Rowen is sitting behind stage reading a quantum physics book. He hardly
acknowledges that Quatre enters.
Quatre: Hey Rowen. Where is everyone.
Rowen: Hmm. . . .
Quatre: Please don't act like Heero!
Rowen: Hmm . . .
Quatre: Um, why are there fumes coming from the dressing room and sparks from the basement?
Rowen: Hmm. . .
Quatre: Rowen! Oh, I get it.
Rowen saves his place and looks up with a smile.
Rowen: Sage is in the dressing room and is a little pre-occupied trying to fix whatever damage Mihoshi did to his hair. Duo is in the basement fixing his mobile suit.
Quatre: I see. But where did the girls go?
Rowen: I'm not sure. Let me give them a call.
Reaches for his cell phone and realizes that a certain piece of plastic is missing.
Rowen: My Mastercard! It's gone!
Quatre checks his wallet.
Quatre: So's my American Express! Oh no, Amy!
Rowen then adds grimly.
Rowen: And if Amy has our cards, you can bet Crystal has Sage's Visa.
Quatre: This is terrible! I don't have a limit on my Express card! Amy!!!
Rowen: Calm down. Her and her little shopping cohort won't be back for a while. You can't stop her now.
Quatre: Ok. Ok. So, what now? The great destroyer, afro puff, and shop- alolics won't be back until the next millennium. In the meantime, what do we do? Who's gonna run the show? Someone has to present the award now! Duo and Sage were supposed to. . . .
Rowen: Yeah, I see your point. Hmm. . .
Rowen looks at the podium.
Rowen: Maybe we could present?
Quatre: Oh? Yeah! Let's go!
They run to the podium.
Rowen: Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
Quatre: Due to the excitement of our once again normal friends, we will present tonight's award!
Rowen: Don't be alarmed. We assure you that they'll be back.
Quatre: In any event, the nominees for Strongest Character are
Kento Rei Fuan
Tenchi
Heero Yuy
Vegeta
Quatre: And the winner is Kento!
Rowen: Oh boy.
Kento runs on stage.
Kento: I won? Seriously? Dude, this is so cool!
Vegeta stands and talks in his show voice, which is full of anger.
Vegeta: I was beaten by this guy? How disrespectful to the Sayian race. Everyone knows I'm the strongest! Die, o' pudgy one!
Vegeta hurls a fireball at Kento's head. Kento ducks.
Kento: Ah! I'd like to thank everyone but I'm about to be blown up by the psycho in the sixth row. And I think I hear the refrigerator calling my name. . .
Kento runs offstage, followed by a fireball.
Quatre: Oh no!
Quatre ducks behind the podium.
Rowen: Eek!
Rowen dives behind the podium as a fireball explodes on stage. As the dust clears, Duo appears, covered in oil stains.
Duo: Thanks for covering! I lost track of time fixing all the bugs.
Sage walks in. His hair seems puffier than usual.
Sage: Same here. Um, what happened here?
Quatre: Don't ask.
Rowen: Just keep away from Kento and Vegeta.
Crystal and Amy walk into the room in the rafters, arms full of shopping bags. Crystal coughs from the smoke.
Crystal: What happened?
She and Amy drop their bags.
Amy: Um, we'll be back after this commercial. Do you think they let Mihoshi visit?
COMMERCIAL
Crystal: Oh boy. Hi guys.
Amy: Hey.
Amy lowers her voice.
Amy: We're going to die, aren't we?
Sage: Hey, Crystal. Have you, by any chance, seen my Visa?
Duo: Or Quatre's American Express?
Quatre: I can speak for myself, Duo.
Duo: Sheesh. Don't have a multi-million dollar meltdown.
Rowen: Speaking of money, have you seen my Mastercard?
Crystal: Ummmm. . . .
Amy: Well, you see. . .
Boys: Well?
