Disclaimer: I just own the plot, and technically I suppose I own Narcissa's character just not her herself as I doubt she's anything like JK's Narc will be.

Review Responses:

Bonezz - Perhaps Lucy will let you rule hell with him, get you promoted from bus driver? Which wand idea were you hoping to borrow? Do you mean the unicorn heartstring wand thing? Sure you can use it, I'm rather flattered you'd want to! Let me know if you do and I'll drop the thing a review, who are you killing or would give away your plot to tell me that? Thanks for reviewing!

Usako3000 - Draco doesn't hate his father, he's just scared by him, plus he wasn't exactly delighted to see him attacking poor Narcissa. He is upset he's dead, Draco didn't want any of this to happen; if you look back you'll see that Draco didn't even like the idea of turning Lucius over to the ministry. I liked writing the Draco/Ron chess scene, I love those two and I just had to have them get on! Yay! You liked Sev! He is quite heroic in chapter five. Well you'll see part of the ministry's reaction now but Narcissa will have to answer to them again later! Harry/Draco friendship? Sorry, but it just doesn't happen, I can't write Harry and I don't really like him most of the time. I'd get him wrong and it wouldn't be good, he's a character I just couldn't get a grip on but he will make the odd cameo. Thanks for the review!

honest_iago - I'm glad the unexpected arrival of your book has pleased you so much, how far are you through it now? Don't you run yourself down! The only problem with your writing is you never bother to get on with it! You procrastinator you! You'll never guess what I just find out! Chris Rankin (ask "who's that" and die!) was born in Auckland, New Zealand! It's true all the best people come from there! He also lists one of his favourite films as being 'Withnail and I'! This boy is perfect! I have to find him and marry him! Is this response long enough for you as I really don't know what else I can say. Thanks, as always, for reviewing!

Whitefeather - I'm flattered that you liked this story despite disliking so many of the ideas in it and I hope you continue to enjoy it. To be honest I never meant to write Sev/Cissa, they were supposed to be just friends but then the plot just started running along on it's own and the whole pairing thing just kind of happened! Thanks for the review!

Dark Comet - Thank you for contributing to the downfall of Harry by throwing a frying pan at him! Ron is lovely isn't he! Glad you liked the chapter and in particular what Sev says; that's going to take a little while to resolve though! Thanks for the reassurance about Uni. I'm sure I'll survive and I'll have all you lovely people on FFNET to keep me feeling happy with your lovely reviews! Thanks for reviewing!

I Found a Little Courage to Call it Off

**Narcissa's Thoughts**

***Severus' Thoughts***

_emphasis_

Chapter 7

The instant Narcissa and the two Weasleys arrived at the ministry Arthur was accosted by a irate secretary who wanted to know why there was a delivery of an electric iron waiting at the front desk. Arthur muttered something about, "It came, wonderful!" and dashed off.

Narcissa glanced at Percy who simply shrugged, "Dad's a bit odd, but he means well."

**Right.** "Could you show me where I need to go, I think your father's a bit preoccupied." Arthur was now happily opening a cardboard box, amazed by the polystyrene his iron was packed in.

"Of course Mrs Malfoy, follow me," Percy was now back in full officious, 'I work for the ministry' mode. Narcissa suppressed a smile and followed him up to the Auror offices.

"Right, I'm afraid I'll have to leave you here, I left my secretary in charge over lunch and she's a little disorganised to say the least! Are you going to be alright?" His tone became less officious and he looked a little concerned.

She smiled, "I'll be fine thanks, if they try anything funny I'll hex them so quickly they won't know what's hit them!"

"Mrs Malfoy, you can't...!" he trailed off as she began to laugh.

"Go on Percy, thank you but I'll be just fine."

He nodded and left looking unamused.

Narcissa knocked nervously on the door to the office to find it opened by a familiar face. **Oh, not you!** It was the female auror who had raided the manor several years ago, along with Arthur Weasley and a couple of other ministry officials.

The woman smiled unpleasantly, "Mrs Malfoy, decided to join us at last? Do come in."

