Mind Swap, Chapter 4alpha (The One with the First End)

"End and Entertainment"

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            And time split.

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            Space, according to anyone you ask, is big. But rather than trying to describe exactly how big it is, a good given is that it is very big, much bigger than a typical American car, thank you. So, with that given, any two people meeting each other in this vast large bigness of space has very small odds indeed. Further, any six people and a part-time-spaceship little furry thing meeting each other has even less odds. These odds are, as any reputable (and most disreputable) scientist will tell you, micro-infinitesimal. And once we get to these sized odds, we are in the realms of so-called fantasy and imagination. And this is where animé comes in.

            Of course, the characters very rarely know exactly what they are, being hundreds and thousands of painted animation cells as they are. And indeed, why should they? It would just spoil the fun of an otherwise enjoyable series or film. And this is exactly the reason the characters here have no idea that their actions are being written for them, their every word and gesture determined by someone else, someone sitting in front of a keyboard, staring blindly at the computer monitor, their eyesight long-ago shattered. Someone with a lot of spare time on their hands.

            This is, of course, digression, designed purely to make the reader wait in anticipation for the next actual part of the storyline, a relatively minor inconvenience in similar stories pairing two people from animé of the same gender, even if they may not be from the same series. Although in these stories, the grammar, spelling and dialogue tend to be fractured, and sometimes nonexistent. Still, not everything can be like this. There'd be no fun.

            Even so, Tenchi and Ayeka were still sitting in the main room next to a sleeping Mihoshi, Ayeka explaining exactly what Ryoko meant when she said that Ayeka could "go first".

            "Well, that's not complicated at all," Tenchi said, sagging back into the couch after Ayeka finished.

            "Maybe I told it wrong," Ayeka suggested.

            "Ryoko wanted you to be with me first, so that she could be with me second, and hopefully I would realise that being with Ryoko was better," Tenchi said. "Hardly the stuff of conundrums."

            "It seemed a lot more complicated before I told you about it," Ayeka said, shuffling towards Tenchi slightly and sagging into the couch next to him. "I remember... it was mostly about dignity."

            "What, you're a princess and it just wouldn't be right?" Tenchi asked, a slight mocking tone to his voice. "It might be vaguely incest if things possibly developed that far? Hey, you were downsizing the incest thing before, not me," he added as he saw Ayeka's expression.

            Ayeka looked at him for a few seconds longer, then smiled. Then she started giggling, which soon gave way to laughing.

            "Hmm, what?" Tenchi asked, beginning to chuckle himself. Laughter is indeed infectious.

            "Oh," Ayeka said, looking away from him and waving her hand at him, trying to catch her breath. "Oh, that's it. That's exactly it. The princess bit, it was just about that."

            "What's so funny?"

            "I just heard it," Ayeka replied, looking back at Tenchi. "I was thinking about it for ages, but when you said it, I suddenly realised that it was all just completely stupid." She broke out into more fits of giggling.

            Okay, Tenchi wasn't getting this.

            "Okay, I'm not getting this," Tenchi said. "I never really understood it anyway, not being a princess and all."

            "It's just the way you said it," Ayeka said, calming herself down now, but with a wide smile still on her face. "The way you said it, I realised how unimportant it all was. You said yourself, didn't you? No-one knows who I am on this planet, so I don't have to go around holding up my reputation and the family name and all that, right?"

            "I... guess," Tenchi ventured.

            "Even my father met mom Funaho on this planet," Ayeka said, "so he can't have been doing much in the way of holding up his reputation here, either."

            "And... we are where, now?" Tenchi asked. "What's the verdict?"

            "I'm not going to bother about it any more," the princess said indignantly, the smile still on her face, but fading. "On this planet, I am just another normal person, like anyone else here."

            "I hope you don't mean 'here' as in this house," Tenchi replied, "because I don't think anyone here is normal. No offence."

            Ayeka's smile brightened again. "I meant on the planet," she said. "And with being normal, it means I can fall in love with whoever I want, Tenchi."

            Tenchi's breath suddenly decided to catch in his throat. He tried coughing it out, but it wouldn't move so easily. He coughed again and again, and the block disappeared.

            "Are you okay?" Ayeka asked, with the worried tone many people have when asking that question.

            "Fine, thanks," Tenchi replied. "I just, erm, I've never heard you speak so freely about things like that before."

            "But I'm normal now," Ayeka said. "Didn't you hear me?"

            "Sure I did," Tenchi replied. He looked over at the far wall, contemplating something.

            Ayeka looked over at where Tenchi was staring, but it was just a wall. She raised her eyebrows questioningly at her love.

            "If you're normal," Tenchi said slowly, as if unsure of what he was saying, "you don't need to wear those princess clothes, do you?"

            For a second, Ayeka looked shocked and horrified, but that quickly dissolved into yet another smile.

            "You're right," she said. "I'll just go change, then." She got up, and turned back towards Tenchi. "You know, I don't think I've ever been so relaxed and happy," she reflected.

            Tenchi smiled at her. "The others'll have a fit when they see you wearing normal clothes," he said. "You might want to think about saying something about that."

            "I will," Ayeka replied, "between thinking about you, of course." Smiling a final time, she turned and walked upstairs.

            Tenchi choked again and pulled at his collar, trying to loosen it. If this was a cheesy Walt Disney cartoon, steam would have shot out from inside his clothes. Luckily, it isn't and it didn't.

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            Ayeka was walking quickly to her room, desperate to reach it to release the full extent of her blush in private, but equally desperate not to trip up over her princess garments. That would just waste more time, during which the blush was threatening to come out. She reached the door and half stepped, half dived in, sliding the door quickly shut behind her.

