Chapter 9

Bored. That was the only word for it. Frakking bored. Kara was certain she was going to go completely insane because she was just that bored.

Her first week hadn't been all that bad. After declaring that she was to lie still and rest, Salik had kept her confined to a hospital bed with enough medication put her in a sleepy stupor. She had literally slept for a week, only eating the rare bland food that appeared at her bedside and miraculously keeping it down. She went the entire week without throwing up once, and was only nauseous a couple of times. She still had occasional mild cramps, but at least the spotting had stopped. In fact, by the end of the week she'd almost forgotten what the big deal had been. She was fine. Didn't it prove she was fine?

When Doctor Salik had begun to wean her off the medications, things got a little more interesting. She was a little sick, although she never really threw up. She was allowed a little more food and even managed to begin walking to the bathroom, which had been the highlight of her week. Granted, she'd been a bit dizzy from the inactivity and lack of food, but it had been worth it not to have to ask for the frakking bedpan every couple of hours. It had felt pretty good to be upright as well. If there were times when she almost wished that she could be knocked out again, they were few and far between. She had plenty of visitors — many who came bearing cards or books — and she had begun to have some hope that the baby just might make it through her illness.

Kara had dedicated herself to the pregnancy with a single-minded intensity that was the only way she knew how to do anything. Like taking on the entire Cylon empire, she had focused every thought and action towards making sure her child had his chance to live. She kept her spirits up, her thoughts positive, and her activity to a level that her doctor approved of. She was a very good girl, indeed.

After sixteen days in the Life Station, she was finally allowed to go home. Granted, she was rolled there on a gurney, but she was willing to take what she could get. At last she was in her own bed without being watched all day and all night, without being awoken to have her blood pressure or temperature taken, and without a constant stream of people to occupy her mind.

That was when the boredom had started. Yes, she was in her room, but she couldn't do a thing. Lee came by every couple of hours to walk her to the bathroom — or sent someone else to do it — but aside from that she was officially on her own. Visits from friends became a little more rare — okay, a lot more rare — and she'd read all the books that had been sent her way. She had played solitary pyramid until her cards were fraying, and she had watched every vid-program that Lee had been able to scrounge. She had been in one frakking bed or another for twenty-seven days now, and she was just plain bored.

A knock at her hatch was a welcome diversion as Kara tried to read the same book that she'd read the day before. "Come in," she called out from her pillow-propped nest. "Please, come in!"

Sharon pulled the hatch open and stepped through, carrying Aaron on one hip. He was almost two now, and always into everything. He had Tyrol's round face and Sharon's dark eyes, his hair brown and straight and usually a mess. "Thought you might want some company," Sharon told her as she pulled the hatch closed behind her.

"Lords, yes," Kara agreed. "I swear I'm going to go frakking nuts in here."

"Language," Sharon said with raised eyebrows and a lecturing tone. "You're going to have to get that mouth under control before this kid's born, otherwise there's no telling what trouble it'll be in."

"Right," Kara said with a laugh. "I'd say I've got time."

"You'd be surprised," Sharon corrected with a wry tone. "They're quick."

"Down."

The imperious order had come from the chubby boy in Sharon's arms. She glanced at Kara in silent inquiry, and Kara nodded. Sharon set the boy down, and he promptly scrambled over to the bed, climbing up without any assistance to bounce on the mattress down towards Kara's feet.

"Sorry," Sharon said, moving to retrieve her son.

"Leave him," Kara said with a smile. "It's the most entertainment I've had all week. He won't hurt me."

Sharon didn't look so sure, but neither did she remove the bouncing boy. Instead, she reached for the single chair at Lee's desk and pulled it over to the bed to take a seat. "How are you feeling."

"Bored," Kara declared.

"It can't be that bad," Sharon argued. "I'd give anything for a week of uninterrupted sleep."

"I had that almost a month ago," Kara said grimly. "It's the last three that have gotten ridiculous."

"It's necessary," Sharon reminded her.

Kara sighed. "I know," she admitted. "But sometimes it's hard to remember why it's so important. I really do feel okay now. I haven't had any cramps in a week, and I'm not on any medicine to stop the nausea. I faithfully drink my eight glasses of water every day, and it's all staying down. I just don't see why I have to lay here."

"Do you really want to take the chance of doing something too soon?"

"No," Kara said softly. "That's why I'm still here."

"So quit complaining about it," Sharon advised.

"One condition," Kara suggested with a wink.

"What?"

"Tell me what the frak is going on," Kara begged. "I feel like I'm living in a bubble!"