Narcissa sneered at the woman and stepped inside to find the young male auror who had also been on the raid. "Hello Mrs Malfoy, how are you?" he asked sympathetically. "I don't think we were ever introduced, I'm Owen Green and this is my work partner Evelyn Banks."

She shook his hand, determined to continue the good start she seemed to have made with this auror at least. "How are Daniel and Katherine, she'll be starting Hogwarts soon won't she?"

"Yeah she is, they're great thanks!" He seemed surprised and proud that Narcissa had remembered his children's names and she smiled inwardly at the young man's obvious pride in his family.

"If we could get down to business!" Evelyn interrupted them. "Mrs Malfoy, the ministry is going to release your husband's body to you in the next couple of days, his death has been recorded as accidental so no charges will be pressed regarding his demise. We intend to thoroughly search the manor during which time you will not be able to stay there. You may however oversee this search or have a legal representative oversee it for you. You may also pack some clothes and essentials for yourself and your son. Do you understand?"

"Perfectly. When will you begin this search?"

"Tomorrow, so if you wish to have someone present it should be arranged as soon as possible."

"I think I should be there..."

"As you wish," Evelyn interrupted her.

"Please, allow me to finish! You have raided the manor before and been unsuccessful, if I am there I can show you where you can find what you're looking for."

"That's very good of you Mrs Malfoy," Owen smiled at her. "But are you sure you feel up to it?"

"Certain, thank you for your concern."

"Right, now where will you be staying?" Evelyn asked.

"With Arthur and Molly Weasley."

"Right," Evelyn made some notes on her parchment. "You may go."

**Thank you your majesty, I'll be careful to let the door hit me on the way out shall I?** Narcissa smiled graciously, "I'll be at the manor at nine o'clock tomorrow morning with a legal representative. Good Day," she nodded to Owen and left, before the temptation to slap the female auror became too strong to resist.

*******

Narcissa's next port of call was to Lucius' lawyers; an obscure firm at the junction of Knockturn and Diagon Alley who she'd never had reason to visit before. However, she found them pleasant and business like and arranged for the will to be read that evening. She then headed back to the burrow to tell Draco all about what was going to happen and found Severus waiting for her.

"Hello, how did it go?"

"Not too bad really, the ministry could have been worse and Lucius' lawyers were more respectable than I would have expected from him. They've declared a verdict of accidental death, they're not pressing any charges against anyone."

Severus nodded, "I know, I received an owl from Albus not long after you left."

Narcissa wondered momentarily how much Albus Dumbledore might have had to do with the quick verdict so clearly in their favour but then dismissed the thought in favour of asking, "Where's Draco?"

"In Ron's room reading a book, the others are outside and I believe Molly is concerned that he has refused to go out to them."

"Oh dear, he's not being difficult is he?"

"No, I think he just feels like being alone. Perhaps you should go and talk to him."

"I intend to, I'll go up now, tell Molly I'm back."

She climbed up to the top of the house and found her son perched on the windowsill with an open book on his lap. "Hi sweetheart, are you alright?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "How did it go?"

"Fine, they're going to search the manor starting tomorrow and I want to be there to oversee it so I'm going have to leave you here again. The will reading's tonight, you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I want to."

"Ok," she looked at him critically, "are you sure you're alright?"

"No mum, I'm not alright!" and his tone suggested he thought her question to be entirely stupid. "Mum I'm upset about what happened the other night, I'm upset because I didn't know my father could hurt people like that, I didn't know _you_ could. But I'm not surprised at what happened. I've been expecting you two to go for each other for years! Why do you think I didn't want you to go downstairs that night?"

She sat in shocked silence, it seemed Draco had known only too well how strained things had become between her and her husband.

Draco looked at her and realised she was upset, "I don't blame you, he hurt you and he scared you, I could see that, I've always been able to see that. He made you miserable, I don't know if things were always like that but that's all I can remember them being like. I've never seen you truly happy, I've seen you forget things for a few hours, I've seen you have fun but I've never seen you truly happy. I want to and I'd never do that if he was still around. I wanted to get away from him as much as you did. Mum, it wasn't your fault."

She smiled weakly, "I wasn't always miserable with your father. We were happy when we were first married, things fell apart just before you were born."

