Disclaimer: I just own the plot.
Review Responses:
Luna Project - You are good and I didn't notice any errors beyond the odd bit of grammar and that's perfectly understandable I've seen worse grammar from people whose first language was English! I think the poem's good because it's simple, it's very effective! Don't worry about the e-mail, I hope you're feeling better now! I could never have sent Narcissa to Azkaban, I like angst but that's a bit too angsty! 500 Galleons would be a lot to the Weasleys and it's probably more to Narcissa than she'd care to admit but it's not going to bankrupt her thanks to a sizeable inheritance from evil Lucy. Molly and Arthur are the best, they are in fact my favourite couple in HP they're so sweet together and they're both just such wonderful people! Their children are very lucky (boo hoo, how Percy say those things?! Hang on, it's alight he'll have had his reasons, if only Jo would suddenly say 'wait! It's alright, he was spying on Fudge for Dumbledore and therefore had to break ties with his family but he really didn't want to do it!' Sigh, I doubt that will happen but I think I'll pretend that it will so as to avoid despair over poor lovely Percy!) I'd like my own Molly too! We all need a Molly! Draco'll probably always be a bit of a snob when it comes to cleaning up after himself and stuff but that's just part of who he is, couldn't have him changing overnight! He was sort of doing housework, at the times when he wasn't winding up Ron or Severus, but for the most part he'll probably try and get out of any work. Ron was indeed amazed by the manor, it's opulence and extravagance is beyond anything he's seen outside of Hogwarts! It is creepy in parts but the ballroom's rather elegant (all gold and white), it's huge! I've never seen Dangerous Liaison but just think really, really big! I'm arachnophobic so I sympathise with poor Ron through Draco's teasing, the boy just couldn't resist! At least Narcissa put a stop to it! Draco's a heck of a lot more of an expert than poor Severus when it comes to the romance between Sev and Narcissa. He's amused and thinks they're pretty sweet plus he adores Sev and wants to see Narcissa happy, he's a good boy at heart! Actually I dropped a hint in the last part of this fic ('I Built My Life Around You') about Draco having caught on to there being something between them and thinking they might be having an affair. He comments on Narcissa and Lucius' relationship and on the fact that Sev has a photo of Narcissa (Slytherin quidditch team photo) on his desk and then goes on to say that it's 'Very subtle really' and won't explain to Narc what he means. He meant of course that he thought they were having an affair but she needn't worry about the photo as it wouldn't give them, away. That was chapter 21 in case you're interested, I think it was a bit too long ago for anyone to remember though! Lol! Woah, I thought it was too long to have to que for an hour for an ID card, guess I should count myself lucky! The computer's fine, it seems to be much better since it got back from the shop again. I have written! A couple of days ago I got inspired and wrote this whole scene for my Bill and Charlie fic and I'm rather pleased with it, though it's not till a fair way through the fic! Thanks for the encouragement, before my flask of inspiration I was feeling a bit down on that story because I knew where it was going and how it was getting there I was just having trouble actually putting it down on paper but now I'm back in the swing of things! Thanks for reviewing!
Dark Comet - Hee hee, did I shock you with Draco's comment? I did drop in a hint in 'I Built My Life Around You' but because it was so early on it had to be super subtle! If you want to know what it was read my review response to Luna Project! It is a very good job that Draco and Sevvie are so close and that he's had time to get used to the idea! Glad to hear you're feeling better, I think I probably would pass on that particular opportunity anyway, what persuaded you to do that I can't imagine! LOL! Thanks for the review!
Bonezz - Nope, Draco's definitely not pregnant, you can stop worrying! LOL! Romance? Now what could have made you think they'd be romance coming up? I think we might just be able to arrange that, let me just say that if it's romance you're looking for you just wait till chapter 11! I have to admit I adore Lucy and I think there was good in him somewhere, the man Narcissa fell for was real he just had too much bad in him. I'm sure he's resting peacefully now, sorry I keep making you cry it's difficult to deal with these issues without letting things get a bit sad! Keep an eye out for that photo in this chapter, you're not the only one touched by it! I read your story! Sorry it took so long to get round to! I haven't reviewed yet but I will and may have already done so when you read this. I liked it but I feel sorry for Narcissa, love your Snape! I was also struck by how in character Dumbledore's line before the feast in the first chapter was, the whole I only have one thing to say you may now eat. I know it seems pretty simple but it just hit me as being so Dumbledore! I guess I know how you're going to kill now but I pity them, what did they ever do that was so bad? Will we find out why they're so disliked? I know what you mean about summer being a great time to write I got so much done! Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Errisar - Gosh, you read fast! You're up to here already? I'm flattered you took so much time to read it! The other Death Eaters are most certainly not happy about Lucius' death but we won't see them for a few chapters yet! I will address Draco's new school year, I'm actually rather fond of that part of this fic, you'll find out who's still speaking to him! You'll also see more of the allegiances of those Slytherins in Draco's year! Glad you think I don't leave loose ends, loose ends annoy me so much in stories so I try not to leave them lying about in my own. I am having a pleasant time at Uni, thank you! Thank you for the deeply flattering review!
