NOTE: I do not own any of these characters… you can thank FOX. If you have any questions or comment you can e-mail me at liverbrain22@hotmail.com

(Thanks for the Reviews!)

Chapter Twenty One

"With all of this I feel now

Everything inside of my heart

It all just seems to be how

Nothing I feel pulls at me at all

Again I wait for this to pull apart

To break my time in two…"

All of this – Blink 182

"Marissa what are you doing here?" Ryan questioned.

"I've been waiting for you to come home…I need to talk to you, Ryan."

"Uh…" Ryan hesitated, "Hold on…I need to go to the bathroom." Ryan replied, and then walked over to the bathroom, closing the door shut behind him. Marissa watched him stumble off into the bathroom and then sat down on his bed.

Shocked that Ryan had just walking in on her changing, Jess started to yell at him. Ryan quickly covered her mouth and Jess immediately understood. Ryan let go of her. "Shhh…" He whispered. "Just stay here and don't make any noises okay?" Jess nodded her head and Ryan let his hand slip away from her mouth. He then ran the taps a few times, to make sure Marissa didn't think he was crazy. He then left the bathroom. "What do you want to talk about?" Ryan asked.

"Well, I want to know what's up. You've been ignoring me…I thought we were…together." Marissa whispered to him, trying hard to hide her emotions from him. She wanted to cry, just like she had cried to Summer and Seth earlier. She didn't know what was going on with him and she wanted to help him.

"I don't know, Marissa. But, this isn't the time to talk about it." Ryan replied.

Marissa looked up at him, "Is there ever going to be a time, Ryan?"

"Yes, Marissa…I promise, just not right now. I'm tired, and I don't want to start something."

"Start something?" Marissa repeated. "What do you mean by that?" She stood up and faced him.

"Nothing, Marissa. Just leave, okay? I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"I don't know what's going on with you, but I know something is up, Ryan. You're locking up on me…did I do something wrong? I want to help you!"

Ryan shook his head, "No—No, you haven't done anything…It's just that I don't know if I can get into a committed relationship right now…We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

Marissa started to cry. "Fine…" She stormed off and slammed the door to the poolhouse. Seconds later, Jess came out of the bathroom dressed in sweat pants and a wife beater.

"I couldn't help but over hear. Was that your girlfriend?" Jess questioned.

Ryan shrugged, "I don't know." He said, as pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. He left to the bathroom to get changed. When he came out of the bathroom Jess was already in his bed. "I can take the couch…" Ryan said, grabbing a pillow.

"No, this is your bed. And it's huge, I'm sure we won't run into each other in the middle of the night." Jess said, moving over to make room for Ryan. Ryan went around the poolhouse to shut off all the lights, and then he lay down next to her. "No spooning." Jess told Ryan.

"I'll try not too." Ryan mumbled softly, drifting off to sleep.

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"'Morning, Seth." Kirsten said, walking into the kitchen and kissing her son on the head.

"Mom, please…The hair." Seth snapped at her and brushed threw his hair. "Is that a new fragrance you are wearing, Mother?" Seth questioned, sniffing into the air.

Kirsten smiled at him and nodded. "It's the one you gave me for Christmas."

"Chrismukkah." Seth corrected her.

Kirsten laughed at him then poured herself a cup of coffee. "Ryan up yet?" She asked.

"Uh, nope…Not yet."

"Go wake him?" Kirsten ordered. Seth groaned and walked out into the dessert heat of California. He knocked loudly on the poolhouse door.

Ryan jolted up and realized he was running late. Then he saw Jess, no one knew about Jess. "Uh, I'm Naked!" Ryan yelled out.

"Whoa, okay man…Just come inside and eat something before Mom freaks out." Seth yelled through poolhouse door. Good thing Ryan closed all the blinds last night.

Jess woke up next to Ryan and smiled at him. "Hey." She said softly.

"Hey, uh…I'm going to be late for school." Ryan said, standing up and gathering some clothes. He then headed into the bathroom. Seconds later he came out changed. "Uh, so do you want to just hang here? We can work stuff out after school."

