Note: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, but I do plan on stealing the rights to the game tonight. How, you ask? Well… I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Additional Author's Note: There is a lot of dialogue in the first section of this chapter. Please bear with me and trust that it's for the best!
I Forgot Your Name
By Kupo
Chapter Eighteen: Inner Conflict
--Void.
"He doesn't even see the difference."
Rinoa held her hands up to her ears, trying to block out the voice which echoed all around her. Her head hurt, and despite her previous resolution to fight back, she simply didn't have the strength. She was tired, so tired. Her strange window to the real world had remained dark since the one time she had managed to break through, and to be with Squall again.
"I promise you, he doesn't see it."
"I don't believe you!" Rinoa called out, with as much strength as she could muster. "Squall would never be seduced by evil… he knows me, he loves me. You're just a poor imitation, a fake, a… I don't even know who you are! What you are! Where I am!" She fought to control the rising panic, which was making her feel as if her chest was tightening and her heart constricting. A glimmer in the corner of her vision caught her eye, and she turned toward it.
She found herself looking at what seemed to be her reflection, until the mouth twisted into a sneer.
"I've explained this to you before. You have no reason to doubt me, I wouldn't lie to you. I can't. No one can lie to themselves."
Rinoa glared at the face in the mirror.
"You and I are nothing alike," she spat venomously. "You're something evil. I've been possessed by you, just like before… with Adel. And Ultimecia. You're trying to take advantage of me, but I won't let you. I'll die first."
The image in front of her smiled and shook her head sadly, much as a mother would when she wouldn't have the heart to punish a misbehaving child.
"You are a sorceress of your own right. You are correct when you say you were possessed by Adel, and yes, by Ultimecia. But you are not possessed now. Think about it, Rinoa. Do any of us choose to be evil? Or is it fate? Or only an unfortunate accident of birth? Adel was born human. So was Ultimecia. They were like you. Hopes, dreams, maybe even loves. What happened to them? What turned them into the reviled figures they are today? Did any of you… really ever stop and think… what it was?"
Rinoa looked away, ashamed to admit that she hadn't. Back then there wasn't time to question motives. All of them, they all did what they had to do. And after it was over… it was easier to just forget. To keep those that had tried to harm her away, to wonder why these women had become who they were… was to make them human. Like she was. And more than anything else, Rinoa wanted no connection with the sorceresses. Every day since she had received her powers had been a subconscious struggle to forget that, indeed, she was one as well.
"You haven't, have you? But that's not the real issue here. The issue is power. The world spins because of our desire for power, and our struggle to keep it. We kill to take it from others, and we kill to keep others from taking it away from us. It's a horrible, deadly cycle. But you… you, Rinoa... you have a different power. One that cannot be taken away by force. A part of you knows this already. That part is me. I am you. I am the stronger part of you… and the wiser."
Rinoa frowned.
"So what am I? I'm standing right here! If I pinch myself, I feel it! How can I be there, be you, doing all these horrible things, when I am standing right here?!"
"You're not standing there. Really, all you are is the last bit of your mind, your conscience, fighting to hold on. Most of you has already surrendered, has become… me."
"Lies again. I would never give in to you."
"Not true. For I stand here, living, breathing proof. Power is seductive. Part of you has always been entranced by power…do you deny it?"
"…"
"There have been good sorceresses. Give in to me, and that full power can be unleashed. We can stop the petty squabbles of the masses; bring peace to the world so that no one needs to fight. That's the power you've always craved, isn't it? And that's why you began to give in. Little by little, without even realizing it. But I need all of you. Without my conscience, I cannot stop myself from these horrible acts that I am committing… when you join with me, the horror will stop. And peace will reign under you… with Squall at your side."
"Squall…"
"You must know… that Squall is going to be destroyed. He will destroy himself to protect you. Even now, he follows blindly. You hold his fate in your hands."
Rinoa looked herself in the eyes, frightened by the human sympathy she saw in them. Tentatively, she pushed her hair behind her ears and spoke.
"You said you wouldn't lie to me. If that's true… tell me how to destroy you. Tell me how to beat you."
Suddenly beside her in the blackness appeared a silver table. A few moments later a knife shimmered upon it. Rinoa picked up the blade, running her finger lightly along the sharpened edge. Steeling herself, she gripped the handle with one of her hands and pointed the tip at the woman watching her.
"I've thought about it, and the answer is no. No now, and no forever."
