felt guilty because a part of him wasn't unhappy, and he felt like he should be. For her sake, he should be.

He and Kara had talked about having children, but it had all been in the abstract, unforeseeable future. Lee had known that he wanted children. Someday. And even though this was the last time that he would have voluntarily chosen, he couldn't deny that there was something special about knowing that Kara and he had created a life. It hadn't been planned, and it wasn't convenient, but he couldn't say that he hated the idea of having a child. What he hated was what it was going to do to Kara.

He loved her. More than anything in what was left of the world, he really loved her. He wanted her to be happy. This would make her miserable. However much he might think a child was a good idea, and no matter that they had no choice in the matter at this point, he couldn't be entirely happy when Kara was going to hate every moment of it. Hell, she was in the Life Station because of the pregnancy; her condition couldn't be a good thing.

A glance at his watch told him that he'd been out in the hallway for more than fifteen minutes. Given that the call to his father had taken only two or three, he really wasn't justified in wasting any more time way from her. He'd gotten her into this mess, and he needed to be with her now. So why was it so damned hard to walk back through that door?

Taking a deep breath and bracing himself, Lee walked back down the corridor to the room to the Life Station. He eased himself in quietly, keeping an eye out for anyone who might be watching. He had no clue why he was sneaking around. Damn it, he hadn't done anything wrong!

Kara's eyes were closed, and she was still lying on her side. Her hand was wrapped back around the railing, whether to keep herself in position or to provide mental security he couldn't be sure. To him she looked fragile. He wanted to take her hand. He wanted to say something — anything — to make it better. But there was nothing that could take this away. And if he wasn't sure he'd want to even if he could, then that was his own problem.

She must have sensed his presence, because after a few moments her eyes opened and she gave him a half-hearted smile. "Welcome back."

"Sorry I took so long," he told her. He wished he could explain himself, but he didn't even understand it.

"That's okay. I'd be out of here too if I wasn't strapped down."

He smiled at that. At least she had a little of her sense of humor back. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not throwing up," she acknowledged. "But I think I'd rather have the flu."

"Yeah." What was he supposed to say to that? Gently he reached forward and placed his hand over hers on the rail.

She had nice hands. They weren't tiny, but they weren't all that big either. She kept the nails clipped short, and she didn't bother to paint them. She never had, even back when that kind of thing had been common. She had a few calluses on her palms from working on the planes, but her hands weren't rough. They were good hands. He had to wonder if they'd be as good for managing babies as they were for flying Vipers.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

He thought about lying. With her, there was just no point. "Yeah, I am. Now that I know you're okay, at least. You gave me a pretty good scare."

"That isn't what I meant," she told him.

He'd known that. He just didn't want to go there. "I'm okay, Kara. I know this isn't what we'd planned, but I'm okay with it. I'm sorry it's going to ground you, and I know it isn't what you wanted, but"

"But you wouldn't mind a baby?"

"A part of you and a part of me," he said with consideration. "No, I don't mind. I guess that isn't what you want to hear."

"It's honest," she allowed. "What about your dad? Did you tell him?"

"I told him it was nothing serious," Lee said with a shrug. "He said I could stay until tomorrow's shift. Gaeta's covering the screens."

"That much is good," she admitted.

"What can I do?" he asked, not liking the defeat that had crept into her tone. He knew part of it had to be the illness, but he was sure some of it was her own feelings about the news. She was losing what meant the most to her. As jealous as he might be that he wasn't the center of her world, he could definitely understand her first love. She'd been born to fly. He loved to do it, and had worked hard to become good at it, but he'd never had the natural need to be in space the way that Kara did. He couldn't exactly understand it, but he could definitely appreciate it, and he wanted to make this better for her.

"Get me out of here," she asked, and her huge eyes met his with something just short of desperation. "I hate this place."

"I'll talk to Salik," he said softly. "Maybe I can work something out as long as I'm with you. It's not like we live that far away."

"I want to be in my own bed," she added.

"I'll do my best. I'll even have Dad call down if I have to."

"Thanks."

Her eyes had closed, and she'd curled up as much as the narrow bed would allow. She had her head resting on their hands. He hated taking his hands away, because it seemed like the only link they had at the moment, but he couldn't do anything here. And they needed to talk. That was another thing he didn't really want to do here. He also needed to do some juggling of the rosters, because she wasn't going to be in the air in the near future. That paperwork wasn't here either. Reluctantly, he removed his hand from hers, turned his back, and walked from the room to try to bargain with the doctor. He hoped that he didn't have to use his father, though. That might involve explanations that he wasn't ready to make; not alone, and not yet.

It was surprisingly easy. The doctor initially said that he wanted her keeping food down first, but Lee had reminded him how stubborn Kara could be. They had settled on Lee's taking her back to their room and making sure that she took some tablets to keep the nausea within reason. It wasn't until the physician assured him that the medication wouldn't harm the baby that his heart turned over. Somehow that consideration made it feel a lot more real to him.

Moving Kara was the hardest of the problems. She refused to go on a gurney, and she was still too wobbly to walk. He had settled on carrying her, and she had protested the entire way. It would have been funny if he'd thought about it, but at the moment there wasn't much humor in anything. Kara was miserable, he was uncertain about everything, and they just wanted to get back into some semblance of privacy so that they could get themselves back together. At least, that's what Lee needed. He hoped that Kara felt the same way. He wasn't willing to ask.

Once he had her in the room, and settled, and finally sleeping, he was finally able to sit down at the desk and start fighting with the roster. It was a struggle, but after a couple of hours he had Kara's shifts filled in and was ready to start notifying the affected pilots with his changes. The bad part was that they were going to want to know why they were pulling extra shifts, and to answer that he was going to have to tell them about Kara. He couldn't do that until they'd talked to his father. And they couldn't talk to him until they'd talked it out themselves. And that wouldn't happen until she was awake.

With a sigh, Lee leaned back in the chair and watched Kara sleep. He couldn't even sort out everything that he was feeling. He didn't know if he wanted to. He just wanted He wanted it all to be okay, and he didn't know for sure that it would be. And if it all felt more than a little melodramatic, he didn't want to dwell on it. It was his life. He could angst over it if he wanted to.