Okay, now this chapter is really short, and really, really random, but I
have to put it in for Kimmi. I love you Kimmi!
Chapter Four
Wow I'm glad that day's over. Harry had just spent what was one of the longest days of his life. He would rather be fighting an army of death eaters in the middle of Pakistan (Pakistan? Where did that come from?) than go through another day like that...too bad everyday at Number Four, Privet Drive was the same. The weather had been very humid that day, and Uncle Vernon insisted on not turning on the A.C. because last month's bill was higher than usual. Well, yeah, it's gonna be as the weather gets warmer. So Harry was forced to sit in the kitchen eating his nasty Aunt Millie's four calorie toast (It's like eating a freakin' sponge) Eat the fruit that Aunt Petunia had forced him to eat (There does not need to be this much Equal on this fruit), and listen to her make suggestions about how he could be a better person. "You need more protein, you need to eat more vegetables, you need to exercise more, you need to get to bed earlier, you need to blah blah words blah..."
Voldemort, if you're listening, please come and kill me now. PLEASE!...I was just kidding, don't really come and kill me.
"You know, if you get to bed early, then you wake up bright and fresh and you have a better day..."
Okay, maybe I wasn't kidding, no I was, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...
Harry's inner battle about whether or not he wanted to be murdered was interrupted when Uncle Vernon walked into the kitchen. His large feet pounding on the kitchen floor made Harry jump. What? Oh, yeah, it's Saturday. Isn't that weird...
"Where's Dudley? I wanted to see if he wanted to make some extra money and wash the car for me."
"I WILL!"
Harry was extremely excited. Washing the car! The perfect chance to get out of the house and away from Aunt Petunia! Oh joy!
Uncle Vernon eyed Harry suspiciously. "Why do you want to wash the car?" he growled.
"Um," he thought, "uh, because, because, I need something to do, and it's hot, and the um, hose would cool me off and stuff. Yeah. You don't have to pay me," he added as an afterthought.
"I wasn't going to give you any money anyway," Uncle Vernon snarled. "Alright boy, get out there and I want the car spotless."
"Oh thank you, thank you!" he yelled. And with that, he ran out of the house to get the sponge and bucket.
Washing the car was an enjoyable experience. The water was nice and cool, and there was no one there to criticize him. Just the foamy soap and the sound of running water. However, there was one particular moment when he had heard a commotion across the street, but he had shrugged it off. But to ease the minds of my gentle viewers, I will tell you just what the commotion was...
* * *
An evil looking man, tall, skeletal, and white, with red eyes and a flat
nose, was crouching behind some bushes across the street from Number Four
Privet Drive. He was watching a boy with dark hair and glasses wash a
car, and he chuckled with glee.
"Yes, wash the car, Harry, wash the car...dry the wheel..."
He continued in this vein for quite some time, until he turned
around and saw two little kids staring at him.
"Heh, heh, heh," he tugged at the collar of his evil robes. He was
quite nervous and quite upset at being caught in his hiding spot, and by
two little Muggles, no doubt. "Hello little ones. Would you like some
candy? It's premium candy." He held out some Bertie Botts Every Flavor
Beans for the children to take. They just continued to stare at him. Then
one of them said, "We don't take candy from strangers, you're a perverted
old man." Then they kicked the Dark Lord in the shins and ran away.
Voldemort let out a yell and some curses. "Ahh! @$@#! Crucio! #$(%#@!"
Then he remembered why he was there and quieted down again. He looked
back at the boy. He had turned off the nose and was looking around
curiously. "Crap!" Voldemort cried. He Disapparated in a huff. The boy
shrugged and continued to wash the car.
* * *
Thinking back on the day, Harry guessed that it could have been
worse. Tomorrow there wouldn't be a car to wash, so he'd have to find
some other way to get away from the house. Tonight he would sleep, and
have strange dreams about candy and a bodiless voice saying "Yes, wash
the car, Harry, wash the car...dry the wheel..."
Later that night, Harry was awakened by a strange wheezing sound. At
first, he thought it was just part of his dream. Then he was fully awake,
and he realized it was coming from outside the door. He looked at the
crack between the bottom of the door and the floor, and he saw a pair of
pink terry-cloth house shoes right up against the door. The occupant of
the slippers was breathing very heavily. Harry stared wide eyed at the
door, horrified. What the freak?!...