Crystal: Wetookallthecardsandwentonashoppingspreetocalmourselvesdownan dtogetoverthefactwewereboysforafewhours,okmisterblondecyclopes,bluehairedfre ak,andmultimilliondollarreject.
Boys: WHAT???? Slow down.
Amy: She said we needed to recover from being boys. So, we went shopping.
Quatre: Well, ok. But next time ask us first.
Sage: How much did you spend?
Rowen: Wait for the bill, we'll charge them then.
Rowen and Quatre exit the stage and Crystal and Amy return to the rafters.
Duo: On to our awards. Plural. As in more than one.
Sage: They get the picture.
Duo: Anyway, here are the nominees for the Worst Driver Award.
Piccolo
Serena
Mia
Mihoshi
Dorothy
Sage: And the winner is Piccolo.
Piccolo walks up and silently gets the award. He then returns to his seat, which is next to Goku and behind Gohan.
Sage: Ok. The nominees for. . .
Goku: . . .Ha ha, Piccolo. . . worst driver. . . ahaha!
Piccolo: Shut it, Goku.
Goku: Still, I guess you were worst than me. Ahahaha!!
Piccolo: One of these days, Goku. . . . you'll see.
Gohan: Oh, come on Mr. Piccolo, let me see.
Piccolo hands Gohan the trophy.
Gohan: Wow, this is so cool, Mr. Piccolo! You won an award!
Piccolo: Thanks, Gohan.
Sage: Anyway. . . Now for the Best Driver Award. The nominees are
Rowen
Amara
Bulma
Ryoko
Heero
Duo: And the winner is Ryoko!
Ryoko: Aha! Take that, Ayeka! I got an award and you didn't!
Ayeka: Why I never. . . .
She watches in envy as Ryoko is handed her award.
Ryoko: Thanks, cutie. But it's really Ryo-oki that does the hard work.
Sage: You shouldn't have said that. . .
Crystal leans head over the edge of rafters.
Crystal: Argh! Cutie? He's mine!
Crystal hurls massive thunderbolts at Ryoko.
Ryoko: What the? Alrighty then, if that's the way you want it!
Ryoko jumps up to the rafters. Flashes of light and explosions are heard.
Ryoko: Take that, and that!
Crystal: Die, Pirate!
Duo: Ok. . . We'll be back. . .
COMMERCIAL
Amy, Quatre, Duo, Sage, and Rowen are moving their heads side to side as they follow the explosions above.
Amy: This really sucks.
Rowen: That's the understatement of the millennium.
Quatre: They shouldn't be fighting at all!
Duo: Will you stop saying that!
Amy yells up to Crystal.
Amy: Hurry it up already! My favorite show comes on in five minutes!
Sage: Huh? Television?
Amy: Uh, yeah. You know, that big 3-D box that you watch little people on?
Rowen: We know what it is, but what is it doing in the rafters?
Amy: Look, it's our second home up there. Well, the one we spend three months in each year during voice acting jobs. It has a shower, a 64 inch tv, kitchen, beds, etc. Most of it is in another dimension, thanks to Washu of course, except the tv, which we brought out for the boring parts of the show, which isn't often. And the bathroom, which was put in another, more secret, dimension.
Duo: Oh, could I maybe watch. . .
Amy: No!
Duo: But I didn't get to finish.
Amy: Sorry, but I've privacy issues.
Quatre: What was that?
Everyone turns as a dripping sound was heard. They look up to see water dripping on the stage.
Amy: Arg! My shower! This is getting personal! Don't make me have to come up there!
Dodges a large energy blast.
Amy: Forget I said that.
Duo: Now what?
Rowen: Present an award?
Sage: Good idea, at least while the roof holds up. The nominees for Cutest Kid are
Sasami
Rini
Sakura
Yulie
Rowen: Anyone but Yulie!
Duo: And the winner is Sasami!
Sasami: Wow, I'm cute! Thanks. I especially want to thank the illustrators, cell printers, and my voice-over for making me so cute as well as my friends. Hey, Ayeka! Look, I got an award! Because I am that magical girl, Pretty Sammy! And as for you, Ryoko, if you don't stop fighting right now, I will hate you, so there!
