Title: Long Term
Disclaimer: Don't own nothin' like BtVS.
Summery: Somebody has a god complex.
Long Term
Xander likes coming here just for the sheer perversity of doing so. It's not like he can really see what exists here, his having been excommunicated from all things pure and heavenly. All Xander can decipher of this place is shifting colors and bright flashes of light as the reality surrounding him moves out of synch with him—everything except Anya. She's wearing the latest heavenly style: a chaste ankle length sundress and no shoes. Her hair is back to its natural chestnut brown, and shoulder length. She's glowing and quite beautiful. Heaven agrees with her.
She never once believed she'd wind up here. Anya--once known as the uber vengeance demon, Anyanka--wasn't surprised when Buffy sang out she was in heaven after her death the summer before. Good people generally end up in a bliss dimension, and those who went about jauntily doing evil always got tossed head first into one of a thousand hell dimensions. Anya always knew she'd be packing for hot weather when she died. Even after being turned human, she was well aware she'd have to pay for the countless acts of vengeance she imparted on the behalf of her clients and for the pleasure of the Lower Beings. Then she reclaimed her demon-y status and caused even more misery and death. Anya was firmly steeped in the belief she would never see the inside of the proverbial "Pearly Gates".
Yet, here she was, accepted into heaven by the warmest, purest light. It was because of her willingness to help during the latest apocalypse. That went over really well with higher beings. And she never would have gotten the chance if not for Xander.
Here's the thing about being dead and in Heaven--you are exposed to certain truths. And the truth is Xander is the greatest evil to ever walk the Earth. He had all the higher powers scrambling to consolidate their resources in order to survive his plans. Anya had no idea what to believe of her almost husband. She wanted to hold on to the notion he was still a good man, but she was made aware of too many of his cruelties, and of his ruthlessness. It was the only sadness Anya carried in Heaven. So when Xander came and called for her, Anya went to him. Needing to understand what happened to him. What put him on the path to madness? And maybe, just maybe, Anya could help him to see what he wanted was wrong.
"Hey, Ahn," Xander greeted, smiling his perfect smile. The one Anya fell for because it seemed so open. He was still short his left eye, a black eyepatch covering the empty socket. It chills Anya to the bone to know its loss was something he orchestrated. Xander wore his black three-piece suit and a black overcoat over it. His wingtips, also black, shined from what looked like a fifty-dollar polish.
Xander wrapped his arms around her in a tight, intimate embrace. Almost like he had feelings for her. Was he trying to make her believe that? Anya so wanted to, but she hung loosely in his arms; there was no reason she shouldn't believe anything he said or did wasn't some pre-calculation towards his own gain. Xander pulled away, that big, boyish smile still on his face.
"Xander..." Anya started, searching his face for some indication of corruption. She couldn't find any. But it was there, only Anya was too blind to see it, and always would be. Whatever forces responsible for doling out forgiveness Anya prayed to them because she loved Xander Harris now more than ever.
"It's okay, Anya. They'll let you off the hook. This place really brings out the good vibrations in everybody. That's why it's called Heaven."
Anya blinked at Xander. "How did you know...?"
Xander shrugged then raised his right hand and gently brushed the back of his fingers across her cheek. "Wouldn't have gotten this far if I didn't know how to read those around me, would I?"
Anya jerked away from Xander and stared up at him with hurt eyes. "Keep your hands to yourself, Xander Harris! Don't think I'm buying this concerned act of yours anymore! You... you..." Anya's voice trailed off. Xander watched her with obvious amusement in his eye. His smile knowing and wicked. Anya sighed and said, "To think, when I first met you I didn't think you had any ambition."
Xander laughed and pulled Anya in to another hug. "You like it up here?" he asked. Anya couldn't answer right then--she began to sob against his chest. "Anya. Come on, Ahn, I thought you'd be happy."
"Why?" Anya asked taking her face away from his chest, gazing up at Xander.
"There was no reason you should go to hell," Xander stated stoically.
"Translation: helping me stay out of hell in no way hindered your ultimate goal, so what the heck!" Anya said growing a bit cold herself, and she tried to wrench herself out of Xander's arms. But his embrace tightened and he didn't let her go.
