Chapter 3

While lying on the deck beneath a spacecraft wasn't her favorite thing to do, Kara had to admit that it was better than lying in a bed. She would still rather be in a Viper, but given the trouble she'd had on her last patrol combined with throwing up twice this morning, she'd decided that maybe Lee had a point about pregnant pilots not flying.

That didn't mean she had to like it.

In the three days that had passed since her infamous last patrol, Kara had gone around in circles about what she was going to do. As she'd reminded Lee, it wasn't as though they had unlimited options. Still, at some point they were going to have to let others know exactly what was going on. Only four people knew at that moment — herself, Lee, Cassie, and Salik — and thankfully all were pretty good at keeping their traps shut. It gave her time to think without being bombarded with well meaning but annoying friends.

Besides, if she and Lee couldn't talk about it between themselves, then they certainly didn't need to talk about it to anyone else.

But it was still there, and it wasn't going away. Lee had the adjusted roster completely for the next month, but Tigh had only seen the next week and her absence from the cockpit was easily justified by a routine viral illness. They hadn't exactly said that, but the statement that her illness wasn't serious combined with her symptoms seemed to suggest it. They simply weren't correcting the misjudgment of the situation.

Kara had gone back on duty the day before with nothing settled regarding the situation. Well, nothing that was in their power to settle. What she and Lee needed to decide was just how they were going to tell his father, when or whether they'd move out of his office and into a larger family quarters, and possibly whether or not to make their relationship "legal". None were subjects that Kara really wanted to deal with.

She respected William Adama more than anyone she'd ever known, and that did include Lee. Not that she didn't love him, but the younger Adama wasn't always as right as he thought he was, and he had his blind spots. Hell, that was part of the reason she loved him. But the Commander always seemed to know the right thing to do in any situation. He always thought of others first. He never made a move without considering every possible consequence. He was a strategist, a tactician, and a wonderful advisor. But he also knew when to listen, when to break rules that weren't doing what they were intended to do, and when to follow the rulebook like the Ancient Scrolls. He just knew. And because he was also her personal savior, having rescued her from a childhood that would have either been ended quickly or landed her in jail, then she could admit that his actions contributed to the pedestal she'd put him on. He wasn't God, but he was damned close in her eyes. He had saved her life, and had given her what she needed most when she needed it. Later he'd given her a purpose, and confidence, and his faith. And now she was giving him what? Embarrassment? Disappointment? One less pilot to defend his fleet? She didn't even want to know. She didn't want to look in his eyes and see that she'd failed when all she wanted was to give him back some of what he'd given her, or justify some of the faith he'd always shown in her.

And despite the precautions they'd taken, the end result of her being pregnant made Kara feel that she and Lee had somehow been irresponsible. She didn't know what else they could have done — except the obvious choice of keeping their hands off one another — but she felt there must have been something.

"How's it coming?" Lee asked as he knelt down to look at her beneath the Viper.

Kara closed her eyes in resignation. While Lee had been very accommodating in the last couple of days, he'd let her know this morning that they needed to talk. She agreed, but that didn't mean she was ready for it.

"It's coming," she answered evasively.

"How much longer?"

There wasn't a polite way to avoid that question. So Kara did what she did best; she took the offensive. "I'll have it done within the hour," she told him. "Do you want to meet for lunch? I can bring something back to the room."

She stared at the undercarriage of the Viper, deliberately avoiding looking to the side where her gaze might encounter one of Lee's boots, or worse yet his face. She wasn't ready for this. The time she had to wait for his answer didn't make her any more ready, either.

"Sounds good," he finally said. "But I'll bring lunch. I'll probably have more time. I'll finish up with the launching team and meet you back at the room. Unless you want me to walk you?"

Kara rolled her eyes. He'd been so damned careful with her that she was ready to strangle him. She wasn't going to break. "I know how to walk, thanks," she remarked, and went back to work on the Viper.

Lee didn't answer, but she didn't expect him to. They had learned to read when the other wasn't in the mood for productive conversation. Kara hoped he would attribute it to her concentration on her work, but she was afraid that he knew her better than that. He knew her far too well.

If she hadn't known that already, she'd have figured it out in the last two days. Lee had mostly left her alone, seeming to realize that she needed time to get things straight in her head. He hadn't pushed, hadn't made suggestions she wasn't ready for, and when they lay down at night he had held her as though he was afraid she might disappear. She hadn't minded the closeness, and it had been a hell of a lot easier to just let him hold on than to try to hold herself together alone. In a way, it had been a return to the years when they'd just slept next to one another, keeping close for warmth and companionship with no romantic or sexual overtones to get in the way. She had needed that kind of comfort for the last couple of nights. She had needed to know that he was still the same man who had always understood her, and had never asked for more than she was willing to give. There was a lot to be said for comfort.

Not that she didn't miss the physical side of the relationship. She hadn't gotten pregnant from cuddling. She could count on one hand the number of nights in the last six months that they'd shared a bed and not shared more. Lee had a strong sex drive, and she didn't mind it. She had figured that they had a lot of time to make up for, and in many ways their relationship was still new. It was kind of like a honeymoon, only without the marriage.