Amy: Look out!
Amy knocks Sasami to the ground as a light fixture crashes to the ground.
Amy: That was too close.
Sasami: I just wanted her to stop fighting. . .
Amy: I know, but with them, it's war.
Quatre: Look out!
Amy pulls Sasami out of the way again as another light fixture falls.
Sage: Great. It's raining light fixtures now.
Duo: First a house in the rafters, and now this..
Quatre: I don't think we show be hanging around now. . .
Rowen: Let's go!
They all run but slip on the puddle on the floor, sliding offstage.
All: AHH!!!
COMMERCIAL
Sage and Duo are sitting back stage pouting. Duo is in a grumbling mood.
Sage: Why can't we present?
Duo: Cuz we're nominated for the sicko award.
Sage: Huh?
Duo: Never mind.
On stage. . .
Amy: Oh boy! I get to present! The nominees for the Most Likely Gay Couple are. . .
The fight in the rafters freezes.
Crystal: You can't say that! This is a kid friendly show!
The fight continues. Amy: Oops. Forgot, kid show. Sorry. The nominees for the Most Likely To Be More Than Friends award are
Duo and Heero
Sage and Rowen
Quatre and Trowa
Amara and Michelle
Mihoshi and Kiyone
Amy: And the winners are Amara and Michelle!
They walk on stage.
Amara: Can't you stupid people understand we are cousins!
Michelle: In America, but not in Japan.
She begins to giggle. Amara rolls her eyes.
Amara: This is because I take the tomboy role a little to the extreme . . . .
An explosion distracts her.
Amara: What? Ryoko . . . .
Michelle: Why do you hate her so much.
Amara: It's personal. Uranus Star Power!
She transforms and jumps to the rafters.
Michelle: Amara. . . I'm coming! Neptune Star Power!
She transforms and joins Amara.
Ryoko: Aha, gotcha now!
Blasts another energy bomb at Crystal, who jumps out of the way.
Crystal: Nobody hits on my man!
Ryoko: Yours, I didn't see your name on him.
Sage: Sigh. . . .
Crystal: Arg! Amara: Uranus World Shaking!
Ryoko is hit.
Ryoko: What was that?
Crystal: There should be another attack right about. . . .
Michelle: Neptune Deep Submerge!
Crystal: . . . now.
Ryoko: Amara and Michelle. I should've known.
Amara: Admit to what you've done!
Ryoko: I didn't do anything.
Crystal: What's going on?
Michelle: Ryoko threatened one of the hosts to make sure she won the award when in fact the winner was Amara.
Ryoko: Wow, someone's a sore loser.
Crystal: Hmm. . . Sage?
Sage: Yes?
Crystal: Did she bribe you?
Sage averts his eyes and shakes his head.
Crystal: Sage. . .
He breaks down.
Sage: Ok ok! She said she would cut off my hair, steal my products, and put stunt growth on my head if I didn't grant her the winner!
He begins to whimper.
Duo: HA! You backed down to a girl!
Ryoko: Want to keep that braid of yours, kid?
Duo begins to whimper as he silences himself.
Crystal: That's it!. Amara, Michelle!
Amara: World Shaking!
Ryoko falls on her butt.
Ryoko: Someone make the floor stop shaking!
Michelle: Deep Submerge!
Ryoko becomes soaking wet.
Ryoko: That's it! I just permed my hair.
Crystal: Let me help.
Crystal zaps Ryoko with her lightning powers.
Ryoko: You'll pay, you all will pay!
Ryoko flies away.
Crystal: Here you go, Amara.
Amara: Thanks. Come on Michelle.
Michelle: See you later, Crystal.
They leave, hand in hand.
Crystal: I wonder. . .
Amy: There, there. . .
She's trying to comfort Duo and Sage.
Amy: A little help here.