"Getting to the heart of the matter as usual. I'm gonna miss you."
Anya stopped struggling and stilled. She could have sworn she heard regret in his voice. Maybe he can be reached. "Please, Xander, it's not too late. If you stop what you're doing right now they'll forgive you!"
"I don't want their forgiveness. They should be crawling to me, begging for my forgiveness."
"Xander..." Anya began crying again. Didn't he understand what he gave up to pursue this insanity? "If you fail--even if you succeed--you'll never know peace. The peace you've given me."
"This place," Xander turned his eye upward and swiveled his head about before settling his gaze on Anya again. "This place is nothing to lose compared to what I'll become."
"Xander--"
Xander laid a soft kiss on Anya's unsuspecting lips then let her go. "For what it's worth, I did love you. A lot. Or as much as I was capable of loving," he said. Xander turned from her and walked away. Slowly being swallowed up by the portal he constructed to breech Heaven itself.
"Wait, Xander... what made you this way? Why are you so angry?"
Xander stopped and turned to Anya to answered her. "The truth? Those worthless beings you think are so righteous are no better than the Lower Beings you used to work for. Just as cruel, just as petty. They'll lie to you and use you to benefit their stupid games. To them, the best we can hope to be is slightly useful pawns. I'm just trying to return that sentiment."
"But the terrible things you've done! To Buffy, Dawn--god--to Willow and Giles..."
"Whoa, actually sounds like you cared about them, Ahn. Oh, right the whole purity of heaven thing you got going on. Neato."
Anya flinched at Xander's sarcasm. The hardness in his expression, a harshness she only saw reserved for the likes of Spike, or Angel. The biting remark hurt Anya more than she was prepared for. Not that he said something untrue, or totally out of line. Anya hadn't appreciated Xander's friends--people she could have gotten closer to if not for her own repressed disdain for humanity--until it was too late.
"You're right," Anya whispered. "You gave me another chance to change, Xander, and I'll always be grateful..."
"But?" Xander asked, grinning.
"You've killed people they loved."
"I never killed anyone," Xander countered smoothly.
"Not with your own hands, but you manipulated events so they did die."
"Mmm. There's no denying that."
"So you've become just like them. You turned into something you claim to hate so much."
Xander nodded. "For the moment. Not forever. Bye, Anya."
"Wait."
"Anya, as much as I enjoyed seeing you, I am on a timetable here."
"Okay. Just... where is Tara?"
"What does it matter?"
"Don't you think whatever pain you needed to put Willow through it's enough? Why are you keeping Tara from coming here? What could you possibly gain?"
"I guess I can understand why you'd suspect me. I had her killed and all, but her not being here isn't my work."
"But you know whose it is."
Xander shrugged. "Sure."
Anya closed her eyes for a moment then opened them. "Please, tell me."
"Osiris. He was royally pissed after Wills tried to tell him his bidness. So he placed Tara in Purgatory to punish Willow for her hubris. She shouldn't go around leaning on demi-gods like that." Xander shook his head. "Neeever a good idea."
Anya bowed her head and stared down at the lush carpet of grass around her feet, her eyes owlish. "Osiris," she said to herself. "How can we get her back?"
"You can't."
"It's not right! She deserves to be here more than anyone I know!"
"True that. But Osiris pretty much does what he wants, and none of the higher beings care enough to stop him."
Anya lifted her head and glared at Xander, new tears streaming down her face. "And what about you? Huh? You're so much better?"
Anya took a step back, fear shooting through her when Xander's entire demeanor, no longer lazy and teasing, changed. His manner became electric with power and menace. Reminding Anya of one of D'Hoffryn rampages.
"I will be," Xander said through gritted teeth. His dark pupil dilated and burned with quiet, seething rage. "Once I become God—not a god, or the god of--the one true God, no one will defy me. My will, my ideal, will become absolute Law. Even demi-gods like Osiris will bow to me!"
Suddenly, Xander seemed to pull back in on himself, reasserting his calm facade. He threw back his head and released a deep round of chuckles then faced forward, bringing his right hand up to his face and rubbed his forefinger under his nose. Smiling impishly at Anya, Xander said, "Wow. That was melodramatic, wasn't it?"
