Chapter 6

Kara was lying on their bed and staring at the ceiling when Lee came in. She turned her head sideways to see him, gave a small smile, and waited on his reaction before greeting him. She never knew quite what he was thinking these days, but Sharon had had a point. If she never got through Lee's thick skull the fact that she loved him, she wouldn't be able to get her life back on track.

"Hey," he said, returning her smile and then pulling the hatch closed behind him. "You okay?"

"Tired," she admitted. "You?"

"The same. Good flight, though," he added. "No problems."

"I'm glad."

Lee walked over to his desk, pulled out the chair, and sat down to begin removing his boots.

"Did you eat?" she asked, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"Not hungry," he replied. "How about you?"

"Late lunch," she answered.

Silence stretched between them for several moments while Lee removed his boots. Kara knew she had to say something to end it — make some overture to bridge the gap between them — but she didn't have a clue where to start. When his boots were off, he popped buckle on his flight suit and unzipped it. She watched as he shrugged out of the top half of the suit, leaving the bottom in place while he reached around and shifted through some papers on the desk.

"Lee?" she finally said.

"Hmm?" He looked up.

"How long are you going to be mad?"

At least that stopped him. He dropped the papers, turned around to meet her eyes, and let out a long sigh. "I'm not mad," he said. When she raised her eyebrows in a combination of denial and challenge, he clarified himself. "I'm not mad now."

"But you were." It wasn't a question.

"I" He seemed to be in thought for a minute, then he stood up and walked the few steps to the bed. He sat down next to her and took her hand in his. It was the first time he'd touched her in a week for more than a second at a time without being asked. The gesture nearly brought tears to her eyes. "I didn't understand," he said simply. "I still don't, but I love you. And sometimes loving you means taking everything, even the things we don't agree on. So I'm sorry I made such an issue out of it. You have a right to say no. I may not like it, but I should at least respect it without acting like a three-year-old."

"I didn't say no," she told him softly.

"You may as well have."

She shook her head. "You don't understand."

"That's what I told you," he said with a soft smile. "And I won't say it doesn't bother me a little, but I'll deal with it."

"What part is bothering you?" she asked in frustration. "Talk to me."

"Why you" He stopped, shaking his head. "It's not important."

"Obviously it is," she corrected. "Lee, I know you wanted me to say yes, and I can see why you'd be upset if I'd said no, but I didn't say anything. I just needed some time."

"So I'll wait," he said with resignation.

"Why is that a problem?" she asked in annoyance. "It's a huge decision, Lee. It's the rest of our lives. I don't think it's something we should jump into. It's not something we should do just because I'm pregnant, and it's not something to take lightly. I can't see how taking a few days to be sure is such a big deal when we're talking about the next fifty years, or whatever."

Lee's eyes closed, he took a breath and let it out slowly. At least he was trying to stay calm. That was something, but she didn't know what it was that was upsetting him. Her logic seemed rock-solid to her.

"You didn't make Zak wait," he told her quietly. Very quietly; just barely a whisper. She wondered if he even had meant for her to hear it, because as soon as he'd said it he lowered his head and stared at the floor.

Oh Lords. Zak. Was that what this was about? "Lee?"

"Why was it so easy for you to say yes to him?" he asked carefully. "And then not say yes to me."

"It was easy," she admitted. "I was impetuous. I was in love, and he was so excited, and I wasn't even really thinking about the future, or children, or anything else. I was just so relieved that he wanted me."

"What?"

Kara hadn't wanted to go into this. There was a lot about her relationship with Zak that they hadn't discussed. Part of the reason was that it was deeply personal to her — all she had left of Zak — and the rest was that she didn't think he'd want to hear it. "I loved him, Lee. But I don't even really think I knew what loving was back then. I just knew I didn't want to lose him, and if I'd said no he wouldn't have waited. I know he wouldn't have. He didn't have it in him."

"And you knew I'd wait?" he asked. The confusion was there in his voice, and there was pain there as well. She didn't know if it was because of her, or because they were discussing his brother. Talking about Zak in the past tense was never easy.

"I loved Zak," she said again. "I loved him as much as I knew how to do. And at the time that seemed so big. It was exciting and fun and easy. And Lee, he was a big part of me. When I lost him, a part of me died too, and I didn't know if I'd make it through that."

"I know," he said. And he did. She knew he did.

"But what you and I have Lee, it makes what I felt then seem so small. I don't even have words for what I feel for you. I tell you I love you — and I do — but, Lords it's so much more than that. And sometimes I think about what I lost when Zak died, and how much of me he took with him. And Lee, if If I lost you, there wouldn't be anything left of me. Does that make any sense? It's like you're everything to me, and that scares the hell out of me."

Lee looked up at her, and what she saw in his eyes wasn't exactly understanding, but it was damned close. "I need you," he said gently. "That's why I asked. Not because I wanted to make an issue of it, or because of the baby, or because it was the thing to do. I asked because I need you with me, and I wanted to make that official."

