Man in a Kilt: No kilt jokes! We're not gay, honest to me heart! Now die,
you mongrel!
Crystal: Hey, I never called you gay! And I'm tired of these games!
She high kicks the axe out of his hands, which flips in the air before landing on his head. The man in a kilt falls to the floor.
Man in a Kilt: I'm ok. Really. Just get me a scotch, lassie?
Crystal: Hell no. Now, where did Amy go?
She grabs the axe from the now dead man in a kilt.
Elsewhere. . .
Amy: Why are you throwing yellow detention slip daggers at me?
Skinner: Because it's fun! Now die! Ack!
Amy stares at him with a raised eyebrow.
Amy: Ack?
Skinner: Dear Mary, I'm bleeding! Eck!
Amy: I'm confused.
Skinner falls to the floor, dead.
Amy: All right, whodunit? Crystal: I did, in the maze, with the axe.
Amy: You killed Mr. Body? I thought Mr. Green did. . .
Crystal: He did! I killed Mr. Skinner.
Amy: Don't you feel bad?
Crystal: Nah, they always come back to life anyway.
Amy: Then what are we waiting for?
Crystal: Nothing. Let's go!
COMMERCIAL
Amy: Well then, let's get going before he comes back to life.
Crystal: Right, we'll go this way since we haven't gone this way yet.
Amy: No.
Crystal: No? What do you mean, no?
Amy: I mean I think we were split up for a reason, like we were getting to close to the exit. So . . .
Crystal: . . . if we go back then we'll find the way out of here!
Amy: Exactly.
They return to where they originally split up. There is a huge sign on a door that says "Bart's Secret Evil Lair – Do not Enter!!"
Amy: Do not enter? Please, like that's gonna stop us. Should we open i t?
Crystal: Let's!
They open the door only to find a long, long staircase.
Amy: Do you think they lead to Bart?
Crystal: Only one way to find out!
Back on stage . . .
Zechs: Well, well, Heero. Two strikes. Not living up to your reputation. . . this isn't like you. . .
Duo: Shut up, Zechs. At least he's doing something productive.
Heero: Ok. I think I have it now!
Sage: Ok, then here we come, girls!
He and Duo step through the portal.
Zechs: Hey, Heero. Three strikes, and your out . . . . hehe
He steps through.
Heero: I really wished he would have stayed lost in space. . .
He steps through.
Duo: Sage? You still here?
Sage: Yeah, I'm right next to you.
Zechs: Well, you can't see past your nose.
Duo: It's too dark!
Zechs: Aww. . . is the great destroyer afraid of the dark? Hahahaha!
There's a large 'thud'.
Zechs: Heero, I believe this would be strike three.
Heero: Don't count on it, Zechs.
As the girls climb the stairs, Crystal reads the signs as they pass.
Crystal: Stop now. . . I mean it. . . go away. . . . turn back now. . . really. . . . don't open this door. . . finally, the top! I thought we'd never get here.
Amy: 453. . .
Crystal: What? You counted?
Amy: So?
Crystal: I think Skinner did something to your brain. . .
Amy: Whatever. Look, do we knock?
Crystal: Now what kind of entrance is that?
She kicks open the door.
Amy: Don't be another trap. . .
Crystal: Sure is dark in here.
A click is heard.
Amy: Did you hear that?
Crystal feels behind her.
Crystal: Damn! The door's locked behind us!
Suddenly the lights glare on.
Amy: We're not alone. . . .
Bart: Now that we're face to face, let the games begin . . .
Sage and Duo: Crystal!!!! Amy!!!!
Zechs: Well, I guess your not losing your touch after all. . .
Heero smiles, but just barely.
COMMERCIAL Part Eight
Bart: Bwhahahaha!! I have you all now. . . . hey! Why aren't you listening to me!
Everyone is too preoccupied with talking to each other to notice Bart.
Crystal: What took you guys so long?
Bart: Hello??
Amy: Yeah! We nearly died!
Bart: I won!
Zechs: Don't look at me, it's Heero's fault.
Bart: Don't you care?
Heero: I'm not blond.
Bart: Are you guys deaf or something?
Sage: I protest that!
Bart: Ha! I guess they don't care that I'm about to take over the animated world!!
Duo: Here, Amy! Crystal! I think you want these!
Bart: Not those!
All: SHUT UP BART!!
Crystal: I love you guys!
Amy: Whatever!
Crystal: Ready?
Amy: Let's rock and roll!
They hold their wands up.
Bart: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crystal: Director 1 Crystal Power!
Amy: Director 2 Crystal Power!
They transform.
Zechs: What the hell?
Sage: Close your mouth.
Duo: Aren't they the greatest?
Amy: Ok. Bart, time for you to perish!
