Sage walks in from offstage.
Sage: Welcome back!
From above stage. . .
Amy: Ice Sub-zero Reverse!
Water falls on the stage. Sage and Duo slip and crash into the podium.
Sage: What the? Who put that water there?
Amy: Oopsie!
Duo runs on stage.
Duo: Hey Sage! Sorry, but I had the strangest –
He slips, crashes into the now standing Sage, who both crash into the podium.
Amy: AHAHAHA!!!!
Duo: Amy!
Amy: It just slipped, ok? Besides, it seemed fitting.
Sage: Huh?
Duo: Fitting for what?
Amy: The award! So get going!
Sage: Ok, ok.
Duo: The presenters are, gulp, Mihoshi and Sailor Mars.
Sage: Raye? Oh god. Um, you wouldn't, by any chance, be caring scissors?
Raye: No. That's a stupid question.
Sage: Yeah. . . just precautionary measurements. . . . bye!!!!
Sage runs off stage.
Duo: Um, Mihoshi, what's two plus two?
Mihoshi: That's an easy question! Twenty-two!
Duo: Ok. Thanks. . . . see ya!
Duo runs offstage.
Raye: They're acting weird today.
Mihoshi: No, I think they always act like that!
Raye: Ok. . . the nominees for the Most Embarrassing Moment are
Washu, when her pants fall down
Duo, when he thinks he's saving Relena
Tenchi, when he walks in on the girls bathing
Sakura, when seen wearing those outfits
Kento, when boasting about sand dunes
Raye, when walking in on Darien bathing.
Raye: I'm nominated?
Mihoshi: Really? Wow, I hope you win!
Raye: SHUT UP!!!
Mihoshi: Why are you yelling at me?
Her lip begins to quiver.
Raye: I'm sorry. Anyway, the winner isn't me! It's Tenchi!
Tenchi: What? There must be some mistake!
Mihoshi: Wow! That's so cool, Tenchi!
Sasami: Yeah, Tenchi. You're a very naughty boy, aren't ya?
Tenchi: Err . . . .
He faints and is carried offstage by Mihoshi and Raye.
Sage: I guess that's what they mean by dying of embarrassment.
Duo: We'll be back!!
COMMERCIAL Part Six
Sage: Hello, and welcome to–
Duo: Something isn't right.
Crystal storms on stage followed by Amy.
Crystal: That's it, next year we go by Satellite.
Amy: Screw Comcast!!!
Sage: What's wrong?
Duo: What happened?
Girls: THE CABLE'S OUT!!!
Boys: Damn.
10:31 a.m. - the stage
Amy: I can't believe the cable is still out!
Sage: It's not like the world's going to end. . . .
Crystal: Yes it is! We have a show to do, and if we're not doing it, then we are wasting precious money that we really don't have and then we'll have to pay the entire 3,000 personal staff overtime!
Duo: 3,000? Ok. . . . but still, you should calm down. To change the topic, what are you doing at midnight?
Amy: Oh, we're having a sleepover. You guys?
Sage: I'll be with the other Ronins.
Duo: Yuli coming?
Sage: I hope not. You want to come?
Duo: Nah, I got plans of my own.
Crystal: Well, there's no point in staying. We'll call if the cable gets reconnected.
Sage: Ok. Bye.
Duo: Later.
Amy: See ya!
5:03 p.m. - in the room in the rafters.
Amy: What should we do?
Her stomach growls. Crystal looks down at her growling stomach.
Crystal: Dinner would be a good idea.
Amy: Ok. Mac and Cheese or Pizza?
Crystal makes a face at the mention of Pizza.
Amy: Right, I forgot.
Fifteen minutes later. . .
Amy: All done!
Crystal: What would I do if I didn't have my blue box?
Amy: Starve.
Crystal: You're so funny.
Amy turns on Television.
Tom: . . . . Outlaw Star, coming soon to Toonami. Wild West, Y2K style.
Crystal: What's this? Could it be a new show?
Amy: That's what it looks like.
Crystal: Well, that can only mean more nominees for next year.
8:42 p.m. - Mia's Mansion.
Sai: I can't believe Kento ate all the bloody food!
Rowen: He has to have tape worm or something.
Ryo: Very funny. We went to get the stuff and he eats us out of house and home.
Yuli: But he didn't eat the house, Ryo.
Mia: It's an expression, Yuli.