"You've got me with you," she told him, and frak he was going to make her cry. She took a breath and tried to keep her emotions in check long enough to get through this. His blue eyes were clear and sad, and they seemed to look right into her heart. She wanted to give him everything, but he already had it and he didn't even know it.

"I know it's just words," he told her, and he looked away again even as his hands tightened around hers. "But I want to say them, and I want you to. And that's probably stupid, but it's how I feel. And yes, I want to do it before our baby's born, and if that's selfish, then I'm sorry about that, but it's the truth."

How did she answer that? Why was it so hard? She looked at him a moment more, seeing honesty and something just this side of desperation. Completely at a loss for words, and not really even knowing if there were words for what she was feeling, she leaned forward and kissed him. He let go of her hand to thread his fingers through her hair and hold her head in place, and he kissed her back with the same near-panic she had seen in his eyes. Lords, she thought. He was as scared as she was; she could feel it. So she put her arms around him and held on tight, letting the kiss say what she didn't know how to. She felt like it was a cop-out, but it was all she had. She needed to show him something.

Several moments later, Lee pulled back. He kissed her again, gently, then took a breath. "I love you," he whispered.

She smiled, and damn-it there were tears on her cheeks. What was the matter with her? "I love you too," she choked out.

"And that's enough," he concluded.

"For now," she requested. "Later I don't know. I'm having enough trouble picturing myself as a mother. Being a wife too it's too much right now. I'm sorry that I feel that way, but I can't lie to you."

"And I'm sorry," he said, his fingers moving to tuck her hair behind one ear before his palm rested against her cheek.

"I missed you," she said with a sniffle, wishing he'd look away long enough for her to find something to wipe her nose with.

"I missed you, too" he told her.

"Show me?" she asked softly, and then she held her breath.

Lee smiled. Wide and honest and with a gentleness that touched her to her core. "Absolutely. But I need a shower," he admitted. She nodded, but then his grin turned roguish. "How about you coming with me?"

"While I still fit?" she asked with a wink.

His grin softened, as did his eyes. "It'll be worth it," he told her with a glance down at the middle of her body. She was going to try to come up with a snappy comeback, but before she could he'd reached down and placed his palm over her stomach. "It's still hard to believe," he said. "Every once in a while I kind of forget, and then when it hits me"

"I know," she agreed. "I'm still not used to it."

"We'll get there," he promised.

"So, you gonna wash my back?" she asked, trying to divert the intensity of his expression.

His grin was almost devious. "I'll wash every inch of you if you'll give me a chance," he told her.

"Mmm, then it'll be my turn," she replied, her eyes travelling from his blue eyes down to the socks on his feet, and not missing much territory in between.

He didn't speak then, but he did stand up and tug her with him. The next hour was spent laughing and joking in a tiny shower stall, where for the first time in her life Kara forgot that the water wasn't hot enough. She was plenty warm with Lee beside her, and around her, and in her. Afterwards they dried one another off and spent another hour loving one another in the bed before they were both too tired to do any more. When they were finally ready for sleep, Kara didn't have to ask for him to hold her. He was already there, his arms holding her tightly, his legs tangled with hers, and his palm resting just below her navel. As she drifted into a contented sleep, her last thought was that this was how it should be. And maybe, if she could figure out how to do it, this was how it could always be.

It took Lee a moment to realize what had awoken him. He was alone. When he'd fallen asleep, he'd had himself wrapped tightly around Kara, her warm body fitting him perfectly and the tension that had existed between them finally dissolved. They might not have resolved all of their differences — he still wanted her to marry him, and she still wasn't ready — but he had been able to realize that they had time.

At first, Lee thought it was merely her absence that had roused him from a deep sleep, but the sound that intruded on his half-waking state put an end to that thought. Kara was sick. Very sick. Again.

More than a little groggy, he stood up and walked towards the sounds of retching that were coming from the small bathroom. He'd always heard of morning sickness, but for Kara it seemed to be more "whenever" sickness. Sometimes morning, sometimes evening, and sometimes the middle of the night. Regardless of their speaking terms in the last week, he'd sat by her side more than once through this. He would be more than a little happy when this stage of pregnancy passed, for both of their sakes.

"Kara?"

All that answered was the sound of more sickness. He turned up the light in the bedroom, rather than the one in the bathroom, and then went in to get a washrag wet. He found her in the dim light that came through the bathroom door, and when she was between bouts he wiped her face with the cool cloth and offered her a drink of water. She declined, and was sick once more. Lee sat down beside her where she had knelt on the floor of the bathroom to hug the toilet, and he put an arm around her shoulders. He couldn't really do a thing for her and he knew it, but at least he could be there. It seemed callous to sleep in a warm bed while she was on the floor throwing up.

She had been down to dry heaves for quite a while before her retching stopped. When he was relatively sure that she was finished, he rinsed out the washrag again, wiped her face, and offered her the glass of water. This time she took it, rinsed out her mouth, and gave the glass back. Once he had stood up and set the glass back on the sink, he reached his hand down to her.