            And that was when the red cheeks came. She collapsed on her bed, really not believing how bold and flirtatious she had just been. It was so not like her.

            "Well, I'm normal now," she said to herself. "This is what normal girls are like."

            Shaking her head free of any foreboding thoughts about people's reactions to her new appearance and attitude, she got up and walked over to the large wardrobe, opening it to hunt for plain clothes, something she could wear without looking royal.

            "Ah-hah!"

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            Somewhere deep in the recesses of Washu's laboratory, a click. There was no-one in there with the click; it just happened by itself. A machine stirred invisibly; two miniature cogs in the heart of the creation began to spin slowly.

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            Ryoko drifted through the window door into the Masaki house, without bothering to open it first. She spotted Tenchi, who was still sitting on the couch. At the moment he was looking at Mihoshi. You know, in the right light, Mihoshi was actually quite attractive, and Tenchi was really picking up on this.

            "What you looking at, Tenchi?" Ryoko asked sweetly.

            Tenchi jumped and quickly turned to look at Ryoko instead, nearly seriously breaking his neck in the process.

            "Oh, hi, Ryoko," he replied. "What's up?"

            "I was just wondering if you'd thought about what I said," Ryoko said, floating over to Tenchi and sitting down almost on his lap. "Well?"

            "Well, I, uh," Tenchi said, "I haven't made any decisions about that yet."

            "Of course not," Ryoko sighed. "So what were you talking about?"

            "What do you mean?"

            "With Ayeka, of course," Ryoko said. "I know you were talking just now. I saw you."

            "You were spying on us?" Tenchi asked disapprovingly.

            "Not really," the demon replied. "It's just that the wall over there really is one big window, you know? Anyone could see the entire room from anywhere outside."

            "Oh."

            "Well?"

            "Well what?"

            "What were you talking about?"

            "We were just talking. But you'll find out soon enough," Tenchi said. "And boy, are you going to be surprised," he added quietly.

            "Why's that, Tenchi?"

            "Umm, because it's really surprising," Tenchi said slowly, choosing his words carefully. Caught off guard by Ryoko's heightened hearing, he didn't have a justification phrase prepared.

            "We'll see," Ryoko said. "There's not much that can surprise a space pirate like me, you know. Now, while Ayeka's away, the cat will play, ne, Tenchi? Let's have some fun."

            "Uhh, like what?" Tenchi nervously asked. While, okay, she was attractive in many ways, and yes, Tenchi was kind of secretly attracted to her, as he was to all the girls, Ryoko's reputation left little to feel safe about.

            "Oh, just fun, Tenchi," Ryoko said, in a voice that was nearly close to purring.

            "I, uhh, I don't think so," Tenchi said hurriedly, scrambling up off the couch. "Umm, what about Mihoshi? She's still sleeping."

            Ryoko pouted. "What were you thinking I was going to say? That we could just get down to the thing we both want to happen right here? Even I'm too sensible for that."

            "Oh." Tenchi relaxed slightly.

            "Why don't we go somewhere private and do it instead?" Ryoko asked, a wide grin on her face.

            "Wha, what?" Tenchi spluttered.

            "Come on, now," Ryoko said, standing up. "You know I like you, and I know you like me. It's just natural that we'd want to be with each other, and to share happiness with each other, isn't it? Right?"

            "I really don't think we should be talking about this," Tenchi said, backing away now.

            "Oh, come on," Ryoko said, beginning to advance on him. "Just give in to your urges; you know you want to. It'll be fun, I promise."

            Ryoko leapt forwards and tackled Tenchi to the ground, but wrapping her arms round him so he didn't land hard. They were in that position, Ryoko upon Tenchi, their faces inches from each other's, when someone cleared their throat. It wasn't Ryoko, Tenchi knew; Ryoko's mouth was pursed and closing in on his. Tenchi darted his eyes sideways and caught a vague sight of someone with a fair amount of purple hair.

            "Ayeka," Tenchi said, pushing Ryoko off him and standing up. His next words would have been "It's not what it looks like, really", but he had just seen her clearly, so he stood still and stared, the words he was going to say changing to "uhhhh".

            Ryoko looked at the princess too, and was suddenly so surprised that she forgot to stand on her feet as she was getting up. She fell down, still looking at the person in front of her.

            It was Ayeka, but she looked so different it was hard to tell. She was wearing a small V-neck yellow-cream short-sleeve shirt that finished halfway down her body, revealing most of her abdomen. The ice-blue pants covered her legs tightly, leading down to the sandals she always wore, out of which poked bare toes. Her hair, which Tenchi had never seen unfastened before, was set loose down her back, waving around as she looked from one person to the other. Her head ornament, which Tenchi had been told was her Key for Ryu-Oh, was gone, revealing her entire forehead and the single round green gem embedded in it.

            "So," she asked, "what do you think?"

            Ryoko gaped openly at her, while Tenchi made some kind of strange strangled sound.

            "That different, is it?" Ayeka asked.

            "Whe, where'd you get that?" Tenchi asked.

            "My wardrobe," Ayeka replied, blushing slightly from Tenchi's continuing stares.

            "But what were they doing in there in the first place?" Ryoko asked.

            "They were just there," Ayeka said. "I don't think it looks too bad, do you?"

            And at that moment, Mihoshi woke up, having been neglected for being asleep throughout the whole chapter so far. She did the customary yawning, stretching and rubbing her eyes, and looked around. Wondering what Tenchi was staring at, she swivelled in her seat, seeing Ryoko on her way around, also looking intently at what she now saw was Ayeka.

