On my own

On my own





On my own

Pretending he's beside me

All alone

I walk with him till morning



I cursed the day I ever met Sirius Black. He could have killed me too. After all , I was alone with him all those times. I had never thought he would be a murderer ; and sometimes , my mind tells me he is , but me he's not.



Without him

I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way

I close my eyes and he has found me



Sometimes , I find myself wishing he was here with me. At other times , I wish he had killed me too , so I could be with Lily and James , and the rest of my friends , in heaven , instead of in Boston , alone and friendless.



Graduation. The best night of my life. But also the saddest. During the party, the 6 of us stepped outside to get away from the noise , and I began to cry softly. James was the one who noticed first.

"Oh Dani , don't cry."

"I have to ! What if I never see all the people I have grown up with again ? What if this is the last night all 6 of us are together ? What if -"

This time it was Sirius who spoke , holding me to him.

"Dani , we'll be together until we die. I promise."

But he had been wrong.



In the rain

The pavement shines like silver

All the lights

Are misty in the river



All the nights I had cried over what I had said on October 31 , and I didn't know why. I had walked out on him , after a big fight we had. It was horrible , he told me that if he lost James , he would lose everything , and me, being the emotional teen I was , took it that he didn't love me. Oh , how I had mulled over it all those hours I had to myself. I truly believe that, murderer as he was , he had loved me. But no one could know that.





One day at Hogwarts I remember the most.



James , Sirius , Remus ,Lily and I had been lying on top of the Astronomy tower the night before graduation. It had been ver warm that night , and we were lying with our feet against the fence.

I was almost asleep , and had been lying with my eyes closed

"Sirius ?"

"Yeah Prongs ?"

"Just checking to see if you were awake."

"Yeah . Just thinking."

"I bet I know what about ."

"Oh ? Humor me."

"You were thinking about how lucky you were to have Dan."

Sirius sounded shocked. "How did you know ?"

"It was written all over your face. You were right. She does look like an angel."

"Hey. She is mine. You have Lily. Leave Dani for me." But he was laughing.

"I know. I love Lily more than anything in the world."

"That is exactly how I feel. I would be lost if I lost her."



So I wonder if that's what he thinks now. I wonder what he does think , if he does at all.



And I know

It's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him



Sometimes , I want Sirius there , when I am watching TV alone. I want Sirius there too cuddle with me. To tell me everything is alright. My head is

telling me I hate him , but my heart is telling me I love him.



I love him

But when the night is over

He is gone

The river's just a river



The trial took place in one of the dungeons at the ministry , a cold and gloomy place , fitting for the subject at hand. I was called to the stand as the first witness.

"Do you swear to tell the truth , the whole truth , and nothing but the truth , so help you God ?"

"I do."

"Was Sirius Black the Potter's Secret Keeper ?"

"Yes he was."

"Dd he ever show signs of wanting to kill them ? Reasons , ect.?"

"No . He seemed very defendant of them. He was constantly musing over who could be the spy , and it had been hi-im." My voice broke , and I began to shake , dangerously close to crying. Remus came up and wrapped me in a hug.

"Leave her be." Crouch barked.

"You idiot ! She has obviously been tormented long enough ! Can't you just leave her alone ?"



I woke up shaking. I had been having these dreams many times lately , and they scared me. Tears coursed down my face. Again.



I had always had bad dreams about Sirius , especially right after it happened. I had nightmares about the day he asked me to marry him. Nightmares about the time I had spent with him at Hogwarts. Nightmares about him in general - every second I remembered looking at him , hugging him , talking to him. Every Christmas gift I had given him I thought a waste of money. Every second I had spent with him I considered a waste of time.

After all , who wouldn't ? Someone who is your fiancee goes and murders your best friend , 13 others , and lands himself in the most notorious wizard prison in the world. But lately the nightmares seem to have gotten worse.

They weren't necessarily about Sirius , but about what happened after. They

also began to change in a way , as if some organ in my brain knew that he wasn't the murderer , and it was trying to tell me. But they also continued to get worse. Sirius would be different now. He would be crazy. He wouldn't be the Sirius he was before he ruined his life - and mine.



Without him

The world around me changes

The trees are bare and Everywhere

The streets are full of strangers



I have been in America for over 10 years now. And I haven't one friend. I am too afraid of being hurt again. I turned to work , and I became so obsessed with it that I am doing very well. But it isn't enough. I want to talk to Remus again. I still have some contact with the English world. I had the Daily prophet delivered to me , and I find it quite useful.



I love him

But everyday I'm learning

All my life

I've only been pretending



I wonder what my life would have been like with out Sirius. It would probably be as lonely and tiresome as it is now.



Without me

His world will go on turning

The world is full of happiness that I have never known



"Sweetie , what's wrong ? You have been crying all day ?"

"Oh Sirius , my parents are dead."

"What ?!?!"

"They were murdered last night. I just got the letter today."

"Oh honey..."

"Sirius. You are the only one left. The only one ...

He didn't say anything. He just hugged me . We rocked back and forth as I sobbed into his shirt.



I love him

I love him

I love him



And owl flew in , carrying my Daily Prophet. I glanced at the headline.



But only on my own



SIRIUS BLACK HAS ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN !!!!!