I Found a Little Courage to Call it Off
**Narcissa's Thoughts**
Chapter 10
The cleaning and decorating continued over the next week or so with Draco and Narcissa slowly recovering from the shock of Lucius death. Draco walked into her study as she was setting it straight and silently began to help.
"Mum," Draco passed her a pile of books, "I've been thinking, do you think things turned out for the best? I mean, maybe it's better this way, can you imagine Dad rotting in Azkaban? It'd be the final indignity. I think he'd rather be dead."
She gave a wry smile, "Knowing Lucius he probably would. At least he went out fighting, then again I think he'd rather have died old and warm in his bed."
"That choice was never going to be open to him." Draco sighed then frowned, "He must have known he couldn't escape, do you think he wanted to be killed?"
Narcissa shook her head, "I don't know, he seemed to have gone half mad, he had been under a lot of pressure. I don't know why he fought other than to say your father would have rather died than submit to a woman, a traitor and a couple of Weasleys."
Draco laughed, surprising his mother, "He was a stuck up bastard, wasn't he?" he said, voice filled with emotion and a little affection.
Narcissa couldn't help smiling back, "Yeah, he was."
"What are you going to do with his clothes and stuff?"
"Well, thanks to the ministry there's not much left besides clothes. I was tempted to burn them."
Draco looked up and met her eyes saying seriously, "Then do it."
She raised an eyebrow, "Not what I expected you to say."
"No point in being sentimental about a bunch of robes, you can't keep them in the house it's too morbid for words and I really wouldn't want you to give them away."
"No, I don't think I could do that."
They worked in silence for a while before Draco spoke up again. "Mum, I hope you're not angry but I was talking to Professor Snape and I told him that I knew about the two of you."
"Knew what?"
"Oh, don't you start. Mum, you were having an affair with my potions master!"
"First I've heard of it!" she laughed, "What on earth gave you that idea?"
Draco ticked the points off on his fingers, "The way you look at each other, the fact he's always trying to help you out, that he has a photograph of you on his desk!"
"Draco, you're making a mountain out of a molehill! He helps me because he's my friend, nothing more, and that photograph is of the old quidditch team, not just of me!"
"So, you really weren't having an affair?" he asked sceptically, "Because I'd be alright with it if you were, God knows you deserve to be happy!"
"No! Hang on, what the hell have you said to Severus!?"
Draco coloured slightly and wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Draco!"
"I said that I knew the two of you were having an affair and when he denied it I said that if you weren't having an affair with him then you certainly wished you were," Draco gabbled suddenly, hoping that it might sound better said quickly.
Narcissa stood still in shock. "Draco, you do realise that you just dashed all your hopes of living to see your next birthday don't you!?"
Draco laughed nervously and ran out of the door with Narcissa running after him.
"You daft idiot! How could you say something like that without coming to me first?! You wait till I get hold of you!"
Luckily for Draco he was far faster than his mother and was soon out of sight in the grounds. Narcissa was tempted to chase him and yell some more but she was running out of breath so gave in. "Stupid child!" she muttered, "Why do we bother with children?"
"I've no idea," Molly said coming in from the garden, "From the speed your son was going at shall I take it something's wrong?"
"The little bugger told Severus he knew we were having an affair!"
"I thought you said you weren't?"
"We weren't! That's my problem!"
Molly laughed.
"Don't laugh! He told Severus that if I hadn't been having an affair with him then I certainly wished I had been!"
Molly tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably, "Oh Narcissa! Are you surprised he got the wrong idea? I mean, Severus can be very protective of you and you did used to sneak out to meet him, even sneaked him into the house while Lucius was away once I seem to remember you told me."
