The original title for this chapter was: I believe this would be called 'chapter two', for it is the second chapter and therefore is chapter two. I could be wrong, however, and I suddenly want to use the word thereof, but don't know how. That was a bit long and pointless, so I changed it.

CHAPTER TWO

In Which Stuff Happens

Hiei was in a pissed off mood.

He sulked.

He looked at Saitou.

Saitou looked pissed off.

He was sulking.

They were both pissed off.

They were both sulking.

They were both in cages.

And it sucked.

Hiei had the sudden urge to scream at the top of his lungs while murdering innocent bystanders. He wanted to rip out somebody's heart and ram it down their throat so fast they were still alive to feel it. He wondered if Saitou felt the same way. He wondered if anyone felt the same way. Aoshi probably did.

Sanosuke was bored.

I take that back.

Sanosuke was asleep.

He was having a dream.

He dreamt that he actually managed to land a punch on Saitou, and when he did so, the police officer promptly ran off crying. It was a good dream.

Then he woke up. He saw Saitou, and realized his dream would never be real.

He became miserable.

This was the general mood in the room. Pissed off, violent, or miserable. He wasn't sure how Kurama and Yusuke were feeling, because they were asleep. He couldn't tell how Kenshin and his master were feeling either, since they were across the room having a nice lil' conversation.

It was night.

Sano had gathered that much when a girl came over the intercom and said, "Since it is now dark outside, I will dim the lights in your room. Good night."

She had sounded pissed off.

Sano was sick of feeling pissed off. He wanted to feel happy.

He tried to feel happy.

Then he realized how genuinely hard it is to feel happy when you're thoroughly miserable. He wanted to kick something. He kicked the wall. It didn't help. It especially didn't help when he let out a curse from the pain and Saitou called him a moron for kicking the wall. Then he was twice as pissed as he had been when the whole deal started.

He sulked.

Eventually he fell asleep and had a miserable dream about insane girls locking him in a tiny room and torturing him (not physically but mentally) while Saitou stood off to one side laughing insanely. It was a lousy dream and he wanted it to die.

Meanwhile...

Shadow and Eclipse had eventually reached Koenma. Shadow had run straight at his office door, hoping it was automatic, but realizing a bit late that it wasn't, and had slammed into it. Koenma opened the door and looked down at her.

"Hello, Shadow. What brings you here... alone?"

"GONE!" she bawled.

"... Is that so?" he said, sweatdropping. Eclipse finally caught up to her.

"Hello Koenma."

"Koenma? Where?" Shadow said. She looked up. "Oi, Kenma!"

"Kenma?" Koenma said, puzzled.

"Kenma!"

"Aye."

"They're gone," Shadow said randomly.

"Who?"

"Hiei, Yusuke, and Kurama."

"What do you mean by gone?"

"Exactly that. Gone. No longer around. Poof. Poosh. Poom. Pow. Patooie. Pttttttttthhhhhhhhhtttttttt!"

"Oh? And where did they go?"

"You mean you don't know? Cause I don't know either. They just vanished in a flash of white light. It was like this: Here's the flash of white light. Here's them. When the white light vanished, they went with it," Shadow explained.

"Oh. I think you should come into my office."

"You have an office?! Wow! Can I see it?"

"Anou... Shadow, I think you need to calm down," Koenma said.

"Calm? I'm calm. I'm perfectly calm. Don't I look calm? I'm calm. Why wouldn't I be calm? I'm calm!"

Shadow was suddenly hit in the head with a rather large and heavy book titled 'Secrets of the Universe for Dummies.' She fell over and Koenma dragged her into his office with Eclipse trailing behind, sweatdrops galore.

"Okay, now explain to me exactly what you're trying to say," Koenma said, propping Shadow up in a chair. She had swirly eyes, her tongue was hanging out of her mouth, and she was drooling all over herself.

"I think you knocked her remaining three brain cells onto the floor. You'd better look for them," Eclipse said. Koenma quirked an eyebrow.

"How about I try to create some?" he said. He pulled a crowbar out of his pocket and put it over his head, ready to bring it down and dent in Shadow's head.

"BLOODY MURDER!!!" Shadow screamed suddenly. She jumped up and ended up halfway across the office. She looked at her shirt and made a disgusted face. Pointing at it, she said, "WHO DID THIS?"

"That would have been you, Shadow," Koenma said dryly. "Now, explain--"

"I DID NOT SUCH THING! IT'S UNSANITARY!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE!" Koenma yelled. He floated above her and dumped a five-gallon bucket of water on her head. "CLEAN NOW?"

