Disclaimer: I just own the plot.

Review Responses:

CharlieMalfoy - The title is indeed from the same song as the first title, I just love that song! Glad you enjoyed the beginning of this story! Thanks for the review!

Trillium - I think breaking memory charms does damage the subject (like Bertha Jorkins) but I'm not sure if it always does. Besides waiting for Crabbe to fail Voldemort's like waiting for night to follow day, it's pretty definitely going to happen it's just a matter of time, LOL! Narcissa needs to get out before the charm's broken, her situation's getting worse, now she's working to a time frame! Lucky for her Voldy isn't just going to randomly decide to break into Crabbe's mind, he probably doesn't think there's much there! LOL! Thanks for reviewing!

Dark Comet - Glad you enjoyed the Death Eater's tea party line I felt it was too good not to use! Ooh, I think this part is definitely going to get scarier before it gets less scary! It will get less scary closer to the end but the next few chapters are going to be very scary for those involved if not for the readers! Glad to hear about your results, well done! Thanks for the review!

Bonezz - Ah yes, 'Before the Kiss' is beautiful and heart breakingly sad! It made me cry buckets of tears! This chapter's a bit less action packed but the next couple will definitely be full of action! Glad you enjoyed it and I hope you didn't feel the wait for this was too long! Thank you for reviewing!

ilovesporks - Fear not, Sevvie will be here in chapter three and he certainly gets a few mentions in this chapter. As for it being funny that she thinks of a sleeping draught, let's just say Sev and his potions have made quite an impression on her over the years, hee hee! Read on and discover what that's about! Let me know if you write that Lucius/Narcissa fic! Thanks for reviewing!

honest_iago - "O Faustus, leave these frivolous demands, which strike a terror to my fainting soul!" The devil with a soul? Is it possible that the devil just wants a friend? "Had I as many souls as there be stars I'd give them all for Mephastophiles." Who wouldn't? Gotta love that devil! Ah, you hav vays of making me vork hav you? Vell I shall hav to get a move on then! The reviewers are in for a surprise in this chapter I think! Hope you like it, though I know you've already read it! Thanks, as always, for the review and the support. Now I vill go and write before you show me these 'vays' of yours!

Goten-Lupin - Glad you're enjoying this, I'll keep writing! Thanks for the review!

Usako3000 - I'm glad to hear you've been reading, don't worry about not having reviewed in a while! Narcissa is finally showing some backbone. Lucius is reverting to caring through fear, he wants her support. I know what you mean about liking him, I love the guy but the story won't work if he's not evil! I even like him in the books, but I think I like him because he's so evil! Draco's beginning to realise the way things really are and he'll certainly see that in chapter three! I'm with you, go Narc, Die Death Eaters! I'm flattered that though you don't look at Malfoy fanfic much now you've made me an exception! I'm not including the events of OotP as it wouldn't fit with the story at all, particularly with regards to giving Narcissa some relatives who I really don't see her as having so just ignore the fifth book for this fic. Thanks for the review!

I Found a Little Courage to Call it Off

**Narcissa's Thoughts**

_emphasis_

Chapter Two

Narcissa awoke the next morning feeling snappy and edgy. One of the first things she did was to snap at Draco over breakfast, causing him to get in a mood with her and storm off to floo to Pansy's.

Lucius had not been at breakfast and she assumed he had not yet returned, **he's displeased the Dark Lord once too often lately, I wonder if he _will_ return.** She was jerked from these thoughts by the sound of the front door opening.

Lucius staggered through the door looking like he was about to collapse. "The Dark Lord was not best pleased at yesterday's unfortunate events," he said by way of an explanation.

**Like I care.** "Yes, well you should have been more careful," Narcissa sneered, feeling snappy and angry with herself for having hurt her son.

Lucius scowled and advanced on his wife snapping angrily, "You have no idea what it's like, do you?! You just sit here and do _nothing_ all bloody day! Is there even a point to your existing?! How dare you tell me that I should have been more careful! Should I be watching everything I eat or drink in my own home?! I'll end up like Alastor Moody! If you could clean up after yourself for a change instead of letting the house elf do it this wouldn't have happened! What the hell did you want a dreamless sleep potion for anyway?! You can buy those things easily enough!"

"Lucius, you're just stressed," she said backing up, desperately trying to placate him, "Things will get better, it'll be different this time." **Bloody will, your precious Voldemort won't last as long this time! Potter'll probably have vanquished him within a week!**

"True, things will be different, at least this time we won't have Dumbledore's lapdog reporting back to him!" Lucius spat.

"Severus is not his lapdog...!" she trailed off as she realised who she was speaking to, "I mean, don't give him that excuse! He wasn't just brainlessly following Dumbledore's instructions, he doesn't even have the excuse of stupidity! He's a traitor pure and simple!"

Lucius gave her an odd look, "Yes, he is." He smirked unpleasantly, "I'm going to enjoy teaching him what we do to traitors!"