            "Wow, Ayeka, you look nice," Mihoshi commented, looking her up and down.

            "Oh, thanks," Ayeka replied.

            "Really, yes," Mihoshi said. "It's so different from what you usually wear, but it does look really good. But if you'll excuse me, I need to go."

            Leaving Tenchi to stare and Ryoko to shake herself out of it, Mihoshi got up and went outside to enjoy the late afternoon atmosphere, or, to put it another way, sleep outside.

            Ryoko was by now not staring any more. She crossed her arms and looked at Ayeka critically.

            "You know, I bet you're only doing this because you want to upstage me," she said. "There's no way a Juraian princess would wear that kind of thing."

            "But here on this planet I'm not a princess," Ayeka replied, "so I can wear whatever I want."

            "It's true," Tenchi mumbled, although the others may not have heard him.

            "But why are you so jealous?" Ryoko asked. "Is it because I came up with that idea and you didn't? You knew Tenchi would really like it, so you want to do something better than it, right? It's not working."

            "For your information," Ayeka said smoothly, "I'm dressed this way because Tenchi suggested it. This was his idea."

            Ryoko turned on Tenchi, who gave a little yelp and backed away into the couch, sitting heavily on it.

            "This was your idea?" Ryoko asked.

            "Y, yes?"

            "So that's what's going on in that mind of yours," Ryoko said. "You're more like a guy than you showed before."

            Please don't say, 'well, that gives me an idea' Tenchi thought.

            "Well," Ryoko continued, "I always knew you were a guy, and the guy for me. If you like that kind of thing, I wouldn't say no."

            And then she winked.

            And Tenchi knew he'd really have to be even more careful about what he said and did, in case Ryoko took that as a sign to dress up like... well, the less said about that, the better.

            Besides, Tenchi would think about that later.

            "It's not like that," Tenchi decided to say, and so he did. "Ayeka decided to not be a princess here, and just be a normal person, and I said that no normal Earth people would wear something like that, so she decided to change."

            "You didn't like the way I dressed?" Ayeka asked.

            Oh boy.

            "I didn't say that!" Tenchi exclaimed. "I just meant that if you just wanted to be a normal Earthling you might want to wear something more like what everyone else does. You heard me before. I forgot what I said, but I know it didn't come off bad, and I meant it. That's what I wanted to say."

            Tenchi was crying inside. Women really were a paradox.

            "Wow, Ayeka!" Sasami's voice broke the conversation. "Look at what you're wearing! That's amazing!"

            "Why, why's that, Sasami?" Ayeka asked, turning to face her little sister.

            "I just never expected you'd wear those clothes," Sasami replied. "I was thinking about throwing them out, but I'm not going to now. But why are you wearing them, anyway?"

            "I just felt like it," Ayeka replied, slightly unsure of explaining herself to her sister. "I've decided to not be so fussy about upholding my status here any more."

            "Good for you!" Sasami smiled. "It's about time you relaxed more. This is kinda like a vacation, isn't it?"

            "Yes, I suppose it is," Ayeka sighed happily.

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            Click.

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            Washu made a point of never getting worried. Worry was the forerunner to panic, and nothing good ever came from panic. Indeed, good things are to panic as meat is to a Chicken McNugget. They just don't come together.

            That's why the scientist wasn't worried, despite what was happening in front of her.

            What was happening was quite simple: her lab was blowing up. Well, more precisely, a rogue experiment had released a very destructive and intelligent version of energy flame, which was busy consuming its way through all the many machines and inventions Washu had left lying around over the centuries. The problem was, as soon as the flame made its way to a particular invention, the whole place would be sucked into a separate universe the size of a demiquark. That was both very small and not good.

            The scientist shrugged and summoned her laptop, one of her most favourite inventions, and tapped rapidly for a moment. A hole opened in space and what looked like a backpack vacuum cleaner popped out. She strapped it onto her back, took the hose with the wide nozzle attachment and turned to face the flame. Then she turned it on.

            The nearest flames were instantly sucked up into the nozzle, and the ones a bit further away were flickering towards it. Washu walked forwards, hoovering up all traces of the flame, despite its attempts to flee. Soon she had it all contained. She took the pack off and opened it up, removing the box inside and turning back to her laptop. Another hole appeared and Washu shoved the box through.

            "I hope you burn to death," Washu said as the box drifted through the opening. "Just look at the damage you've caused."

            It was possible for intangible things to take on form. Not mist or anything; it's still water vapour after all. Flames were intangible, as they were made up of nothing, which is why you can't have a lump of fire, as you can a lump of coal. It's also why it was so difficult to discover. How can you find something that doesn't exist? However, this crackling green flame was intelligent, and so immune to the rules of nature. This flame was grinning.

            As Washu shook her head and went around to start repairs and to identify the corpses of past experiments, there was a crackle. The flamed air the fire had created had drifted across to a particular machine. This flamed air was unique in that it was only produced when burnt by intelligent flame. And it was this air that was surrounding the machine, attracted to it.

            But as it turns out, Washu discovers this machine in about ten minutes and removes the burned air. It didn't do anything, and it didn't have any consequences. So much for an ominous background plot.

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            Click.

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            By now, time had progressed to the point when dinner was served and eaten. So it was just as well that everyone was sat around the table, eating.

            Mihoshi was sniffing. "Something smells burnt," she commented.

            "It's not the food," Sasami said.

