Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi.
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I didn't find out that you were dead until weeks after it happened. I never got to say goodbye to you. I never got to see you in your last moments. I never got to see your grave. Because I'm the emperor. Because I wasn't able to go with you. Because I wasn't able to protect you.
Isn't it strange. I always thought that I loved Miaka. It wasn't until you left to go to Hokkan that I realized my true feelings. I have Miaka my sword because she was the only one of you without any protection and because she was essential to saving my land. But when you left, I realized that I was truly in love with you. I loved Miaka for who I wished she could be, but she just wasn't that person. You were so dedicated to me. You were always by my side, even when you thought that you could never win me. But you did. However, by the time that I realized my true feelings for you, your heart had already been given to Tasuki. Yes... I could tell. I do not believe that he could, but I am not fooled so easily. It was a nobel act, but a futile one all the same.
I cannot say that I do not love Houki. I do. More than anything. I knew the moment that I saw her, she was a gift from you. She looked like your double, and she told me that she had known you while you pretended to be a woman. She was your gift to me from you, and I thank you for that. I thank you with all of my heart. But... Although Houki will always be first in my heart, you are a close second. I still love you. I will always love you. How could I not?
I was to late to tell you. How could I have been so late? How could I have not seen? I was blinded by who I wished Miaka to be. I was blinded by who I thought she was. I always wished for someone to love me for who I was and not just the next emperor, not realizing that I already had that. You. You were right next to me the entire time.
I felt your death, just like all the others. If felt as if half of me had been torn away. At first, I didn't know what it meant, but I suppose that I must have known that you were dead, for I mourned without realizing that I was doing so.
I hurt you so much. I know that I did. You loved me, and I ignored you. Until it was to late. Then, you fell for the bandit. What made you fall for him? I don't know. I just know that he was better to you than I ever was. Nuriko, I loved you. I loved you so much. I hope that you can hear this prair, for then you will know that you were loved. Thank you for sending me Houki. Thank you for sending me your love. Thank you for everything, Nuriko. I'm so sorry. I just couldn't tell you soon enough. I was to late to tell you...