Sharon laughed, but she started talking. Over the next hour, Kara was brought up to date on the fleet situation, the latest gossip, and every other thing she could think to ask about. When Aaron stopped bouncing and began to get fussy, Sharon held and rocked him as he went to sleep, even as she went right on talking.

Kara watched as the little boy snuggled into his mother's arms, nuzzling up against her chest. "He remembers, doesn't he?" she asked.

Sharon looked up at the question. "Nursing? Yeah, probably. But I cut that off several months ago. He can eat from a plate and drink from a cup. When he's sleepy he still looks for it though."

"That has to be so weird," Kara mused. "I mean, letting him you know."

Sharon shrugged one shoulder. "Some days I miss it," she admitted. "It was a lot easier than trying to cut his food small enough or find something he likes to eat. It's also not nearly as weird when you're doing it as when you're watching it."

"How did you figure it out?" Kara asked with a touch of wonder. How was she ever going to be a good mom?

"I didn't have to do much," Sharon admitted. "One of the techs showed me how to hold him, and then he just did the rest. It really is pretty natural if you give it a chance. Besides, it's not like we get a choice."

"I guess that's what's bothering me," Kara admitted. "Everyone tells me how natural parenting is, but it doesn't feel that way. I mean, I want this over so I can go back to being a person instead of a patient, but I don't know how I'll figure out what to do next."

"It really isn't that hard," Sharon reassured her. "You don't think you'll be able to figure it out, and sometimes you get a little lost, but the majority of it you just kind of know. I can't tell you how, because I'd sure never been around kids or even anyone who had them, but I just seemed to be able to figure it out."

"I hope it's that easy," Kara said softly.

"Wait a minute," Sharon said. "I never told you it was easy. I just said you'd know what to do when the time came."

"Thanks," Kara said dryly.

Sharon laughed, and then they talked some more. They were still chatting and Aaron was still sleeping when Lee showed up at the door with Kara's dinner.

"Hey," he said with a smile.

"Hi," Sharon replied, turning slightly to see him. Then back to Kara she said, "I guess that's my cue. Tyrol will be ready to eat, too. I'll go get back to my room before I have to answer a thousand questions about why I didn't get anything done today."

"Sorry," Kara said sheepishly.

"I'm not," Sharon admitted. "I needed the break. Give me a call if you need anything, or even if you just need to talk."

"Thanks, Boomer," Kara said as Sharon headed for the hatch that Lee hadn't yet closed.

"Any time, Starbuck," Sharon replied, and then the hatch was shut behind her.

"Everything okay?" Lee asked as he grabbed the tray they'd rigged up with one hand and set it over Kara's legs to make a table for her to eat from.

"No," she grumbled. "I'm bored."

"That's not new," he told her with a smile. "But you're better, and that's what's important."

"I know," she muttered, and she couldn't really argue with him about it.

"Salik met me on the way out of the Mess Hall," Lee told her. "He wants to come by tomorrow and check you."

"Great." She didn't really look forward to being poked and prodded by the doctor. He had come by the day before to take several vials of blood, and it had taken him three sticks to do it. The bruise still hurt. A sudden thought occurred to her. "Is this because of the blood tests?" she asked, more worried than she wanted to admit. He'd mentioned taking levels of something in her blood, but it hadn't made much sense.

"Yeah," Lee told her. "He thinks you may be far enough along now to hear a heartbeat. It's not definite, but he wants to check."

"What if he doesn't?" she asked, hating the fear in her voice. She couldn't stand the thought that the last few weeks might very well be for nothing.

"Then we try again in a week," Lee said with a shrug. "He'll be by around midday. I'm going to trade shifts with Evans so I can be here."

Kara nodded, not sure if he wanted to be close if they heard it, or in case they didn't. "Midday," she repeated.

"Yeah."

"You okay?" she asked him.

He shrugged. "That's supposed to be my line," he told her with what was clearly a forced smile.

"Lee?"

He closed his eyes. "I'm a little nervous," he admitted. "The last month has been hard on you, but it's all worth it if the baby's okay."

"And if he's not?"

Lee looked at her for a moment. "I don't know," he admitted.

"I've done everything Salik told me," Kara reassured him. "Everything should be fine. I'm not even sick any more. If something were wrong, I'd still be sick. Wouldn't I?"

Lee nodded. "You've been feeling good," he said. "That has to be a good sign. And if the blood tests weren't good, Salik wouldn't bother to try to listen. I'm sure he'd know if the baby wasn't doing well."