Chapter Four
Wow I'm glad that day's over. Harry had just spent what was one of the longest days of his life. He would rather be fighting an army of death eaters in the middle of Pakistan (Pakistan? Where did that come from?) than go through another day like that...too bad everyday at Number Four, Privet Drive was the same. The weather had been very humid that day, and Uncle Vernon insisted on not turning on the A.C. because last month's bill was higher than usual. Well, yeah, it's gonna be as the weather gets warmer. So Harry was forced to sit in the kitchen eating his nasty Aunt Millie's four calorie toast (It's like eating a freakin' sponge) Eat the fruit that Aunt Petunia had forced him to eat (There does not need to be this much Equal on this fruit), and listen to her make suggestions about how he could be a better person. "You need more protein, you need to eat more vegetables, you need to exercise more, you need to get to bed earlier, you need to blah blah words blah..."
Voldemort, if you're listening, please come and kill me now. PLEASE!...I was just kidding, don't really come and kill me.
"You know, if you get to bed early, then you wake up bright and fresh and you have a better day..."
Okay, maybe I wasn't kidding, no I was, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...
Harry's inner battle about whether or not he wanted to be murdered was interrupted when Uncle Vernon walked into the kitchen. His large feet pounding on the kitchen floor made Harry jump. What? Oh, yeah, it's Saturday. Isn't that weird...
"Where's Dudley? I wanted to see if he wanted to make some extra money and wash the car for me."
"I WILL!"
Harry was extremely excited. Washing the car! The perfect chance to get out of the house and away from Aunt Petunia! Oh joy!
Uncle Vernon eyed Harry suspiciously. "Why do you want to wash the car?" he growled.
"Um," he thought, "uh, because, because, I need something to do, and it's hot, and the um, hose would cool me off and stuff. Yeah. You don't have to pay me," he added as an afterthought.
"I wasn't going to give you any money anyway," Uncle Vernon snarled. "Alright boy, get out there and I want the car spotless."
"Oh thank you, thank you!" he yelled. And with that, he ran out of the house to get the sponge and bucket.
Washing the car was an enjoyable experience. The water was nice and cool, and there was no one there to criticize him. Just the foamy soap and the sound of running water. However, there was one particular moment when he had heard a commotion across the street, but he had shrugged it off. But to ease the minds of my gentle viewers, I will tell you just what the commotion was...
* * *
An evil looking man, tall, skeletal, and white, with red eyes and a flat
nose, was crouching behind some bushes across the street from Number Four
Privet Drive. He was watching a boy with dark hair and glasses wash a
car, and he chuckled with glee.
"Yes, wash the car, Harry, wash the car...dry the wheel..."
He continued in this vein for quite some time, until he turned
around and saw two little kids staring at him.
"Heh, heh, heh," he tugged at the collar of his evil robes. He was
quite nervous and quite upset at being caught in his hiding spot, and by
two little Muggles, no doubt. "Hello little ones. Would you like some
candy? It's premium candy." He held out some Bertie Botts Every Flavor
Beans for the children to take. They just continued to stare at him. Then
one of them said, "We don't take candy from strangers, you're a perverted
old man." Then they kicked the Dark Lord in the shins and ran away.
Voldemort let out a yell and some curses. "Ahh! @$@#! Crucio! #$(%#@!"
Then he remembered why he was there and quieted down again. He looked
back at the boy. He had turned off the nose and was looking around
curiously. "Crap!" Voldemort cried. He Disapparated in a huff. The boy
shrugged and continued to wash the car.
* * *
Thinking back on the day, Harry guessed that it could have been
worse. Tomorrow there wouldn't be a car to wash, so he'd have to find
some other way to get away from the house. Tonight he would sleep, and
have strange dreams about candy and a bodiless voice saying "Yes, wash
the car, Harry, wash the car...dry the wheel..."
Later that night, Harry was awakened by a strange wheezing sound. At
first, he thought it was just part of his dream. Then he was fully awake,
and he realized it was coming from outside the door. He looked at the
crack between the bottom of the door and the floor, and he saw a pair of
pink terry-cloth house shoes right up against the door. The occupant of
the slippers was breathing very heavily. Harry stared wide eyed at the
door, horrified. What the freak?!...