            "It's probably me, then," Washu said. "I had a bit of fire trouble in the lab earlier. I took care of it though, but twelve of my experiments are write-offs now."

            "I'm sorry," Tenchi said. "Your experiments mean a lot to you, don't they?"

            "Where've you been this past half year?" Washu asked. "Course they do."

            "Did they do anything important?" Ayeka asked.

            "Only most of them," Washu replied. "I could make them again, but that would take too long. Besides, you still haven't told me why you're dressed like that."

            "I just thought I would," Ayeka replied.

            "Good enough for me," Washu said, resuming her meal.

            Ryoko was eating with one hand, which was just as well with chopsticks, but it was her other hand that was bothering Tenchi immensely. There's just something off-putting about having your thigh stroked while you're trying to eat. Not for the first time, Tenchi reached down and removed Ryoko's hand.

            "Ryoko, stop it," he hissed. "I'm trying to eat."

            "If you want to eat you can spread jam over me later," Ryoko whispered back.

            It was a good think Tenchi wasn't swallowing, or he may have choked.

            "Excuse me," he apologised to the others. "Ryoko!" he hissed violently. "Cut that out!"

            "Is that pirate bothering you, Tenchi?" Ayeka asked from his other side.

            "No more than usual," Tenchi replied.

            "What? That's not true!" Ryoko said. "I'm bugging him a whole lot more."

            "Leave him alone, please," Ayeka said calmly. "There's really no reason for you to disturb him while he's eating."

            "Look, princess, we're trying to have a private conversation here," Ryoko said.

            "You may have forgotten, but I don't consider myself a princess at the moment," Ayeka replied. "Therefore you can't refer to me as such."

            "Therefore you can't use your princess powers," Ryoko mimicked. "I'm so going to win our next fight."

            "Please," Ayeka said. "Like you'd get into a fight with me now."

            "What's that like?" Royko asked.

            "Since we... talked," Ayeka replied. "Remember how Little Washu helped us with that machine the other day? I don't think you'll go around picking fights after you know."

            Tenchi couldn't be sure, but he was positive they were on about that mind swapping thing, and their love for each other, apparently. His thoughts were being distracted, however, by Sasami's continuous gaze at him.

            "Why are we talking about this here?" Ryoko asked. "It's not as though they understand, is it?"

            "Ryoko, it's rude to refer to people in the third person if they're there with you," Washu said.

            "You know what?" Ayeka asked Ryoko. "I may just announce it. I don't think there's any reason to keep it a secret now, especially since Tenchi knows."

            "What do you know, Tenchi?" Katsuhito asked.

            "Ryoko's a lesbian," Ayeka announced before Tenchi could fit a word in.

            And all round the table there was silence, only punctuated by the sound of chopsticks dropping onto plates, the table or the floor.

            "What?" Ryoko said, unable to believe Ayeka had just said that. It just goes to show how much she was changing. "That's bisexual! And you're one, too!"

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            Click.

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            While the rest of the extended family came to terms with this sudden news, something else was happening. It began in a remote corner of the house, barely noticed. The space around the centre of the disturbance was wobbling slightly as it tried to adopt different fundamental laws, or lack of such, rather. There were no laws in animé, were there?

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            Click-click.

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            Tenchi had managed to sneak away to his room after dinner, leaving the others to talk and periodically to hit his father. He slid the door shut and looked around.

            There was still something different there. Again, Tenchi had no idea what it was, but it was there, like a splinter in his mind, driving him crazy. There was just something wrong about it. About it all.

            Suddenly, a loud electric zap, like the sound of electrocution, spread out through the entire house, shutting everyone up and spreading around, engulfing the building in a bubble of crackling sounds. And then it spread.

            Instantly, the surroundings were different. For a moment, Tenchi thought he had been transported somewhere else, but it seemed he was still in his room. But his room was different. It was, for want of a better description, painted. It was like a backdrop for some school play, only he was in it. Some things had prominent black lines drawn around them, such as the envelope on the desk. But Tenchi didn't move to see what it was. He had noticed something much stranger.

            Tenchi's nose was sharp. It had a point to it, and bent out as it went down, as if it had been cut off and glued back on lower down, and only by the top of it. It looked like an exaggerated Michael Jackson nose. He reached his hand up to touch it, but stopped as he saw them. Those were strange hands. With black lines around them, and some kind of cell shading effect, they looked like a cartoon. Pausing to think about this, he hopped over to the mirror, and yelled.

            He was a cartoon. Black lines bordered his body, which was all cell shaded. He looked up and stared at his face. On one side of his nose was a large black triangle, which didn't come away when he rubbed it. His hair looked like it was all one part, not having any individual hairs. But his eyes... those weren't his eyes. They were huge, and they looked... they weren't his eyes.

            He caught sight of the envelope in the mirror. He turned and walked up to it.

            "Dearest Tenchi," he read, before picking it up and opening it. He quickly read the contents and his eyes widened even more. Sasami had written it.

            He paused to think about it for a moment, but was interrupted by several yells from downstairs. Tenchi dropped the note and sprinted downstairs, slightly noting the similarly-styled background as he went. He skidded to a halt as he caught sight of the others.

            They were cartoons. All of them. Ayeka's face was almost completely white. Ryoko's hair sprouted around everywhere to fill a large part of space, as did Washu's. Sasami's plaits rose unconvincingly into the air before falling down her back. Nobuyuki's moustache looked painted-on, as did Katsuhito's wrinkles. Mihoshi was almost completely brown, instead of just the strong tan she usually had. And as for Ryo-Ohki... They were all cartoons, and they were all staring at Tenchi in the same way he was looking at them.