Narcissa couldn't help laughing, "Oh God, I give in! I'm going to murder that child when I get hold of him, but unfortunately I think I get what you mean!"
Arthur and Severus arrived at that point with fresh cleaning supplies, causing the two women to laugh even more and Narcissa to turn a dark shade of pink.
*******
Narcissa acted out her anger and frustration the next day by doing exactly what she had said she would. She built a bonfire in the grounds and threw armful after armful of the finely made, expensive clothes and other odds and ends of her husband's on to the fire. She soon emptied the wheelbarrow she'd borrowed from the gardener, who had seemed entirely unaffected by the whole affair, and picked up the only thing remaining, their wedding photograph. She drew her arm back to throw it but she couldn't do it. Her anger was gone; she looked at the picture and hugged it to her, feeling suddenly weak and falling forwards onto her knees. She stayed like that for a second before shaking herself and standing up, **no more tears, this was supposed to be about moving on.** She put the fire out and went back into the house where she placed the photograph in a draw in the newly refurbished drawing room.
*******
Severus was in one of the guest rooms when he saw the fire, it was too far away for him to tell what it was and he hurried outside to investigate. When he came within a hundred feet of it it was clear that Narcissa had it under control.
He stood to the side watching as she threw armfuls of clothes and personal effects onto the bonfire. He watched her hesitate as she picked up a photograph and went as though to hurl it with the rest then looked at it and held it to her, collapsing to her knees. He was about to go to her when he saw her shake her head and climb to her feet, she extinguished the fire and turned and went back into the house. She could cope, she didn't need anyone to hold her hand.
*******
Draco saw the bonfire as well, watching sadly from his room but realising that his mother needed to do it alone. She had spent nearly twenty years with Lucius and this destruction of what was left of him was therapeutic to her. He was pleased though to see her keep a picture, he didn't know what it was but he knew that his mother had got everything out of her system by the fact that she kept it.
*******
A/N: Narcissa didn't destroy anything that she found in that cardboard box last chapter. She kept the school photographs and letters from his parents and obviously Drcao's birth certificate! The letter and photos have been put aside for Draco one day when he's older and perhaps wants to remember.
Sev/Narcissa fans are definitely going to want to read the next chapter! That's all I'm saying.
Please Review!!
Review Responses:
Luna Project - You are good and I didn't notice any errors beyond the odd bit of grammar and that's perfectly understandable I've seen worse grammar from people whose first language was English! I think the poem's good because it's simple, it's very effective! Don't worry about the e-mail, I hope you're feeling better now! I could never have sent Narcissa to Azkaban, I like angst but that's a bit too angsty! 500 Galleons would be a lot to the Weasleys and it's probably more to Narcissa than she'd care to admit but it's not going to bankrupt her thanks to a sizeable inheritance from evil Lucy. Molly and Arthur are the best, they are in fact my favourite couple in HP they're so sweet together and they're both just such wonderful people! Their children are very lucky (boo hoo, how Percy say those things?! Hang on, it's alight he'll have had his reasons, if only Jo would suddenly say 'wait! It's alright, he was spying on Fudge for Dumbledore and therefore had to break ties with his family but he really didn't want to do it!' Sigh, I doubt that will happen but I think I'll pretend that it will so as to avoid despair over poor lovely Percy!) I'd like my own Molly too! We all need a Molly! Draco'll probably always be a bit of a snob when it comes to cleaning up after himself and stuff but that's just part of who he is, couldn't have him changing overnight! He was sort of doing housework, at the times when he wasn't winding up Ron or Severus, but for the most part he'll probably try and get out of any work. Ron was indeed amazed by the manor, it's opulence and extravagance is beyond anything he's seen outside of Hogwarts! It is creepy in parts but the ballroom's rather elegant (all gold and white), it's huge! I've never seen Dangerous Liaison but just think really, really big! I'm arachnophobic so I sympathise with poor Ron through Draco's teasing, the boy just couldn't resist! At least Narcissa put a stop to it! Draco's a heck of a lot more of an expert than poor Severus when it comes to the romance between Sev and Narcissa. He's amused and thinks they're pretty sweet plus he adores Sev and wants to see Narcissa happy, he's a good boy at heart! Actually I dropped a hint in the last part of this fic ('I Built My Life Around You') about Draco having caught on to there being something between them and thinking they might be having an affair. He comments on Narcissa and Lucius' relationship and on the fact that Sev has a photo of Narcissa (Slytherin quidditch team photo) on his desk and then goes on to say that it's 'Very subtle really' and won't explain to Narc what he means. He meant of course that he thought they were having an affair but she needn't worry about the photo as it wouldn't give them, away. That was chapter 21 in case you're interested, I think it was a bit too long ago for anyone to remember though! Lol! Woah, I thought it was too long to have to que for an hour for an ID card, guess I should count myself lucky! The computer's fine, it seems to be much better since it got back from the shop again. I have written! A couple of days ago I got inspired and wrote this whole scene for my Bill and Charlie fic and I'm rather pleased with it, though it's not till a fair way through the fic! Thanks for the encouragement, before my flask of inspiration I was feeling a bit down on that story because I knew where it was going and how it was getting there I was just having trouble actually putting it down on paper but now I'm back in the swing of things! Thanks for reviewing!
