Somehow the unnamed blonde managed to run out of the house just in time for Gandalfs visit and entertained herself for an hour or two. (Twiddling you're thumbs is a lot more fun then you think) Time passed and guess who found themselves at Bilbo's party?
Take a wild and untamed guess and say 'the unnamed blonde' (speaking of which, she still needs to be named. Rather unfortunate that my 'Name The Baby' book hasn't arrived in the mail yet)
She felt like a hero, the keeper of the 'way things were' and the stopper of people doing stupid deeds. Her first mission was to stop Merry and Pippin taking the fireworks, while they looked so cute with dirt on their faces – the scolding from Gandalf could be avoided. She started to tug insistently on Frodo's sleeve.
"Frodo," she whined, "introduce me to Merry or Pippin. NOW, not half a keg later!" Frodo swallowed the mouthful of beer guiltily – he hadn't drunk that much.
"Hey, how do you know who Merry and Pippin are?" She froze…how was she going to cover this up?
"Umm, I heard they are the local whores and I want to be down on their books."
Wait, no. She couldn't say that….
"My friend over, umm…there." She pointed wildly around in the direction of where Bilbo was retelling his story of the adventure of the trolls to the younger hobbits of the shire. "Is, err, interested in Merry! And, urr, yeah!" She gave him a wide eyed look.
"Right. Well, umm, look! There, MERRY! Over here!" Frodo grasped Merry by the arm to drag him over to the overly excited unnamed blonde.
There was an awkward silence between the three of them. The blonde stared angrily at Frodo, hoping he'd get the message and leave. And people say blonde's are stupid.
"Now, go play footise with Sam…. MERRY, I MEANT Frodo."
Resume awkward silence.
"So, you're the new stray staying at Frodo's place."
"Umm, yeah."
"So, uum, yeah."
Damn she hated those awkward silences, they were even worse then awkward conversations. She had to think of a way to break the ice until she could think of the reason she had wanted to speak to Merry.
"Hey Merry, wanna hear a joke?"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes….Okay, if quizzes are quizzical then was are tests?"
"Yeah, a riddle! Hobbits are good at riddles, I can do this. It's testi….oh, I'm not saying THAT!" He stated laughing hysterically – what can I say, the last good joke had been circulating in the shire for the last fifty years. Anyway, back to the laughter.
"Hehe…Hehe…he---"
"Don't take the big one."
"Okay, HUH?"
But she just started to walk away, glad in the knowledge that her suggested comment would stop Merry and Pippin from grasping such a large, engorged, stick and lighting it on fire. Then she remembered how cute they looked when they were made to do the dishes, with those little rounded cheeks dirtied with…dirt. The movie never be the same without that scene.
So she ran back.
"Take the big one."
Wait, reverse psychology.
"Don't take the big one."
But that doesn't always work.
"Take the…."
But Merry had already ran away.
"Oh, yeah. A big fat lot of good I'm doing here."