"Is it safe to hang here?" Jess asked.

"Well, it's not the most private place. People tend to come in and out of this place." Ryan said, putting on his black cuff. Today he could feel it. "You can always go hang out around Newport…. I'm not sure where though. The Pier is pretty nice…"

"Well I guess I could just go site seeing today." Jess replied. Ryan nodded his head and grabbed his wallet from his back pocket. He handed her forty dollars. "No, I don't need your money. I'm not a charity case." Jess said.

"No, take it…Just in case."

Jess groaned, "Fine, but you're getting it back at the end of the day. When does school let out? I could meet up with you."

"Three. Do you know where Harbor is?"

"Yeah, I think so…I'll just ask around if not." Jess replied.

Ryan grabbed his backpack. "Well, uh, towels are over there." Ryan pointed over to the shelf. "And showers in there…Make sure no one sees you. I better get going. Bye." Ryan said, leaving the poolhouse. Jess sank back into the comfy bed. What the hell just happened last night, she thought to herself. What had she gotten herself into?

Ryan walked into the kitchen, poured himself a cup of coffee and then sat down next to Seth at the kitchen island. Sandy walked into the kitchen with his briefcase in on hand and his cell phone in the other.

"So Ryan, I'll pick you up after school today." Sandy said, rummaging through the fridge.

"No, it's okay; I'll just hitch a ride with Luke or something." Ryan replied.

"You're grounded remember? Plus, you promised me episode one."

Seth looked up from his comic book. What the hell are they talking about? Am I the only sane one here now? Seth thought to himself. "Um, what are you talking about, Dad? Why is Ryan grounded? Ryan?"

Sandy looked over at Ryan. He knew Ryan didn't want him to tell Seth about Chino, but Seth was smart. Sooner or later he would find out.

"Nothing." Glared at him, and then looked at Sandy. "Okay, fine…Pick me up." Ryan said, leaving the kitchen and heading over to the poolhouse. He needed to tell Jess not to come by after school.

"Okay, dad, I'm so lost!" Seth shouted out. Sandy only shrugged and walked away. Kirsten then came into the kitchen. "Mom, what is going on?"

"Hmm?" Kirsten asked.

"Why is Ryan grounded? And what is this 'episode one' promise thingy? Please, Mom, help me out here!"

"Ask Ryan." She said bluntly leaving him alone in the kitchen.

"Okay, great! Here for the comic relief, I get it!" Seth yelled out to anyone who would listen to him. "It's okay, I'm use to it! Who wouldn't be after seventeen years of leading a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt....It's amazing how I've survived this long!"

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"Seth!" Summer ran up to him and kissed him on the cheek. "Where's Ryan?"

"Okay, hi Summer. Nice to see you today." Seth replied, walking over to the cafeteria

"Cohen, what is your problem?" Summer asked.

"Nothing. Why do you want to know where Ryan is?"

"Marissa wanted me to ask you. She told me about where he went last night, and she's going crazy. She doesn't know what to think. And the stupid bastard won't talk to her about any of it!" Summer yelled at him. She then changed the subject. "Did you want to come with me to get my hair done after school today?" She asked.

Seth dropped his backpack on the table. "Okay, what are you talking about?" He demanded.

"Ok, seriously Cohen. My hair is getting so long! I need a trim! And maybe a hair dye…Please come with me?" She asked, sitting down at the table and taking out her lunch.

Seth waved his hands in the air. "No – No what are you talking about with Ryan. Where did Ryan go last night? Am I the only sane person here today?" He shouted out. Everyone in the cafeteria started to laugh at him. He sat down at the table and then asked again, "Where did Ryan go last night?"

"Chino."

"Chino? Ryan went to Chino?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, Marissa called me last night and went hysterical! She told me that Ryan said he didn't want to be in a committed relationship."

"Well, who could blame him? I mean, with Oliver and everything. But why did he go to Chino?" Seth asked.

"Beats me, Cohen. You're his brother, you should know!"

