OK everyone this is how it goes, if you want me to update unfortunately I am not telepathic, (it's a shame isn't it,) so you're going to have to review, (yes, I know it's a pain and you could be reading another very good fic but it would so so so so much to me if you did).

Disclaimer: do I own HP? Hmm, I've never been asked that question before but this answer is: ARE YOU CRAZY?!!

Chapter 1: Alice arrives!

Why on earth does she want this? Thought James Potter as he started to make some coffee. He thought back to WHY he married Lily Potter, love of course, glorious love. Which he should be making instead of making her this crap coffee that tastes like rubber! So why wasn't he making love? BECAUSE SHE WAS NEARLY 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

The phone rang, James panicked, he had never been able to answer a phone before, Lily did all that. Nervously, James picked up the phone and muttered: "Hello?"

"Hi James!" answered a happy voice.

How on earth can anyone be sound happy when it's 4 morning!!!!!!!!!!!!! James thought, though the voice was rather familiar. "Hey…….?"

"Don't you recognize my voice? It's Frank Longbottom." He retorted.

James felt a wave of jealousy, Frank was married to Alice: Lily's best friend. Frank and Alice couldn't keep their hands off each other at school, so why on earth was he calling James for when he knew what he was supposed to be doing? "Hey, Frank."

"Are you OK? You seem rather tired." Asked Frank sounding quite concerned.

"Oh, it's nothing, the wife's just driving me crazy." Answered James truthfully.

"Ugh, tell me about it, Alice is becoming unbearable in the bedroom department."

Suddenly something possessed James to say: "Why?"

Frank hesitated, "OK, do you really want to know? All right there's something……different about Alice."

"What?! You don't think she's gone other to Voldemort's side, has she? After all she is a pureblood."

"No!" Frank boomed and finally he confessed, "Alice has just gained God knows how many pounds because she's PREGNANT!"

"Oh my God!" that definitely surprised James. "Lily's pregnant too!"

"Well, James, it'll be a hard road for you, first there's morning sickness: don't tell Alice I said this but I'm still afraid to go in there. Then there are the cravings, half the things she ate me feel sick, and there's the mood swings, back pains, cramps, its wonder she doesn't explode from all the pain she's having." James could easily relate to this. "And finally, there's the heat, trust this year to be the hottest summer ever!"

"Lily's actually 2 weeks off from being 9 months, sorry we didn't tell you sooner," James said. He yawned; the cup of coffee that Lily somehow helps her to sleep was getting cold.

"Really? Alice is 3 weeks off from being 9 months." Retorted Frank, "Hey, I know, it sounds to me you haven't had decent night's sleep for ages so why don't you take a week off from looking after Lily and me and you go do some Order business and have a little fun at the same time."

James was too tired to argue, "Sure."

***

"YOU DID WHAT?!?" screeched Lily, "AND WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO? JUST SIT ON THE SOFA AND WAIT UNTIL YOU GET BACK?"

"Sounds good to me," retorted James.

"And what if something happens to me? What am I meant to do? Ask the cat whether it'll deliver my baby for me?"

"Alice will be there, besides it's only for a week," assured James in calm manner.

Lily sounded as though she had never shouted at all, "Oh, and is Alice, has she lost any weight? Or is she gaining it like me because is also NEARLY 9 MONTHS PREGANT!!!!"

James swore that Lily's mouth doubled in size when she shouted, "I take it you knew?" He asked sheepishly.

"Aarrrgggghhhhhh!" She screamed. Then she stunned him.

***

Frank and Alice arrived. Frank was a tall thin, quite quiet man who looked a bit like James with very dark brown hair. Alice however, was a very small bubbly plump woman with a very happy round face and had black hair.

"Hi!" screeched Alice giving Lily a massive bear hug, which was impossible to dodge. "Haven't seen you around lately."

Alice had only just come through the doorway when she gave Lily that hug. Alice was a lot different, her stomach of course was the obvious 1 but her usual straight black hair had gone wavy again, (she straightened it in the fifth year holidays). She looked a lot different dark green robes instead of the black ones at Hogwarts. 

