Happy Final Fantasy's

By: Burger and Panduh

Disclaimer:

UberBurger: People...I have some very sad news....were being sent to disclaimer camp...

Panduh: *sugar high has worn off* WHAT?! NOOOOOOO!!!!! .......what's that?

UberBurger: Apparently do to the damage we caused last chapter, we need to go to this 'camp' to learn how to do disclaimers properly.

Panduh: ....that sucks...

UberBurger: Yah.....

*drill sergeant appears*

Drill Sergeant: UBER-BURGER AND PANDUH DO NOT OWN SQUARESOFT, SQUARE-ENIX OR ANY FINAL FANTASY INSTALLMENT!!!

UberBurger &Panduh: *collectively groan*

************************************************

Scene Three, Quistis fan-club studio.

Annoying intro-voice: Heeeello and welcome to the Quistis fan-club show. Starring, of course, QUISTIS!!!!!!

(Clap, clap, clap.....)

Quistis: Hello and welcome everybody to the first official episode of the Quistis fan-club!!!!

Quistis: Alright, today I've played a nasty trick on our resident bastard, Sephiroth. Lately the silver-haired maniac has been going into 'fads'. Tonight, we gave him a fake list of fads! Lets see what happened shall we? *giggle giggle*

*screen pans to the T.V*

(In Shinra mansion)

Sephiroth: *pacing around* Hojo was such a gayford, he knew nothing of fads! NOTHING! Isn't that right mother?

Camera man: *sneaks in and gives Sephiroth the fad list, and eyes the masamune nervously* Er..here you go, Mr. Psychopathic killer person.... Heh- heh. *Runs away*

Sephiroth: OH THANK YOU!!!! I'VE GOT A.....*pokemon victory music plays in the background* FAD LIST!!!!

Sephiroth: Okay lets see here....the current fad is sailor fuku's with pig- tails....Fad remains 10 minutes!!!! I'll be right back!!!! *rushes off*

(Screen pans back to an amused Quistis)

Quistis: We'll return after a word from our sponsors to see Sephiroth's new look!

*commercial break*

Chocobo billy: Buy Chocobo Burgers! Its good and what for dinner! If it ain't Chocobo, its crap!!!

Chocobo: Wark wark!!! (Only 10 gil a patti!) ******* Ultimecia: Call in to Ultimecia's love line! We've been dealing with love potions for the last 10,000 years! Its guaranteed to stop time!

*end commercial break*

Quistis: Welcome back! And now back to Sephiroth and his new look!

****** (back in Shinra mansion)

Sephiroth: *now in Sailor fuku with pigtails* How do I look!!!

Camera man: *trying hardest not to crack up* Oh.....simply...lovely...Oh yes...we brought a friend of yours to take a look at your new style.

Sephiroth: Oh goodie! *walks out into library*

Cloud: Gah! Where were you, you were supposed to say something stupid and throw the gravity material at me and....*notices what Sephiroth looks like and cracks up*

Sephiroth: *frowns* I have no idea what you're laughing at. *gets into high- pitched gay voice* I mean like look at your pants Cloud! Just look at them! There so like...baggy on you! Like grow into them Cloud, grow!

Cloud: *stunned, soul flies out of his body*

Cid: *jumps down from the roof and lands on Sephiroth's shoulders.*

Cid: *lights cigarette* Want a marbolo?

Sephiroth: *takes it* Is this a new fad???

Cid: I dunno know....

Sephiroth: I think it is!!! *steals his pack of cigarette's and run's away*

Cid: *sighs* Some people just don't understand......

(Back at Quistis Fan-club studio)

Quistis: Well now, that was interesting! By the way, don't you think the guy Cid is a little suspicious?

Audience: *mutter mumble*

Quistis: *loads shot-gun* I SAID...don't you think that guy Cid looks suspicious??

Audience: ^^;;;; YES THAT GUY LOOKS SUSPICIOUS!!!

Quistis: Anyway, tune in next time when we have an In-depth look at the man, Cid Highwind!!! Bye!!!!!

*************

Scene four: Wutai

Cid: *hack* *cough* (Hasn't had a cigarette since Sephiroth stole his pack)

Yuffie: My poor beautiful home! It's a...a....TOURIST TRAP!!!! *bursts out in tears*

Cid: *hack* Here have a *cough* tick-tack. *hack* *cough*

*Sephiroth appears, dawning his usual black outfit again.*

Sephiroth: WHERE IS THAT CAMERA MAN WHO GAVE ME THAT BOGUS FAD-LIST!!!! IM GOING TO CHOP HIS HEAD OFF AND GIVE IT TO JENOVA AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *whips masamune around, and accidentally lodges it into a nearby wooden post*

Sephiroth: Argh!! *pull* *tug* (Masamune wont budge) Hey-you-can-I-please-have-a-Marbolo!!!!! (Has become addicted ever since the Nibelheim incident)

Cid: Ugh...I kinda don't have...*gulp*...anymore cigarettes.