Dark Comet - Hee hee, did I shock you with Draco's comment? I did drop in a hint in 'I Built My Life Around You' but because it was so early on it had to be super subtle! If you want to know what it was read my review response to Luna Project! It is a very good job that Draco and Sevvie are so close and that he's had time to get used to the idea! Glad to hear you're feeling better, I think I probably would pass on that particular opportunity anyway, what persuaded you to do that I can't imagine! LOL! Thanks for the review!
Bonezz - Nope, Draco's definitely not pregnant, you can stop worrying! LOL! Romance? Now what could have made you think they'd be romance coming up? I think we might just be able to arrange that, let me just say that if it's romance you're looking for you just wait till chapter 11! I have to admit I adore Lucy and I think there was good in him somewhere, the man Narcissa fell for was real he just had too much bad in him. I'm sure he's resting peacefully now, sorry I keep making you cry it's difficult to deal with these issues without letting things get a bit sad! Keep an eye out for that photo in this chapter, you're not the only one touched by it! I read your story! Sorry it took so long to get round to! I haven't reviewed yet but I will and may have already done so when you read this. I liked it but I feel sorry for Narcissa, love your Snape! I was also struck by how in character Dumbledore's line before the feast in the first chapter was, the whole I only have one thing to say you may now eat. I know it seems pretty simple but it just hit me as being so Dumbledore! I guess I know how you're going to kill now but I pity them, what did they ever do that was so bad? Will we find out why they're so disliked? I know what you mean about summer being a great time to write I got so much done! Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Errisar - Gosh, you read fast! You're up to here already? I'm flattered you took so much time to read it! The other Death Eaters are most certainly not happy about Lucius' death but we won't see them for a few chapters yet! I will address Draco's new school year, I'm actually rather fond of that part of this fic, you'll find out who's still speaking to him! You'll also see more of the allegiances of those Slytherins in Draco's year! Glad you think I don't leave loose ends, loose ends annoy me so much in stories so I try not to leave them lying about in my own. I am having a pleasant time at Uni, thank you! Thank you for the deeply flattering review!
I Found a Little Courage to Call it Off
**Narcissa's Thoughts**
Chapter 10
The cleaning and decorating continued over the next week or so with Draco and Narcissa slowly recovering from the shock of Lucius death. Draco walked into her study as she was setting it straight and silently began to help.
"Mum," Draco passed her a pile of books, "I've been thinking, do you think things turned out for the best? I mean, maybe it's better this way, can you imagine Dad rotting in Azkaban? It'd be the final indignity. I think he'd rather be dead."
She gave a wry smile, "Knowing Lucius he probably would. At least he went out fighting, then again I think he'd rather have died old and warm in his bed."
"That choice was never going to be open to him." Draco sighed then frowned, "He must have known he couldn't escape, do you think he wanted to be killed?"
Narcissa shook her head, "I don't know, he seemed to have gone half mad, he had been under a lot of pressure. I don't know why he fought other than to say your father would have rather died than submit to a woman, a traitor and a couple of Weasleys."
Draco laughed, surprising his mother, "He was a stuck up bastard, wasn't he?" he said, voice filled with emotion and a little affection.
Narcissa couldn't help smiling back, "Yeah, he was."
"What are you going to do with his clothes and stuff?"
"Well, thanks to the ministry there's not much left besides clothes. I was tempted to burn them."
Draco looked up and met her eyes saying seriously, "Then do it."
She raised an eyebrow, "Not what I expected you to say."
"No point in being sentimental about a bunch of robes, you can't keep them in the house it's too morbid for words and I really wouldn't want you to give them away."