That was part of the problem. Or at least, it might be.

Neither of them had ever really felt that a piece of paper was important to a relationship. The two of them had just been a set, and when that progressed from friends to lovers the transition has been as gradual and natural as it was possible for it to be. They'd hit their snags, but neither had felt that they needed to go before a priest in order to be together. Kara still didn't feel it was necessary, but the situation was more complicated if they were to have a child. How would the kid feel about his parents not being married? How would the rest of the crew look on the Commander's son having illegitimate kids? Lords, she had so many more questions than she had answers.

She finished up her work on the wiring that had been periodically shorting out in the Viper, and then began putting the heat-resistant casing back over the wires. She wasn't rushing, but she was doing her best not to linger. If she had to have a discussion with Lee, she'd rather get it over with. That was one reason she had been glad he'd picked lunch time; there was only so much they could say in an hour.

Her walk back to their room was likewise somewhere between rushed and not. She didn't want to do this, and her reluctance kept her pace down, but she also knew it was something she couldn't avoid. Once she got to the room, she found Lee half way through his sandwich, seated in the middle of the bed. He looked for all the world like he was having a picnic with his lunch sitting on a napkin before him instead of like he was preparing for one of the most significant discussions of his life.

"You made it," he commented between bites.

She didn't answer the implied question. Why bother? She couldn't explain her reluctance. She didn't even understand it. "Let's get it done," she muttered as she took a seat on the bed. She pulled her legs up to rest her chin on her knees and watch her lover eat. He didn't appear to be in any more of a hurry now than she was.

He watched her for a few moments, finishing his last few bites of sandwich as he did so, and then he got up to put the napkin in the trash. When he turned back to look at her, he didn't bother to sit back down. "Not hungry?"

"I don't feel like throwing up again," she told him.

"Sick?"

She shook her head, touched by the concerned expression and tempted to take the excuse he was offering. He wouldn't push this if she didn't feel well. "Just nerves," she admitted.

He let out a compressed breath and met her eyes. He didn't beat around the bush, but instead went straight to the problem. "Salik's report goes to my dad tomorrow morning," he said simply. "I don't think he should read this on a report."

She nodded. She agreed.

Looking away from her, Lee sighed. "You don't make this easy," he said with a frown. "Kara we don't have a lot of options, but we have more than most. You're the best fighter in the fleet, and if we ask I think Salik may be able to get you clearance to stop the pregnancy."

He still wasn't looking at her. That was good, because she could only imagine what she must look like. End the pregnancy? Aside from being illegal, it was she didn't even know what. It went against every belief she held. She might not be devout in her observance of her faith, but it was there all the same. She had fallen back on it more than once, and one of the foundations of that faith was that all life had meaning. She might not have asked to create one, but this tiny life was her responsibility. She couldn't just end it. It wasn't a mistake that could be erased.

"No," she said firmly. Whatever Lee wanted, she couldn't go along with this solution. She didn't think he could get it cleared anyway — not with human life at such a priority in the fleet — but even if he could she wouldn't accept it.

Lee looked at her for a minute more, then crossed the room in two strides and took her face in his hands. He looked at her for a long moment, as though he were searching for something. He looked so intense. He must have found what he needed, because with a look of relief he leaned towards her and joined his lips to hers in a hard kiss. It took her a moment to get past the intensity and find the emotion beneath, but once she did she was able to enjoy just having him close to her again. She hadn't realized just how far apart from him she'd felt until he'd brought them back together.

Lee kissed her. And kissed her. And when he felt like he wanted to lift his head, he kissed her some more. There weren't words for what he was feeling, so it was all he had to give.

Lords, he'd been afraid to even suggest such a thing, but knowing Kara as he did he hadn't been entirely sure she could survive a few months out of the sky. He had hoped, but he hadn't been sure. This just wasn't ground they'd covered before, and he was caught between what he wanted and what he thought she would want; between his beliefs and what he thought hers were. For all they knew about one another, there were some things they hadn't broached. This was a subject that they hadn't managed to cover, and it was hard to do when it hit so close to his heart.

Finally, he raised his head and met her eyes again. He saw an understanding there that he hadn't expect, and an agreement as well. "I had to ask," he explained.

She smiled at him. It was the first smile he'd seen since all this had begun. "I didn't plan this," she told him softly. "But did you really think I could Lee, it's your baby."

He closed his eyes as her words knocked the wind out of him. His baby. Not just a pregnancy, but a child they had created. Until she had said the words, he hadn't thought she realized it. He hadn't realized how much it meant to him that she understood. "So, how do you think we should explain this to my father?" he asked as he returned her smile.

"Carefully?" she suggested.

"Very," he agreed. As he sat down next to her he took a chance and pulled her into his arms. When she didn't resist, another of the fears he'd held was released. This was still Kara. She didn't hate him for this, even though a part of him felt that she had a right to do just that.

