So, where were we? Oh, yes! A random blonde girl stuck in the middle of an evergreen field (Well, as long as Sam keeps it fertilized), no idea where she is, how she got there. So if we are keeping with predictability, a handsome man on a white horse should ride up to rescue her at this point.

But let's not talk about Gandalf just yet.

Instead let's discuss the mad ramblings of the diseased mind that has now come to infiltrate Middle Earth. Let's see if she can work out where she is, (snicker), with our help.

This should be funny.

"Cool, grass…This wasn't here last time I watched television. Which was what, five seconds ago…wait… where has television gone? Right, okay, my advanced powers of observation will figure out where I am."

She looked around with a vague expression on her face.

"Right, grass."

Turns

"More grass."

Turns again.

"WOW! More grass!"

Well, Sam does do his job well.

"Okay, obviously I've slept walked to a park with lots of grass and nothing on the horizon." She paused thoughtfully. "Yeah, right, like that's gonna happen! Now, what is the least likely place for me to turn up in?"

She paused for, quite a long time actually – hey some people have problems working their imaginations – to think about this heart wrenchingly difficult question.

"HEY! I'm in Middle Earth!"

Score one for the blonde.

"Okay, first step. Find the way out of the endless field. Find Bag End – locate hobbits. Get Food. Get Frodo. All good!"

Somehow, she managed to find her way out of the Endless Field TM (now a registered trademark) and onto the well known path from her favorite movie. No, it's not the yellow brick road but a quick paint job could have easily changed that fact. Eventually she found her way to the door of bag end.

"Okay," she took a deep breath. Knocked on the door, waited for the sound of footsteps and then promptly fainted.

"Oh NO! Frodo, my lad! Quickly get a, umm, a thing to carry the, thing. That has, oh just get your backside out here!"

And what a cute backside it is.

Unnamed blonde slowly blinked her eyes as she 'awoke' out of her 'unconscious' state. Only to find herself on Frodo's bed, as it was the biggest bed in the house, it made sense. Why it's the biggest – only Sam will tell you.

Of course if she knew she was on Frodo's bed she would have squealed girlishly. Instead she gave the concerned Bilbo and Frodo a 'confused' look.

"Where, where am I? Who am I? And when is breakfast?" adding in a few pitiful coughs.

Biblo gave a small gasp and shot Frodo another concerned look. "Oh dear, the poor, umm, dear, she doesn't even know that it's lunch time! I'll go cook something!"

Frodo, however, was more concerned about the person occupying his bed – not her stomach. After all, he DID kinda want his bed back – empty.

"So, who are you again?" Frodo asked with confusion evident on his face.

"Again? What do you mean 'again'? I don't know who I am! I have, umm… amnesia, I have no memory"

"You have amnesia? How do you know that if you have no memory?"

"Umm, selective memory?" Deciding this was a critical moment, she resorted to using her weapons of mass destruction.

Cue: the fluttering eyelashes.

"Right… well, seeing as I don't know what amnesia is and you're a hobbit- I guess I'll trust you."

Frodo left the room leaving the unnamed blonde wide eyed in shock. Contemplating his last words. Finally it sunk in.

"I am a hobbit"

"A Hobbit"

"Me Be Hobbit!"

"I AM A HOBBIT!! And my psychiatrist said this could never happen!!"