            Tenchi: (confused) What?

            There was a long pause as everyone was puzzled at how that had come out.

            Ryoko: What's going on?

            Washu: (apologetically) I think this is my fault. One of my inventions, the Bi-dimensional Animificator, must have accidentally started by itself. It creates a field, and everything inside it is converted to an animé style. That's why we look how we do, and why just my mouth is moving, and not even my jaw.

            Mihoshi: Can we get out of this field?

            Washu: I think so. It is a very complex machine, and it may have done some things I'm not aware of. I don't even know how it could have activated by itself.

            Ayeka: I think we should try it.

            Everyone got up and walked outside, where they saw something quite strange. The surroundings where they were looked painted and didn't move, but there was a line separating this from the normal world, which seemed to pass around the entire house. Cautiously they approached the divider.

            Ryoko: Anyone want to try it?

            Mihoshi: I will.

            Mihoshi reached out her arm and passed it through the surface of the invisible bubble that contained the animé world. As it passed through, it changed its appearance, losing the black lines and single colour shading, changing back to normal. The invisible barrier became visible around the penetration point, rippling as Mihoshi's arm remained there. Carefully, Mihoshi stepped through the barrier to the other side. As she passed through it she returned to normal.

            "It's fine!" she called through.

            Ryoko shrugged and stepped through, she too returning to her normal form, her animé spiky hair dropping down to its normal position as it passed through. She waved the others to come.

            Ayeka and Sasami followed, but Tenchi, Washu and Katsuhito were hesitant.

            Katsuhito: Are you sure it's fine?

            "Yes," Ryoko replied. "We're back to normal now."

            Mihoshi collapsed to the ground.

            Tenchi: Mihoshi!

            Washu: Come back! It might not be safe!

            Katsuhito leapt through the barrier to help drag Mihoshi back through to the animé world. Ryoko, who was also pulling her back, collapsed too, and Ayeka grabbed her and heaved her through. They all made it back to the cartoon side, where Ayeka and Sasami collapsed as well.

            Washu: We should get them to my lab. Tenchi, can you take Ryoko and Mihoshi?

            Tenchi: I'll try.

            Katsuhito: I'll take Ayeka and Sasami.

            Washu: Good. We need to find out what happened quickly.

            Katsuhito hauled Sasami onto his back and toppled forwards. He was unconscious too. Tenchi and Washu looked at each other.

            Washu: Just take who you can. We'll come back for the rest.

            Tenchi nodded and started to pull Ryoko and Mihoshi towards the house, as Washu picked Ayeka up.

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            Click-k-k-k.

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            Tenchi: What happened back there, Washu?

            They were all now in Washu's lab, which too was in the realm of animé. As with the rest of the house, most things were just painted into the background, but some things stood out. The unconscious people were lying on metal beds in a line, where Washu was trying to examine them. She threw the device she was holding to the ground.

            Washu: (angrily) Darn it! I can't scan them. This equipment was made for analysing real humans, not cartoons.

            Tenchi: Can't we just turn off this machine you made? Won't that turn us back to normal?

            Washu: I don't know. I just made it for the sake of making it. You could try, though. See if you can find it.

            Tenchi: What does it look like?

            Washu: Well, put it this way: it'll have black lines all round it, and it'll be somewhere over there. (waves hand in a direction) That's where I've been putting my latest inventions for a while.

            Tenchi: Okay. I'll go look.

            Tenchi wondered off in the direction Washu pointed, looking around for anything more basically coloured than the rest of the things. For a moment he wondered what would happen if he tried to touch any of the background objects, but decided not to try. He looked round some more, and found something. He walked over to it. It was making a faint clicking sound, so he supposed that would be it. It was only small, and didn't look too heavy, so Tenchi picked it up and carried it back to Washu.

            Washu: (looks up) Yes, that's it. That must be what's causing all this.

            Tenchi put the object down on a nearby desk.

            Tenchi: So how do we turn it off then?

            Washu: Try the button marked "Off".

            Tenchi reached over and pressed the little red button helpfully marked "Off". Nothing happened.

            Click-k-k-k.

            Tenchi: It's not working

            Washu walked over to it and hit it, opening her mouth to say something. Immediately she shifted position a bit, now facing Tenchi.

            Tenchi: What was that?

            Washu: (confused) I was going to swear at the machine, but...

            Tenchi: Great. It's bad enough that we're in animé now, but we're in a censored version too?

            Washu: Must be American dubbing.

            Tenchi shrugged in agreement and looked the machine up and down.

            Tenchi: Can you dismantle it, or smash it or something?

            Washu: I can try...

            Washu summoned her laptop, which strangely looked more similar to how it did before than anything else did. She tapped at it and a heavy-looking stone statue fell on the machine. It smashed.

            Tenchi: (looking at smashed statue) So, what now?

            Washu: If we can just get this manga machine to stop, I can scan the others properly and find out what's wrong with them.

            Tenchi: Please do it soon. I don't know how much longer I can stand looking out of these eyes. They're like super-powerful glasses or something.

            Tenchi wandered over to the unconscious group on the beds.

            Please get well soon he thought.

---------------

            Another hour, and everything was still animated. Tenchi was pacing the lab, while Washu was still busy coming up with an impromptu device that could tell if the others were fine.

            Tenchi: It's strange. Time just seemed to jump there. Next scene, probably.

            Washu mumbled something back at him, trying to concentrate. Because this was animé, every single law of physics, biology, chemistry and spatial exactment was erased. It was harder than it seemed, making a machine that followed no laws. It just wasn't coming together.