Sai: I need food.
Rowen: Where's Sage and that pizza?
The front door opens. Sage walks in with five pizzas.
Sage: Ok. Cheese pizza for me. . . New York Deep Dish for Rowen. . . the works minus the anchovies for Sai . . . . pepperoni for you three. . . and everything for the bottomless pit. Speaking of Kento, where is he?
Sai: Give it a minute.
Sai opens Kento's pizza. The sound of heavy footsteps racing down the stairs is heard.
Kento: Pizza? Great, I'm starving!
Everyone groans.
11:59:45 p.m. - hospital
Heero: Hmm. . .
He looks at his watch and smiles.
Heero: Happy New Year!
He presses a red button on a black stick.
Heero: Hahahahahahaha!!!!
He looks out the window.
Heero: But the jail house was supposed to be destroyed. Damn! Why can't I ever kill her?
Hear's a knock on the door.
Heero: Who's there?
Duo walks in.
Duo: I know it's a little late. . . but . . . .
Heero: Get on with it.
Duo throws a small box on Heero's lap.
Duo: Happy New Year. See ya!
Duo runs out the room. Heero opens the box.
Heero: Huh? Broken wire? Now, why would he give me . . . . wait a minute. . . Duo, that's not funny!!!!
Two days later. . . .
Crystal: Ok. Let's check the list.
She pulls a checklist.
Crystal: Food?
Duo runs out of the kitchen.
Duo: Sai's cooking it right now.
Crystal: But you were supposed to cook!
Duo: Me? Cook? No way. The only thing I know how to make is a PB & J and even that doesn't come out so well . . . . anyway. . . .
He runs back into the kitchen.
Crystal: Oh well. Sai's cooking is the best. Um, decorations.
A blond head pokes from behind the basement door.
Sage: Almost done. It looks superb.
Crystal: Is that Sage superb or normal superb?
Sage: I don't know what you mean . . . .
Crystal: I mean is it green with pics of women?
Sage acts shocked.
Sage: I don't know what you are talking about. It's just what the doctor ordered.
The head disappears.
Crystal: Moving on. Music?
Duo runs from the kitchen with a giant cardboard box.
Duo: Check.
Crystal: I thought we were getting a DJ?
Duo shakes his head.
Duo: With the cable out, we can't afford one. So, instead, I'll just play some CD's.
Crystal: Fine. Last thing is the Guest of Honor. Anybody know where she is?
Sage exits the basement.
Sage: Ask Duo.
Duo: I sent here grocery shopping.
Crystal: What for??
Duo: She walked in as I was deciding what to cook and she gave some advice and I sent her to get the supplies.
Sage: For once, you did something right.
Duo: What's that supposed to mean?
Crystal: Hide, she's coming!
They all hide in the basement. Amy walks in and puts the groceries in the kitchen.
Amy: Duo? Where is he? I brought him his stuff.
See's the ajar basement door.
Amy: Ha ha. I'm not that stupid. He's probably behind the door. Please. I've seen every scary movie in the world.
She pushes the door, only to have it slam against the wall. She looks down into the darkness. She feels a little anxious.
Amy: Duo? You down there? Hello?
She receives no answer and walks slowly down the steps, getting a little bit more afraid as she goes.
Amy: Where is that light switch? Right, I'm on the bottom, it should be to my left.
She finds it and flicks it on.
All: SURPRISE!!!!!
Amy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Sage: Happy Birthday to you!
Duo: Happy Birthday to you!
Crystal: Happy Birthday dear Amy!
All: Happy Birthday to you!
Amy: Ok. . . . ha ha. . . . I get it. . . next time, though, I won't be so nice and let you off the hook for scaring me like that.
Sage: Why not kill us now?
Amy: Then I wouldn't get any presents.
Duo: Party time!
He turns on Black and Blue.
Crystal is sitting, watching t.v., 3 days later. . . .
Louie: For $100,000, we polled 100 people, what were the names these people recalled first from the movie, Blue Submarine #6?
Dr. J: I know one of them is Hayami.
Louie: Hayami. Judges? Correct!
Master O: I remember Muteo.
Louie: Muteo? Yes!
Instructor H: I saw this movie. I don't remember Belg being one, but maybe Zorndyke?
Louie: Which is your guess?
Instructor H: No, I remember now! There was a Norayu!
Louie: Judges? Nope, that's your first strike. . . .