Shadow stood there sputtering and shivering.

"Mop that up!" Koenma ordered.

"Me?!"

"Hai. NOW!"

"Screw that!" Shadow took one step and slipped in the water. She ended up on her back with her wet bangs hanging over her eyes and stars floating around her head. Eclipse groaned. Koenma sighed. He walked over and brushed the stars out of the air, shaking Shadow to her senses. She reached up and formed spikes from her wet hair. She grinned dazedly.

"I am Pokey, hear me roar."

"Pokey?"

"Roar."

"I'm terrified, Pokey. Now get up."

"Roar."

"SHADOW, GET THE HELL UP OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE I BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A RUBBER CHICKEN!!!" Eclipse screamed. "HONESTLY, YOU'RE FLIPPIN' OUT ABOUT THEM BEING GONE AND YOU'RE DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT!"

"Hai, seikai. Of course," Shadow said, standing up. She stood there, dripping wet for a second, before she grinned. "Roar."

Facefault, sweatdrop, anime fall down. Koenma got up and started cursing at her in languages she didn't know existed. She started taking notes.

"OKAY, OKAY, SHUT UP!" Shadow screamed eventually, after several pages in her notebook were filled up. "Now, what is it you wanted me to tell you?" She put the notebook in her pocket, and somehow, magically, it actually fit, somehow, in some strange way. She sat down on the wet floor and looked at Koenma expectantly.

"What were you saying earlier about people vanishing?"

Shadow paused. "My underwear are wet."

"SHADOW JAGANSHI, YOU HAD BETTER START BEING NORMAL PRETTY SOON OR--" Koenma screamed, but he was interrupted. Eclipse kicked Shadow straight in the side of the head, sending her flying into the wall. They had to peel her off.

"Okay, fine, okay, FINE! I'll be normal. I'll concentrate," she said. "But first..." She grabbed Koenma and Eclipse and slammed their heads together.

"ITAI!!!" they yelled.

"THAT'S what you get for abusing me." Shadow then commenced to explain what she had said to Eclipse about vanishing people, in greatly detailed detail, while Koenma stared at her. When she was done, he sighed.

"It must be some powerful demon or something... With the ability to transport, and---"

"Does that ability even exist?"

"Yes it does. Don't interrupt me."

"Ah. Gomen."

"Now, this must have been done by some powerful demon with the ability to transport, and he sensed they were the strongest in your house and took them. Poof, just like that. I'm sure they can take care of themselves. If they aren't back by the end of the week, come back," Koenma said.

"... Your great worry is quite evident," Shadow said sarcastically.

"Yes, isn't it?" Eclipse added.

"Get out!" Koenma snapped.

"Hai, Koenma-sama!" they said in unison, saluting. They turned and ran out. Shadow slipped and fell in the water, drenching her starting-to-dry clothes.

And voila, it was morning...

"GOOD MORNING, BOYS!" a voice exploded over the intercom. If they hadn't already woken up, that woke them up quite effectively. "Sleep well?!"

There were several angry groans and growls.

"We'll be having some new arrivals today, so be ready. Right now, we're gonna take care of you," the girl said.

"Take care of us?" Hiei repeated. The next thing he knew, he'd been transported into a small room. A girl stood in front of him.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" she squealed, jumping up and down. She reached towards Hiei. "Hiei Jaganshi... I never thought I'd ever, EVER get this close!"

"Don't touch me," he snapped, as she was obviously aiming to.

"AH! He talked to me!" She passed out right then and there. Hiei snorted.

"Fanatic," he muttered.

Meanwhile, the rest of the guys were experiencing something almost exactly the same. Except not all the girls passed out.

Anyway, so the reason they'd been transported into the little rooms was so they could have their needs tended to (the problems Yusuke brought up in the last chapter), and also so they could meet their captors... fanatics... whatever you want to call the lunatic girls who brought them to the place.

After all that, they were transported back to the room they'd been in, back into the cells or not, wherever they'd been before. They were all a bit startled. Some showed it more than others.

"HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA? WHY AM I BACK HERE?" Sano screamed, shaking his fist at the intercom speaker.

"Moron."

"SHUTUP, SAITOU!" He lunged at Saitou through the bars.

"CHILDREN!" Yusuke screamed. They looked at him. "Geez!"

"It seems we've been kidnapped by fanatics," Kurama said.

"I gathered that much when I was transported into a room with a girl who passed out when I told her not to touch me," Hiei said dryly.