Kara nodded and took a bite of her dinner. It was bland, but not horrible. She was supposed to stay away from anything that was high in fat, sugar, or spices that might upset her stomach. She took a second bite, mentally calculating just how many more it would take to finish the meal. She wasn't hungry at all, but she was supposed to eat. So she would eat.

"Any good," Lee asked as he watched her.

"What do you think?" she asked with a grimace.

"I think I love you."

She looked up at that. He told her often, sometimes when it seemed to fit the moment and sometimes out of the blue. This was definitely not what she considered to be a moment inspiring loving declarations.

"I love you, too," she told him. Then, after watching him a moment she asked, "But what's the occasion."

He smiled, but it was more shy than enthusiastic. "You're putting up with so much," he said. "And you're so miserable. I just wish I could do something to make it easier."

She smiled at that, and it was a lot more genuine than his. "You do," she told him. "You're here."

He shrugged one shoulder. "It doesn't seem like much."

She smiled at him again. "You'd be surprised."

It had been a damned long day, and it wasn't even started. In retrospect, Lee thought he might have been better off if he had worked the morning. Sitting and waiting had him knotted up inside.

He had gotten up early, leaving Kara asleep in their bed, and had gone running. He had missed her terribly while doing it — running had always been her passion, and he'd only started because she'd liked the company — but he finished the run anyway because he'd come to need the physical release it provided him. He took a shower as quietly as he could manage, then wrapped a towel around his waist while he went for clothes. Kara's whistle had caught him off guard; he'd thought she would still be sleeping.

"Nice view," she had murmured from her place on the bed. "Could be nicer, of course. How about losing the towel?"

He had grinned, but had also kept the towel firmly in place. There had been a dozen restrictions placed on Kara when she'd left the Life Station. No sex had been one of them, along with no walking further than the bathroom and no getting upset about anything. The list went on, but those had been the things that had been the hardest to live with.

"What? No comments?"

With a sigh, he had realized that she wasn't going to drop it. Neither was he, but that was another issue. "No point," he had told her. "You're making promises you can't keep."

"All I promise is to ogle generously," she had told him with a wink.

"I don't think so."

"Why not?" she had asked, and he hadn't had an answer for her beyond the fact that his body was a little more obvious about his feelings regarding its denial than he wanted it to be. Kara had been feeling bad enough about not being able to do anything. Letting her know that he was miserable about it — physically as well as emotionally — wouldn't have served much of a purpose.

"I need to get dressed," he had told her.

"You're avoiding the issue."

"Hell, yes," he'd replied, beginning to get annoyed. "Damn-it Kara, you know what you do to me."

"What?"

It had sounded like an honest question, almost innocent. Looking over at her he'd seen an insecurity that he wasn't used to. Rolling his eyes, he had dropped the towel to reveal a body that had been denied for the last month, and yet had still been forced to remain in close proximity to what it so desperately needed and couldn't take. Her eyes had widened, he'd seen that she had the idea, and he'd gone ahead and dressed. Then he had sat down next to her and grabbed a book, waiting for time for the Dining Hall to open so he could go get them both some breakfast. The day had barely begun, and already he wanted it over with.

"Sorry," she said softly.

"Me too," he answered, but he didn't look up at her.

"You know, just because I can't I mean, you don't have to stay miserable."

That had caught his attention, and had amused him greatly. He had seen an opportunity for teasing that was too good to pass up. "Is that permission to go find an alternate?" he asked with a grin.

"Right," she muttered. "If you want me to cut it off."

He laughed at that. "No thanks. I'll just keep it in my pants."

That had made her sigh. "Lee, I'm serious."

A glance at her face had shown him that she was, and while this was a discussion he didn't want to have, he could see that he wasn't going to get a choice. He put the book down and turned to face her. "Kara, I'm fine," he said softly. "There's nothing to be serious about. In fact, it's a lot easier to manage if I'm not. I miss you — and you know that — but there's not a hell of a lot we can do about it."

"Yeah, there is," she corrected.

He shook his head. "Not worth the risk."

"The only risk is if I Lee, I don't have to get excited for you to do it," she said in a stumbling voice.

He reached over and kissed her on the forehead, which was not even the start of what he wanted to do, but all he would trust himself with. "It's not much fun without you," he told her.

She blushed, but she didn't drop it. In fact, he saw a determined light come into her eyes that made him frankly nervous. "This is ridiculous," she muttered. "If I can have your baby, I can certainly carry on a conversation about sex without sidestepping it."