            The space around Tenchi's head instantly turned black, and a visible yellow bolt of lightning sparked its way across the blackness behind his head. The black disappeared. Tenchi had just thought of something.

            Tenchi: Washu, in animé, whenever there's a scientist or an inventor, there's always a machine they've made that's suited exactly for the problem the characters face, right? So, what if there's a machine around here, like a toaster or something, but we say it's a scanner. Would that work? I mean, every strange machine looks something like a toaster, right?

            Washu: Try it.

            Tenchi looked around and spotted outlines. He walked over and picked up the small device. It was small, rectangular and grey, and flipped open lengthways. Now, Tenchi had seen Star Trek™, and this reminded him of a Tricorder™ more than anything. He took it over to Mihoshi and waved it over her, the device making loudly annoying beeps and whistles as it did so. He looked at the display, which read "ALIVE". Excited, he waved it over the others, and read the same message several more times.

            Tenchi: Washu, they're alive!

            Washu: They are? Well, that's good to know.

            Tenchi: The only thing now is to stop this animachine.

            Washu: Hmm...

            Washu suddenly exclaimed. She walked over to the cause of their problems, took off a small panel on the back of it, and removed an AA 1.5V battery.

            Washu: The power source. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

            Tenchi instantly upended and hit the floor with the side of his head. He became a blur as he quickly got back up and walked over to Washu.

            Washu: Ah, the legendary face-fault. It really does look as stupid as on TV.

            Tenchi: So when will we get back to normal, Washu?

            Washu: Any time now. It just needs to wind down and stop. I'm guessing once it does so, reality will return to normal.

            "Oh, good." Tenchi's eyes widened, even more so than they were already, as he realised he had spoken normally again.

---------------

            Outside, the barrier between the real world and the cartoon world rippled, before very quickly shrinking, leaving everything as it was originally.

            Washu's lab also rippled, and the toon field shrunk into the animificator. A green light on the top of the machine flashed twice, and the sound of a slow shutdown of something electronic was emitted.

            Everything was back to normal.

            Mihoshi stirred, yawned and sat up.

            "Did anything happen while I was asleep?" she asked.

---------------

            And now would be the last scene or two, showing everything is back to normal. It'd be the kind of thing to show that this is the last chapter of the series, a nice way of rounding it all off.

            But there's always an exception.

---------------

            Ryoko had Tenchi cornered, figuratively speaking, in the main room alone on the couch. She was hovering in front of him, looking directly at him.

            "You carried me to Washu's lab, didn't you?" she asked.

            "Y... yes?" Tenchi replied, not sure where this was going.

            "Did you try and sneak a fondle while I was out?" Ryoko asked. "Well, did you?"

            "O... of course not!" Tenchi exclaimed. "I wouldn't do that kind of thing."

            "Go after the ladies, you mean?" Ryoko asked, floating away and sitting in the coffee table.

            "That's not what I meant!" Tenchi said. "I meant I wouldn't try to take advantage of anyone."

            "So you do like women, then?"

            "Yes," Tenchi said irately. As if he could be mistaken for a, well, you know.

            "Oh, I'm so happy!" Ryoko cried, pouncing forwards and wrapping her arms, not for the first time, around his neck. She curled herself up to sit on his lap, nuzzling him with her head. "Oh my! Someone's pleased to see me," she said, shifting her position.

            Tenchi stood up, causing Ryoko to fall off. Ryoko floated around and sat on the couch next to Tenchi as he sat back down.

            "So were you worried about me?" Ryoko asked in a solemn tone.

            Tenchi looked up at her. "Of course. I was worried you were dead. We had no idea for about an hour." He looked down at his legs. "I didn't want to lose you, Ryoko, I really didn't. I don't know what I would have done if that scanner had said you weren't alive."

            Ryoko sat back, thinking about this.

            "I was so happy when you woke up," Tenchi continued. "When you all woke up. It wasn't fully reliable, that scanner."

            "Oh."

            There was a pause, as there always is in this situation. It provides some time to let all this sink in, for the viewer as well as the characters.

            "I need to go to the bathroom," Tenchi said, getting up.

            "Okay."

---------------

            Once Tenchi had finished up in the bathroom, made for the stairs. But as he passed Ayeka's room, she heard someone inside. He stopped and opened the door.

            "Ayeka."

            Ayeka looked up. She was still wearing her casual clothes, as she had since a bit after the start of this chapter, but she had one of her dresses wrapped around her.

            She looked scared.

            "What's wrong, Ayeka?" Tenchi asked, stepping forwards.

            "Nothing. It's... nothing." Ayeka turned away and curled up more on her bed.

            "We both know that isn't true," Tenchi replied, closing the door behind him and sitting on the bed next to Ayeka. "Tell me."

            "When I was unconscious," Ayeka said, "I dreamt something."

            "What?"

            "I can't remember," she said. "I just feel so alone now. Just... no-one else. I'm, I'm scared."

            "I'm here," Tenchi replied. "I'm always here if you need me. Please don't feel scared. I'll protect you."

            "Promise?" Ayeka looked up at him.

            "Of course I promise," Tenchi replied. "I love you."

            Ayeka stopped breathing, just slightly.

            "I love you too," she said, before grabbing him and holding him tightly. "Don't let go," she whispered.

            "Never," Tenchi said, holding her too. "I'll never let go."

---------------

            But they had to, some time. It was about the time Ryoko found them, and Ayeka quickly regained her former self. And after that, before everyone went to sleep, they sorted Washu out.