"Fanatics? You mean there's actually somebody who likes Saitou?" Sano said in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"Unfortunately," Saitou said coldly.

"Unfortunately?!" Sano repeated. "You mean you actually look down on people who like you?"

"Not like there's many of them," Hiei said. Saitou narrowed his eyes.

"Most people aren't too fond of police officers," he said.

"Police officers who used to be murderous samurai and still take the occasional job of assassinating somebody, you mean?" Hiko added.

"Isn't that against some moral code as a police officer or something?" Hiei asked. "Breaking the law and enforcing it at the same time? Wouldn't you have to arrest yourself?"

"Not if nobody found out," Saitou said.

"... Ah. You're not really the honor code type, are you?"

Saitou just quirked an eyebrow.

"Didn't think so."

"So are we just going to PUT UP WITH being the prisoners of INSANE FANATIC GIRLS or are we going to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!?" Yusuke yelled, breaking up the 'friendly' conversation. They all turned and looked at him expectantly.

"Well, if you've got some plan of how to get out of a room with no doors, feel free to suggest it," Aoshi said. Everybody looked at him.

"Actually... I was hoping one of you guys had thought of something," Yusuke admitted.

"Yusuke, we've been back for about five minutes. Who can form a plan elaborate enough to get us out of here in that amount of time? Even I can't do that!" Kurama said. Yusuke blinked.

"Some genius you are!"

"Well, they did say we could buy our way out of here," Kenshin said. "But I have a feeling whatever they want us to sacrifice is a bit more than I'd like to give."

"We could just slaughter them all and try to find a way out on our own," Hiei said. "But that would be a little bit hard, being as we have no idea where we are. But once we figure out how to escape, I'm slaughtering them all."

"Iie!!!" Kenshin whined. "Iie, iie, iie!!!"

"Oh, God, Himura! Do you honestly still think they need a second chance?!"

"Hai. Everybody can change," Kenshin said. Hiei groaned.

"You need help."

"You don't understand Kenshin's past! He's got a really good reason for how he is!" Sanosuke snapped. "I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself when they're as rude as that, shrimp!"

"God, I can't get away from Kuwabara even when he isn't around!" Hiei complained. Everybody looked confused except Kurama and Yusuke, who realized Sano we being exactly like the baka human.

"Wait... Kuwabara was the one you called the ultimate baka, wasn't he?!"

"Hai. You're acting just like him," Hiei said. Sano growled. He lunged at Hiei through the bars. Hiei pulled the same evil trick Saitou had. He stood just past the reach of Sano's fingers and laughed.

"Grrrr! And you're acting just like him!" Sano said accusingly, pointing at Saitou. Hiei smirked.

"It's better to be like a lunatic police officer than an oaf with the intelligence of a rock."

"Lunatic?" Saitou repeated. He'd never really thought of himself as a lunatic. Evil, yes. Cruel, yes. Sadistic, maybe. Lunatic? ...Nah.

"Yes, lunatic! You're a cop who takes part time jobs as an assassin!"

"It's not really a habit, actually," Saitou said. "My assignment was the Battousai. I wanted to settle it with him by killing him. As you can see, I didn't."

"Battousai?"

"Hai... I suppose you only know him as Kenshin Himura."

"Battousai?" Hiei said in disbelief, looking at the young man in the purple kimono, who, at the moment, was looking rather clueless and innocent. "That guy? You're kidding!"

"Iie. I'm serious."

Hiei looked at Kenshin, inspecting him. After a minute, he shrugged.

"I'd have to fight him to judge for myself. But with that little 'no killing' deal, he'd never beat me."

"You think so highly of yourself, boy," Hiko said. "You need some lessons in humility."

"Whatever."

"Well, with this attitude, none of us will make it out of here, because we need to work together as a TEAM and 'TEAM' does not have 'I' in it," Yusuke said. "We're already going at each other's throats!"

"But there is a 'me' in team. Anyway, where have you been, Yusuke? These two have been attempting to murder each other since they got here!" Hiei said, pointing at Sano and Saitou.

"Well they know each other! I mean that you and Hiko-san are arguing, and you and Sanosuke have been arguing, and I'M usually the smart-mouth, and I'm not being a smart-mouth!" Yusuke explained.

"Well I'm safe, so I can be as smart-mouthed as I want to, because nobody can get to me," Hiei said. "Anyway, it's true that we can't do anything until we know a bit more about our situation. At this point, all we know is that we've been kidnapped by fanatic girls with transporters."