Sephiroth: *stops moving altogether. If you listen closely, you can hear what's left of his grip on sanity dies* ............

Cid:.......

Sephiroth: WHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???!!!!!!! *Pulls out masamune all in one movement, the wooden pole falls over and crashes onto the ground* You..will.....die........

Cid: *gulp* Mother or pearl!!! *Runs away*

Sephiroth: COME BACK HERE!!! *Chases after him*

(Yuffie flings her hands in the air)

Yuffie: Have you all lost your MINDS??!!

Sephiroth: *calls back* Basically.

(Sephiroth and cid exit)

Quistis: *approaches Yuffie, camera man in Tow*

Yuffie: Oh..hi...Quistis *forced smile*

Quistis: Hee-hee, look at Cid run. You wouldn't think a hick like him could run so fast.

Yuffie: *fuming* This all you and you're damn show's fault!!!

Quistis: Aw...does Yuffie have a little crush on Cid and doesn't want him to get huuurrttttt?

Yuffie: GOD DAMNIT! THAT'S NONE OF YOUR *bleep* BUISNESS YOU *bleep*!!!!

*Quistis take out chain whip and Yuffie takes out 4-point shurken*

BATTLE
BATTLE
BATTLE

*End result, Quistis is tied up with her own whip, Yuffie has various shurken's sticking out of her arms and a black eye*

Tifa: *comes out of a gift shop* You guys fight like wimps.

Yuffie: Well it took you two hits to knock out Cid! That's pathetic.

Tifa: (There not supposed to know that...) And where did you hear THAT?

Yuffie: The news. It was broadcasted ALL over television world-wide.

Tifa: (My reputation gone before my very eyes.....)

Yuffie: Afraid to admit it Tifa?

Tifa: (This is just...great....)

Quistis: UMPH! UMPH!! *mouth is tied up by whip*

Yuffie: Shut it Quistis.

Quistis: *struggle* *tried to get untied*

Tifa: Anyway, getting to the point. Where is Cloud?

*Cloud runs by*

Cloud: I WANT THAT GRAVITY MATERIA SEPHIROTH!!!! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT!!!!! *Notices Tifa* Oh shit.....*runs off*

Tifa: YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY MISTER!!!! *chases after him*

Yuffie: Er...I should go help him...*runs after Tifa*

(Quistis finally gets untangled by the camera men)

Quistis: After them! We've got a story to shoot!

* The ghetto Diagram!!!! *

*;;; ( * ( * ( * ( * ( * (Cid) (Sephiroth) (Cloud) (Tifa) (Yuffie) (Quistis and co.)

Quistis: *while running backwards and smiling into the camera* Welcome everybody! Today, as promised, is the in-depth look on Cid Highwind! Cid is (of course) a drunk. He sits all day smoking Marbolo's and drinking beer. Well today we've got him on camera!

Quistis: *points towards the fleeing Cid*

Cid: *running for his life and notices a tree up ahead* Ah-hah! Try this!

*The second Ghetto diagram!*

* ( Cid
+
|( tree * ( Sephiroth *( Cloud *( Tifa *( Yuffie *( Quistis and co.

Quistis and basically everyone else: *hits tree*

Quistis: That's...all....for tonight folks *falls unconscious*

Cid: HAHAHA!!!! Finally I don't get the crap beaten out of me! *run's into a palm tree, coconut falls on his head*

Cid: Urghhh....*falls backwards into the sea*

Cid: *falls on emerald weapon*

Emerald weapon: RAWGH!!!!

Cid: er.....want a marbolo?

Emerald weapon: RAAAAAAWWGGHHHH!!!!!

Cid: *gasp* Is that a yes?

Emerald weapon: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWGHHHHHH!!!!

Cid: Gah!!! Have my whole pack!!!!!

Emerald weapon: erm.......

*Emerald weapon takes out cigarette and tries to light it under-water*

*cigarette doesn't light*

Emerald weapon: RAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Cid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *quickly swims out of water*

Cid: Oh my god! I forgot my pack!!!

(Emerald weapon rises from the water)

Cid: HOLY SHIT!!!!! *Steals back his pack*

Emerald weapon: RAWGHHH!

Cid: *runs away*

Emerald weapon: Ermmm........ *tally marks a page*

Emerald weapon: Fifteen people already today! RAWGHHH!!!!!!