On Your Mark
By Arlo
Chapter 10 – Anger Unmanaged
Gloria had volunteered to drive Aunt Petunia (and Dudley when he went) back and forth to hospital. This left the three wizards alone with a lot of time to talk about Hogwarts. Remus was his usual patient self answering all of Mark's questions and Harry decided it was high time to ask a few too, although it took a bit of persuasion on the werewolf's part.
"You know, Harry, I don't remember you asking a lot of questions in class."
"Hermione asked them all."
"Hermione only asked the ones that she didn't know. Surely you must have had some of your own."
"I asked questions. Remember when you taught me the patronus?" Harry responded defensively.
"True," Remus nodded. "And some of those were very good, but I got the feeling that something was always holding you back."
"Yeah," Harry snorted under his breath, "being sent to my cupboard every time I asked anything!"
Remus had heard him however and glanced toward the infamous cupboard under the stairs. It was one of the things Sirius had felt most guilty about, the thought of his Godson being forced to sleep in a cupboard always sent the fugitive into a rage. It was also one of the many things Remus planned on discussing with Petunia before they left for Grimmauld Place. "So, Harry is there anything you would like to know?"
Harry's mind was spinning. There were a thousand things he wanted to know! How could he settle on one? Instead, he just shrugged. Remus threw him a disappointed glare. "Okay! Er, if my Dad wasn't a prefect, how did he get to be Head Boy?"
"Ah, yes, good one!" Remus answered. "Mainly because the Head Boy and Girl are chosen by the Headmaster, and grades and behavior aren't the only things that Dumbledore looks at. As a matter of fact, some of his choices have been quite controversial, that one for instance. It seems James was chosen more for his bravery and for doing the right thing when it mattered than for his behavior. His grades were always excellent, but there was one incident in particular that put him over Snape and Sirius...and me"
"The Willow," Harry whispered. Remus nodded, sadly. "Wait, my Dad beat out Snape? No wonder he hates him!"
"That's no excuse, Harry! In fact it affirms that Dumbledore's choice was indeed correct. James realized that Dumbledore had taken a big chance with him, and he was determined not to let him down. I'm not saying he became an angel or anything, but he certainly became a very good Head Boy." Remus smiled broadly. "Your mother was duly impressed!"
The conversation continued for quite a long time. Harry discovered a lot of things about his parents and the marauders, and Mark probably could now rival Hermione with his new knowledge of the school. Even Harry was looking forward to finding the Hogwarts chapel after the way Remus had described it! Not to mention the Professor's wing and the concert hall! Harry's mind happily wandered the halls of his 'real' home all that night.
Aunt Petunia came home for lunch on Wednesday with the message that Vernon wished to speak with Harry before his surgery the next day. The young man could not possibly think of what his uncle could want with him, except maybe a long overdue apology.
Harry could not have been more wrong, however. As soon as he entered Vernon's room he could see the man's scowl and feel his anger. The wizard was glad that Remus was invisibly behind him as Vernon Dursley looked ready to explode "so much for stress reduction!" Harry thought.
"Hello Uncle Vernon. How are you feeling?" Harry asked pleasantly. His uncle seemed to take up the entire hospital bed and had tubes and wires all over his body. His color and breathing seemed much better than the other day and the heart monitor was beeping rhythmically.
"Better. No thanks to you, boy!" Vernon said viciously. "Between those freaks at the station and you flaunting your heroics, boy, its no wonder I had an attack!"
"I thought it was because you're overweight and don't exercise." Harry responded trying his best to keep his anger down.
"Don't talk back to me boy! You better not be causing your aunt any grief, you hear me?"
"Oh, I hear you loud and clear, Uncle. I think its about time you heard me! First of all my name is Harry. Secondly, I am not, nor are any of my friends, a freak. And lastly, I have never been less than respectful to either of you, but have you ever returned that respect?" Harry took a deep breath, this was not the time to get into almost fifteen years of abuse, for he had finally realized that that was what it was-abuse. Not that they beat him, but they certainly didn't stop Dudley from doing that, no this was the kind of abuse Vernon had always bestowed upon him-words. Words that hurt, words that killed his self-esteem and undermined his confidence, words that made him feel powerless and useless.
"I want you to know I am holding you personally responsible for the safety of my wife and son…"Vernon was saying.
Harry just stared at the man with his mouth agape. "Personally….responsible? So… if they have a car accident after your funeral, it will be my fault?" he asked incredulously.
"You know what I mean, Harry, that Moldewarts and those Dead Heaters of yours!"
"Of mine?" Harry was now seething, he felt Remus' hand on his shoulder to remind him to calm down. "I have no control over what any of those 'freaks' do! But you know what? I will try my best to keep them safe, because that is what families do. And despite the years of abuse I suffered in your care, they are still my family and I will do what is right, because that is what my 'freak' parents would have done!" Harry turned quickly on his heel and left the room, not realizing or caring that Remus had stayed behind.