Crystal: Geez, and these idiots taught Heero, Quatre, and Wufei . . . Look, Belg is the papa screaming manic with the weird voice! You'll throw the others off! What's the point?
She changes the channel.
Regis: For one million dollors, what word does Muteo say at the end of Blue Submarine #6? Is it a) Hayami b) sorry c) Belg or d) goodbye.
Crystal: I didn't remember her speaking at all! Oh well, too much tv is bad for me anyway. Ha! Yeah right, but I'm hungry.
Goes into kitchen.
Crystal: It's too quiet. What's this? They've gone shopping! How cruel, they left me behind! But why?
Deep in though, starts to walk toward the door and opens it.
Amy, Sage, Duo: SURPRISE!!!
Crystal: Geez! I should of figured you'd be lurking around here. It's been three days since we've celebrated her birthday.
Amy: How easily we forget.
Sage: Time for cake!!
Duo: Ok! Happy birthday to you! You live in a zoo! You smell like a monkey! And look like one too!
Crystal: Very funny. Thank you so much!
Duo: I'm kidding. Happy birthday to you!
Amy and Sage interrupt.
Amy and Sage: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Crystal, happy birthday to you!
Duo: HEY! I was gonna sing it right!
Sage: Sure. . . .
Duo: I was. . . . oh yeah! And many more!!!
Crystal: I must say this is the most interesting birthday yet!
Amy: Great! And I know what will make it better! Three hours of Backstreet Boys!
Amy and Crystal begin jumping up and down hysterically.
Sage and Duo: Groan. . . .
In the wee hours of the morning. . . .
Crystal: Yes!
She begins to jump with joy.
Crystal: Cable is up and running! Look at the time, it's two in the morning! Time for bed. We have a show to do!
Falls asleep on the desk.
Crystal: What a nice sleep. Great! I overslept. Just what we need. Where's Amy? She should have been up ages ago!
Opens door to Amy's room. Sees a huddled mass on bed with lots of white clumps on the ground. A groan and a sneeze is heard, followed by a nose being blown. Another clump falls to the floor as a hoarse whisper is heard.
Amy: What do you want?
Crystal: Found you! Come on, we've got a – Amy are you ok?
Amy pulls the covers over her face.
Amy: Must stay in bed. . . .
Crystal: Don't be silly, we've got a ton to do!
She rips the covers off Amy.
Crystal: Amy! What's the matter!
Amy: Not getting out of bed!! I've got a cold, cough, stomachache, fever. . . .
Crystal: Oh. . . . are you taking medicine?
Amy: Yeah, about four.
She points to the pile of bottles on dresser.
Crystal: Well, I guess we'll have to do without you. . .
Amy: K.
Crystal: Need anything?
Amy: No. I've already called Rowen and Quatre and they're bringing soup and more Kleenex. I'm almost out.
She sneezes and blows her noses. Another tissue falls to the floor.
Crystal: Hope you feel better soon!
Later. . . .
Crystal: You understand?
Duo: I guess. . . .
Sage: But why do we need a new director and helper?
Crystal: Temporary new director and helper. Amy's sick.
Sage: Ok.
He looks at list in clipboard. Sage: There are just too many to choose from.
Duo looks over his shoulder.
Duo: But there are only five choices!
Sage: I know, but they're all so beautiful!
Crystal: Great. First up, Mihoshi!
Mihoshi: Hi! I'm back! I hope you . . . . ummm . . . . hold on. . . .
She removes the pink cube and begins to turns its sides in a fury. Junk begins to pile up everywhere.
Mihoshi: Oh! Where did I put those flashcards????
Duo: Next!
Crystal: Next!
Sage: But. . . but . . .
Receives an evil glare from Crystal and Duo.
Sage: Fine. Next!
Mihoshi and junk leave stage. Enter Chi-chi.
Chi-chi: I don't sing, I don't dance, I don't act, I don't do adventures, I don't help strangers, I don't kill the bad guys, I don't get beaten up, I don't talk quietly. . . .
Crystal: Next!
Duo: Next!
Sage: Next!
Chi-chi leaves, mumbling about morons. Enter Sailor Mars, a.k.a. Raye.
Raye: Hiya! I'm Raye, also known as Sailor Mars! I'd love this job because I want to be a . . .
She falls to one knee and throws her arms to the side.