**No you won't because I won't let you, I don't care if I have to kill you myself, you will not harm that man!**

She nodded sullenly and left, going up to her study and locking the door. She sat down heavily in her chair and put her head in her hands, **That was too close, I shouldn't forget how dangerous he really is.**

**Eighteen years and the only time I've lost control in front of him is when I found that child in the dungeons and when he gave that diary to Ginny Weasley, so why did I lose control now? I've heard him say far worse and been able to control myself with ease. What was it about what he said that made me lose it so that I risked everything without thinking? Why was I so indignant on Sev's behalf, why do I spend my days worrying about him and thinking about him? Why is it the only reason I feel I can carry on at the moment is that he's still out there and he still cares what becomes of me?**

She started to sob, her fear manifesting itself in tears, **I wish he was here, I want him to hold me and tell me it will be alright. I want to see him and I can't! God knows when I'll see him again. I'm lost without him. He gave me the strength to become who I am, how can I carry on staying here when I'm not the person Lucius married any more than he's the person I married? Severus was right, I should have left him. Severus was always right, I just never listened. I miss him, I miss going out to lunch with him, I miss meeting up at the Three Broomsticks and the Leaky Cauldron, I miss his cynicism and sarcastic comments and the fact that though he thinks it's a lost cause he keeps fighting. He must think I'm a lost cause but he's never stopped fighting for me.**

Narcissa opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a bundle of correspondence that she had tied together with a ribbon. She undid the bundle and looked through the letters, all from Severus, some nothing more than notes agreeing to meet, other's longer letters asking how she was, telling how Draco was doing and gently teasing her. **Sev always could make me laugh at myself, little as I'd like him know that!** She smiled and read through some of the letters, pausing every now and again to laugh or smile sadly. However complicated her relationship with Severus had been before it had now become impossible, there would be no more perfectly timed owls, no more encouraging notes and fun lunch dates for her to look forward to. It suddenly seemed, with Draco being so intent on following his father' path and with being unable to see Severus there was nothing at all for her to look forward to. She stopped at the letter that had arrived after Draco had posed as a Dementor, trying to distract Potter in a quidditch game. It was also the first letter after her little indiscretion at that infamous ministry party. The postscript caught her eye, "You said not to be a stranger."

**And I don't want you to be, I want you to walk through that door and tell me you'll never leave me.** She stropped mid train of thought. **Never leave me? That's an odd way to think of a friend. Then again normal people don't go around kissing their friends. So does that mean I'm abnormal or that I think of Severus as...what? What else but a friend could I think of him as, I mean yes I find him attractive and I certainly wanted to kiss him but I'm affection starved. He was kind to me, I was bound to become a little attracted wasn't I? Then again, I've never fallen for people easily, it always took something special to make me sit up and pay attention, not that I'm falling for Sev! Am I? Well there's something I don't even want to think about the consequences of! I don't want to deal with this!**

She sighed, **but that's what I always think about everything, I'm great at running away from my problems! Severus must think I'm pathetic. And why does that matter, I've never sought anyone's approval! It's not in my nature to look to others for guidance, which explains a lot about the mess I'm in! I always wanted his approval. I wanted his forgiveness, his understanding, I wanted him to care about me. And he did seem to care, he hasn't turned his back on me when it could only benefit him to. He's had as hard a time of things as I have but he never crumpled and gave in, he kept fighting even when he knew what it could cost him. He's probably the bravest man I've ever met and yet whenever you pay him a compliment he brushes it off, he thinks he's nothing special but he is. He's always been there for me, the perfect gentleman, helping me when I was hurt, keeping me from disgracing myself too badly, or too publicly, when I was drunk! I can't imagine being happy without him being there, I know I can survive alone but I don't want to. I want him here with me and damn it I want to get drunk and kiss him again and say 'consequences be damned'.**

**But he'd push me away, he wouldn't care for me like that, all he sees is a pretty face with nothing very pleasant behind it and Sev's never been one to fall for a pretty face. For God's sake I tried to kill this man! And there's nothing I hate myself for more, I almost killed the man I... what? Love? Maybe. I could, it wouldn't take much for me to fall head over heels, if I haven't fallen already. I think about him all the time, I miss him when he's not around, I seek his approval like I've never done with anyone else, even Lucius. I can't seem to carry on without him. Sounds like I fell for him a long time ago, though how it took me this long to notice is beyond me. I suppose I was too busy getting drunk and kissing him.**

She bundled the letters away, **but this is pointless, I may love him but he'll never love me. I don't deserve him; but that doesn't stop me wanting him.**

Narcissa leafed through her Hogwarts yearbook that she and Greg Zabini had spent weeks putting together before they had left school. There was a shot taken in the Slytherin common room that she was particularly fond of. She and Morgana were sat together, laughing and looking over to where Severus was sat with his two best friends, Evan Rosier and Davis Brennandez. **Or Sev, Ev and Dev as we ridiculously used to call them!** She and Morgana had been fond of the three boys, they had been the misfits of their house but the three had banded together so strongly they hadn't needed anyone else. The three were in their fifth year in the photograph and she knew that she and Morgana were laughing because Narcissa had accused her friend of cradle snatching because she had asked Severus to the Yule Ball. The three boys were chatting animatedly and looked so innocent and trouble free, even though she knew none of them truly had been. She had pictures from the Yule Ball itself but she didn't look at those, it hurt to remember that, to think about spending the afternoon in her dorm with Morgana getting ready, giggling over rumours about who was going with who.

She closed the book, smiling as she saw Severus laugh at something Davies had said. **He looks nice when he laughs, though he hardly ever does.** She put the book away on the shelf, **I miss seeing him laugh. Why is it love never seems to bring me anything but pain?** She dried her eyes resolutely, **I _will_ see him again! He's my friend and he won't desert me. Maybe he will never return my feelings but he'll still be around, he'll still care.**

*******

A/N: Well, I'm willing to bet you either liked that or hated it! I hope you didn't hate it, at least one of you saw it coming!

Next chapter's a bit action packed again and we finally get to see more of who Draco really is inside. Also, Sevvie's back!

Next update comes on Sunday/Monday.

Please Review!! I'm quite nervous as to how this plot development will go over even though I have left hints along the way!