            Washu's machine was destroyed, the data eliminated, the blueprints burned, and her face drawn on in thick marker pen. All as punishment for making the stupid thing in the first place.

            "Aren't you going to bed, Tenchi?" Sasami asked as the others were leaving the lab.

            "In a second," Tenchi replied. "I just need to ask Little Washu something."

            "Don't be too long," the little girl said. "Goodnight, you two."

            "Goodnight, Sasami," Tenchi waved.

            Once she had gone, Tenchi turned to Washu.

            "What did you want to ask me?" the scientist asked.

            "Well, I was wondering if you could make everyone forget about what happened," Tenchi said. "I think it's best if no-one remembers any of this."

            "You mean, like Ayeka's announcement of being a bisexual?" Washu asked.

            "Umm, right. Anyway, if you can do that, that'd be great."

            "Sure I can. I am the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe, you know."

            "You may have mentioned that, yes. Anyway, I'll be going to bed. Goodnight."

            "Goodnight, Tenchi."

            Once Tenchi was out of the lab on his way to his room, Washu brought up her laptop.

            "Forget."

---------------

            By the time Tenchi woke up the next morning, half the house was a war zone. Amidst the sounds of shouting and an explosion here and there, he dressed and proceeded downstairs for breakfast. Of course, Ryoko and Ayeka stopped fighting, just momentarily, to greet him a good morning as he passed. And of course, this usual greeting provoked yet more fighting.

            "Morning, Sasami," he said as he entered the kitchen. He wandered over to the young girl and examined the food she was preparing.

            "Good morning, Tenchi," Sasami replied. "Nothing special for breakfast today."

            "And yet it's still better than anything I've ever tasted." Tenchi looked sideways at Sasami for a moment. "Sasami, has anyone ever told you that you are the most incredible person ever?"

            Sasami blushed, quite unsurprisingly. "Really?" she asked.

            "Absolutely," Tenchi replied. He crouched down slightly to come face to face with her. "You are one of the most amazing people I know."

            There was such a slight pause, and Sasami moved forwards and kissed him. On the lips.

            There was another pause, and then Sasami backed away, blushing furiously, and turned around.

            "Sasami," Tenchi said, unsure what had just happened.

            "That was right, wasn't it?" Sasami asked, cautiously turning back towards him. "That's what two lovers do, isn't it?"

            "Uh, lovers?"

            "Yes? You did say you thought I was amazing, didn't you?" Sasami started blushing a bit more.

            "I meant your cooking," Tenchi managed.

            Sasami silently gasped, then quickly turned around. "Oh, Tenchi, I'm sorry!" she said. "I thought..."

            "No, no, I like you as well," Tenchi said. "Of course I do. I just think of you as a sister."

            "So you don't love me?" she said.

            "Yes, I do," Tenchi told her. "I'd be insane not to."

            "Is breakfast ready yet?" Mihoshi called from the main room.

            Sasami's gaze flicked to the food, which was on the verge of being overcooked. She hurried over to it and hurriedly tried to sort it all out. "It's ready," she called out.

            "We should, um, probably talk later," Tenchi said, before moving over to the door.

---------------

            Tenchi found Ayeka looking around in the hall upstairs. "Ayeka, breakfast is ready," he said.

            "Oh, of course," Ayeka replied.

            "Okay." Tenchi looked round and promptly almost walked into Ryoko as he turned to go downstairs. She was standing upside-down on the ceiling, her head at the same level as Tenchi's. Tenchi quickly stepped backwards.

            "Oh, Ryoko. Breakfast is ready."

            "I know that," Ryoko replied. "I was just waiting for you to come get me. I know you wouldn't let me get hungry." She dropped down, spinning as she fell to land upright on the floor. "Hey, Ayeka! Early bird catches the Tenchi, you know!"

            "Now you listen here, Ryoko," Ayeka said. "Birds are adorable little creatures. The only comparison between you two is that you both fly!"

            "What do you mean, only comparison?" Ryoko said. "I'll have you know Tenchi thinks I'm just as adorable as any bird. Isn't that right, Tenchi?"

            "Lord Tenchi?"

            "Uhh..." Tenchi stalled. "Breakfast is ready. It's getting cold."

            "Yes, you're right," Ryoko said. "It doesn't need to be stated, does it? It's taken for granted that you prefer me over any princess."

            "Ryoko, you know that isn't true!" Ayeka said angrily. "Lord Tenchi would have said something were that true. As it turns out, he didn't."

            "Look, we all know how insecure you can be," Ryoko replied. "She really is so possessive, isn't she, Tenchi? Huh?"

            Tenchi had already left. They found him eating breakfast.

            "Tenchi, you left me alone with that woman," Ryoko said. "I can't believe you'd do something so mean." The big grin on her face slightly completely revealed that she wasn't being serious. "I thought you loved me the most, too."

            "I don't prefer any of you over the other," Tenchi said, reciting the phrase for the nth time. "I'm sure I've said that at least a hundred times before."

            "Maybe, but you might have changed you mind since. It never hurts to ask."

            "Well, I haven't," Tenchi replied. "I still like you both equally."

            "Tenchi, if you're not doing anything later, can we hang out?" Ryoko asked.

            "Sorry, I've got something to take care of," Tenchi said.

            "Tenchi, what could possibly be more important than me?" Ryoko asked.

            "Try anything!" Ayeka retorted.

            "Oh yeah?"

            "Yeah!"

            And that was the end of that conversation. The speaking did continue, but it was only insults being thrown across Tenchi by the two contenders. Tenchi sighed and looked over at the smaller princess. She was in a world of her own, and it didn't seem like an overly happy one.