As Vernon Dursley watched his nephew slam the door, Remus Lupin slipped off the invisibility cloak he was wearing and edged in front of the man. "One heck of a young man, Harry is," he said softly.
Vernon nearly jumped out of the bed. "You… you're one of those freaks! Get out! I'll call the nurse!"
"Actually, Mr. Dursley you are quite correct. Even for a wizard I am considered a bit of a "freak". You see, sir, I am a werewolf, and as it is very close to the full moon, my temper is a bit harder to control. As for calling a nurse," Remus held up his wand and muttered something, "I don't think they will hear you."
"What? What are you going to do to me?"
The werewolf laughed , "do to you? I assure you, I am just here to talk about Harry's welfare!"
"That little brat has spoiled my life and my family! I want nothing more to do with him! Should have sent him straight to an orphanage when he was left on my doorstep!"
"I will inform Professor Dumbledore of your request. However, it is truly a shame that you can't see what a wonderful and selfless young man he is. You know, Dursley, when you die, and have no doubt, eventually you will, I am sure James and Lily will be waiting to discuss your treatment of their son!"
Vernon couldn't help but notice that despite the man's outward calm, there was a feral look in his eyes and a threatening posture to his body. "I am sure I will not be going to the same place as those two freaks!"
"I'm sure you won't be either!" Remus growled as he disappeared under the cloak and snuck out the door as the nurse came in to check on her patient. Remus knew Dursley wasn't in any real danger and didn't care even if he was. It would serve the bastard right! He was so mad at Dumbledore for leaving Harry with the Dursleys and at himself for not going against his orders and checking on the poor child, that he completely lost sight of his charge. He grabbed at Dudley's arm in the waiting room and whispered quickly, "where's Harry?"
Dudley twitched at bit, but recognized Lupin's voice. "He said he was going to walk home. He was really teed about something, all the glasses on the table exploded when he passed!" he said into the air, slightly awed. Remus disapparated to the street below and frantically started to search for the young wizard.
"Relax, Lupin," Alastor Moody growled invisibly. "I got him in my sights. I thought it best to just let him walk it off a bit-I heard what he did to Dumbledore's office. I'll follow him. Why don't you repot in? You do know why's he's got his dander up, don't you?"
Remus nodded, knowing that Moody's magical eye could see him under the invisibility cloak. He often wondered if the old auror could see through his clothes too. Sirius had always joked about it, 'hope my skivvies are clean!' The thought brought a smile to Lupin's face. Gads he had missed Sirius all those years! It was almost as though he had never come back. Well, the old Sirius never did, but at least now the truth was out. He took a deep breath and went to find Dumbledore.
The hospital was about two kilometers from Privet Drive and it was a beautiful day. The walk really helped Harry get his emotions in check. He could hear the tapping of Moody's wooden leg behind him, but he chose to ignore his guard. The house was locked up tight and Harry didn't have a key, so he plopped down on the steps to wait for his aunt. He was thirsty and hot and really wanted to get inside, so he got up to try the door again.
"Alohamora," a gruff voice said from behind him, and the door unlocked.
"Thanks, Moody, I, er didn't think of that!"
"All this Muggle secrecy rot! Kids can't even open a bloody door by themselves!" Moody growled, shaking his head under his cloak.
Aunt Petunia and Dudley came home about an hour later. His aunt bypassed Harry without a word and went into the kitchen to fix dinner. Dudley sat on the couch across from where his cousin was curled up in the big chair in the corner, reading.
"So, what did the git say to you? He got you pretty riled, didn't he?" Dudley asked his cousin.
Harry looked up from his book in shock. "Yeah, yeah he did."
"Mum said that if she'd known he was going to get shirty with you, she wouldn't have brought you there"
"Oh, and she expected him to give me flowers? Come on! When has he ever said even one kind word to me?"
Dudley looked pensive. "Listen… I know he's been… we've been obnoxious prats. That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. I guess I didn't know any better. I thought men were suppose to show they were strong and in charge. Didn't have much of a role model, did I? I didn't know that I went too far, I didn't see how much I hurt you. That's what those Dementor things showed me last year; all the times I bullied you and beat you up- well other kids, too- but mostly I saw you. You, when Dad threw you in the cupboard for the first time. You, when he dragged you by the hair, and slammed you into the wall. I heard all the slurs and taunts, all the screams and sobs. And I am so, so sorry. I guess I was afraid if I didn't follow his lead that he would do the same things to me." Dudley hung his head, holding back tears. "I really am sorry, Harry."
Harry nodded, his own eyes bright. "Apology accepted," he choked out softly. " Why do you still do it, then? I mean you were beating on Mark just a couple of weeks ago."