Raye: . . . SUPERSTAR!!! Crystal: Next!
Duo: What?
Sage: Maybe!
Crystal: 2 to 1, damn.
Raye: Yes! I made the finals!
She leaves, a blond girl walks in followed by five men in blue.
Relena: Hello, as Relena Peacecraft, I . . . .
Crystal: Next!
Sage: Shouldn't you be in jail?
Duo jumps on his chair.
Duo: Psycho! Leave now!
He makes an X with his fingers and places that in front of him.
Duo: Away. . . . slowly. . . away. . .
Relena storms back to jail, escorted by five officers.
Crystal: Next!
Sage: Next!
Duo: Thank you god!
Kiyone walks in.
Kiyone: Hi. I'm Kiyone. I want. . . .
Crystal: In!
Duo: Duo.
Sage: Same here.
SEMI-FINALS
Crystal: First task is to blast this plate.
She throws the plate into the air.
Raye: Mars Fire. . . . huh?
Kiyone: Beat you. My gun's faster than your attack!
She blows the steam from her gun before expertly flipping it into her holster.
Raye-0 Kiyone-1
Duo: Ok. Whoever can do my braid in the fastest time in near perfect condition will get my point.
Raye: Piece of cake. Care to go first?
Kiyone: Fine.
She finishes fifteen minutes and fifty-five seconds later.
Duo: Ok. Raye, your turn.
Raye: Easy point.
She finishes in five seconds.
Duo: New record!
Raye-1 Kiyone-1
Sage: My task is simple. Each of you have to go on a date with me!
Both: Ok.
Later. . .
Sage: I'd like to announce the winner. The winner is Kiyone because she showed me that cops do know more than sailors.
Later still. . . .
Amy: Little to the left. . .
She coughs as Rowen and Quatre move the large, heavy object left.
Amy: . . . little more. . . . oops. . .
She as a fit of coughs as the boys drop the object.
Amy: Sorry. It needs to be a little more to the right. Little more. . . . no, that's too much.
Rowen: How did we get mixed up with this anyway?
Quatre: Yeah, Amy, this is your 77" tv, you should be the one dragging it into your bedroom. . .
She sneezes.
Amy: Hey, can't help it that I'm sick. And I wanna watch the awards now that the cable's fixed. Besides, at least you got to see the house above the stage.
She sneezes.
Amy: Stop! Perfect!
Rowen: Finally!
Quatre: No problem.
Rowen: Well, we better get going before we get sick. . .
Quatre: Bye!
On stage. . .
Crystal: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. . .
Kiyone: . . . and Anime lovers everywhere, we're back!
Crystal: And here are your hosts, Duo Maxwell and Sage Date!
Duo: Thank you, girls.
Sage: Kiyone is subbing for Amy because she's sick.
Duo: Cuz you know what they say, the show must go on! And the presenters are Kiyone and Crystal, ironic isn't it?
Crystal: Hi again! Ok. Kiyone, time to present.
Kiyone smiles and plays with her hands.
Kiyone: Oh, right. . . .
Crystal: Is something wrong?
Kiyone: Er. . . . no, no, not at all. . . . just nervous, I guess. . .
Crystal: Ok. Go ahead.
Kiyone: Every year an anime character delights and enchants the tv.
Crystal: So, without further ado, the nominees for the Award of Merit are
Goku
Michelle
Washu
Kiyone
Zechs Merquise
Kero
Kiyone: And the winner is Zechs Merquise!
Crystal: Unfortunately, he is not here with us tonight – well, last we heard, he was cruising around space – but we accept this award on his behalf.
Crystal: We'll be right – after these messages!
A sickly figure wobbles on stage.
Amy: Urrr. . . .
Crystal: What? Amy shouldn't be out of bed.
Amy: Something's after me!
Crystal: You probably had a nightmare. Kiyone would you. . . . Kiyone? Where'd she go? Oh well. . .
Amy shakes her head vigorously.
Amy: No, it wasn't a dream, it was real!
Crystal: Come on, Amy. When your sick, your mind is confused more easily. Amy: No. . . I know, but–
Crystal: That's enough, come on, just be. . . what was that?
Loud engines roar above the stage.
Amy: Now do you believe me?
The lights go out.
Girls: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Lights go on, girls are gone.
Duo: Amy? Crystal?
Sage: Looks like another adventure to me. Where to begin?