"So carry," he invited. "What do you want to say?"

She took a deep breath, and he knew he was in for it. "I know we can't have sex," she told him. "But we did a lot of playing around before we got that far. You don't have any restrictions, and there's no law against me touching you. I mean, it might not be all I want, but at least it's something. I miss you, and I miss being close to you."

He couldn't help but smile at that. "I miss you too," he told her. "As I'm sure you can see. But it really isn't all that much fun without you."

"I'm right here," she said, her voice exasperated.

"What I mean is that if I can't touch back it's not the same. Yeah, we played around a lot before we actually started making love, but it was two-way. It's really not worth the effort if I'm the only one having a good time."

"What makes you think that you'd be the only one having a good time?" she asked.

He just raised his eyebrows, because the answer was obvious. He'd never been one to leave her behind in sex. They were partners in everything else, and to him that carried over into making love. He couldn't say that he'd never gotten ahead of the game, but he had always gone back afterwards to make it up to her. Anything less seemed selfish to him. And besides, watching her come apart was very good for his ego.

"Lee, I love to touch you," she said softly. "Think about it for a minute. If something were to happen where you couldn't have sex, would you really want to stop touching me just because you couldn't finish."

He did think about it. "No," he admitted. "I'd love touching you regardless."

"Holding you at night is the best part of my days," she told him softly. "I get to put my arms around you, or be held by you, and for a little while everything's okay. But I miss seeing your eyes glaze over and your body I just miss it, Lee. And it's something I can give you. You give me so much."

He reached out a hand to stroke her cheek gently. "I love you," he reminded her.

"And that is two-way," she said with a smile. "Let me love you back."

He couldn't find a way to argue with that.

Lee looked at his watch for the third time in as many minutes.

"He'll be here," Kara told him with a grin. She was curled up on her side facing him, and she had one of his hands held between both of hers. She squeezed his fingers gently, placed a small kiss in his palm, and closed her eyes with a contented smile.

She had been a lot more relaxed since that morning, when she'd shown him that what was supposed improve his mood went a long way towards improving her disposition as well. He wouldn't have thought a session of one-sided heavy petting would have done so much for her outlook, but he couldn't deny the results. In truth, he felt a lot better as well, physically if not mentally.

The wait on Doctor Salik still had him tied up in knots. What they found out about the baby today would either be a huge relief or completely inconclusive. The baby was either doing well, or they would know nothing more than what they knew at the moment, which was very little.

The baby was growing. Even Lee could tell that much from Kara's tummy. She wasn't exactly showing, but he could feel a difference in the shape of her body, and in the slight bulge that he could feel below her navel. That reassured him, but it didn't tell him if their baby was okay — only that he was there.

When Salik finally pounded on the door, Lee was wound so tightly that he could barely think.

"Come in," Kara called out. Lee just sat there.

"Sorry I'm running late," he told them as he placed a bag of gear at the foot of their bed. "I actually got caught up with a delivery. Our population has increased by one more."

"Great," Lee said, but his heart wasn't in it. It was all he could do at the moment to breathe.

"Let's go ahead and do this in reverse order," the doctor said with a smile. "Instead of saving the best for last, let's go ahead and see if we can hear anything. Okay?"

Lee nodded jerkily as Kara did the same. She might have been relaxed a moment ago, but as soon as she'd rolled onto her back for the doctor to examine her she'd become as tense as Lee was.

"Eating okay?" he asked her as he took out the small handheld device with the little screen.

"Fine," she told him. "No vomiting, either."

"Very good. Staying quiet?"

She nodded as he put something clear and gooey on her stomach. That was new. Normally he just waved the wand over her.

"This gel will help with picking up sound-waves," he told them. "I can get a visual from the ultrasound, but it's harder to pick up the heart than the body itself." He looked up at them both. "Ready?"

They nodded in unison. Kara reached for Lee's hand, and he held hers tightly while they waited. The doctor started as he had before, waving the unit over her lower abdomen like a wand, and then he turned it on its end and put the tip in the goo to roll that around as well.

At first, they heard a fairly slow and regular whooshing sound. Lee looked up hopefully, but the doctor still looked serious. "That's Kara's pulse," he explained. "Good blood flow to the uterus."

Lee looked at Kara and saw that her eyes were squeezed shut and she was very pale. She was scared to death. He gave another squeeze to her hand, then decided to hell with it. He leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead, willing her to hang in there for just a little longer. He kept his cheek against hers as they waited for the verdict.

