Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi.
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I never really knew you. I was always reserved and so I didn't really talk to you much. But I couldn't save you. I arrived to late. Just like I did with Shoka.
I always admired you; did you know that? You were always so free and kind. You always had a smile on your face. If I had gone through what you went through, I don't know if I could ever smile again. Even now, I barely smile. Is that wrong? Because of me being so stoic, I never really got to know you. I always figured that there'd be more time. That I'd be able to do it after Miaka had summoned Suzaku. But I was wrong. I was so wrong.
Now it's to late. It's to late to do anything. If only I had arrived sooner. I'm supposed to be a healer, but I can never seem to heal anyone when it's most important. Because I'm always to late. I was to late to save Shoka – so long ago... – , and now I was to late to save you. I always seem to be to late.
Without you, the group just isn't the same. You were out heart; the most caring of us all. You were the one who kept us together, even though none of us knew it. Whenever something happened, you would just laugh it off and move on. You would show the rest of us how to get over things when we all thought that it was impossible. You just never stopped smiling, even when things were at their worst. How did you do it? I don't know. And now I will never have a chance to ask you.
It's all my fault. If I had been there, you would have lived. But I wasn't. Because I arrived to late. Because I didn't get there in time. By the time I arrived, you were already dead; just lying in the snow, once white but now stained red. I remember how Tasuki had pushed us to get up the mountain faster. How he had tried to get to you before it was to late. But even with us going as fast as we could, we hadn't made it in time. You weren't even able to die in Konan, your home. Instead, you died in the cold, barren waste land that they call Hokkan. That land is practically the opposite of the way you were. It is always winter there; always cold and snowy. It's like death. But with your sunny smile and cheerful personality, you were like summer or spring. You were life.
I think that when you died, a bit of all of us died with you. The little part of us that was filled with you.
All because of me. Because I couldn't get there in time. Because I was to late. Because of me, you died. Because of me, so many people, everyone who loved you, were hurt. All because I was to late to save you, Nuriko. Everything happened because I was to late to save you.