COMMERCIAL
Sage: Welcome back!
From above stage. . .
Amy: Ice Sub-zero Reverse!
Water falls on the stage. Sage and Duo slip and crash into the podium.
Sage: What the? Who put that water there?
Amy: Oopsie!
Duo runs on stage.
Duo: Hey Sage! Sorry, but I had the strangest –
He slips, crashes into the now standing Sage, who both crash into the podium.
Amy: AHAHAHA!!!!
Duo: Amy!
Amy: It just slipped, ok? Besides, it seemed fitting.
Sage: Huh?
Duo: Fitting for what?
Amy: The award! So get going!
Sage: Ok, ok.
Duo: The presenters are, gulp, Mihoshi and Sailor Mars.
Sage: Raye? Oh god. Um, you wouldn't, by any chance, be caring scissors?
Raye: No. That's a stupid question.
Sage: Yeah. . . just precautionary measurements. . . . bye!!!!
Sage runs off stage.
Duo: Um, Mihoshi, what's two plus two?
Mihoshi: That's an easy question! Twenty-two!
Duo: Ok. Thanks. . . . see ya!
Duo runs offstage.
Raye: They're acting weird today.
Mihoshi: No, I think they always act like that!
Raye: Ok. . . the nominees for the Most Embarrassing Moment are
Washu, when her pants fall down
Duo, when he thinks he's saving Relena
Tenchi, when he walks in on the girls bathing
Sakura, when seen wearing those outfits
Kento, when boasting about sand dunes
Raye, when walking in on Darien bathing.
Raye: I'm nominated?
Mihoshi: Really? Wow, I hope you win!
Raye: SHUT UP!!!
Mihoshi: Why are you yelling at me?
Her lip begins to quiver.
Raye: I'm sorry. Anyway, the winner isn't me! It's Tenchi!
Tenchi: What? There must be some mistake!
Mihoshi: Wow! That's so cool, Tenchi!
Sasami: Yeah, Tenchi. You're a very naughty boy, aren't ya?
Tenchi: Err . . . .
He faints and is carried offstage by Mihoshi and Raye.
Sage: I guess that's what they mean by dying of embarrassment.
Duo: We'll be back!!
COMMERCIAL Part Six
Sage: Hello, and welcome to–
Duo: Something isn't right.
Crystal storms on stage followed by Amy.
Crystal: That's it, next year we go by Satellite.
Amy: Screw Comcast!!!
Sage: What's wrong?
Duo: What happened?
Girls: THE CABLE'S OUT!!!
Boys: Damn.
10:31 a.m. - the stage
Amy: I can't believe the cable is still out!
Sage: It's not like the world's going to end. . . .
Crystal: Yes it is! We have a show to do, and if we're not doing it, then we are wasting precious money that we really don't have and then we'll have to pay the entire 3,000 personal staff overtime!
Duo: 3,000? Ok. . . . but still, you should calm down. To change the topic, what are you doing at midnight?
Amy: Oh, we're having a sleepover. You guys?
Sage: I'll be with the other Ronins.
Duo: Yuli coming?
Sage: I hope not. You want to come?
Duo: Nah, I got plans of my own.
Crystal: Well, there's no point in staying. We'll call if the cable gets reconnected.
Sage: Ok. Bye.
Duo: Later.
Amy: See ya!
5:03 p.m. - in the room in the rafters.
Amy: What should we do?
Her stomach growls. Crystal looks down at her growling stomach.
Crystal: Dinner would be a good idea.
Amy: Ok. Mac and Cheese or Pizza?
Crystal makes a face at the mention of Pizza.
Amy: Right, I forgot.
Fifteen minutes later. . .
Amy: All done!
Crystal: What would I do if I didn't have my blue box?
Amy: Starve.
Crystal: You're so funny.
Amy turns on Television.
Tom: . . . . Outlaw Star, coming soon to Toonami. Wild West, Y2K style.
Crystal: What's this? Could it be a new show?
Amy: That's what it looks like.
Crystal: Well, that can only mean more nominees for next year.
8:42 p.m. - Mia's Mansion.
Sai: I can't believe Kento ate all the bloody food!
Rowen: He has to have tape worm or something.
Ryo: Very funny. We went to get the stuff and he eats us out of house and home.
Yuli: But he didn't eat the house, Ryo.
Mia: It's an expression, Yuli.