A faint, rapid whooshing was the next thing they heard. Lee watched as the doctor grinned broadly. "There we go," he said with more than a little excitement.

"That's it?" Lee asked anxiously. "His heartbeat?"

Kara's eyes were open as well, and she was squeezing his hand hard enough that he would have bruises. He didn't even mind.

"Or hers," the doctor confirmed. "Too early to tell without taking a biopsy to culture. I can identify the head, limbs, and trunk but that's about all. It's still a tiny little thing."

"Is he okay?" Kara asked tensely.

"I's heart is fine," the doctor said with a smile. "Solid rhythm and good rate. Hold on, and I'll show you what it looks like."

Salik tapped something into his clipboard, which he had just removed from the gear bag with his free hand. He turned his device over and laid it flat on Kara's abdomen, and just held it there while he typed quickly with the other hand. When he was finished, he touched a button on the device and angled the screen towards the two of them. "This is the head," he said as he indicated a curved gray line within the small screen. "And this is the trunk, one arm, and legs here. The other arm is tucked behind because of the angle it's at, but that's okay. And look here," he gestured to tiny while marks towards the bottom of what he'd referred to as a leg. "Those are toes," he told them with a wink. "And yes, I counted. There are ten of them."

Lee didn't remember much of the rest of Kara's exam. He was too busy being caught in the wonder of having "seen" his child for the first time. The still frame that the doctor had showed them hadn't been the same was watching him move, but Salik promised that on her next exam he'd bring a full ultrasound unit so that they could watch him wiggle around for a bit. Lee was in awe. It was really a baby, however small it was, and his heartbeat was strong and solid and faster than Lee could have imagined. He was alive, Lee realized. Kara had more than a pregnancy inside her; she had a baby there. A baby with fingers and toes and a heartbeat.

Kara had looked as stunned and relieved as he was. He could imagine how she must have felt. She had been miserable for a month, and at least now she could see why she had to be so still. They were going to have a baby — a real, living baby.

When the exam was over, Salik packed up his things and walked to the door. "This doesn't mean the danger is over," he cautioned. "But I won't lie to you. This is a very good sign. We'll wait another couple of weeks, and if everything stays stable we'll get that biopsy if I still feel it's necessary. If he's kicking by then, we won't bother. Either way, two more weeks and we should be able to look at lifting some of the activity restrictions. That doesn't mean you'll be allowed to go hop in a Viper or run laps around the Galactica," he told Kara pointedly. "But you'll be able to get up to eat, sit in a chair that kind of thing."

"Sounds wonderful," Kara said with a genuine smile.

"Have a good day," the doctor said as he left the room, closing the hatch behind him.

Lee looked at Kara for a long moment, then reached down and kissed her. Hard. He was so happy that he didn't have a clue what to do with himself. Kara returned the kiss enthusiastically despite the smile she couldn't seem to get rid of.

When Lee pulled back to look at her, he wasn't surprised to see tears on her cheeks. Lords, he felt the same way. The relief was overwhelming.

"Lee?" she choked out.

"What?"

"Marry me?" she asked.

He felt his stomach drop. He thought of all the reasons he wanted her to be his wife, and all the reasons why this time in their lives was really too emotional to make big decisions. Then he thought of the pain he'd felt when he had asked her the same thing, and she hadn't answered him. Finally, he thought of their baby: tiny, and real, and theirs.

"Two weeks," he finally said.

"What?" Her confusion was clear, and he recognized the pain of the possible implied rejection in her voice. He'd been there.

"I want to tell you yes," he explained, kissing her gently once more. "But right now I know neither one of us is in any condition to decide anything. I want you to be my wife; it's what I've wanted for a long time. If you still want to marry me in two weeks, then we'll get a ring and do it right. Fair?"

Kara was still for a long moment, and then she smiled. "Two weeks," she echoed. "Maybe by then Salik will let me walk down an aisle."

"If not, we'll do it here," Lee said softly. "Elosha has done more than one bedside ceremony."

Kara shook her head at that.

"What?" he asked her.

"I want your dad to do it," she told him quietly. "I think it's his right."

Lee nodded soberly. His father rarely did weddings, even though it was indeed one of the jobs he was qualified for. His reasoning was always that his own marriage hadn't lasted, and that someone more fitting should be saying the sacred words. Lee couldn't remember the last wedding his father had done, but for some reason he thought that this time his dad would make an exception.

"Two weeks," Lee said again, and had to wonder what the hell he had been thinking when he hadn't just told her yes.