The woman watched her carefully, and then shrugged in defeat.
"Then end it. When you pierce your flesh with that knife, you will die. So will I. We will die together. But there is a new addition to this equation that you should know about before you act so rashly."
Touching her hand to her stomach, she smiled softly at Rinoa.
"I carry his child. Why do you think I pursued him so forcefully these past few weeks? I need an heir apparent, something to ensure Squall's unwavering loyalty. Maybe you can kill yourself, but can you kill his child?"
"A baby?" Rinoa whispered softly, tears springing to her eyes. She felt sick to her stomach, her mind reeled and a wave of dizziness caused her to drop the knife from her hand. Before she had time to say anything more, a look of annoyance crossed her double's face.
"I've been neglecting Squall. He's wondering why I just sit, looking out the window. It's hard for me to be here, talking to you, while I also am with him. I'll leave you be for a moment. I feel it's my duty to inform Squall of our joyous news."
Rinoa raised her hand, but with a flash and a muted popping sound, her captor was gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She paced back and forth, her fists clenched tightly at her sides.
A baby? Me? Squall and I? Can I end our baby? Squall… I wish you were here, I miss you so much… I don't know what do to.
She swiped angrily at a fallen tear with one of her fists.
I hold Squall's life in my hands? I know that he would sacrifice his life for mine. It must be true. And maybe if I let go, and give in… I'll stop doing such horrible things, like she said. Maybe I'll be good. And our baby will have a chance…
Trembling, she called out into the darkness.
"Are you there? I've decided…!"
After a minute of no response, her heart sank in her chest, a perverse part of her feeling relieved that she did not have to make the final choice yet.
"Here I am. Have you decided?" the feminine voice echoed in her mind, and Rinoa wheeled around to confront it. Locking her brown eyes with twin ones, she was quiet for a moment. Then, without ever breaking her gaze, she knelt down to retrieve the silver knife. Slowly she advanced towards her captor, the weapon held in front of her. Nearing the mirror, she paused. In one quick flick of her wrist, she switched the knife's direction so that the handle was presented to the awaiting sorceress.
"Take it. I don't want it."
With a slight smile, a pale hand reached through the mirror and took the knife from Rinoa. The mirror shimmered as the hand withdrew and the knife disappeared.
"You've made a wise decision." the image declared, and the hand once again reappeared, palm up and fingers slightly splayed. "Now take my hand. It's time for you to go home."
With a deep breath, Rinoa extended her hand. Hesitating just before the point of contact, Rinoa wavered.
Squall, I love you.
Swallowing her fear, Rinoa nodded grimly and took hold of the sorceress' hand. Instantly her knees buckled as she was pulled through, and the last thing she saw was a wicked grin cross her captor's features.
"Fool. Now no one can stop me."
--Centra Ruins, Tower.
Squall watched with concern as the vehicles slowly traversed the plains toward their hideout. He looked down at Rinoa, who had mysteriously gone silent again. Suddenly, she began to shake, and her fingers gripped the windowsill with such intensity that they turned white.
"Rinoa? Are you alright?" he asked, touching her arm in concern. He was shocked to find that her skin was clammy and cold to the touch, and his worry deepened. Under his fingertips, her body shivered violently. Turning her to face him, he gripped both her shoulders with his strong hands. He continued to watch in horror as the color drained from her face, leaving her a sickly ivory color. Her eyelids were fluttering and her breath came in shallow gasps. Fear closed its fist on his heart, and not knowing what else to do, slapped her, hard and fast, across the face.
"Rinoa! Stop it!" he cried out, his voice breaking. Under his hands, her body went rigid, and then she stumbled, falling into his embrace limply. Her arms went around his neck and she hid her face in the collar of his jacket.
"Squall… they're coming. I'm so frightened…" she confided, her breath tickling the inside curve of his neck. He pulled back to look at her while he spoke.
"Rinoa… I'll protect you, I told you. I'll die before I let them come to you."
"Even if the world becomes my enemy?" She said, her words barely a whisper and her eyes portraying more emotion then her troubled words could.
"Even then," he said softly, pulling her close and pressing his lips to her forehead.
"Squall," Rinoa said hesitantly, pulling away to look out the window again. "I could… help you, you know? I think that maybe I could try and use my own power… to protect both of us…?"
Squall raised an eyebrow, critical and somewhat shocked.