Bart: Bwhahahaha!!!! Secret Weapon, come on out!
Secret Weapon: No way!
Bart: I'll give you a Butterfinger!
Secret Weapon: No!
Bart: Two Butterfingers?
Secret Weapon: Nope.
Bart: Fine. Twenty Butterfingers?
Secret Weapon: Yeah!
The secret weapon comes out and eats them all in one bite like a certain dog we know.
All: KIYONE????
COMMERCIAL
Kiyone: Get ready to die!
She reaches for her gun.
Kiyone: Huh?
Bart: What's the matter?!?
Kiyone: My gun's not here. . . . must left it in my other pants. . . . no matter, I'll just summon the secret weapon!
Zechs: Er. . . I thought you were the secret weapon. . .
Kiyone: Oh yeah, I am!
Sage: Geez, she reminds me more of Mihoshi everyday. . .
Kiyone: I heard that! Sage, you're violating laws 5431 - 17 . . . .
She blabs on and on as Sage talks in low tones to the others.
Sage: I'm sorry I chose her to co-star. . . . now I've violated a life's worth of laws just because I said Mi. . . . the M word!
Duo: I think it's kinda funny. . .
Amy: She was my temporary replacement??? Now I've seen everything. . .
Crystal: Yep.
Heero: Sage, please shut her up!
Sage: Right! Armor of Halo, Tao Chi!!
He transforms.
Kiyone: Huh? Oh, no you don't!
She holds a remote and pushes a series of buttons. A giant magnet appears from behind a wall. Sage is stuck to the magnet and can't move.
Sage: Hmph!
Duo: Guess that rules out our Gundams. . .
Heero: Hmmm. . . .
Zechs: I hate feeling helpless. . .
Kiyone: Ha! Four down, two to go! As a first class Galaxy Police Officer, I will follow through and subdue you all!
Amy: She's cracked.
Kiyone: Any last words?
Crystal: Whatcha gonna do? You can't magnetize us - no metal here!
Amy: Or freeze us - I'd block that in a second!
Crystal: Or electrocute us - I have that area covered!
Amy: You'd just be wasting our time!
Kiyone: Um, well. . . .
Amy: Kiyone, I am Director 2 of Ice and I see a cold future for you!
Crystal: I'm Director 1 of Lightning and your attitude is shocking! But, in the name of anime lovers everywhere. . . .
Amy: We shall punish you! And since I'm feeling better, your co-staring days are over!
Crystal: Ready? On the count of three, don't hold anything back! Three!!!
Amy: Two!!!
Crystal: ONE!!!
Amy: Director Yelling Megaphone!
Heero: Crystal, catch!
Heero tosses Crystal the Director Gun.
Crystal: Director Firing Shot!
She fires. A huge blast of smoke fills the area.
Sage: I can't see anything!
Duo: What happened?
Crystal: Did my plan work?
Zechs: Ha! Your plan didn't even work! Now what, you little hot-shot sailors . . . whatcha gonna do??
Amy: Excuse me? Look around! The magnet's gone and. . . . well, see for yourself.
Duo: But Kiyone's still there!
Heero: I see. . .
Sage: Bart's toast! But what about Kiyone?
Crystal: Nice work, Kiyone. Your undercover work really came in handy!
Kiyone: Thanks, but it's my job as a first class officer to do so.
Zechs: She's on our side?
Amy: I think there's a promotion in store for you! Are you sure you have enough information to convict him?
Kiyone: Yes, going undercover helped. I can't believe he's been illegally selling Butterfingers to little kids for the past two years.
Crystal: Never believe, or trust, anything until there's evidence.
Sage: Well, I guess we'll just get out of your way so you can do your police officer thing.
Bart: My poor Butterfingers! You ruined everything!
Kiyone puts Bart in cuffs.
Kiyone: You have the right to remain silent. . .
They leave, Kiyone rambling his Miranda rights.
Duo: Ok. Heero let's go home.
Heero: Ok. Let's go.
Amy: Home!
Crystal: I'll be good to get home . . . I bet the audience is waiting for us. . .
Sage: Let's see!
Duo: What's that sticking out of your coat pocket, Zechs?
Zechs: What?
Kiyone walks in to thank them, and sees the yellow bar in Zechs' hand.
Kiyone: Zechs, could you come down to the station for questioning?
She grabs his arm and drags him out the door, his ranting getting quieter as he goes.
Zechs: Huh? No, it's not mine! I'm innocent! I don't even like Butterfingers!!
Sage: Now, let's move!
Crystal, Duo, and Sage exit through the portal.
Amy: I know that look, Heero. . . lemme guess . . . you framed Zechs.
Heero: Yes, I found it on the floor and couldn't resist. . . he was getting on my nerves.
Amy: Well, we better go.