Crystal: Sorry.
COMMERCIAL
Quatre: Hey Rowen. Where is everyone.
Rowen: Hmm. . . .
Quatre: Please don't act like Heero!
Rowen: Hmm . . .
Quatre: Um, why are there fumes coming from the dressing room and sparks from the basement?
Rowen: Hmm. . .
Quatre: Rowen! Oh, I get it.
Rowen saves his place and looks up with a smile.
Rowen: Sage is in the dressing room and is a little pre-occupied trying to fix whatever damage Mihoshi did to his hair. Duo is in the basement fixing his mobile suit.
Quatre: I see. But where did the girls go?
Rowen: I'm not sure. Let me give them a call.
Reaches for his cell phone and realizes that a certain piece of plastic is missing.
Rowen: My Mastercard! It's gone!
Quatre checks his wallet.
Quatre: So's my American Express! Oh no, Amy!
Rowen then adds grimly.
Rowen: And if Amy has our cards, you can bet Crystal has Sage's Visa.
Quatre: This is terrible! I don't have a limit on my Express card! Amy!!!
Rowen: Calm down. Her and her little shopping cohort won't be back for a while. You can't stop her now.
Quatre: Ok. Ok. So, what now? The great destroyer, afro puff, and shop- alolics won't be back until the next millennium. In the meantime, what do we do? Who's gonna run the show? Someone has to present the award now! Duo and Sage were supposed to. . . .
Rowen: Yeah, I see your point. Hmm. . .
Rowen looks at the podium.
Rowen: Maybe we could present?
Quatre: Oh? Yeah! Let's go!
They run to the podium.
Rowen: Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
Quatre: Due to the excitement of our once again normal friends, we will present tonight's award!
Rowen: Don't be alarmed. We assure you that they'll be back.
Quatre: In any event, the nominees for Strongest Character are
Kento Rei Fuan
Tenchi
Heero Yuy
Vegeta
Quatre: And the winner is Kento!
Rowen: Oh boy.
Kento runs on stage.
Kento: I won? Seriously? Dude, this is so cool!
Vegeta stands and talks in his show voice, which is full of anger.
Vegeta: I was beaten by this guy? How disrespectful to the Sayian race. Everyone knows I'm the strongest! Die, o' pudgy one!
Vegeta hurls a fireball at Kento's head. Kento ducks.
Kento: Ah! I'd like to thank everyone but I'm about to be blown up by the psycho in the sixth row. And I think I hear the refrigerator calling my name. . .
Kento runs offstage, followed by a fireball.
Quatre: Oh no!
Quatre ducks behind the podium.
Rowen: Eek!
Rowen dives behind the podium as a fireball explodes on stage. As the dust clears, Duo appears, covered in oil stains.
Duo: Thanks for covering! I lost track of time fixing all the bugs.
Sage walks in. His hair seems puffier than usual.
Sage: Same here. Um, what happened here?
Quatre: Don't ask.
Rowen: Just keep away from Kento and Vegeta.
Crystal and Amy walk into the room in the rafters, arms full of shopping bags. Crystal coughs from the smoke.
Crystal: What happened?
She and Amy drop their bags.
Amy: Um, we'll be back after this commercial. Do you think they let Mihoshi visit?
COMMERCIAL
Crystal: Oh boy. Hi guys.
Amy: Hey.
Amy lowers her voice.
Amy: We're going to die, aren't we?
Sage: Hey, Crystal. Have you, by any chance, seen my Visa?
Duo: Or Quatre's American Express?
Quatre: I can speak for myself, Duo.
Duo: Sheesh. Don't have a multi-million dollar meltdown.
Rowen: Speaking of money, have you seen my Mastercard?
Crystal: Ummmm. . . .
Amy: Well, you see. . .
Boys: Well?
Crystal: Wetookallthecardsandwentonashoppingspreetocalmourselvesdownan dtogetoverthefactwewereboysforafewhours,okmisterblondecyclopes,bluehairedfre ak,andmultimilliondollarreject.