"Because of me?" he asked.

"No, because of what I found out. The truth behind the Death Eater's damned crusade! I said some things your father didn't like. I think he eventually wrote them off as hormones from pregnancy, well I assume he did, as he never really mentioned it again. Not that we spoke much after that. I loved him, I don't know if he loved me but he said he did and I think he did like me once."

"I'm sure he did," Draco sat next to her on Ron's bed and hugged her, "I don't blame you, he was awful to you, I can't believe he hurt you so much. I'll come with you tonight."

"Thank you sweetheart. Now why don't we go down and sit with the others outside?"

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"They don't like me and I don't want anything to do with them. I just want to sit up here and be quiet."

"Draco, you stay here as long as need to but they will give you another chance and I wish you'd take it."

"Whatever."

She smiled at his dismissive attitude knowing that it hid a desire to do as she had suggested but with the excuse of only doing it to keep his mother happy, **it's not like he wants to socialise with the Weasleys or anything! Heaven forbid!** She laughed and hugged him, "Come downstairs."

"Alright."

He followed her down and was soon embroiled in a game of chess with Ron while Ginny tried to persuade Fred and George to lend her one of their broomsticks. It seemed they couldn't say no to their little sister and the three of them were soon setting off to play quidditch.

"Don't you want to go with them?" Draco asked Ron, "I don't care if you do."

"You just want me to forfeit this game, I'm not going anywhere until you're in checkmate, which shouldn't take very long!" Ron grinned and Narcissa watched as Draco smiled back a little before looking back down at the chessboard.

*******

The will reading that night was short and to the point, Lucius had left the manor and almost everything else, aside from a fair sum of money left to Narcissa, to his son. In the event of his death the money Draco inherited was to be placed into a trust fund under Narcissa's control until he turned seventeen. **I've got to give Lucius this, he always prepared for the worst pretty thoroughly!**

She arranged for a representative to accompany her to the manor in the morning and then took Draco back to the Burrow where he instantly retired to bed, though it was only half past nine.

Narcissa herself felt rather odd after the will reading, it seemed to make everything so final, **as if death wasn't final enough!**

Molly had sent the twins and Ron (for whom the camp bed had now been put up in his own room) up to their rooms by ten o'clock leaving Narcissa sat downstairs. Percy and Arthur were still at work and Molly and Severus were talking quietly in the kitchen when they heard a muffled sob come from the direction of the living room.

They walked in to find Narcissa in floods of tears with her head in her hands. "Narcissa, what's wrong dear?" Molly asked, shocked, "Was today a bit too much for you? I know it must be hard having lived with someone that long, whether you loved him or not, the loss of your husband's bound to leave you a little fragile."

Narcissa lifted her head, "I'm not crying for him, I don't think I ever was. I was crying for me. I never shed a tear for his victims because I was too busy sobbing over my own sorrows and seeing myself as his victim. And now I'm not even sure who's victim I was, his or my own! I just kept screwing myself over in one way or another! And I never cried for anyone else because I just forgot somewhere down the line that we were all hurting. No that's not true I didn't forget, I didn't want to know. I didn't want to hear about other people's problems I was so wrapped up in my own and they were all of my own damned creation anyway! Just because I was too bloody arrogant to listen to anyone! I ignored Morgana, I ignored you Severus, I ignored Dumbledore! And I'd still be doing it if it wasn't for the last shred of humanity I had kicking in and telling me that heck my son might just not be happy here! My whole damned world revolves around _me_ and yet I thought I was better than him because I wouldn't hurt him but I never stopped him hurting anyone else and I'm not so sure anymore that I did the right thing by not hurting him. I'm not some helpless little woman, if I'd wanted a way out badly enough I could have found it."

"Narcissa, this isn't your fault. It's ok to be relieved he's gone," Molly said comfortingly.