Dudley looked up, shrugging, "I don't know. I guess that's what the guys expect from me. They're my only friends, that's what we do for fun. But you're right. I knew I shouldn't after that, I shouldn't have…" the big boy shook his head. "I just fell back into it, I guess."
"Old habits die hard," Harry said, back in philosophical mode.
"Make you a deal," his cousin said suddenly, "I'll treat you better, but I still get to tease you. Have to keep the hero's head from getting too big! And you.. you promise not to turn me into a pig!"
"Okay, fair enough. But you don't have to worry about my ego, there's plenty of people trying to knock me down a few notches!"
"Are there? So, why are you such a hero?"
Harry explained his life in the magical world to his cousin. Dudley's reactions went from fear to awe to anger and settled back on fear in the end. "This madman and his mates are trying to kill you? That's why you have to live here? That's why you have bodyguards! Whoa! So, I might never see you again?" Harry shrugged. "Just like my roommate, Brian?"
"Brian?"
"He was a good mate, at school you know. Most everybody hates me, I've got a bit of a rep as a bully" Harry grinned, as Dudley continued., "but Brian saw through that, he gave me a chance. He had his own problems at home, his father drank and beat up his mum, and we talked a lot. I even told him about you! But he went home for Christmas and didn't come back"
"He quit school?"
"Killed himself."
Harry's eye widened in shock, "he… killed himself?" Nobody's life could possibly be worse than his own. Harry could not understand why a regular kid would take his own life. "Why?"
Dudley shook his head, "his parent's had gotten divorced over the summer, and then his Dad flitted at Christmas, and his girlfriend dumped him. He was just really in a downer about everything. He e-mailed me, just before, wanting help, I guess, I wasn't sure what to say. So I didn't say anything. And then, when I went back to school…." Dudley couldn't continue.
"There's not much you could have done."
"I think there was! And I don't want it to happen again. I don't want you to die, Harry. You're like my brother, or at least you should be. I want to know that you're okay. Could you write to me or something, so I know?"
Harry smiled benignly, "sure Dud, how do you feel about owl post?"
Remus appeared in Harry's room after dinner. He looked very tired and a little worried as he muttered a silencing charm on the small room. "Start packing your things, Harry, you are leaving tomorrow morning instead of Friday."
"Why?" the young wizard was actually kind of glad that he would be spending all of his birthday away from the Dursleys. The last few days had been quite stressful around number 4, but the change of plans surprised him.
"Your old friend Tom seems to be planning a little something for your birthday." Remus told him grimly. "We think its best for you to be at Headquarters the entire day."
"Do you know what he's planning? Are Dudley and Aunt Petunia safe?"
"As safe as ever. We aren't quite sure what he's going to do, but he's been asking Severus a lot of questions about your occulmency training, and what he saw. So, Dumbledore thinks it will probably another mental attack."
"Wonderful!" Harry replied sarcastically, "Great way to spend my sixteenth birthday! Who else can we invite? Bellatrix? Wormtail?"
Remus sat down next to Harry on the bed, and put his arm around him, but the disturbed young man pulled away. "We'll be with you, Harry, don't be afraid."
"I'm not!" he replied angrily. "I'm just sick of all this! And I don't know how much he can see through me! How much he can get from my head! I could put the whole Order in danger! You're better off just leaving me alone!"
"We are well aware of all that, but I for one would never leave you to deal with this alone! I am already on his hit list! I don't care about that! I don't want to see you hurt, Harry. Your safety is the Orders number one priority!"
"Yeah, yeah right, got to keep your weapon safe," Harry mumbled.
"Weapon? What are you talking about, Harry? Wait. Does this have to do with what Sirius said?" A look of enlightened darkness came over the werewolf's face as he remembered the conversation from last summer. "No, Harry, we were talking about the prophecy, the fact that Voldemort thought that knowing it would give him an advantage…"
"An advantage over what, Remus?! Me! The damn thing is about me! How to defeat me!" Harry roared, not noticing the affect his words were having or that his eyes were glowing. "I am the weapon! I am the one who must kill him… or him me!"
Remus put his head in his hands, trying to hold back the tears. Harry suddenly realized that Remus had not known, that Dumbledore hadn't told him- or anyone else probably. Of course it had to be kept secret or Voldemort could find out about it! He had just put Remus in even more danger, and he shouldn't share this burden with anyone else, either.
"We probably shouldn't talk about this here, Harry." Remus said finally, his voice still shaking. "But we will talk about it. Its obviously weighing very heavily on your mind. You need to share your feelings about all this. You can't possibly go through this by yourself, and I promise you, I will be here for you. I promise, Harry."
The young man stared at the floor, allowing his ex-professor to finally touch him. So much for a nice pleasant birthday. But at least he would still be surrounded by friends.