"How mad do you think he'll be?" she asked softly.

He tightened his hold on her, enjoying the way that her arms had gone around him and her head was resting on his shoulder. "I don't think he will be," Lee said thoughtfully. "He's all for the continuation of the race. I don't think he'll mind a grandchild."

Kara was quiet for a moment. "I hadn't thought of it that way. I was just thinking that I'm out of the air."

"It's not like you're useless," Lee told her as he reluctantly pulled back. He wanted to hold her, and it seemed to sooth something inside him that she was allowing it, but he needed to see her face. "Kara, you are the best pilot we have, but we can also use that in other capacities. You can still train pilots in the simulator, and you're as good at putting pieces of Vipers back together as any of Tyrol's crew. And pregnancy isn't permanent, either. After the baby's born, we'll go from there. You'll fly again, just not for awhile."

"I know," she said on a sigh. "But, you know what it feels like to be grounded, even for a short time."

Lee's hand went instinctively to his leg, where a Cylon blaster had taken out a large furrow of skin and muscle. It had been a long recovery, and he'd been grounded for the better part of a year. While he'd never had to search for work — CAG duties included enough paperwork to keep him busy for twice the hours he had to dedicate to them — he hadn't felt that he'd been doing his job. He really didn't need to fly at all, but he wanted to and because he made the schedules he had the option. "Yeah, I do," he agreed. "But life went on without it, even when I wasn't sure I'd get to do it again. You'll get through this."

"But what if?"

"What?"

"What if I don't want to fly afterwards?" she asked softly. "Sharon could have gone back on the rosters months ago, but she wants to stay on the Galactica. She's not the same as she was."

Lee nodded. "She's a mother," he reasoned. "She wants to stay close to her son."

"She's a good mom," Kara said softly, and then she turned wide, troubled eyes towards him. "Do you think I'll be good at it?"

He had to smile. Kara could do anything she put her mind to. "I think you'll be great at it."

She shook her head. "Lee, I don't even remember my mother. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to do this."

He almost made it the joke he believed it was, but there was something serious in her eyes that told him she wasn't just being silly. She really was worried. "You remember my mom," he told her even as he reached for her hand. "Maybe I'm a little bit questionable, but I think she did a pretty good job with you and Zak."

Kara shook her head. "I'm not great with kids, but I guess I could manage one. But children don't come out walking and talking. It's the baby part that worries me. I don't know how to take care of one; what to do or not to do. Lee, I might hurt it."

Squeezing her hands gently, he finally recognized what he saw in her eyes. It hadn't registered before, because he honestly didn't think he'd ever seen that look. Kara was afraid. It boggled his mind even as it tugged at his heart. "So, we make sure that before you have the baby we get you some training. We have a couple of daycare centers aboard, so you can visit there and learn the basics. There's plenty of babies there to feed and hold." He smiled widely as he looked into her uncertain face. "And change," he added.

"We'll make that your job," she said dryly.

"Maybe."

She sat there looking at him, not saying anything, but at least the fear had receded from her expression. She was thinking now, rather than panicking. It reassured him, because his Kara had always been practical and reasoning, even if she tended to react to situations emotionally before her logic kicked in. She was settling down. Until the relief hit him, he hadn't realized how worried he had been.

"When are we going to tell your dad?" she asked.

"We'd better do it tonight," he said thoughtfully. "I think he's off at eighteen hundred. We're off an hour after that, so how about we meet here and then go see him together."

"Great, something to look forward to," she said bitterly.

"I could tell him myself," Lee offered. "But I'd really rather we did this together. I mean, we did the rest together."

"We did that," she admitted, and he saw part of a smile slip through.

He reached up to tuck long blond bangs back behind her ear. She never seemed to find time to get her hair cut. It didn't get really long, but it was always in her face before she got around to having someone trim it for her. He loved it. He loved her. "At least we had a good time," he said with a wink.

"No argument there," she agreed.

He wanted to hold her again, or maybe kiss her, but he knew that the way he was feeling now he wouldn't be able to stop at that. A soft and gentle Kara wasn't something he got to see very often, and it did something to him that he didn't understand. He loved her independence, but a part of him still wanted for her to need him just a little. When she did, it squeezed his heart almost painfully. It was a hell of a feeling; he wanted her to need him, but it worried him when she did.

"You need to eat," he finally told her as he looked away and took his hand back. She was too potent this way, and he didn't know if he could resist temptation much longer. "It'll be a long shift with a growling stomach."

"I'm not hungry," she complained.

Lee stood up and walked over to the desk, grabbing the napkin-wrapped sandwich he had left there earlier and handing it to her. "If you can keep it down, you need to eat," he said again. "You're eating for two now," he added with a smile that he couldn't contain.

He was almost fast enough to avoid the pillow she thew at him. Almost. As it was, the pillow hit him in the back as he tried to get out the door. He was half-way down the main Galactica corridor before he finally stopped laughing.