"... There's a 'me' in team!? Damn, Hiei, you've been hanging around Shadow too long!" Yusuke said, suddenly realizing what the demon had said ages ago.

"Hai... Anou... I've lived with her for almost two years."

"Really? It's been almost two years?"

"Hai. She was fourteen, later she turned fifteen, and now she's past fifteen and a half. Well, that's according to her. I don't know her real birthday," Hiei said. Sano was staring at him.

"You live with a fifteen-year-old?!"

"Something wrong with that, baka?"

"AHHHH! DON'T CALL ME BAKA!!! I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS SAITOU, IF NOT WORSE!!!"

Hiei laughed. Saitou smirked.

"Well, it seems Hiei-san has actually managed to get on Saitou's good side," Kenshin said.

"Saitou has a good side?!" Sano said in disbelief. "That's an interesting concept."

"He'd have to have a good side. He's married, de gozaru," Kenshin said. Then he instantly slapped his hand over his mouth. "Gomen, Saitou-sama!!!"

"YOU'RE MARRIED?!" Sano yelled. He looked at the police officer skeptically. "Are you sure you're married? Because in order to be married, you should be in love, and to be in love, you have to have a heart. I can't imagine any woman being able to put up with you. But she must be some woman to be able to find your heart."

Saitou glared at Kenshin. He glared at Sano. Tiny wispy trails of steam drifted out of his ears. He wanted a cigarette. Of course, the little fanatic girls hadn't been so kind as to provide him with any, and he was suffering a bit of a major withdrawal headache. Sanosuke wasn't making it much better. Hoping to shut him up, he simply said, "Moron," and sat down with his back against the wall and his eyes closed.

"Is that all you've got to say?! You're not going to tell us about your lovely wife?" Sano taunted. Now that he had something to use against Saitou, he'd use it. So inside the evil, murderous, insulting, son-of-a-bitch outside, Hajime Saitou truly did have a heart. Amazing.

Getting no response from Saitou, Sanosuke was slightly annoyed. He had something to use against him, but it didn't even piss him off! And if it did, the little piece of crap didn't show it. Kenshin, on the other hand, was quite happy he hadn't gotten anything past a glare, because he had tried rather hard not to let that little bit of information slip to Sanosuke, and he had a feeling Saitou wasn't too happy with him at that particular moment.

"Soooo... What's she like?" Sano asked after a couple minutes of silence. Saitou clenched his teeth. "She tall? Short? Skinny? Not-so-skinny? What color are her eyes? I bet she's got blue eyes. And black hair... and... she's tall... and--" The next thing he knew, he was grabbed by the front of his shirt and pulled up against the bars.

"Why don't you shut up, moron, before I rip out your heart and shove it up your nose?!" Saitou hissed. He threw Sano backwards, then went and sat back down like nothing had happened.

'Ha!' Hiei thought triumphantly. 'So he IS having insane urges to rip out peoples' hearts!'

Sano stood there looking a bit angry and relieved at the same time, probably a bit happy Saitou hadn't started trying to pull him through the bars. Because, being as the bars were less than 6 inches apart, that wouldn't have worked very well and would have been kind of painful.

Meanwhile, back at the bat cave... er... the... house...

"He just expects us to wait a full week for them? I watched them vanished from my own living room! Does he not know the kind of stress I'm under?" Shadow complained. Eclipse grinned.

"Nothing a good blow to the head wouldn't solve," she said, resting a baseball bat on her shoulder. Shadow quirked an eyebrow.

"You know, there's drugs that have the same effect, and they're a bit less painful," she said nervously.

"You're actually considering taking sleeping pills?"

"Iie. I'm considering going to look for them."

"Baka! If they really vanished in a flash of white light, explain to me how you'll find any trace of anything to help you find them!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh... Good point. I think I should be locked in my room with a bottle of sleeping pills and a gallon of water. Do you think a bottle would keep me out for a week?"

"... If you take them the RIGHT WAY, probably. If you take them the WRONG WAY, aka overdose, you will be out for a lot longer than that, I'd say. Like... eternity?"

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

"Aye... What was that for?"

"Dunno."

"Ugh. Baka."

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Read and Review. Either that or forget the review and die. I'll tell the lunatic girls that you want to steal their bishies.

Oh, I was gonna add a few new characters at the end of the chapter, but I just remembered that and I'm already done, so I'll just add them next chapter. Maybe. I only got like… one suggestion, and that was already some people I was considering.