As they step through, they hear the applause of the audience.
COMMERCIAL
Crystal: Hey, I never called you gay! And I'm tired of these games!
She high kicks the axe out of his hands, which flips in the air before landing on his head. The man in a kilt falls to the floor.
Man in a Kilt: I'm ok. Really. Just get me a scotch, lassie?
Crystal: Hell no. Now, where did Amy go?
She grabs the axe from the now dead man in a kilt.
Elsewhere. . .
Amy: Why are you throwing yellow detention slip daggers at me?
Skinner: Because it's fun! Now die! Ack!
Amy stares at him with a raised eyebrow.
Amy: Ack?
Skinner: Dear Mary, I'm bleeding! Eck!
Amy: I'm confused.
Skinner falls to the floor, dead.
Amy: All right, whodunit? Crystal: I did, in the maze, with the axe.
Amy: You killed Mr. Body? I thought Mr. Green did. . .
Crystal: He did! I killed Mr. Skinner.
Amy: Don't you feel bad?
Crystal: Nah, they always come back to life anyway.
Amy: Then what are we waiting for?
Crystal: Nothing. Let's go!
COMMERCIAL
Amy: Well then, let's get going before he comes back to life.
Crystal: Right, we'll go this way since we haven't gone this way yet.
Amy: No.
Crystal: No? What do you mean, no?
Amy: I mean I think we were split up for a reason, like we were getting to close to the exit. So . . .
Crystal: . . . if we go back then we'll find the way out of here!
Amy: Exactly.
They return to where they originally split up. There is a huge sign on a door that says "Bart's Secret Evil Lair – Do not Enter!!"
Amy: Do not enter? Please, like that's gonna stop us. Should we open i t?
Crystal: Let's!
They open the door only to find a long, long staircase.
Amy: Do you think they lead to Bart?
Crystal: Only one way to find out!
Back on stage . . .
Zechs: Well, well, Heero. Two strikes. Not living up to your reputation. . . this isn't like you. . .
Duo: Shut up, Zechs. At least he's doing something productive.
Heero: Ok. I think I have it now!
Sage: Ok, then here we come, girls!
He and Duo step through the portal.
Zechs: Hey, Heero. Three strikes, and your out . . . . hehe
He steps through.
Heero: I really wished he would have stayed lost in space. . .
He steps through.
Duo: Sage? You still here?
Sage: Yeah, I'm right next to you.
Zechs: Well, you can't see past your nose.
Duo: It's too dark!
Zechs: Aww. . . is the great destroyer afraid of the dark? Hahahaha!
There's a large 'thud'.
Zechs: Heero, I believe this would be strike three.
Heero: Don't count on it, Zechs.
As the girls climb the stairs, Crystal reads the signs as they pass.
Crystal: Stop now. . . I mean it. . . go away. . . . turn back now. . . really. . . . don't open this door. . . finally, the top! I thought we'd never get here.
Amy: 453. . .
Crystal: What? You counted?
Amy: So?
Crystal: I think Skinner did something to your brain. . .
Amy: Whatever. Look, do we knock?
Crystal: Now what kind of entrance is that?
She kicks open the door.
Amy: Don't be another trap. . .
Crystal: Sure is dark in here.
A click is heard.
Amy: Did you hear that?
Crystal feels behind her.
Crystal: Damn! The door's locked behind us!
Suddenly the lights glare on.
Amy: We're not alone. . . .
Bart: Now that we're face to face, let the games begin . . .
Sage and Duo: Crystal!!!! Amy!!!!
Zechs: Well, I guess your not losing your touch after all. . .
Heero smiles, but just barely.
COMMERCIAL Part Eight
Bart: Bwhahahaha!! I have you all now. . . . hey! Why aren't you listening to me!
Everyone is too preoccupied with talking to each other to notice Bart.
Crystal: What took you guys so long?
Bart: Hello??
Amy: Yeah! We nearly died!
Bart: I won!
Zechs: Don't look at me, it's Heero's fault.
Bart: Don't you care?
Heero: I'm not blond.
Bart: Are you guys deaf or something?
Sage: I protest that!
Bart: Ha! I guess they don't care that I'm about to take over the animated world!!
Duo: Here, Amy! Crystal! I think you want these!
Bart: Not those!
All: SHUT UP BART!!
Crystal: I love you guys!
Amy: Whatever!
Crystal: Ready?
Amy: Let's rock and roll!
They hold their wands up.
Bart: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crystal: Director 1 Crystal Power!
Amy: Director 2 Crystal Power!
They transform.
Zechs: What the hell?
Sage: Close your mouth.
Duo: Aren't they the greatest?
Amy: Ok. Bart, time for you to perish!
Bart: Bwhahahaha!!!! Secret Weapon, come on out!