"Well it's kind of hard to talk to him, if you haven't realized that yet. Every time I go and talk to him…he either gets mad at me or shuts me out." Seth said, biting into sandwich. "So, if he went to Chino that means Luke went too, right?"

Summer shrugged, "Guess so. Just go ask him, he's right over there." Summer replied, pointing over to Luke and Anna. They were sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria.

"Ah, into the depths of hell here I go." Seth mumbled to himself. He stood up and left Summer. He walked into the depths of hell. "Hey, uh, Luke can we talk?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, one sec." Luke replied. He then turned back to Anna. "I'll, uh, call you?"

"Don't bother!" Anna said, storming off. Seth watched her walk off into the school, and then sat down at the table.

"What was that all about?" Seth asked.

"I just broke up with her." Luke replied. He then changed the subject quickly and asked, "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Ryan."

Luke shifted in his seat. He didn't know if Seth knew about last night or not. He had promised Ryan that he wouldn't tell a soul. Luke cleared his throat. "What about Ryan?"

"Where did you two go last night?" Seth asked.

"We were at my place…studying for a history test." Luke lied.

"I heard from Summer that you two went to Chino."

"How does Summer know?"

"Marissa was over at my house when Ryan came home and he told her."

"Oh, okay. Yeah we went to Chino."

"Why?"

"Ryan wanted to. We just went over to his Mom's place….nothing big." Luke replied. Did he know about Jess? He thought to himself.

"Right, then why is he grounded?"

"He's grounded?" Luke questioned. Maybe Seth knew about Jess after all, Luke thought.

"Yeah." Seth stated.

"So you know Jess?" Luke asked.

Okay, I think I've been sheltered for way too long, Seth thought to himself. "Who the hell is Jess?" Seth asked. "What aren't you telling me, Luke?"

Luke stood up and grabbed his backpack. "Ask Ryan." He replied, and then walked away, leaving Seth alone.

"Again, it's amazing how I've survived this long…And yet again I go unnoticed" Seth mumbled to himself.

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Ryan sat down in front of the school and waited for Sandy to come and pick him up. It had been a long day and he hadn't seen Marissa all day. She probably thought that he was ignoring her again, but he wasn't. He actually wanted to talk to her and tell her everything.

"Hey, how are you?" Luke asked, patting him on the back.

"Great." Ryan replied, forcing a smile.

"So, Seth told me you were grounded….And uh, I kind of mentioned Jess to him." Luke admitted.

"What did you say?" Ryan questioned. His mind was running about and smashing into the corners of his head. Things were getting way too complicated.

"Well I asked if he knew about Jess. I didn't mean to say anything, I thought he already knew."

"It's okay…I guess he should know anyway…I mean, she is hiding out in the poolhouse."

"Shit." Luke replied.

"Yeah…." Just then Sandy pulled up. "Well, I'm off…See you later." Ryan said, hoping into the passenger seat. "Hey." Ryan said to Sandy as he got in.

"How was your day?" Sandy asked.

"Good…yours?"

"Great, the lighthouse is underway. Jimmy and I have decided on the menu."

"Cool." Ryan replied.

"Yeah, 'cool'." Sandy chuckled to himself. "I've got the rest of the day off, so that's definitely hip now, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah…" Ryan said, forcing a smile. Sandy tries way too hard with the 'hip' thing, Ryan thought to himself. But it also made him conformable around Sandy. He felt like he wasn't around an authority figure.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, only listening to the local radio station. Sandy pulled up into the lane way and turned off the engine. Both walked into the house and sat down in the den.

"How's your arm?" Sandy asked, breaking the silence between the two of them.

"Great – good. Never better." Ryan mumbled. "Chelsea told me yesterday that I could go once a week now. I'm feeling my arm more and more." Ryan admitted.

"Good. So, is 'episode one' on its way? Or do I have time to brew up some coffee?" Sandy asked.

Ryan shrugged, "Pour me a cup?" Sandy laughed at him and walked off into the kitchen. He came back minutes later, with two coffee mugs. He handed one to Ryan. "Thanks."