Boys: WHAT???? Slow down.
Amy: She said we needed to recover from being boys. So, we went shopping.
Quatre: Well, ok. But next time ask us first.
Sage: How much did you spend?
Rowen: Wait for the bill, we'll charge them then.
Rowen and Quatre exit the stage and Crystal and Amy return to the rafters.
Duo: On to our awards. Plural. As in more than one.
Sage: They get the picture.
Duo: Anyway, here are the nominees for the Worst Driver Award.
Piccolo
Serena
Mia
Mihoshi
Dorothy
Sage: And the winner is Piccolo.
Piccolo walks up and silently gets the award. He then returns to his seat, which is next to Goku and behind Gohan.
Sage: Ok. The nominees for. . .
Goku: . . .Ha ha, Piccolo. . . worst driver. . . ahaha!
Piccolo: Shut it, Goku.
Goku: Still, I guess you were worst than me. Ahahaha!!
Piccolo: One of these days, Goku. . . . you'll see.
Gohan: Oh, come on Mr. Piccolo, let me see.
Piccolo hands Gohan the trophy.
Gohan: Wow, this is so cool, Mr. Piccolo! You won an award!
Piccolo: Thanks, Gohan.
Sage: Anyway. . . Now for the Best Driver Award. The nominees are
Rowen
Amara
Bulma
Ryoko
Heero
Duo: And the winner is Ryoko!
Ryoko: Aha! Take that, Ayeka! I got an award and you didn't!
Ayeka: Why I never. . . .
She watches in envy as Ryoko is handed her award.
Ryoko: Thanks, cutie. But it's really Ryo-oki that does the hard work.
Sage: You shouldn't have said that. . .
Crystal leans head over the edge of rafters.
Crystal: Argh! Cutie? He's mine!
Crystal hurls massive thunderbolts at Ryoko.
Ryoko: What the? Alrighty then, if that's the way you want it!
Ryoko jumps up to the rafters. Flashes of light and explosions are heard.
Ryoko: Take that, and that!
Crystal: Die, Pirate!
Duo: Ok. . . We'll be back. . .
COMMERCIAL
Amy, Quatre, Duo, Sage, and Rowen are moving their heads side to side as they follow the explosions above.
Amy: This really sucks.
Rowen: That's the understatement of the millennium.
Quatre: They shouldn't be fighting at all!
Duo: Will you stop saying that!
Amy yells up to Crystal.
Amy: Hurry it up already! My favorite show comes on in five minutes!
Sage: Huh? Television?
Amy: Uh, yeah. You know, that big 3-D box that you watch little people on?
Rowen: We know what it is, but what is it doing in the rafters?
Amy: Look, it's our second home up there. Well, the one we spend three months in each year during voice acting jobs. It has a shower, a 64 inch tv, kitchen, beds, etc. Most of it is in another dimension, thanks to Washu of course, except the tv, which we brought out for the boring parts of the show, which isn't often. And the bathroom, which was put in another, more secret, dimension.
Duo: Oh, could I maybe watch. . .
Amy: No!
Duo: But I didn't get to finish.
Amy: Sorry, but I've privacy issues.
Quatre: What was that?
Everyone turns as a dripping sound was heard. They look up to see water dripping on the stage.
Amy: Arg! My shower! This is getting personal! Don't make me have to come up there!
Dodges a large energy blast.
Amy: Forget I said that.
Duo: Now what?
Rowen: Present an award?
Sage: Good idea, at least while the roof holds up. The nominees for Cutest Kid are
Sasami
Rini
Sakura
Yulie
Rowen: Anyone but Yulie!
Duo: And the winner is Sasami!
Sasami: Wow, I'm cute! Thanks. I especially want to thank the illustrators, cell printers, and my voice-over for making me so cute as well as my friends. Hey, Ayeka! Look, I got an award! Because I am that magical girl, Pretty Sammy! And as for you, Ryoko, if you don't stop fighting right now, I will hate you, so there!