"Nice to see you again," greeted Lily, returning the hug.

"Hey," said Frank casually and shook James's hand.

"Hey," James repeated. James didn't really have a friendship with friend with Frank because Frank was in the year above James at Hogwarts. Alice and Lily used to be in the same year as James.

"Who is going to look after Alice and Lily?" asked Frank.

"Umm, about that," said James cringing.

"What is it? Please tell me you found someone." Begged Frank.

"Don't worry I found someone it's…….." James trailed off.

"It's who?" asked Frank, "c'mon the person can't be that bad as long as it isn't Severus or my mother Alice will be fine with it."

"It's not Alice who I'm worried about, it's Lily because she isn't too fond of the person that I asked." Explained James.

"So? Who is it?" urged Frank.

"It's smimus," James muttered.

"Eh? Speak up," commanded Frank.

"It's Sirius," James said more clearly but still quiet. Unfortunately it wasn't quiet enough.

"What?!" Lily screeched, stomping over to James. "Tell me your kidding! Tell me that this is a dream and that I'll wake up finding that you have just got me my coffee which by the way never got to me last night,"

"James, if you hate me just say so," said Alice in a state of panic.

"Look," said James, "Sirius will look after you 2, he doesn't bite."

"That's what you think!" said Lily. Everyone looked at her in horror, "Joke," she explained.

***

After a lot of begging from James, (Frank kept his fingers crossed that the girls bought it,) Lily and Alice finally agreed not to kill Sirius when he gets to Lily and James' house. "If he ever gets here," said Lily, "what time did you tell Sirius to get here by?"

"Umm, 7," replied James.

"And now its 7:05," snapped Lily.

"Lily, as much as it pains me to be on James' side of things, not everyone is as prompt as you," sort of defended Alice.

"That's only because you're always late for everything," retorted Lily.

"No, it's not," replied Alice in a babyish voice.

"Yes, it is," said Lily in an identical voice.

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it~"

"Lily, Alice, shut up!" Frank commanded Lily and Alice glared at Frank in such a way it would make anyone to run away and cry. "Please?" he added quietly.

"Lily!" said Alice, "I have an idea." She whispered something in Lily's ear; James hoped it wasn't a plan for his funeral.

"Yeah," said Lily nodding, "good idea."

Just then there was a knock on the door. Sirius burst open the door. "Hey, James. Lily you're looking…..well."

"And Sirius you're looking…….black." Lily retorted. It was true; Sirius had dust all over his robes and face.

"Yeah, uh, I had to use floo powder to my house and I guess I forgot to change," quickly explained Sirius. "And Alice, haven't seen you a while, what have you been up to?"

"Not much, thanks to Frank, he made me stay at home instead of helping the Order."

"You're pregnant for God's sake, you could get yourself and the baby hurt," protested Frank.

"Then why are you leaving me with Sirius? Sounds to me that you want a disaster to happen." Said Alice.

"Hey!" protested Sirius.

"Exactly," said Lily, "James, I understand you need to miss a couple of things but I don't want Sirius to be there instead of you."

"Lily," said James giving Lily a big hug, "I promise you that I'll be there in time for the baby being born, OK?"

"OK," Lily repeated.

"What about you, Frank?" asked Alice putting her hands to her hips, "I do not want anyone else taking me to St Mungo's."

"I'll try," said Frank.

"Good enough," replied Alice giving him a hug. (A/N: yes I do know there's a lot of hugging going on.)

"Well, now that Sirius is here we'd better get going," said Frank, letting go of Alice.

"OK," said Sirius, he was starting to get nervous; Lily and Alice were closing in on him. "J-James?" There was no answer. "James?" he repeated, Frank and James had already left him with these pregnant monsters. They were getting closer. "JAMES!"

***

Did you like? I hope so I rewrote it about 7 times.

Any suggestions? They will be most appreciated.

I would like to say that I don't have a beta reader, OK?

Flame if you must, a review is a review to me.

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