She didn't take it. In fact, she seemed to be holding on to the toilet just to remain upright. "Kara?"

"It hurts," she told him softly.

"What does?" he asked anxiously, kneeling down at her side.

"Stomach," she told him. She had one arm over the toilet for support, and the other wrapped around her stomach. He didn't know why he hadn't noticed that before. "Is it from the vomiting?" he asked.

"I don't know. But that definitely made it worse."

He didn't know what to do. Was it just soreness from an abused digestive tract? Was something wrong with the baby? The pregnancy seemed to make even the simplest things more complicated. "Should I call Doctor Salik?" he asked.

She shook her head. "It isn't bad if I don't move," she said.

"You can't sleep on the floor," he said reasonably. "I need to get you into bed. Can you walk, or should I carry you?"

"I don't know," she said again, and now she sounded scared.

"Kara, is it the baby?" he asked, trying to keep the fear out of his voice.

"I don't know," she answered.

Okay. He could handle this. The first thing was to get her comfortable, and then they could evaluate from there. He put one arm around her back and slid his other beneath her knees. The curled-up position she was in made lifting her easier even as the size of the bathroom made negotiating the space more difficult. Somehow he maneuvered her through the door and to the bed. Once he had her there, he just sat down, electing to hold her for a moment. He told himself that it was because he needed to regain his balance, but it was a pretty flimsy lie. She had him worried, and it was a hell of a lot easier for him to keep himself together when he had his arms around her.

So he held her. She stayed pretty much in a ball, not moving and not speaking. After several minutes, he couldn't remain silent any longer. "Better or worse?"

"Better," she said. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make a big deal out of nothing."

"I'm not sure it's nothing," he told her. "I think we need to call Salik."

She shook her head. "Maybe in the morning. Lee, I'm tired. I don't want to spend the night on a stupid cot in Life Station just so he can tell me that I've been throwing up and I'm pregnant. Everyone's sick when they're pregnant. Don't you remember what Sharon was like?"

Lee didn't say anything. Yes, he remembered a lot of days when Sharon had been tired from a rough night, and he'd pulled her from the schedule more than once because she hadn't felt well, but Sharon had never complained of pain. On the other hand, he could remember the last time he'd eaten something that hadn't quite settled, and at the time Lee had thrown up until he thought his stomach would burst. If Kara hadn't been pregnant, he probably wouldn't have even been worried. But she was, and so he had to be.

"Still hurting?" he asked her.

She murmured a negative, but didn't really answer. She was half asleep now, despite the light that was still on at full force. They never turned it all the way off — Kara hated to be in the dark — but they at least turned it down low for sleep. Lee held her just a moment more, not even sure why, and then gently transferred her to the bed. She was still curled up, and he couldn't decide if it was because she just liked to sleep that way or because she was still hurting. Either could be the case. He turned down the light, then got into bed behind her. He put one of his arms over her and around her body, and pulled her as close as he dared. When she seemed to snuggle back into him, he relaxed a little bit. Surely she couldn't be in any danger if she could sleep. Could she? More than a little worried, and yet telling himself he was overreacting, Lee let himself drift into an uneasy sleep.

When morning came, and with it a buzzing alarm and lingering fatigue, Lee was pleased to note that Kara seemed better. She was still moving cautiously as she got up to brush her teeth, and once more she declined their morning run. Lately he'd been going without her, but today he decided to stay close. He was worried, and he knew her. Unless he made her go to Life Station, she would blow off the night before and not bother to check with the doctor about anything.

They got ready for the day in a relaxed and comfortable silence, bumping into one another in the close quarters, apologizing with a smile when necessary. It was a normal routine for them, although they usually went through it after running several laps of the Galactica. When they were both dressed, Lee faced her and took both her hands in his to be sure that he had her attention. "We're going to see Salik," he told her firmly.

"Why?" she asked, and he wanted to smack her for the honest confusion in her voice. Didn't she remember what she'd felt like the night before?

"Because you were hurting last night, and you're still moving carefully. I want to know what's wrong."

"What's wrong is that I threw up for half the night," she informed him. "I'm just a little sore."

"Fine, then it won't take too long for him to confirm that."

"Lee, we have to get to work."

"I'm off," he informed her. "Long patrol yesterday, remember?"

"I'm not," she countered. "You've stuck me with enough paperwork to last a week."

"Fine, then after we see the doctor, I'll help you catch up."

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm fine. Lee, there's nothing wrong."

"As I said, then it won't take long to get this done. Kara, I'm not dropping it. Maybe you can ignore last night, but you scared the hell out of me. I need to know that you're okay."

She rolled her eyes again, but at the very least she had stopped arguing. "Fine," she muttered. "Then will you leave me alone?"

"Not a chance," he said honestly. "But I'll take you to breakfast."

The look she gave him said that she wasn't happy with the situation, but he didn't really care. He had bad feeling about the night before, and he wouldn't feel any better until a doctor had told him that Kara was fine.