"So, want to tell me why you left us and went to Chino?" Sandy asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Ryan opened up to Sandy; he had no choice at this point. "I'm just confused, tired and frustrated Sandy. Everything is hitting me at once. First it's my arm, then its Marissa, our relationship is just screwed right now and now – now it's my mom." Ryan stopped at took a sip of his coffee. "I went to see her to get away from here. I don't want to leave you guys, I swear. I don't want to see my mom ever again."

"What happened yesterday?" Sandy asked.

"Luke and I went down to Chino to just hang out with Jess. My mom and John, her boyfriend, weren't going to be there. We were just watching T.V, until they came home…" Ryan stopped and fell silent. Sandy didn't say anything and Ryan continued. "My mom was pissed drunk." He stated coldly.

"Are you okay? Did anything happen?" Sandy was concerned now.

"No, not exactly. Luke and I left just in time for anything to start." Ryan lied.

"Good." Sandy commented.

Ryan felt bad. He knew he should have told him that Jess was here, but he knew he would get in further trouble for bringing her home. Especially since they slept in the same bed and he had hid her out all day.

"Is there anything else, Ryan?" Sandy asked, he could tell Ryan was bothered by something else. Ryan shook his head. "Okay, well you're still grounded. Only because I love you, kid." He said, patting him on his knee and standing up. "Dinner's at six." He said, and then walked off.

Ryan grabbed his backpack from the ground and headed off to the poolhouse. When he got in he called out to Jess. She was no where in site. "Jess?"

Jess came out from the bathroom, drying her hair. "Hey, Ryan. I got bored…So I took another shower. Love the shampoo selection. Tearless shampoo?" She joked.

"I wash really fast…It gets in my eyes." Ryan replied, slouching down into the one and only couch in the poolhouse. "So, I'm grounded…And they still don't know you're here." Ryan told her.

"I should be leaving anyway…I mean my dad is probably worried sick about me."

"You don't have to go back to him, Jess." Ryan said, then sat up and looked at her seriously. "Does he hurt you, Jess?" Jess shook her head and started to cry. She quickly hid her face from Ryan and ran to the bathroom. Ryan ran after her and pounded on the locked door. "Come on, Jess. I want to help you!"

"Can you just leave me alone, Ryan?" Jess asked.

"No, I can't…You're in my poolhouse." Jess opened the door and let him in. She leaned against the wall in the bathroom and slid down, covering her face from Ryan. "You okay?" He asked, sitting down next to her.

She shook her head. "Ever since I came to Chino, my life has been a nightmare." She looked up and Ryan. "But when your mom came and started to live with me and my dad…Things were great. He really liked her, until he got bored of her. They started fighting…and that's when my dad went back to his normal self. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. Sorry…" She whispered.

"No, it's not your fault, Jess. You don't have to live there, you know…You could always go back home to Toronto, can't you?" Ryan asked.

"No…My mom doesn't live there anymore. She's gone, Ryan."

"Where did she—"

Jess cut him off, "She's just gone! I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"Fine…Just please, don't go back home."

"I have no where else to go, Ryan."

"You can stay here another day….Let your dad cool off, okay?"

Jess shrugged and stood up. "I haven't eaten anything all day. Do you think maybe you can get me something?" She asked.

"Shit, sorry…I totally forgot…uh, just wait right here…I'll go get you something to eat." Ryan said, walking out of the poolhouse and into the kitchen

He rummaged through the fridge and grabbed a large assortment of food. He closed the fridge shut and jumped when he saw Seth standing there. "Hey…"

"What are you doing?" Seth asked.

"I'm hungry…" Ryan said, walking away from him.

"Supper's soon, you know." Seth said, following him outside.

Ryan stopped at the poolhouse door. "What?" He asked when he realized Seth was going to follow him in. "Is there something you need?"

"Dude, I just want to hang out…You must be bored in there. All alone, with no one to talk to but yourself…happens to me all the time, buddy." Seth said, patting him on the back. He opened the door to the poolhouse and walked in to find a girl sitting on his bed. "Um, who are you?"

"Seth…" Ryan began.

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