---------------

            "Sasami, we should probably talk," Tenchi said. He had met up with her after breakfast in the kitchen. Ayeka and Ryoko were safely outside, arguing as usual. Mihoshi had gone on patrol, and Washu was in her lab yet again.

            "Do we?" Sasami said.

            "Yes." Tenchi pulled out a chair and sat down. "Sasami, of course I love you. I just think of you as my little sister, that's all."

            "Oh."

            "That came out a bit wrong, didn't it?" Tenchi paused, thinking of what to say. "Sasami, I think of you as the person I can tell anything to. Remember what happened earlier? That was... the first time."

            "Really?"

            "Yeah. The first time anyone had ever kissed me."

            Sasami blushed. "I didn't know that."

            Tenchi smiled. "You see? I feel that I can tell you these kinds of things. Trust me; in some ways, that's better than anything else. We can be just as close, and still be best friends."

            "You promise?"

            Tenchi nodded. "I promise. I'd never let anything bad happen to you, ever."

            "Tenchi." Sasami hurried over to him and hugged him. He hugged her back. Things were going to be all right.

---------------

            Later that day, while Tenchi, Ayeka and Ryoko were cleaning the shrine, Washu was in her lab, examining the latest data she had obtained.

            "Now that's interesting," she remarked. She got up and left her lab to go to the kitchen. She looked at the calendar there. It was the sort of calendar with one small page per day, and each page was ripped off once the day was over. "Oh," she said. "I wonder why anyone didn't notice this."

---------------

            Washu was waiting for them as the three shrine-cleaners returned home later that day. Next to her lay the calendar.

            "Oh, Tenchi, so glad you're back," she said, standing up.

            "Hello, Little Washu," Tenchi replied, somewhat slightly nervously. Perhaps that was because the two women currently flanking him were staring nuclear explosions at the scientist. Not literal explosions, of course; this is the real world.

            "Tenchi, do you know what this is?" Washu asked, holding up the calendar.

            "A calendar, right?" Ryoko asked. "So what?"

            "What's today's date?" Washu asked.

            "Fourteenth," Tenchi replied. "Why?"

            "Take a look." Washu tossed the calendar over, and Tenchi and the other two looked at it.

            "Two days later?" Ayeka asked. "How did that happen?"

            "There's only three possibilities I can think of that could have done this" Washu said. "The first is that we all slept for two solid days. The second is that someone or something pushed us forwards through time, and the third is that we've had our memories wiped of whatever happened during that time."

            "Why would someone wipe our memories?" Ryoko asked.

            "Maybe something happened that we agreed we should forget," Tenchi said.

            "Little Washu, could one of your machines have done this?" Ayeka asked.

            "Possibly. I don't know," Washu shrugged. "I can have a check if you want."

---------------

            Mihoshi was away at work. She came off duty in about half an hour, but Yukinojo wasn't letting her off early. For what if something happened then? She'd be held responsible.

            Mihoshi's response was that nothing ever happens around here. There's no harm, surely?

            Yukinojo was insistent. You can never tell what might happen in the future.

            Mihoshi had glanced at the scanners, and had the ship confirm it: there were no other space vehicles around within three hours' journey, even at maximum speed. What could possibly happen?

            And it was about now that Yukinojo threatened to restrain the detective if she didn't complete her shift to the full, as he couldn't lie if he was asked about the regularity of Mihoshi's shifts.

            Mihoshi then got up and told the computer that she was going to her room to watch 'Space Police Policemen', the hilarious antics of two police partners as they protected the galaxy from all manners of strange and improbable things, and every so often something feasible.

            Yukinojo said that she could watch it if she wanted, but only if she stopped the advertising.

            Mihoshi accepted.

            As Mihoshi sat down to watch her favourite space police show, her control cube became dislodged from its usual holding place and fell to the floor. It bounced and accidentally triggered a command. Mihoshi picked the cube back up and turned it back into the fluffy white ball and placed it back on her behind.

            The command shot through several layers of space, causing a few extra-dimensional beings to be shocked, and improbably knocking a piece of toast as it flew through the air, causing it to land butter-side up, and hit one of Washu's machines in her lab. The machine powered up, whirred and clicked, and just as soon shut down again, just before the scientist and her three "volunteers" entered the large laboratory. The volunteers were assigned places to check and machines to inspect, while Washu monitored them from her cushion.

            A few minutes later, Ryoko called. "This one's been on, Washu. What is it?"

            "There's a number on the side," Washu called back. "Read it, and I'll tell you."

            "Four seven two oh oh nine three five dash arr two dee two dash eff oh arr ess ee," Ryoko called back. Well, how would anyone else have pronounced it?

            Washu tapped the product code into her computer, and the result came back a mere thousandth of a second later. "That's it!" she called. "Everyone can come back now."

            And so they did, Tenchi trailing a snapped metal tentacle from his leg. No-one asked, and he wasn't about to explain.

            "Yes, the one you found was the Focal Undulating Chain Kaleidoscope," Washu informed. "It's a machine that alters the properties of stellar events, but the setting on it when I left was one that allowed it to warp the time field. That's our cause, everyone."

            "So that machine shifted us two days into the future?" Tenchi asked, finally managing to kick the tentacle off.

            "Not just us, but the whole universe," Washu replied. "Still, there's nothing we can do about it now. Just deal with it, I suppose."

---------------

            And that was the tale of how Mihoshi started and finished this story, with no-one any the wiser afterwards, least of all her.

            End.

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