Once upon a time, in a land far, far away… wait we have started the story… oh, that's right it is breakfast time…

The delicate smell of mushrooms toasting, toast roasting, roast… is moasting a word? Anyhoo these were the smells that awoke the un-named blonde from her gentle sleep in Frodo's bed.

REAL pity Frodo was sleeping in the bath tub - lack of beds and all.

"This is the part in most movies where you wonder where you are? Why you are there? And who is that gorgeous guy walking in through the door' long pause ' well, repeat that in ten minutes as the cute guy is currently making breakfast."

She does realize that talking to oneself is a sign of madness?

Right?

"But I know the answer to all these questions! Middle Earth, cause I am, Frodo….and I am now a hobbit or a really short and hairy elf. Life could only be better if I got breakfast in bed!!"

"Breakfast is ready, don't let it get cold… and I heard what you said!!"

"It's on the table, move it!"

BUGGER

Hobbits have developed a unique way of eating and talking at the same time without appearing rude or uncouth. Lucky, for that is what they did all throughout the eleven meals of breakfast. Unnamed blonde managed to gather all the important information she needed to survive in Middle Earth. Like, when exactly was Bilbo's party, when lunch started and where was Frodo's underwear draw…

In fact they talked so long that they lost track of time and only when unnamed blonde suddenly got a familiar song stuck in her head did she realize how stupid she had been.

(Insert funny joke about stupidness and maybe blondness)

'And the road goes on and a humm humm humm…'

She really needed to learn the lyrics!!

"Oh no … wait… that song… is the song… that"

And needed to upgrade her memory!!

"Wait the WAGGON with Gandalf and the whole your late thing. Frodo your supposed to be reading, quick grab a book and go to a random tree!!"

Frodo looked at her in confusion

"What? Why? Pine or gum?"

She placed her hands on Frodo's shoulders and looked deep into his eyes

"Frodo, the very existence of elevensies relies on you choosing that special tree, you will know when you see it, this task has been appointed to you Frodo Baggins of the Shire if you can't find a way no one will, now GO!"

So Frodo Baggins went to create what would later be the first scene of 'The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring' excluding the prologue and the extra bit in the extended dvd.

Of course he was only able to read one sentence of the book, mistakenly picked the wrong tree, puffed throughout his lines and was a bit late.

But Gandalf was late too.

"You're, wheeze, late…"

"Hypocrite."