Amy: Look out!
Amy knocks Sasami to the ground as a light fixture crashes to the ground.
Amy: That was too close.
Sasami: I just wanted her to stop fighting. . .
Amy: I know, but with them, it's war.
Quatre: Look out!
Amy pulls Sasami out of the way again as another light fixture falls.
Sage: Great. It's raining light fixtures now.
Duo: First a house in the rafters, and now this..
Quatre: I don't think we show be hanging around now. . .
Rowen: Let's go!
They all run but slip on the puddle on the floor, sliding offstage.
All: AHH!!!
COMMERCIAL
Sage and Duo are sitting back stage pouting. Duo is in a grumbling mood.
Sage: Why can't we present?
Duo: Cuz we're nominated for the sicko award.
Sage: Huh?
Duo: Never mind.
On stage. . .
Amy: Oh boy! I get to present! The nominees for the Most Likely Gay Couple are. . .
The fight in the rafters freezes.
Crystal: You can't say that! This is a kid friendly show!
The fight continues. Amy: Oops. Forgot, kid show. Sorry. The nominees for the Most Likely To Be More Than Friends award are
Duo and Heero
Sage and Rowen
Quatre and Trowa
Amara and Michelle
Mihoshi and Kiyone
Amy: And the winners are Amara and Michelle!
They walk on stage.
Amara: Can't you stupid people understand we are cousins!
Michelle: In America, but not in Japan.
She begins to giggle. Amara rolls her eyes.
Amara: This is because I take the tomboy role a little to the extreme . . . .
An explosion distracts her.
Amara: What? Ryoko . . . .
Michelle: Why do you hate her so much.
Amara: It's personal. Uranus Star Power!
She transforms and jumps to the rafters.
Michelle: Amara. . . I'm coming! Neptune Star Power!
She transforms and joins Amara.
Ryoko: Aha, gotcha now!
Blasts another energy bomb at Crystal, who jumps out of the way.
Crystal: Nobody hits on my man!
Ryoko: Yours, I didn't see your name on him.
Sage: Sigh. . . .
Crystal: Arg! Amara: Uranus World Shaking!
Ryoko is hit.
Ryoko: What was that?
Crystal: There should be another attack right about. . . .
Michelle: Neptune Deep Submerge!
Crystal: . . . now.
Ryoko: Amara and Michelle. I should've known.
Amara: Admit to what you've done!
Ryoko: I didn't do anything.
Crystal: What's going on?
Michelle: Ryoko threatened one of the hosts to make sure she won the award when in fact the winner was Amara.
Ryoko: Wow, someone's a sore loser.
Crystal: Hmm. . . Sage?
Sage: Yes?
Crystal: Did she bribe you?
Sage averts his eyes and shakes his head.
Crystal: Sage. . .
He breaks down.
Sage: Ok ok! She said she would cut off my hair, steal my products, and put stunt growth on my head if I didn't grant her the winner!
He begins to whimper.
Duo: HA! You backed down to a girl!
Ryoko: Want to keep that braid of yours, kid?
Duo begins to whimper as he silences himself.
Crystal: That's it!. Amara, Michelle!
Amara: World Shaking!
Ryoko falls on her butt.
Ryoko: Someone make the floor stop shaking!
Michelle: Deep Submerge!
Ryoko becomes soaking wet.
Ryoko: That's it! I just permed my hair.
Crystal: Let me help.
Crystal zaps Ryoko with her lightning powers.
Ryoko: You'll pay, you all will pay!
Ryoko flies away.
Crystal: Here you go, Amara.
Amara: Thanks. Come on Michelle.
Michelle: See you later, Crystal.
They leave, hand in hand.
Crystal: I wonder. . .
Amy: There, there. . .
She's trying to comfort Duo and Sage.
Amy: A little help here.
Crystal: Sorry.
COMMERCIAL