Sai: I need food.
Rowen: Where's Sage and that pizza?
The front door opens. Sage walks in with five pizzas.
Sage: Ok. Cheese pizza for me. . . New York Deep Dish for Rowen. . . the works minus the anchovies for Sai . . . . pepperoni for you three. . . and everything for the bottomless pit. Speaking of Kento, where is he?
Sai: Give it a minute.
Sai opens Kento's pizza. The sound of heavy footsteps racing down the stairs is heard.
Kento: Pizza? Great, I'm starving!
Everyone groans.
11:59:45 p.m. - hospital
Heero: Hmm. . .
He looks at his watch and smiles.
Heero: Happy New Year!
He presses a red button on a black stick.
Heero: Hahahahahahaha!!!!
He looks out the window.
Heero: But the jail house was supposed to be destroyed. Damn! Why can't I ever kill her?
Hear's a knock on the door.
Heero: Who's there?
Duo walks in.
Duo: I know it's a little late. . . but . . . .
Heero: Get on with it.
Duo throws a small box on Heero's lap.
Duo: Happy New Year. See ya!
Duo runs out the room. Heero opens the box.
Heero: Huh? Broken wire? Now, why would he give me . . . . wait a minute. . . Duo, that's not funny!!!!
Two days later. . . .
Crystal: Ok. Let's check the list.
She pulls a checklist.
Crystal: Food?
Duo runs out of the kitchen.
Duo: Sai's cooking it right now.
Crystal: But you were supposed to cook!
Duo: Me? Cook? No way. The only thing I know how to make is a PB & J and even that doesn't come out so well . . . . anyway. . . .
He runs back into the kitchen.
Crystal: Oh well. Sai's cooking is the best. Um, decorations.
A blond head pokes from behind the basement door.
Sage: Almost done. It looks superb.
Crystal: Is that Sage superb or normal superb?
Sage: I don't know what you mean . . . .
Crystal: I mean is it green with pics of women?
Sage acts shocked.
Sage: I don't know what you are talking about. It's just what the doctor ordered.
The head disappears.
Crystal: Moving on. Music?
Duo runs from the kitchen with a giant cardboard box.
Duo: Check.
Crystal: I thought we were getting a DJ?
Duo shakes his head.
Duo: With the cable out, we can't afford one. So, instead, I'll just play some CD's.
Crystal: Fine. Last thing is the Guest of Honor. Anybody know where she is?
Sage exits the basement.
Sage: Ask Duo.
Duo: I sent here grocery shopping.
Crystal: What for??
Duo: She walked in as I was deciding what to cook and she gave some advice and I sent her to get the supplies.
Sage: For once, you did something right.
Duo: What's that supposed to mean?
Crystal: Hide, she's coming!
They all hide in the basement. Amy walks in and puts the groceries in the kitchen.
Amy: Duo? Where is he? I brought him his stuff.
See's the ajar basement door.
Amy: Ha ha. I'm not that stupid. He's probably behind the door. Please. I've seen every scary movie in the world.
She pushes the door, only to have it slam against the wall. She looks down into the darkness. She feels a little anxious.
Amy: Duo? You down there? Hello?
She receives no answer and walks slowly down the steps, getting a little bit more afraid as she goes.
Amy: Where is that light switch? Right, I'm on the bottom, it should be to my left.
She finds it and flicks it on.
All: SURPRISE!!!!!
Amy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Sage: Happy Birthday to you!
Duo: Happy Birthday to you!
Crystal: Happy Birthday dear Amy!
All: Happy Birthday to you!
Amy: Ok. . . . ha ha. . . . I get it. . . next time, though, I won't be so nice and let you off the hook for scaring me like that.
Sage: Why not kill us now?
Amy: Then I wouldn't get any presents.
Duo: Party time!
He turns on Black and Blue.
Crystal is sitting, watching t.v., 3 days later. . . .
Louie: For $100,000, we polled 100 people, what were the names these people recalled first from the movie, Blue Submarine #6?
Dr. J: I know one of them is Hayami.
Louie: Hayami. Judges? Correct!
Master O: I remember Muteo.
Louie: Muteo? Yes!
Instructor H: I saw this movie. I don't remember Belg being one, but maybe Zorndyke?
Louie: Which is your guess?
Instructor H: No, I remember now! There was a Norayu!
Louie: Judges? Nope, that's your first strike. . . .