"No, I don't think I could do that."
They worked in silence for a while before Draco spoke up again. "Mum, I hope you're not angry but I was talking to Professor Snape and I told him that I knew about the two of you."
"Knew what?"
"Oh, don't you start. Mum, you were having an affair with my potions master!"
"First I've heard of it!" she laughed, "What on earth gave you that idea?"
Draco ticked the points off on his fingers, "The way you look at each other, the fact he's always trying to help you out, that he has a photograph of you on his desk!"
"Draco, you're making a mountain out of a molehill! He helps me because he's my friend, nothing more, and that photograph is of the old quidditch team, not just of me!"
"So, you really weren't having an affair?" he asked sceptically, "Because I'd be alright with it if you were, God knows you deserve to be happy!"
"No! Hang on, what the hell have you said to Severus!?"
Draco coloured slightly and wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Draco!"
"I said that I knew the two of you were having an affair and when he denied it I said that if you weren't having an affair with him then you certainly wished you were," Draco gabbled suddenly, hoping that it might sound better said quickly.
Narcissa stood still in shock. "Draco, you do realise that you just dashed all your hopes of living to see your next birthday don't you!?"
Draco laughed nervously and ran out of the door with Narcissa running after him.
"You daft idiot! How could you say something like that without coming to me first?! You wait till I get hold of you!"
Luckily for Draco he was far faster than his mother and was soon out of sight in the grounds. Narcissa was tempted to chase him and yell some more but she was running out of breath so gave in. "Stupid child!" she muttered, "Why do we bother with children?"
"I've no idea," Molly said coming in from the garden, "From the speed your son was going at shall I take it something's wrong?"
"The little bugger told Severus he knew we were having an affair!"
"I thought you said you weren't?"
"We weren't! That's my problem!"
Molly laughed.
"Don't laugh! He told Severus that if I hadn't been having an affair with him then I certainly wished I had been!"
Molly tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably, "Oh Narcissa! Are you surprised he got the wrong idea? I mean, Severus can be very protective of you and you did used to sneak out to meet him, even sneaked him into the house while Lucius was away once I seem to remember you told me."
Narcissa couldn't help laughing, "Oh God, I give in! I'm going to murder that child when I get hold of him, but unfortunately I think I get what you mean!"
Arthur and Severus arrived at that point with fresh cleaning supplies, causing the two women to laugh even more and Narcissa to turn a dark shade of pink.
*******
Narcissa acted out her anger and frustration the next day by doing exactly what she had said she would. She built a bonfire in the grounds and threw armful after armful of the finely made, expensive clothes and other odds and ends of her husband's on to the fire. She soon emptied the wheelbarrow she'd borrowed from the gardener, who had seemed entirely unaffected by the whole affair, and picked up the only thing remaining, their wedding photograph. She drew her arm back to throw it but she couldn't do it. Her anger was gone; she looked at the picture and hugged it to her, feeling suddenly weak and falling forwards onto her knees. She stayed like that for a second before shaking herself and standing up, **no more tears, this was supposed to be about moving on.** She put the fire out and went back into the house where she placed the photograph in a draw in the newly refurbished drawing room.
*******
Severus was in one of the guest rooms when he saw the fire, it was too far away for him to tell what it was and he hurried outside to investigate. When he came within a hundred feet of it it was clear that Narcissa had it under control.
He stood to the side watching as she threw armfuls of clothes and personal effects onto the bonfire. He watched her hesitate as she picked up a photograph and went as though to hurl it with the rest then looked at it and held it to her, collapsing to her knees. He was about to go to her when he saw her shake her head and climb to her feet, she extinguished the fire and turned and went back into the house. She could cope, she didn't need anyone to hold her hand.
*******
Draco saw the bonfire as well, watching sadly from his room but realising that his mother needed to do it alone. She had spent nearly twenty years with Lucius and this destruction of what was left of him was therapeutic to her. He was pleased though to see her keep a picture, he didn't know what it was but he knew that his mother had got everything out of her system by the fact that she kept it.
*******
A/N: Narcissa didn't destroy anything that she found in that cardboard box last chapter. She kept the school photographs and letters from his parents and obviously Drcao's birth certificate! The letter and photos have been put aside for Draco one day when he's older and perhaps wants to remember.
Sev/Narcissa fans are definitely going to want to read the next chapter! That's all I'm saying.
Please Review!!