Secret Weapon: No way!
Bart: I'll give you a Butterfinger!
Secret Weapon: No!
Bart: Two Butterfingers?
Secret Weapon: Nope.
Bart: Fine. Twenty Butterfingers?
Secret Weapon: Yeah!
The secret weapon comes out and eats them all in one bite like a certain dog we know.
All: KIYONE????
COMMERCIAL
Kiyone: Get ready to die!
She reaches for her gun.
Kiyone: Huh?
Bart: What's the matter?!?
Kiyone: My gun's not here. . . . must left it in my other pants. . . . no matter, I'll just summon the secret weapon!
Zechs: Er. . . I thought you were the secret weapon. . .
Kiyone: Oh yeah, I am!
Sage: Geez, she reminds me more of Mihoshi everyday. . .
Kiyone: I heard that! Sage, you're violating laws 5431 - 17 . . . .
She blabs on and on as Sage talks in low tones to the others.
Sage: I'm sorry I chose her to co-star. . . . now I've violated a life's worth of laws just because I said Mi. . . . the M word!
Duo: I think it's kinda funny. . .
Amy: She was my temporary replacement??? Now I've seen everything. . .
Crystal: Yep.
Heero: Sage, please shut her up!
Sage: Right! Armor of Halo, Tao Chi!!
He transforms.
Kiyone: Huh? Oh, no you don't!
She holds a remote and pushes a series of buttons. A giant magnet appears from behind a wall. Sage is stuck to the magnet and can't move.
Sage: Hmph!
Duo: Guess that rules out our Gundams. . .
Heero: Hmmm. . . .
Zechs: I hate feeling helpless. . .
Kiyone: Ha! Four down, two to go! As a first class Galaxy Police Officer, I will follow through and subdue you all!
Amy: She's cracked.
Kiyone: Any last words?
Crystal: Whatcha gonna do? You can't magnetize us - no metal here!
Amy: Or freeze us - I'd block that in a second!
Crystal: Or electrocute us - I have that area covered!
Amy: You'd just be wasting our time!
Kiyone: Um, well. . . .
Amy: Kiyone, I am Director 2 of Ice and I see a cold future for you!
Crystal: I'm Director 1 of Lightning and your attitude is shocking! But, in the name of anime lovers everywhere. . . .
Amy: We shall punish you! And since I'm feeling better, your co-staring days are over!
Crystal: Ready? On the count of three, don't hold anything back! Three!!!
Amy: Two!!!
Crystal: ONE!!!
Amy: Director Yelling Megaphone!
Heero: Crystal, catch!
Heero tosses Crystal the Director Gun.
Crystal: Director Firing Shot!
She fires. A huge blast of smoke fills the area.
Sage: I can't see anything!
Duo: What happened?
Crystal: Did my plan work?
Zechs: Ha! Your plan didn't even work! Now what, you little hot-shot sailors . . . whatcha gonna do??
Amy: Excuse me? Look around! The magnet's gone and. . . . well, see for yourself.
Duo: But Kiyone's still there!
Heero: I see. . .
Sage: Bart's toast! But what about Kiyone?
Crystal: Nice work, Kiyone. Your undercover work really came in handy!
Kiyone: Thanks, but it's my job as a first class officer to do so.
Zechs: She's on our side?
Amy: I think there's a promotion in store for you! Are you sure you have enough information to convict him?
Kiyone: Yes, going undercover helped. I can't believe he's been illegally selling Butterfingers to little kids for the past two years.
Crystal: Never believe, or trust, anything until there's evidence.
Sage: Well, I guess we'll just get out of your way so you can do your police officer thing.
Bart: My poor Butterfingers! You ruined everything!
Kiyone puts Bart in cuffs.
Kiyone: You have the right to remain silent. . .
They leave, Kiyone rambling his Miranda rights.
Duo: Ok. Heero let's go home.
Heero: Ok. Let's go.
Amy: Home!
Crystal: I'll be good to get home . . . I bet the audience is waiting for us. . .
Sage: Let's see!
Duo: What's that sticking out of your coat pocket, Zechs?
Zechs: What?
Kiyone walks in to thank them, and sees the yellow bar in Zechs' hand.
Kiyone: Zechs, could you come down to the station for questioning?
She grabs his arm and drags him out the door, his ranting getting quieter as he goes.
Zechs: Huh? No, it's not mine! I'm innocent! I don't even like Butterfingers!!
Sage: Now, let's move!
Crystal, Duo, and Sage exit through the portal.
Amy: I know that look, Heero. . . lemme guess . . . you framed Zechs.
Heero: Yes, I found it on the floor and couldn't resist. . . he was getting on my nerves.
Amy: Well, we better go.
As they step through, they hear the applause of the audience.
COMMERCIAL