Crystal: Geez, and these idiots taught Heero, Quatre, and Wufei . . . Look, Belg is the papa screaming manic with the weird voice! You'll throw the others off! What's the point?
She changes the channel.
Regis: For one million dollors, what word does Muteo say at the end of Blue Submarine #6? Is it a) Hayami b) sorry c) Belg or d) goodbye.
Crystal: I didn't remember her speaking at all! Oh well, too much tv is bad for me anyway. Ha! Yeah right, but I'm hungry.
Goes into kitchen.
Crystal: It's too quiet. What's this? They've gone shopping! How cruel, they left me behind! But why?
Deep in though, starts to walk toward the door and opens it.
Amy, Sage, Duo: SURPRISE!!!
Crystal: Geez! I should of figured you'd be lurking around here. It's been three days since we've celebrated her birthday.
Amy: How easily we forget.
Sage: Time for cake!!
Duo: Ok! Happy birthday to you! You live in a zoo! You smell like a monkey! And look like one too!
Crystal: Very funny. Thank you so much!
Duo: I'm kidding. Happy birthday to you!
Amy and Sage interrupt.
Amy and Sage: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Crystal, happy birthday to you!
Duo: HEY! I was gonna sing it right!
Sage: Sure. . . .
Duo: I was. . . . oh yeah! And many more!!!
Crystal: I must say this is the most interesting birthday yet!
Amy: Great! And I know what will make it better! Three hours of Backstreet Boys!
Amy and Crystal begin jumping up and down hysterically.
Sage and Duo: Groan. . . .
In the wee hours of the morning. . . .
Crystal: Yes!
She begins to jump with joy.
Crystal: Cable is up and running! Look at the time, it's two in the morning! Time for bed. We have a show to do!
Falls asleep on the desk.
Crystal: What a nice sleep. Great! I overslept. Just what we need. Where's Amy? She should have been up ages ago!
Opens door to Amy's room. Sees a huddled mass on bed with lots of white clumps on the ground. A groan and a sneeze is heard, followed by a nose being blown. Another clump falls to the floor as a hoarse whisper is heard.
Amy: What do you want?
Crystal: Found you! Come on, we've got a – Amy are you ok?
Amy pulls the covers over her face.
Amy: Must stay in bed. . . .
Crystal: Don't be silly, we've got a ton to do!
She rips the covers off Amy.
Crystal: Amy! What's the matter!
Amy: Not getting out of bed!! I've got a cold, cough, stomachache, fever. . . .
Crystal: Oh. . . . are you taking medicine?
Amy: Yeah, about four.
She points to the pile of bottles on dresser.
Crystal: Well, I guess we'll have to do without you. . .
Amy: K.
Crystal: Need anything?
Amy: No. I've already called Rowen and Quatre and they're bringing soup and more Kleenex. I'm almost out.
She sneezes and blows her noses. Another tissue falls to the floor.
Crystal: Hope you feel better soon!
Later. . . .
Crystal: You understand?
Duo: I guess. . . .
Sage: But why do we need a new director and helper?
Crystal: Temporary new director and helper. Amy's sick.
Sage: Ok.
He looks at list in clipboard. Sage: There are just too many to choose from.
Duo looks over his shoulder.
Duo: But there are only five choices!
Sage: I know, but they're all so beautiful!
Crystal: Great. First up, Mihoshi!
Mihoshi: Hi! I'm back! I hope you . . . . ummm . . . . hold on. . . .
She removes the pink cube and begins to turns its sides in a fury. Junk begins to pile up everywhere.
Mihoshi: Oh! Where did I put those flashcards????
Duo: Next!
Crystal: Next!
Sage: But. . . but . . .
Receives an evil glare from Crystal and Duo.
Sage: Fine. Next!
Mihoshi and junk leave stage. Enter Chi-chi.
Chi-chi: I don't sing, I don't dance, I don't act, I don't do adventures, I don't help strangers, I don't kill the bad guys, I don't get beaten up, I don't talk quietly. . . .
Crystal: Next!
Duo: Next!
Sage: Next!
Chi-chi leaves, mumbling about morons. Enter Sailor Mars, a.k.a. Raye.
Raye: Hiya! I'm Raye, also known as Sailor Mars! I'd love this job because I want to be a . . .
She falls to one knee and throws her arms to the side.