"Rinoa, it's just that, well… you've never wanted to even acknowledge that you have that power. And now you're raring to use it?"
Rinoa shot him an angry look.
"I'm not raring to use it. I'm desperate. I just want what's best for both of us. And… and our baby too" she added, pulling his hand to her stomach and resting it there lightly. Squall appeared to be torn by indecision for a few moments, and then he brushed the side of her face, which was still slightly red from his earlier blow.
"If you feel comfortable… do what makes you feel safe," he agreed softly. Rinoa nodded and moved from next to him to the middle of the room.
Squall shifted uncomfortably as the room seemed to grow colder. A low thrumming sound filled his ears as Rinoa raised her hands from her sides toward the ceiling. She murmured something under her breath, and after a moment he recognized it as Latin. Although he couldn't translate it, it unnerved him. While she chanted, a white circle of light began to emanate from below her feet, in a circle across the floor. When the ripples of light had reached all edges of the circular room, the color changed to black … and the room began to shake.
Squall was knocked to the floor by the vibrations and looked around, frightened despite his training and life experiences. From his position on the ground, he tried to look out the window, and was shocked to see tree branches, the tallest of which had barely reached above the window beforehand, sink out of view. Not understanding how this could be, he stumbled to his feet in an attempt to get a better view.
His mouth fell open as he looked out at the expanse. The tower which they occupied was rising; while below the ruins scattered across the ground began to resurrect themselves into walls, rooms, windows… as if by magic.
No… not magic. Sorcery.
Squinting into the horizon, he had trouble making out the convoy, as the sky had darkened considerably in the past few moments. Worried, he turned to look at Rinoa.
She was gone, but the door was ajar. He bolted through it, calling her name. He took the stairs two at a time, skidding to a stop when he reached a foyer, which certainly had been only rubble moments ago. The large area was lit by hundreds of candles, and he looked around it quickly, finally catching movement in the corner of his vision. Turning to his left, he looked up a staircase to see a large red door closing.
"Rinoa!" he called again, chasing after her. It seemed he climbed stairwell after stairwell for ages, but finally he reached a simple black door. Opening it, he could see a long hallway with a deep blue carpet stretching down the center. Jogging down it, he made out a figure standing at the other end. It was Rinoa.
She was dressed in a long black gown, which clung to her curves. As she turned to face him, it shimmered blue in the candlelight. Her hair was swept up and held with a silver clip, tendrils falling in loose curls about her face. She held her hands out to him, and he took them in his own.
"Rinoa? Are you… What is all this?"
She smiled softly.
"I am not quite sure… but I am still here. It's me," she explained, holding his hand to her mouth and pressing her lips against it. Squall nodded, and squeezed her hand tightly.
Just at that moment, an explosion could be heard in the distance. Squall turned to look down the hallway and toward the door. He spoke aloud, although he was not sure whether it was for Rinoa's benefit of his own.
"I'm ready. Let them come."
With his back to Rinoa, he was unable to see the malevolent smile creep across the sorceress' face.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beta Reader's Scribbles: Kupo, what a wonderful job. They things you had to describe (and the emotions) were really huge and needed so much detail to really get a minds-eye. But you did such a good job of it, that there was hardly any room for me to change much at all. The words and especially the dialogue (baaaad dialogue is a pet hate of mine :P) was perfect and so well rounded. I loved every minute of it!
.
.
.
Hi everyone! Here is ch. 18… one more to go, plus an epilogue! So yay! We're almost there! Thank you to reviewers of Ch. 17, and this chapter is dedicated to Demon Ryu for doing the moogle dance!
Evan'sRinoa- One week! I Told you I would throw this chapter up by Thursday, and here we are! I hope you like this one =)
Noacat- I am so glad you like this story, and I'm so honored because I love yours! *bows* Happy ending on the way, tied up with a pretty bow!
Karla3- Happy Birthday you lucky Aussie. Thanks for all your help with this chapter! *puts up the sunglasses face… not the rolling eyes face*
DemonRyu- I'm not the only one who knows the moogle dance?!?! Yay!!! Lol your review made me laugh… I will feed Rinoa crackers in my other fic "Squall Duty" just for you!
Karaoke Risa- Don't worry, I have proclaimed a happy ending the entire fic and will be ending it that way! I'm a sucker for happy. Thanks for all your nice comments! =)
.
.
.
.
.
Next Up: The Grande Finale!