"You don't understand!" Narcissa snapped before leaping to her feet and turning to Severus, "But _you_ do, don't you. You said it yourself, somebody knew what they were doing when they named me and I said I wasn't that bad and you told me that I was and that I always had been. And you were right, it was all about this," she gestured to her face, "in one way or another. Even when I was playing quidditch and didn't give a damn what I looked like it was still all about me, about what kind of image I was giving out to the world. I have spent my life manipulating others and dragging myself down. I had potential once and let it rot, I let others do things for me, hell I didn't let them I made them, I manipulated them. So that's why I'm crying, I'm crying because I've had enough, I'm still crying for me. Maybe one day I'll cry for him, or for Morgana or the people he hurt but I doubt it!"

"Have you quite finished?" Severus snapped, placing a firm hand on her shoulder and pushing down to sit on the sofa. "Now listen to me you stupid woman!" he sat next to her and took hold of both her hands in a vice like grip, "I don't have words for you and what you are, I don't think anybody does! You _are_ your own victim! You aren't the only one to blame but you are to blame!" He stopped for a moment and sighed deeply, "Well, I suppose we could look on the bright side, at least you seem to have gathered that!"

She choked out what seemed half way between a laugh and a sob.

"Stop crying. I know you're upset and I know you're scared and you have undoubtedly been through a lot but this," he ran a hand across her cheek, roughly wiping away the tears, "will not help!"

She looked up at him and he found himself wanting to laugh, red eyed and runny mascara she looked the picture of misery and he couldn't remember a time when he'd seen her when she hadn't been perfectly turned out. ***Apart from that time she broke down and all but begged you not to go back to spy on Voldemort because she thought you'd be hurt.*** His face softened a fraction, "Narcissa you are capable of being a half decent human being when you try. Can't you just try a bit more often? Honestly woman, you've always been your own worst enemy haven't you? If Morgana were here she'd laugh, throw a box of tissues at you and drag you out to play quidditch and you'd have let her. Your world didn't always revolve round you and it doesn't always now, but when things get tough you only seem to have two responses; tears or mad revenge! I think you need to get a grip on your emotions and start thinking about your son. Once you've got the hang of that you could always spare a thought for the rest of the world you know?" His voice was harsh but his eyes seemed to be teasing her in the last sentence.

She wiped her hand roughly across her face and smiled at him, "I don't know what I'd do without you, you know?"

"Be a bit nicer and you might not have to find out!"

She smiled again, "Well alright, but only because you asked so nicely!"

He couldn't help returning her smile, besides anything else the image of Narcissa Malfoy with mascara and tear stains down her cheeks really was funny.

"Why don't you go and get some sleep you silly woman and then you'll be able to cope better in the morning."

She sniffed and nodded. "Good idea. Thanks Sev."

"That's alright, I'm getting used to you."

*******

Severus had intended to return to Hogwarts but had ended up falling asleep by Narcissa's bedside again, waking up in the early hours to find her gone. He came downstairs to find Narcissa curled up at one end of the sofa hugging a cushion.

"I don't believe it, Molly goes to all that bother trying to find everyone somewhere to sleep and you prefer the sofa!"

Molly had certainly had quite a time moving everyone about, with Ginny back Narcissa had been moved into Percy's room and he had been moved in with Ron and Draco because no one dared to brave the twins room, particularly not while they were still in it.

Severus smiled sympathetically, "Couldn't sleep?"

She shook her head and he sat down next to her. "Shall I get you a potion?"

"No, just stay with me."

She set her cushion aside and shifted herself so that she was leaning against him with her legs tucked beneath her, then she lifted his arm and placed it round her shoulders. Severus said nothing as she laid her head on his chest and slid an arm around his waist. Ten minutes later she was sound asleep.

*******

Bit of a mushy ending there but what the hell, you need mush every now and again! It makes a change from my usual angst (and there's more of that to come!). I go to Uni. this weekend so I'm not sure when the next update will be, I might get one out on Saturday before I go, otherwise it'll probably be Monday or at the latest Tuesday but I'll try really hard to ensure you don't have to wait 'til Tuesday!

Next chapter we see Severus and Draco talk, Lucius' funeral and we find out what's happened to Dippy.

Review Please!! They'll keep me going in the first few days of Uni. when I'm in a strange place and feeling homesick! (And if that wasn't emotional blackmail I don't know what is! lol!)