Raye: . . . SUPERSTAR!!! Crystal: Next!
Duo: What?
Sage: Maybe!
Crystal: 2 to 1, damn.
Raye: Yes! I made the finals!
She leaves, a blond girl walks in followed by five men in blue.
Relena: Hello, as Relena Peacecraft, I . . . .
Crystal: Next!
Sage: Shouldn't you be in jail?
Duo jumps on his chair.
Duo: Psycho! Leave now!
He makes an X with his fingers and places that in front of him.
Duo: Away. . . . slowly. . . away. . .
Relena storms back to jail, escorted by five officers.
Crystal: Next!
Sage: Next!
Duo: Thank you god!
Kiyone walks in.
Kiyone: Hi. I'm Kiyone. I want. . . .
Crystal: In!
Duo: Duo.
Sage: Same here.
SEMI-FINALS
Crystal: First task is to blast this plate.
She throws the plate into the air.
Raye: Mars Fire. . . . huh?
Kiyone: Beat you. My gun's faster than your attack!
She blows the steam from her gun before expertly flipping it into her holster.
Raye-0 Kiyone-1
Duo: Ok. Whoever can do my braid in the fastest time in near perfect condition will get my point.
Raye: Piece of cake. Care to go first?
Kiyone: Fine.
She finishes fifteen minutes and fifty-five seconds later.
Duo: Ok. Raye, your turn.
Raye: Easy point.
She finishes in five seconds.
Duo: New record!
Raye-1 Kiyone-1
Sage: My task is simple. Each of you have to go on a date with me!
Both: Ok.
Later. . .
Sage: I'd like to announce the winner. The winner is Kiyone because she showed me that cops do know more than sailors.
Later still. . . .
Amy: Little to the left. . .
She coughs as Rowen and Quatre move the large, heavy object left.
Amy: . . . little more. . . . oops. . .
She as a fit of coughs as the boys drop the object.
Amy: Sorry. It needs to be a little more to the right. Little more. . . . no, that's too much.
Rowen: How did we get mixed up with this anyway?
Quatre: Yeah, Amy, this is your 77" tv, you should be the one dragging it into your bedroom. . .
She sneezes.
Amy: Hey, can't help it that I'm sick. And I wanna watch the awards now that the cable's fixed. Besides, at least you got to see the house above the stage.
She sneezes.
Amy: Stop! Perfect!
Rowen: Finally!
Quatre: No problem.
Rowen: Well, we better get going before we get sick. . .
Quatre: Bye!
On stage. . .
Crystal: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. . .
Kiyone: . . . and Anime lovers everywhere, we're back!
Crystal: And here are your hosts, Duo Maxwell and Sage Date!
Duo: Thank you, girls.
Sage: Kiyone is subbing for Amy because she's sick.
Duo: Cuz you know what they say, the show must go on! And the presenters are Kiyone and Crystal, ironic isn't it?
Crystal: Hi again! Ok. Kiyone, time to present.
Kiyone smiles and plays with her hands.
Kiyone: Oh, right. . . .
Crystal: Is something wrong?
Kiyone: Er. . . . no, no, not at all. . . . just nervous, I guess. . .
Crystal: Ok. Go ahead.
Kiyone: Every year an anime character delights and enchants the tv.
Crystal: So, without further ado, the nominees for the Award of Merit are
Goku
Michelle
Washu
Kiyone
Zechs Merquise
Kero
Kiyone: And the winner is Zechs Merquise!
Crystal: Unfortunately, he is not here with us tonight – well, last we heard, he was cruising around space – but we accept this award on his behalf.
Crystal: We'll be right – after these messages!
A sickly figure wobbles on stage.
Amy: Urrr. . . .
Crystal: What? Amy shouldn't be out of bed.
Amy: Something's after me!
Crystal: You probably had a nightmare. Kiyone would you. . . . Kiyone? Where'd she go? Oh well. . .
Amy shakes her head vigorously.
Amy: No, it wasn't a dream, it was real!
Crystal: Come on, Amy. When your sick, your mind is confused more easily. Amy: No. . . I know, but–
Crystal: That's enough, come on, just be. . . what was that?
Loud engines roar above the stage.
Amy: Now do you believe me?
The lights go out.
Girls: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Lights go on, girls are gone.
Duo: Amy? Crystal?
Sage: Looks like another adventure to me. Where to begin?
COMMERCIAL
