Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. (Oh, what an original disclaimer.)
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How could you be gone? You were like a member of my family to me. You were like a mother to me. Or a father. Or... Oh... I don't know... I don't seem to know anything any more. I can't even figure out why it had to be you. Why couldn't it have been someone else. Anyone else. Of course, if it were someone else, I would probably be wishing that it were anyone but them. But still...
It's just not right. You weren't supposed to die. None of us were supposed to die. Oh, it should have been me, lying there in the snow, with blood all around me. But I never would have been able to do what you did. Even if I had gone up onto Mount Black instead of you, I never would have been able to defeat Ashitare. I never would have been able to move that bolder. I would have just made a fool of myself and made everything worse. Because I'm weak. Of course I'm weak. When have I ever helped the other members of the Suzaku Seishi. When have I fought for what I believed in. Never. I just stand off to the side and watch as the others risk their life. Because I'm weak. Because I'll never amount to anything. Of course, if I ever told this to you, you would deny it immediately. You would say that someday I would achieve my dream and become a government official. Ha! I will never be able to do that. It's just a childish dream. Once Suzaku is summoned, I will probably loose my power. I will probably become what I am when my symbol disappears. I will only be Doukun. A stupid kid.
You were never weak. You were strong up to your very last moments. You fought for anything and everything that you believed in. I was never able to do that. In my home village, when I was teased because of the symbol on my foot, I would just take it. Usually I'd believe what they said. Because it was true, wasn't it? I'm just a weird little kid. Not like you. Sure, you could be a little weird, but that was all part of who you were. You always acted like who you were, even when you were doing things like cross dressing. But everything I do is a lie. Am I Chiriko, or Doukun? The kid, or the member of the Suzaku Seishi? When I'm Doukun, I'm nothing like the way I am when I'm Chiriko. It's irritating! I know that everyone always gets really annoyed when I change into Doukun. Heck, I get annoyed. But you never got mad at me. Do you remember? I would always go to you with my problems, weather I was Doukun or Chiriko. You'd always listen to me. You would never judge me on what I said, no matter how stupid it was. I could always count on you. With you, I could feel strong. Without you, I know that I am only weak.
And now my symbol if fading. Soon, I will be Doukun, ignorant of the world. Thank you, Nuriko. Thank you for listening to me for one last time. Thank you for making me feel strong. For making me feel like I could be whatever I wanted to be. But most of all, thank you for making me feel wanted. Even needed. I think that's the only thing that anyone wants in this world.
